Going completely blank after approaching at clubs

[SethIsCold]

I guess since no girls is approaching the OP, and he has to do all the approaching; the OP is unattractive. Is this what you are implying with your "100%"; he is "100%" unattractive?

I'd say I'm above average looking. But I never seen

No. Rarely(not always) you have to initiate. But they will pull up to the bar all night. You simply stand at the bar facing the bartender with your wingman holding conversation and / or chilling and periodically chatting with the (ideally) hot bartender. As a girl walks up you can just say whatever is pretty much on your mind. If you say it half turned at most, lean in bc it’s loud, and then look straight again as to give her ‘her space’ so she can order, you’ll be push pull and the rest will follow. Then she’ll lean in, ask questions, rub on you accidentally etc. you have to be patient and let them give you signals. Once you get it, it’s fish in a barrel. Most people can’t do this. As you establish frame you can move around a bit, and you can even start setting little story lines with the women you meet throughout the night. That’s when it gets fun. It’s a natural progression. Even the bartenders enjoy it.

Interesting. So you're saying it's not worth it to walk up to a set and approach?

 

[Divorced w 3]

I'd say I'm above average looking. But I never seen

Interesting. So you're saying it's not worth it to walk up to a set and approach?

Fvck no. So you can be the same as everyone else? Do your approach after you establish frame. Then you’ll feel good anyway, you’ll have a lot of cred in the place going on that you didn’t even realize and you can walk up to a multi set and you’d be welcomed with open arms. Start walking the drunk girls back to their friends, help a girl back to the bathroom and laugh at the moron dressed as Santa with dreadlocks, you’ll be in good shape.

 

[Gamisch]

I go out with my wing so I'll usually just walk back to him if it gets too awkward.

So you'd say if the conversation reaches a dead stop like that and she gives short answers, that's just her nicely telling me she is not interested?

That why Divorced had a good point. You want the woman to say or think " he already had me by saying hallo ".

There is ofcourse a sweet spot , and I geuss the more experience you have the better you can read the cues. You dont wanna be that guy that cant read the damn signs and knows when he should step back. Although being obnoxious with women might hetvyi further than being a silent statue. But it's always treacherous to try to read a woman's mind.

Short answers , or not asking anything back MIGHT be clues she's not interested, but let's be honest; a lotta times we as men will go make up things in our own mind. "She wasn't smiling , she doesn't wanna talk, she doesnt like me ect". She didn't confirm nor denied this so it's out in the open until you FORCE her somehow to "show her cards", for example by asking her number. Or by isolating her from her group of friends .

One mistake I used to make a lot was getting the number but after that I would linger around the woman trying to claim her somehow. I have her number but its early so there's no telling what else will happen, who else she'll meet ect. Be doing that I I
overplayed my hand, came across as too eager and lost the primal attraction before even contacting her the next day.


When I doubt you must force her to take action .

 

[SethIsCold]

But wouldn't I look socially uncalibrated to the point of autistic by asking a girl for her number or to dance with her when she is being bitchy and showing no interest? Like I'm scared that will end in a brutal rejection and her friends laughing at me lol.

Mystery talks about building comfort before compliance testing so I'm not sure if that would work without enough comfort right?

 

[Divorced w 3]

When I doubt you must force her to take action .

I personally let sets come and go throughout the evening. Over the course of 4 hours you’ll notice 3-5 sets between your bar activity and your mingling that seem to be in recurring contact. It’s not accidental. They can be played well with each other it really gets enjoyable. When it makes sense you can start to consolidate the ones you want into your frame. I don’t go for the number until last call or if I am leaving. I’m usually there until last call lol.

 

[espanish]

people answering this question will typically tell you there is something wrong with you. get a decent haircut, dress better, hit the gym, improve yourself, wear cologne, learn big words, make up fake stories about your travels, ask your question as a statement, don't interview her. all of these will turn out to be a waste of time. to seduce a girl, the girl must be open to being seduced. if she is not interested, then there is nothing you can say or do to change that. also, club girls are incredibly stupid. I literally have nothing to say to them.

 

[RazorRambo24]

90% of game in a club setting is unspoken.. women aren't there trying to chat with anyone.. Initially they are until the first few drinks kick in .. Then that's where the superficial nature of women comes out.. Trying to talk over loud music and stuff is not what you need to be doing.. unless ofc you're at the bar waiting for drinks.

The idea is this, if you like a girl, or you find a girl whos showing you interest who you also have interest in, you let them know.. It doesn't have to be crazy.. If theres any place in the world where you SHOULD let a girl know you'r einto her right away, its the club. Ever try smiling at ag irl? That's really all you need to do to let her know .. and if you see shes still looking at you, but not coming or making her way closer to you, you go over to her and say hi, hello, hey, and start dancing near her.. if you see shes feeling you, you start dancing on her (behind her) and she dances in front of you/ on you.. From there it just gets warmera nd warmer and next thing you know you're kissing her, .. thats where some talking and stuff comes in.. you can take her aside to another corner of the club and talk a bit and or straight up jus make out.

Now, its not 100% simple all the time.. At times, there will be other girls right next to her or guys or a mixture of both. In that case, If you see them noticing and making faces, introduce yourself to them. Its honestly best to introduce yourself to them ahead of time if you already spotted the girl you wanted to go home with.

Basically game with a girl at a club is like turning on a stove and cooking something/boiling waterr.. The ignition of the flame would be smiling at her, or winking fromafar to let her know you notice her and you're interested... but not fully going in for anything or giving yourself up like a horny dog.. After a few glances or so or as the night goes on, you end up closer and closer to her.. next thing you know a hi and hello and a compliment turns into a dance, and it might not jus go straight to making out. she might pull away and be with her friends one or more times before ending up back around and getting things more heated.. Shes going to give you all the signs of course.. because 1) not all girls are down to f-ck a stranger. 2) girls will always test your character and see how you behave when she pulls away 3) if a girl is down to ****, shes not just going to choose u automatically, she wants to be warmed up to you..

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I will usually open with something pretty standard like: "Hey how's it going? I just wanted to meet you real quick."

After the opener, I will introduce myself and ask how they know each other but it rarely gets more than a few words out of them.

I then proceed to go into interview mode questions (I try to do assumption statements instead of direct questions) to keep the convo going like what do you do, where you are from etc. but they usually give short answers and the conversation dies. And the big problem with that is then I go completely silent as I have no idea what to talk about so I sit there awkwardly for a bit and just leave.

Now there are instances where the girl will be more interested and keep the conversation going with longer answers but it's been very rare.

Is there any structure/formula I can use so that I don't just run out of things to say and sit there like an idiot? I know that inner game is prioritized but canned lines/structures can really help for me to build that confidence. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

Despite the rsd hate, they were pioneers of the space and spot on with free association. The solution is more approaching.

What not to do is binge YouTube and boomer pods from house husbands and guys who haven't competed in the Era of IG or OFs.

Learn to self amuse. How can you make this fun? Your cultivating being that guy. Listening to dorks sperg out on YouTube and shill rubbish + no receipts won't help.

After enough experience, it's old hat. Another day st the office. You have witty and funny things you say. You have the resources in.

Every set is practice. I don't like everyone. Everyone doesn't like me. It's cool. #nextset!

As you get better, you can sift through attention *****s. You spot high interest. You problem solve larger problems instead of worrying what to say.

Test compliance. Get her to move. Get her to dance. Tell her to come get a drink with you. Don't buy.

If she won't follow your lead to get drinks or dance she likely won't leave with you. Test. Push pull. Bait and switch.

 

[RangerMIke]

I will usually open with something pretty standard like: "Hey how's it going? I just wanted to meet you real quick."

After the opener, I will introduce myself and ask how they know each other but it rarely gets more than a few words out of them.

I then proceed to go into interview mode questions (I try to do assumption statements instead of direct questions) to keep the convo going like what do you do, where you are from etc. but they usually give short answers and the conversation dies. And the big problem with that is then I go completely silent as I have no idea what to talk about so I sit there awkwardly for a bit and just leave.

Now there are instances where the girl will be more interested and keep the conversation going with longer answers but it's been very rare.

Is there any structure/formula I can use so that I don't just run out of things to say and sit there like an idiot? I know that inner game is prioritized but canned lines/structures can really help for me to build that confidence. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

OP is over thinking. When you approach a woman you don't know all you are doing is testing the waters to see if she is interested. If you are having a hard time getting a connection, take the hint and move on. A normal sane woman that is actually interested in you will make things easy and keep the conversation going.

First rule of what is called 'cold approach' is that nothing you do will make you attractive to her (which is different woman to woman), you are or you are not. If she isn't attracted or she is not available, you can not turn this around. Just excuse yourself and move on.

OP has had experience with women that engage him... these are women that are interested. The fact that this is rare... well... really it is rare. Most women you meet like this are not going to be attracted, available and interested. The OP doesn't really have a problem, he is just experiencing reality. On a positive note: He is trying, you miss 100% of the shots you do not take.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My rule is that if a girl is giving one word answers and making absolutely zero effort in the conversation, I move on. A girl doing this is sending you a clear message that she isn't interested without resorting to rejecting you more overtly. Take the hint and move on. There ARE times where a girl gets nervous in conversation though, and you can mistake that for lack of interest. For women like these, I use the pressure that comes from silence by just staying silent during the awkward pause and looking at them expectantly, like, "Well?" This does a couple of things. First of all, it shows your confidence - that you are able to comfortably sit through silence and don't need to fill in every gap in conversation. Second, it shows you have standards and expect her to make an effort to contribute to the conversation beyond just answering your questions. Very few men do this and it really makes you stand out.

You mentioned "interview questions" so I will add this: Avoid the interview conversation. You can avoid it by drilling down deeper on one topic as opposed to asking a wide variety of unrelated things.

 

[characternote]

I'm quite impressed/surprised with all the answers tbh lol.

Basically all along the very correct theme of there not being any magical verbals or techniques that will help (if she's not into you, you are just delaying the rejection), and more on concentrating on spotting interest and just approaching until you find the girls who are clearly interested. When you open a girl who is into you, it's amazing how the conversation basically all takes care of itself. (since she is no longer trying to make you run out of things to say/giving you no threads - so that you go away lol)

If this question was asked about 5-10 years back, the answers would have been very different. Or if this question was asked on the 'skilledsedcuer' forum. Again, the replies would have been extremely different. (probably suggesting various 'attraction material' like negs and NLP speed seduction patterns in order to MAKE the girl who isn't into you....into you!) But of course that would also wrong since it's just fiction, And would have the OP chasing his tail and getting frustrated lol

Seems the community has largely woken up in regards to what exactly game is and the limitations it has. Probably not good news for dating/PUA coaches going forward, but they've had a good spell of easy money selling dreams to virgins, so hard to feel too sorry for them!