Going NC - some reactions

[sylvester the cat]

what have been some reactions you've got from going NC?

at the moment i'm polite but formal. a cursory hello but nothing more.

at the moment my colleague seems to be mirroring me. she never says hello when she walks past my desk (when before she used to) and today i discovered she booked a work event and everyone from the office was invited but me. kinda stung.

apparently she's telling colleagues I'm not talking to her or staying away from her. which isn't true as i'm always polite when i see her.

now i've done this before with her and she's always initiate contact some way or another. she doesnt seem to be doing it now.

is ths usual behaviour? tit for tat? its been nearly 2 months now.

 

[Purefilth]

what have been some reactions you've got from going NC?

at the moment i'm polite but formal. a cursory hello but nothing more.

at the moment my colleague seems to be mirroring me. she never says hello when she walks past my desk (when before she used to) and today i discovered she booked a work event and everyone from the office was invited but me. kinda stung.

apparently she's telling colleagues I'm not talking to her or staying away from her. which isn't true as i'm always polite when i see her.

now i've done this before with her and she's always initiate contact some way or another. she doesnt seem to be doing it now.

is ths usual behaviour? tit for tat? its been nearly 2 months now.

Thats about the long and short of it, a breakup as tidy as this is nice though, its about as good as it gets.

If you had been able to go completely no contact, you may have had a text or two by now. Thats her putting feelers out to see if she could keep you around as an orbiter. This is where many guys break the No Contact (i'm guilty of that too). then they realise what's happening and restart NC again from Day 1. Same thing may happen again, but its a learning curve. Personally, I restarted NC back in August, and Have had silence since I ignored a call from 'unknown' - which I knew was her.


EDIT: OUT OF POSTS FOR A BIT - thanks, although this was not a break up.

i had asked her out and she rejected me. i was advised to go NC. Then what do you owe her? Nothing, allow her to be what she is, which is butthurt that you haven't joined the ranks of her orbiters. Just carry on with life and treat her as anybody else. this behaviour just goes to prove she wasn't worth your time anyway.

 

[sylvester the cat]

thanks, although this was not a break up.

i had asked her out and she rejected me. i was advised to go NC.

 

[sylvester the cat]

be careful of NC with crazy b!tches in your social or work circle...I traded my sanity and about 3 extra months of agony to not go NC with a crazy oneitis chick I dated because I knew she would destroy my social circle if I kept to it hardcore.

yeah i know what you mean. i'm pretty much a social leper at work now. lol. i've been there 5 years, she's been there 18 months. lol.

i did make sure to very polite when i saw her though and not do hardcore NC. but it still seems she's doing the same. at first there was the smile and hellos but in the main she'll completely blank me or make no attempt at being friendly.
makes you laugh when you think i'm the who was rejected. lol.

the knife in my back is starting to grate.

I'm at the point where i'm thinking of approaching her and just having a few words to like get the situation back to normal or something. lets just be friends and put this behind us kind of thing, only i know she'll just say 'i have put it behind me, i don't know what you're talking about', and all that ****.

 

[JohnChops]

Back in my high schools days before I even knew what NC or so suave was I went NC on this psyco!

No contact for 1 day. This was after a sh1tty night out with her, her being the reason why it was terrible. Simple punishment. However ...

"hey"
10 mins laters
"hello?"
"HELLO?
1 hour later
"are we not speaking anymore?"
"Thats messed up you cant do that to someone"
Next day
"WHAT THE FVCK"
"WOW"


And thats it. It was funny as fvck to say the least. Thats how NC should be done, I didnt reply once at all

 

[sylvester the cat]

How do you catch oneitis without sleeping with someone, that's the real question. NC isn't your way to get this girl interested is it? If it is, I don't see you lasting very long..

i thought that was the definition of oneitis. obsessing with someone you've never slept with.

well, it was advised by people to go NC. if anything i think to determine her true feelings and getting her out of my head.

its not easy seeing someone who rejected you every day. even worse when you're being cut out of social events because of it. its like i'm being punished for liking someone.

we were quite close before all this started. she admitted she liked me and everything. now we're not even talking.

i was happy with just being friendly and having some middle ground.

thing is, i've been quite polite and friendly to her if i pass her in the street or hallway but i've noticed she walks straight past me in the office without saying even a hello.

she walked past my desk to talk to my colleague and then walked straight past me without saying even hello.

there's no harm in being friendly is there?

this is a girl who asked me 'at one point you didn't fancy me, what if you discovered later you're not attracted to me?' when i asked her out.

 

[sylvester the cat]

The "harm" is that YOU don't actually desire friendship. You want a relationship. You want to fake a friendship to weasel your way into a relationship. Not trying to be harsh, just stating facts.

This chick KNOWS you are into her, and she KNOWS you are pretending not to be. Would you invite some chick out from work who you aren't into after she confessed she liked you? Of course not. Not only would you be leading her on, but you'd have to deal with the awkwardness of it all.

It's a main reason you never TELL someone you like them. Because when it's all over, you have given power up to the other person. She now holds the upper hand in the work place. I bet she goes out to functions and tells people how into her you are. Again, not trying to be rude, it's just how women operate. It's not enough for them to get you to like them, but they then are going to use it to their advantage via social proof and DHV.

I like NC after breakups. I don't like NC just for NC sake. All you are doing is giving credence to your feelings. You are subconsciously telling yourself "I like her but I have to go NC because I like her too much." NC after a breakup is different. You've been with that person secksually, shared moments of emotion, blah blah blah.

My advice is to remain cordial. You don't want this ruining your professional image. You don't have to go out of your way to be nice to her though. If she is too petty to be cordial back, then you dodged a shaky relationship anyway. Also, if you're worried about not going to functions and stuff, set up your own. Invite the other people out in your age group.

Ok. but i you read the above posts, i explain i have been cordial. i've only ever been cordial. i'm not going hardcore NC. like i said, i've been polite, i've said hello. i'm not ignoring her. i've created some distance between us because she's was sending mixed messages. but it seems like she is going out of her way to ignore me now.

i think the bottom line is that it's becoming quite clear she's not interested and i don't like that. reality is setting in. i guess i'm just gonna have to accept it.

trouble is i'm not spinning any plates. i have no social life. all the women i meet on pof are dead ends. i have no other options. she was my one and only hope....its ever so depressing.

* - if i run out of posts, i'll reply here...

 

[sylvester the cat]

It's a main reason you never TELL someone you like them. Because when it's all over, you have given power up to the other person. She now holds the upper hand in the work place. I bet she goes out to functions and tells people how into her you are. Again, not trying to be rude, it's just how women operate. It's not enough for them to get you to like them, but they then are going to use it to their advantage via social proof and DHV.

i only told her i liked her after she had told me that she had liked me.

 

[Purefilth]

i only told her i liked her after she had told me that she had liked me.

It's a trap!!!
Seriously, If a girl says she likes you, don't fall for it. reply with:

"I Don't blame you "

Telling her you like her Kills the attraction to you!!!

 

[sylvester the cat]

It's a trap!!!
Seriously, If a girl says she likes you, don't fall for it. reply with:

"I Don't blame you "

Telling her you like her Kills the attraction to you!!!

cool. fair enough. lesson learnt.

 

[Dante1a]

My friend, this isn't as serious as it appears to be (or how you are framing it).

First of all, about her:

Of COURSE she isn't talking to you. Why would she?

As a woman, she generally is reactive to what others do (like you going NC). What she saw was this: She "rejected you" and then you, in her eyes anyway, acted like a baby by going NC and not talking to her. This made you seem easily hurt and swayed by her.. Neither of which are attractive to a woman.

She isn't going to invite you to an event because she feels awkward around you. Not because you asked her out, but because of how you have conducted yourself otherwise. Don't feel bad about it, we've all done it.

The problem in general is that you have some severely limiting beliefs about women. This woman was your last hope? Please. That might be all you are seeing right now, but, no matter your situation, there are plenty of women out there. Plenty...seriously.

There is some internal work for you to do about abundance of women, your mind frame about relationships and so on.

In the meantime, go see her at work. Smile (friendly) and tell her "Hey.. I know things have been weird. Just wanted to let you know that we're cool." She might act like she's blowing it off, but watch things start to get better.

But, you've got to get your mindset right first...

 

[sylvester the cat]

My friend, this isn't as serious as it appears to be (or how you are framing it).

First of all, about her:

Of COURSE she isn't talking to you. Why would she?

As a woman, she generally is reactive to what others do (like you going NC). What she saw was this: She "rejected you" and then you, in her eyes anyway, acted like a baby by going NC and not talking to her. This made you seem easily hurt and swayed by her.. Neither of which are attractive to a woman.

She isn't going to invite you to an event because she feels awkward around you. Not because you asked her out, but because of how you have conducted yourself otherwise. Don't feel bad about it, we've all done it.

The problem in general is that you have some severely limiting beliefs about women. This woman was your last hope? Please. That might be all you are seeing right now, but, no matter your situation, there are plenty of women out there. Plenty...seriously.

There is some internal work for you to do about abundance of women, your mind frame about relationships and so on.

In the meantime, go see her at work. Smile (friendly) and tell her "Hey.. I know things have been weird. Just wanted to let you know that we're cool." She might act like she's blowing it off, but watch things start to get better.

But, you've got to get your mindset right first...

that's not true at all. as i've said before. i have been saying hello and i've always been polite and cordial, even opening doors for her. i've just not been getting into long chats is all.

i only spoke to her last week and thanked her for being so kind when she offered to cover our department for our drinks do. when i talk, she's responsive. she's just not initiating like she normally does.

i've not been ignoring the girl. nobody's cryign like a baby.

also we've been in this position before some months ago. we'd flirted with each other and she admitted she needed to decide 'what to do' as she was still with her bfriend at the time. things were awkward between us before she broke the tension claiming things were 'awkward'.

 

[ckdon]

Man, if you guys think slyvester is in a bad situation, wait until you guys hear my story later today!!

On topic, slyvester, we are in a similar situation. But to explain mine I need to write a damned novel; or at least an excerpt from it anyways. Several members here know what I'm talking about.

At the moment, all I can say is FOCUS ON YOURSELF. Gym, family, friends, improve your habits or any shortcomings, work on your looks etc, hobbies and so on.

I'll release my novel to the forum tonight hopefully, haha.