Going great with HB but I blew my cover - now what?

[bugsquish]

Hey Guys,

Dunno if any of you been keeping up to date with the story with me and Claire (8.8HB). I got a date on Sat at 5pm! I been seeing her about a bit and spoke on the phone a bit. We got a helluva lot in common, but I been playing it cool. I have only called her twice in the last few weeks, and she's seen me with other chicks, so she knows I'm not desperate.
She has high IL. Definetely.

Trouble is, and the hints were above, I reckon I've lost a lot of the mystery. She knows where I live, where I'm from, what I studied, what I like, who my friends are and some other significant things.

What I'm really asking is this. Can I still DJ this chick even though I've blown most of my mysterious cover? I think most of the things I told her will make her like me more, but get bored faster. I want to keep her interested until she gets infatuated

Is the mystery factor REALLY SO important? Can a blown cover so soon ruin my chances?

Bug

 

[Slickster]

You're getting paranoid again Bugsquish

Yes you can still DJ her. Of course you can.

If all the mystery about you can be summed up in two sentences then you must be one boring mofo. I don't think that is true. There are a million things she doesn't know about you yet.

The "mystery" doesn't just mean your history or likes and dislikes.
She'll be wondering where you are, who you're with, what you're doing, why you haven't called, etc.

I have been following your story. Keep us updated.

 

[stormwriter]

Dude, this MYSTERY thing is exactly the same thing i've been thinking about. I knew i should be more mysterious, but for some reason it doesn't work for me. I have a outgoing personality, so when a chick asks me something, i have nothing to hide.

Afterwards i get mad at myself that i revealed too much too soon, and scared them away. Some of them LOVE it. (Unless you reveal the really weird sh**, like horror stories about ex's.)

But you have to have this mentality when it comes to revealing things about your life:
IF SHE FINDS OUT SOMETHING ABOUT ME, AND BAILS BY VIRTUE OF THIS, THEN SHE WOULD HAVE BAILED LATER ANYWAYS, WHEN SHE DID FIND OUT. BETTER SOONER THAN LATER!!!

Maybe you will reveal that you are a country line dancer, and that makes her bail. Sometimes you never know what it is you said or did that makes them bail. But if she doesn't date country line dancers - THATS HER PROBLEM, NOT YOURS!


I think it's OK to lose some mystery, just DO NOT lose the other DJ skills, like being a Challenge! Don't lose your confidence or manliness, charm, control, descisiveness, humor, or self respect!!

 

[bugsquish]

Hehe yup I am a paranoid person sometimes Slickster
The stuff I've absorbed from sosuave in the last month since I found it has changed my life forever! So if I find myself going against one of the golden rules I start to get nervous.

Originally posted by stormwriter
I knew i should be more mysterious, but for some reason it doesn't work for me. I have a outgoing personality, so when a chick asks me something, i have nothing to hide.

This is it exactly! I can't help just blabbering about stuff. I have avoided going into too much detail, and tried in ernest to keep the subject on her. But when I have something relevant to say I can't keep it to myself.
Claire: I got a degree in Multimedia Computing
Bugsquish: No way, I got a HND in Multimedia Computing blah blah blah
Later,
Claire: I want to make a portfolio of websites.
Bugsquish: I got about one already, used to have my own business blah blah blah
I wish I could shut myself up lol

Be glad to keep you posted Slickster. If you been paying attention you'll know what I mean when I say I'm going out with Emma tomorrow, and Claire and Fey are going to the same club. Emma is fantastic social proof! And if it wasn't for The Don Juan Centre, I'd be going out and pining for Emma all night - not even noticing other chicks! Ahhhh life is good.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by stormwriter
Maybe you will reveal that you are a country line dancer, and that makes her bail. Sometimes you never know what it is you said or did that makes them bail. But if she doesn't date country line dancers - THATS HER PROBLEM, NOT YOURS!

Yes, but say you are FANTASTIC in bed (like me ), and once she has had a taste of you she wont give a sh*t if you're a ballet dancing maggot farmer, so long as she keeps getting that great sex.

However, if she finds out that you're a ballet dancing maggot farmer before tasting your sweet lovin', then you're pretty much DOA.... Agreed?

 

[iqqi]

If all the mystery about you can be summed up in two sentences then you must be one boring mofo. I don't think that is true. There are a million things she doesn't know about you yet.

EXACTLY. please tell me you realize it is impossible to know everything about you, even after a whole year! you aren't just facts, by the way. you are also reactions, and actions, and all kind of surprises...

"Claire: I got a degree in Multimedia Computing
Bugsquish: No way, I got a HND in Multimedia Computing blah blah blah
Later,
Claire: I want to make a portfolio of websites.
Bugsquish: I got about one already, used to have my own business blah blah blah
I wish I could shut myself up lol"

not only is this bad because you keep talking about yourself, but it is awful because you take the attention away from her and put it on you! seems like your'e only interested in YOU...
next time instead of using it to talk about YOU, use it to ask more about her. two birds with one stone...

 

[TesuqueRed]

I think that mystery that you're talking about Bugsy has a short expiration date---name, address, school, major, home town, job, car--etc.

Sure, don't trot it all out--if she asks, go ahead an answer as if it's no big deal, but this will all come out anyway. Try to do the "Bugsquish--International Man of Mystery and Danger" thing and you'll come off weird.

I think the mystery thing means a couple of things a little deeper than getting cute with your personal info.

The name/rank/serial number stuff is mentioned in the 'mystery' threads because a lot of guys disgorge this stuff in 3 hr phone conversations or on all-day 1st dates---creating instant and deep-feeling rapport that all evaporates by date 3.

I think what the posters really mean is that don't vomit out everything, just treat it as if it's no big deal. If she asks, answer.

Oops--I got to qualify that---If she asks normal questions, give normal answers. If she starts in with the intrusive examination and test questions, don't answer (I use smart-ass comebacks, myself and occasionally challenge them on the gestapo line of conversation....)

What is mystery?--I mean the long lasting stuff where a married couple for 20 years still finds each other mysterious and interesting?

I don't have it all figured out, but a lot of it has to do with thinking on your own. It's doing this with everything that comes your way. Change your mind, be inventive, come to your own conclusion, working stuff out yourself.

Your thoughts and opinions will always be fresh and interesting and unpredictable.

And if they want to know what it is, they know they have to ask.

If she already knows what you think and never has to ask, you're predictable or follow the herd (which is predicatable...)

This thinking for oneself can be done kinetically (sex is better that way~!) or socially---these people are called "spontaneous", which is a form of mystery---they don't know what's coming next.