Going on a lunch with an 11 years older woman...

[Nebel]

Hi all, I hope you're all having a great start of the week.

I'm in a bit of a trouble here, so I'm turning to someone who hopefully can give me some hints
Especially other women/men who are around 40 years of age.

Anyway:

I met a woman at work. She's turning 40 in a couple of weeks, I'm 29.

The main problem is, I've been a shy guy up until age 27 or so. Then I started working in a big workplace with about 85% women (I'm not exaggerating) and eventually got to know a lot of women all ages.
My confidence exploded and she began noticing me.
But that change didn't come naturally over the years. It feels like it just happened too fast, over night. It doesn't feel right.

I have never been out with someone so much older than me. I'm trying to keep my calm, but honestly she's scaring the crap out of me.
She obviously have a lot more experience than me, both in life and in relationships. She was most likely in and out of many relationships and probably been hurt by men more than once.
And while I did have girlfriends before, I don't nearly have enough experience to measure up to her.

I'm not out for sex only. She's everything a woman can be. Strong, intelligent, self sufficient, beautiful, sexy, responsible and has no time to waste on guys who are not worth her time.

It's just a lunch, not a date.
Although I'm pretty sure she knows I didn't ask her to eat lunch with me because I wanted to talk about work.
But I'm not sure she knows that it's anything more but a friendly lunch.
So I need to give her a hint that I'm interested in more than just eating lunch with her now and then. And that without sounding too aggressive and needy or just wanting to sleep with her. I know that she will ditch me pretty quickly if I do something wrong. And there won't be a second chance.

I'm a pretty dominant, straight to the point type of guy. My previous girlfriends were all way younger than me, and I just ran over them and grew really bored of their constant need and us not being able to have an intelligent, mature conversation.
But now I met someone I can't run over, she's like a wall standing tall and I'm like "wait, what?". She's not just being able to keep up, she's able to tickle my imagination and make me think.
The more I talk to her the more I get impressed.

And honestly, if all mature women are like that, I think I found my type of woman

 

[Jaylan]

If you arent looking for kids from her very soon, then I say go for it. You seem to like her and theres no problem with getting to know her and seeing if you two click well.

Just dont overthink things or start crushing to hard. Its all simple really. Treat her like any other chick that you respect, but just add some playful flirting.

 

[BeDJ]

You're at an age where you have easy access to young tight piece of azz. Why are you deluding yourself that this older woman is everything you are looking for? Stop selling yourself short.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I met a woman at work.

Strike One!

She's turning 40...11 years older

Stee-rike Twoooo

She's everything a woman can be

ooooh, fooled by a nasty curve ball, complete loss of frame. Strike three.

 

[Nebel]

Double post.

 

[Nebel]

Lol guys.

I've had young, tight piece of ass before. In fact, she was barely 17 (it's legal in Sweden!). But there's no connection.

This woman is 40, but very fit and looks much younger.

The major disadvantage is that there is baggage.... she has a 4 year old son that she's having over every second week.
I think I'm just gonna go on that lunch and see what happens. Fortunately I saw this thread with horror stories about single moms, so if something more happens I will be straight with her.
But she's a self sufficient woman who does not need a man to pay for her or her sons bills. And she's waaay higher up than me. Although her economy does not interest me.

 

[GS750]

I met a woman at work.

Strike One!

She's turning 40...11 years older

Stee-rike Twoooo

She's everything a woman can be

ooooh, fooled by a nasty curve ball, complete loss of frame. Strike three.

Haha! Three strikes!! Everything a woman can be? Like she has a pretty face and a p*ssy? Just remember, when you're 40 she'll be 51. Eeek.

 

[Jaylan]

OPs not just looking for sex. So if this chick has her crap together I see no reason why he shouldnt persue her. Just go have fun OP.

Future responders should note the OP isnt just looking for sex. And considering how hard it is to find decent women that you click with, I dont think OP should forgo a possibly good situation.

The reason so many guys get into crappy drama filled situations with women is because many dudes think solely about sex rather than the total package.

If he gets along with this woman, let him try it out. He already said shes fit and attractive. Whats to gain from trying to bang younger girls when hes not looking just for sex?

So long as this woman doesnt try and get him involved with her kid early on, I say let the dude go for it.

This forum isnt just about getting laid. Some of the more respected posters with good relationship experiences will tell you that. Part of the reason so many men become jaded is due to picking the wrong women and thinking with their dikk too much. When really dudes should be looking at how they click with a girl on more than 1 level.

Now Im not telling OP to jump in the deep end. Im simply saying he should have fun, and just go slowly. Same with any woman. But he should really consider if he wants his on kids in the future if things ever get serious with this chick.

 

[Stort_Brød]

Alright while I agree with BibleBelt I know your dilemma all too well mate I am a cougar / milf hunter myself... there is just something about them that is too hard to resist instead of these immature lil 18 year olds who don't know how to act right.

"And while I did have girlfriends before, I don't nearly have enough experience to measure up to her."

^^there is your first problem... "I don't" or "I can't" She only has 11 years on you, what experience does she have on you? a kid? more failed bitter relationships? been slammed by more c0cks? you say you are 29? I thought most boys started to turn into men by then. grab a hold of your nuts and keep your confidence up and level headed. She has t!ts and a pvssy she also sh!ts, eats and breathes just like every other female you have come into contact with. Just remember she may be older but she is still a little girl at heart and wants longs to be treated that way instead of every bloke reminding her of her age by the way they treat and interact with her. She is seriously nothing to be scared of or feel daunted by, make the lunch fun and lighthearted and whatever you do don't start talking about work related issues that's a bore establish some better common ground with her. As you said it is only lunch not a date so use some light Kino a bit of ****y & Funny to make her establish some more intimate interest in you just don't get too carried away and go for a kiss close until you know she wants it or that's going to be awkward when you both head back to work haha. This is the perfect time to implant your intentions properly so don't waste it.

All in all mate just be yourself, don't ever think that you don't live up to someone elses standards if anything they should be trying to live up to yours.

most of all HAVE FUN!

 

[D Wolfgang]

So I need to give her a hint that I'm interested in more than just eating lunch with her now and then.

You might want to write the question in the beginning of the post, not hidden somewhere in the middle.

If she will agree to eat lunch with you now and then, that means she is interested. No hints needed.

And honestly, if all mature women are like that, I think I found my type of woman

With mature you mean middle-aged. No need to hide reality from yourself and others through euphemisms. Clarity of language is clarity of thought. And no, not all middle-aged women are like that. There are no doubt more than one billion women who are forty years old or older, it is impossible that they would all be like that. Idolizing does not help you make the right decisions for what to focus on.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman? A woman who already has a son, another man's son, who you would spend time and money raising? A woman who is past child-bearing age, so when you are old you will have no children and grandchildren of your own to come and visit you? In fact, no children at all to come and visit you, if you and this woman separate later on and you are past the age when you can find someone new to have kids with? That will not be a happy couple of decades. On the other hand, childless people die younger, so old age won't be too long.

 

[Nebel]

Thanks for the tips all.
I replied to this thread before, twice, and both times my reply disappeared. Weird.
Edit: Nevermind, it appeared again. Weird indeed.

The lunch went nicely. Although I did not say anything about me being interested in her. I just didn't feel there was the right time.
We did talk about all kind of stuff though. I tried to avoid work, politics, religion and age discussion, although she did pick age discussion herself. She said few times that she's old and I told her it's just a number. And it is.

I don't think she's one of the "horrible single moms"
She's a nice woman, her ex husband is a fighter pilot who seems have left her for a younger woman who's a bit older than me.

I don't really mind being without kids. I think they lock you down too much. Her having a kid is a much larger issue for me than me not being able to have kids with her.
She admit herself that she would move instantly if it wasn't for her son. And since she's locked to her son, I will probably be locked with her to the same place (and I'm no big fan of this place).

And if **** hits the fan in the future... well I can always import a young wife and have kids with her
5 years with someone is a very long time to figure if you will be together or not. And in 5 years I will be only 34. Plenty of life left. Heck, even if I spend 10 years with her, it's not a big loss.

 

[apprenticedj]

I'm going to skip the "don't bang your co-worker" speech and just simply say relax buddy! Take it easy, this will be a breeze. Just be ****y/funny, get her laughing but make damn sure she knows your intentions. You need to make sure you get the physical contact started early. She's 40 so she's been around the block a time or two so don't stress about being frankly sexual with her, she knows the drill.

 

[DonGorgon]

LUnch = fail... go to a bar then to your house

 

[Stort_Brød]

although she did pick age discussion herself. She said few times that she's old and I told her it's just a number.

should have busted out "well you are only as old as the one you are knocking boots with" with a massive sly grin on the face

 

[London NATURAL]

Awww, oneitis is cute, like a puppy dog..

Coming 2nd place to a rug-rat will help to get it out your system. An you'd have ticked the experienced great lay milf box. But when you next bang a 20 year old the contrast in tighter p*ssy will be fantastic.

But, genuinely, enjoy the time.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

It's just a lunch, not a date.
Although I'm pretty sure she knows I didn't ask her to eat lunch with me because I wanted to talk about work.
But I'm not sure she knows that it's anything more but a friendly lunch.
So I need to give her a hint that I'm interested in more than just eating lunch with her now and then.

What the F**K.

Take her to the bar, and then take her back to your place. She's probably just wanting to bang. As that's typically the goal of cougars/milfs.

 

[Nebel]

Yeah, well, **** her.

I opened all cards to her today.
Her reply was:
"I enjoy your company too and I think you're easy to talk to and a very nice guy, but I'm actually seeing someone who is certainly not as nice, but for now we can only be lunch-buddies".
And then she asked if I still want to, we can go and eat lunch together again sometime next week.

So I asked her why is she so undecided and she said that she likes the guy she's meeting very much but he behaved badly towards her and if that happens again she will walk away from him.

So, she is undecided. But I ain't gonna be #2. Just because I'm so much younger doesn't mean that I will accept anything.
And I'm definitely not desperate.

I'm extremely annoyed with her. I wasn't clear myself when I asked her if she has a man (in Swedish it sounds more like asking if she's married or not).
So when she said that she's single, she did not lie. But she's meeting someone. And we talked a lot in the past 3 or so weeks about all kind of stuff. When I asked what she's doing over the weekend it was always "nothing much" or "I'm just with my son".
Not a single hint that she is involved with a guy.

I will go on that second lunch that she offered. But she was playing with fire and now it's time to get burned.

She is a typical Scorpio woman. Manipulative, possessive and very seductive.
Except that I've been manipulating people since my early teenage years. She can't play the player.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I can't believe you are taking a 40 year old with kids out to lunch and thinking she is out of your league. Then not having the balls to talk about sex with her or make a pass at her. I don't even...

Just stop man, GAME OVER MAN!!! GAME OVER!

 

[London NATURAL]

Sounds like she tried to let you down gently, try not to be extremely annoyed.

Any attempt at getting revenge for your hurt feelings is going to come of as childish, an likely back fire on you. You may think you're the master manipulator, but in this case it sounds like you're going to be taking a knife into a gunfight.

Indifference is your friend here and if you really must assuage your feelings, possibly ask her for advice about a younger girl who wants to see you. Indirectly reminding her about her advancing years an that you have options. But leaving it with just Indifference is certainly your best bet.

But it probably all went wrong when you "opened all your cards to her", if not before.

 

[MaddXMan]

What the F**K.

Take her to the bar, and then take her back to your place. She's probably just wanting to bang. As that's typically the goal of cougars/milfs.

Yep, lunch "dates" are by nature just too sterile and boring, allowing only plenty of "nice" conversation. Sitting across from each other in a crowded place, watching the clock because you only have an hour, etc. For a coworker you are trying to bang, happy hour would be much better. Preferably in a place far enough from work that other coworkers wouldn't by chance drift in and out.

Drinks plus kino plus ESCALATE