Going on a bike ride (day date) with a chick

[Maxtro]

Chics want that romantic kiss/sex the first time especially. Sounded like you had a nice surrounding...I would have said **** it and grabbed her gently by the back of the head and kissed her so good she wouldn't want to resist. If you get shut down oh well you act undeterred...like "whatever" move on, who knows that same chic could be giving you a late night call in a week or two but by then you will have 1-2 more girls you're talking tooo.....well I hope so at least

Yeah, that seems like it's the only way that I could have succeeded. The surrounding was perfect. I just didn't have the take charge balls.

With the next girl I meet, I'll make sure to take that risk. I need to always keep moving forward.

You have been here for at least 6 years. If you don't know how to initiate a kiss from a woman, it is your own damn problem. Keep on masturbating to porn and you're on your way to become the next Sodini.

What do you want people here to do? Spoon feed you? Stop wasting people's time if you're not going to listen to them.

Yeah it is my problem that I don't know how to initiate a kiss. It's about my confidence and experience. My length of time on the forum is meaningless. I came here as a WBAFC. Up until a few years ago I used to be the guy who'd get oneitis for girls without ever talking to them. I'd be too afraid to even initiate a conversation. I have been making progress, and I don't intend to stop.

Frankly, I feel that I need a coach who can guide me almost the whole way. Ideally I'd meet a girl and have a conversation with her, then I'd get help on what type of date to have with her and what to talk about, how to act etc. Of course I know that, that is asking for too much.

It reminds me of that dating show on MTV where the dude had an ear piece and a team in the van telling him what to say and do.

How old is this woman? I gather you're in school...college girls aren't lusting after guys they go bike riding with. Riding a bike is cool, don't get me wrong, and would be a great activity to do with a girl friend or an older woman, but you have to play along with them.

Watching movies and drinking would be a far better date for a girl like this. For what it's worth, you just said you tried to kiss a girl for the first time in 5 years. That's progress whether you know it or not. Can't expect to come in fresh off the bench. You have to warm up first. Consider this part of your warm ups and a learning exercise.

She's 22. The bike ride was the best thing I could think of to get her to spend some time with me. Of course that was just the reason, and if she didn't have to leave early, I would have shifted to phase 2 of the date which would have been watching movies and drinking. Frankly my plan was perfect. Of course I couldn't account for the variable, which was her. I had everything set up.

Thanks for the encouragement. That was the first time in many years where I was with a girl and actually thought, "I want to kiss her right now." When she was sitting on my couch I was just staring at her lips, if she hadn't said that "Well, I don't want to get to know you" at the jetty, I would have tried to kiss her when she was on my couch. But my ego had already been smashed by that point.

I still brought it up at the very end of the date as a stupid joke. But I just wanted to let her know that I did want to kiss her.

Is it worth it to call her up and try to get drinks with her? She has night classes and the school is in the same city I live in. We could meet at the bar.

 

[FairShake]

Is it worth it to call her up and try to get drinks with her? She has night classes and the school is in the same city I live in. We could meet at the bar.

As another friend sure. But as a possible romantic partner probably not. In the unlikely chance that it DOES change, it would take a long time and a change in you and her.

But for good times and connections I'd say give her a call. But know it for what it is.

 

[DonJuanna]

Hi, it's me again. I disagree 100 percent with every post in this thread (Edit- except the one right above mine). By the way, it sounds to me like you're making progress- that is, you're getting closer to being able to have fulfilling relationships with women. You hung out with this girl, and it sounds like you guys had some good conversation, and she wants to hang out again- I mean, you didn't get sex, and that's lame because you wanted sex, but besides that everything is good- you put yourself out there, you were open, you hung out alone with a girl- these are all big steps forward.

Look, here is my opinion- there are some guys who can easily get laid by finding dumb, unhappy women and getting them drunk and manipulating them. 90% of the advice on this board is geared towards how to do that. And the truth is some guys can do that even if they are woman-hating d!ckholes. You aren't one of those guys. I mean, you aren't a woman-hating d!ckhole and also you're not capable of just zeroing in on the saddest girl in the room and plying her with drinks until she goes down on you. You're going to have to take another path. And you are on that path, so it's cool.

For example, this girl who you hung out with is socially well-connected- that's awesome. You should cultivate a friendship with her, and meet other girls through her. It sounds as if she senses that you have some issues with women, maybe she will connect you with a girl she knows who has similar issues with guys- there are plenty of girls our age who have the mirror image of the issues you have (I know the standard response to that is "Any girl, no matter how awkward or messed up, can walk out the door and get sex" but that's not the point, because most girls want a relationship with someone they like, not just sex with any random attractive person).

So I think it's a matter of broadening your social circle so that you a) become more socially adept around women and b) increase your chances of running into a girl who is similarly situated to you, so that you guys can grow together.

I follow your threads because I really feel like you have a kind soul, and you have more potential to be happy in the long run then most people.

 

[Maxtro]

Hey DonJuanna, haven't seen you for a while.

Thanks for your input. What I did was make progress. While it seems like nothing to most people, it's an accomplishment for me. The last time that I was alone with a girl and off campus was a year ago. The nerdy girl doesn't count because I never got to be alone with her. Being alone with a guy demonstrates a certain amount of trust she has in him. I knew this girl really enjoyed my company, but the getting intimate part is a different matter.

One thing I'm realizing now is that she kept asking about what I like to do. I get the feeling that she was digging and trying to find out what my social life was like. I wonder that when I didn't say I hang out with friends or go to parties and clubs, may have affected her decision about me. Is a guys lack of a social life that important?

Heh, yeah I'm not the kind of guy that looks for weak women. I have no desire to use or take advantage of them. I really enjoy the company of women, but I need more than friendship.

I'm really not sure what do to about this girl. She knows I like her and I'm not sure if she will let me hang out with her again. As you said she is socially well connected and I really need to expand my social life. But I still want her. If she doesn't want to date, then a friends with benefits situation would be totally fine with me. That's one reason why I want to have drinks with her, to try and kick start that. If I have enough booze in me, I should lose my fear to take the risk. Of course I don't want either of us to be completely drunk. Meeting other girls would be great too.

The kind soul comment really stuck with me, it's a sweet thing to say. Though I wonder if that is what is holding me back. A lot of men become jerks due to having lack of success. But if I haven't become a jerk by now, I probably never will.

 

[DonJuanna]

hey, here's some of my thoughts about what you said.

One thing I'm realizing now is that she kept asking about what I like to do. I get the feeling that she was digging and trying to find out what my social life was like. I wonder that when I didn't say I hang out with friends or go to parties and clubs, may have affected her decision about me. Is a guys lack of a social life that important?

It doesn't sound to me like this girl would of hooked up with you if you had reeled off a list of activities, sounds more like she was just making conversation. I don't think a social life is really attractive in itself, it's just that the more you socialize the better at it you'll be.

But in general, what makes a person attractive is that they're engaged in the world and productive in some way- for example, working on an art project, building furniture, growing a vegetable garden, zen buddhism, etc. It's also possible that she was looking to see what your interests were, so she could connect you with a friend who had similar interests- for example, if you liked gardening and she has a friend who is starting a co-op or something.

But I still want her. If she doesn't want to date, then a friends with benefits situation would be totally fine with me. That's one reason why I want to have drinks with her, to try and kick start that.

It seems pretty unambiguous that this girl doesn't want to hook up with you, and probably won't any time soon. Plenty of girls will hang out with a guy who they know is attracted to them, because as a girl you get used to male friends having a crush on you and just tuning that aspect out. I think if you push things sexually you'll lose her as a friend.

Like I said in the last post, I think you ought to meet as many people as possible to try and find a girl who is in a similar position to you. Think of it this way- a girl who has had a lot of long term relationships is at a level 8, you are at a level 2. That discrepancy will be really obvious, you can't just leapfrog past it.

I think you ought to find something creative to do with your time (Anything at all- I recommend stone carving, its fun and doesn't take any talent), and also work on developing more friendships. Those two things combined will bring you into more contact with people, give you more stuff to talk about, and put you in a better position so that if you meet someone who is a good match for you, you'll have a better chance of catching their interest.

And, um, it's possible that if you eventually became frustrated enough, you would turn into a jerk, and that cynicism and anger would give you the emotional distance to be able to just go hunt down drunk women for meaningless sex. But there's much better stuff out there. I know a lot of smart, attractive girls in their late twenties who have never had a relationship, constantly get rejected, etc- in a lot of ways it's just the luck of the draw, you're definitely not alone.

 

[FairShake]

Is a guys lack of a social life that important?

Yep. A lack of life is a turn off for males or females. Now, you don't have to be a party and get drunk kind of guy, but you need to have interests and stories and friends to broaden your horizons.

I'm telling you, even if your friends and interests are weird as hell, having them and integrating them with people you meet will = cool.

 

[Tesl]

Maxtro, you are a card. If I had the opportunity to pick one person off this forum to go for drinks with, without doubt it would be you. I do honestly find a lot of your threads quite incredible.

You have always had the same problem of putting pressure on yourself to achieve certain milestones within certain deadlines, which for the most part I think actually causes problems for you, as any deviations from the expected structure cause you to back out. I think on another thread you talked about a girl who you were interested in, but then you held off once you heard she had just got out of an LTR. That's just because it was against your expectations, which meant your plan was ruined, you aren't just going with the flow. If it had been me, I'd have been extremely happy to hear she had just got out of an LTR, as it would mean she's available and I wouldn't need to go to the effort of getting some boyfriend out of the picture.

But anyway, as that was my thinking for much of the time, this comment really suprised me:

The last time that I was alone with a girl and off campus was a year ago.

It sounds to me like this might be your major problem right here. I can't even count how many women I was alone with at some point in the last year, dozens and dozens. Whether that was just going to dinner, seeing a film, going out for drinks, etc etc. Many of them I wasn't interested in actively pursuing, but that in itself doesn't matter. Its about building a social circle, understanding women better, and putting yourself into situations where you become more likely to meet other women through them. Then you just ask them if they want to meet up another time, if they say no then its no big deal, if they say yes then great.

At one point a few months back I was more aggressively trying to meet new people and go out with more women. I'd invite lots of girls out for different nights of the week, even if I wasn't mega interested. Seeing 3 or 4 different girls within a single work week wasn't unusual.

But then, thats just me. Unlike a lot of people on this forum, I actually enjoy girls company, more so than being out with guy friends actually. From a lot of what you write, it seems you are quite similar to that. Which makes me wonder, why aren't you doing the same? There really is nothing embarrassing about being rejected when saying "Hey, why don't we go for a quick drink on Wednesday night?". You don't need a plan, you don't need to know anything about her, hell you don't even need to make your intentions are obvious as everyone here is saying. You just need to be meeting more women on a regular basis, so that no individual girl matters.

Is a guys lack of a social life that important?

I'd almost go as far as saying having an active social life is the most important thing you can have. More than having a good body, knowing people and being active is what matters.

For me, meeting and dating women absolutely goes hand in hand with my social life. If I want to meet more women, I just make more effort to go out as often as possible with as many people as possible - thats how you meet new girls, and its from there that things can happen.

Sorry for writing so much, I know you are going to reply "I'm not ready for that" or some other ridiculous excuse for not seeing more girls than you do now. But the more time/energy you spent focusing on any one girl, the less likely things are going to happen. Also, dont focus on one girl at a time, be seeing as many as possible at the same time. This makes things much much easier.

Good luck!

 

[Maxtro]

Tesl you just blew my mind.

"I can't even count how many women I was alone with at some point in the last year, dozens and dozens. Whether that was just going to dinner, seeing a film, going out for drinks, etc etc. Many of them I wasn't interested in actively pursuing, but that in itself doesn't matter. Its about building a social circle, understanding women better, and putting yourself into situations where you become more likely to meet other women through them. Then you just ask them if they want to meet up another time, if they say no then its no big deal, if they say yes then great. "

"Seeing 3 or 4 different girls within a single work week wasn't unusual. "

"You don't need a plan, you don't need to know anything about her, hell you don't even need to make your intentions are obvious as everyone here is saying. You just need to be meeting more women on a regular basis, so that no individual girl matters."
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I'm getting the impression that my approach is completely wrong. I'm waiting till I'm interested in a girl and after I had a couple of conversations with her. Then I try to set up an actual date. I thought I was being casual by avoiding dinner dates.

So getting drinks isn't a date?

What do you do if the girl is under 21 or doesn't drink? You also mentioned dinners and movies which are date activities. Dude I'm confused.

How soon after meeting somebody should I be asking her out/getting her number?

I would absolutely love to see more than one woman each month. Since I started college two years ago; I've only hung out with 5 girls outside of class. 4 of those girls I was never alone with off-campus. That number is pathetic. It's also why I'm progressing so slowly.

I also have the tendency to grab on what whatever girl I'm hanging out with at the time. I get attached very quickly. I need to be talking to and hanging out with more than one girl at a time.

After I made the post in my other thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=175394&page=2

Ugh, two weeks later and not much has changed.

One of the girls very recently broke up with her boyfriend of three years and I have no idea how to pursue her because of that.

Another girl is leaving to Australia in two weeks for several months. I don't know what to do with her either. For some reason, she's started giving me rides to the bus stop. But when I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch she said she was tired, and still gave me a ride.

I was and still am really disappointed that nobody stepped in. Since I didn't know how to handle either situation, I did the only thing I could. I gave up. The very last day of class I didn't talk to either of those girls and I felt like shit because I knew I should have done something, but I didn't know what. If somebody said, "Dude it doesn't matter that she just broke up, invite her out anyways," I would have.

Of course the third girl I talked about is the one I just had the date with.

The threads I make about what to do with certain girls almost always end up becoming about me. This thread is fine since the event is over and done. But back then I may have still had a chance with the other two girls but instead people were talking about me. I think I need to start moderating my threads when I'm talking about active girls.

 

[ARrocket]

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I'm getting the impression that my approach is completely wrong. I'm waiting till I'm interested in a girl and after I had a couple of conversations with her. Then I try to set up an actual date. I thought I was being casual by avoiding dinner dates.



So getting drinks isn't a date?
.

Maxtro, I think you are missing the point completely.

Having a good social life is of utmost importance for a few reasons. First, the more you are out having fun with your friends in a pressure-free environment, the more confident you will be, and you'll stop over-thinking these situations so much. You'll be around girls much more often, so you'll get used to talking to them, teasing them, having FUN with them. You'll overall be happier, and this will straight up improve your game tenfold.

Stop thinking of everything in terms of "date" vs "casual." Getting drinks can be a date, and it can be something casual between friends. If you're getting drinks with a girl you just recently met who you want to fvck, it is a date. You don't have to explicitly say "hey girl, let's go on a date...and get some drinks after class on Thursday." That's dumb.

You can get her number and go out with her at any point, just AS SOON AS YOU BUILD SOME ATTRACTION. If you meet a girl in class, flirt with her a little, and she seems to be liking it, go for the number right then and there. Then hit her up, make plans, run your game, escalate, win.

Dinner and movies can be a date, albeit probably not a good choice. It works for some people. I don't do it, and most people on this forum would advise against it.

Stop putting so much stock into one girl. That's where the whole idea of spinning plates comes in. You'll be far better off.

 

[Maxtro]

OK, one thing I need to get out there.

When I here friends or social life, the only thing I think of is guy friends, and nothing but guy friends.

From elementary through high school I always had a group of guy friends, girls were never around. I have never had a circle of friends that included girls.

From 23 on I started to make female friends but it was always a one on one thing, and I only became their friend because I wanted to have sex with them. That's also around the same time that I stopped hanging out with my guy friends, who never had girls with them.

How can I become part of a situation where the group of friends is mixed gender?

As for thinking about dates vs. non, I really don't give a damn. I just want to have sex with a girl I'm interested in. The circumstances don't matter.

I only put so much stock into one girl because I seem to only get close to one girl at a time and there is usually a 6 month gap between girls. If I could go out with a new girl every week I wouldn't care about each girl that much. The problem happens when I have only one option.

 

[Nygard]

Maxtro, actually, I'd say that having a social life alone can turn your life around completely, ignoring cold approaching and any mumbo-jumbo like that. I have a friend that used to repulse women like nobody and was very very lonely. That was until he joined some weird group and expanded his social life from there. like 1 year after that, you could see a big change already. It's been 4 years and he has had many chicks now and it's dating several more now, just because somebody kickstarted his social life. On the other hand, I've never heard of people who got out of that rut by themselves, they're all failure stories. Find a group hobby, an organization or such that has both men and women. Bfriend everyone, make yourself available. That's how my friend did it.

Why don't I follow that path? I'm a sociopath who can't connect with anybody, so my social circle will never and has never grown.Some people like me are beyond reach but I believe you can still steer the ship.

 

[Tesl]

So getting drinks isn't a date?

I never thought of anything in "date" or "not a date" terms. I didn't consider any of my meetings as proper "dates", they were just what they were, going for drinks or whatever. I don't know what the girls thought they were, I never much cared either way.

You can escalate just as easily when its not a proper date. Its probably easier that way, actually.

What do you do if the girl is under 21 or doesn't drink? You also mentioned dinners and movies which are date activities. Dude I'm confused.

Drinking age is 18 here and I never took out a girl younger than that, so I can't answer your first question. I'd probably offer drinks back at my apartment instead, to get around that problem

Some were date activities yes, but that doesn't mean they were dates themselves. At least not in my own mind. Whether its a date or not really isn't important, whats important is just spending more time out with women!

How soon after meeting somebody should I be asking her out/getting her number?

Often the first time we met, especially if there was no guarantee we'd run into each other again.

 

[Maxtro]

Well I'm am 100% done with her. The bitch went no contact on me.

Today was the first time I contacted her since we last saw each other.

Over text:

Me: What time you out of class?
Her: 9:45 but I'm going to study when I get home.
Me: No prob, you out same time Wednesday?
Her: I don't know, we have a test.
Me: Hmm, well lets go out for drinks when your done

No reply.

10 minutes later.

Me: So you up for that?

No reply.

Bitch didn't even have the decency to say no. I deleted her number and email address. It annoys me how she was was so nice when we were together and was talking about how we should hang out again. Then she pulls this shit in the middle of a conversation.

I guess that's what I deserve for expecting a woman to have some balls.

 

[Last_straw]

Girls are never up front with things. They will never say they aren't interested, they either try and drop small hints (with may or may not be noticed) or the simply ignore you.

 

[amoka]

Well I'm am 100% done with her. The bitch went no contact on me.

Today was the first time I contacted her since we last saw each other.

Over text:

Me: What time you out of class?
Her: 9:45 but I'm going to study when I get home.
Me: No prob, you out same time Wednesday?
Her: I don't know, we have a test.
Me: Hmm, well lets go out for drinks when your done

No reply.

10 minutes later.

Me: So you up for that?

No reply.

Bitch didn't even have the decency to say no. I deleted her number and email address. It annoys me how she was was so nice when we were together and was talking about how we should hang out again. Then she pulls this shit in the middle of a conversation.

I guess that's what I deserve for expecting a woman to have some balls.

Lol... this sh!t cracks me up :crackup: . You went from "75% sure it is a date" to "100% done with her" in a matter of few days.

 

[Maxtro]

So what?

Frankly I don't know why she even agreed to the date in the first place. It's just like the last girl except this girl didn't invite a friend to come along.

I am getting sick of the games that women play. It's like they enjoy giving you a little bit of hope and then gleefully take it away.

 

[f283000]

I think Maxtro is either pulling a giant trick on us all or he is trying to get falcon, igetit and everyone else to start pulling their hairs out.

I really think he is a troll I really do.

 

[Last_straw]

I think Maxtro is either pulling a giant trick on us all or he is trying to get falcon, igetit and everyone else to start pulling their hairs out.

I really think he is a troll I really do.

why is it so hard to believe that some guys are just clueless with women? Guys like Maxtro (and myself) do exist. Sure, we're the minority, but we are out there.

 

[Maxtro]

How the hell can I be pulling a trick?

If you think I'm a troll then don't read or post in my thread. f283000 you haven't had a single post that was anything close to helpful, I'd appreciate it if you just stayed out.

 

[PokerStar]

i think maxtro is not comfortable of getting out of his comfort zone.