Going back after 3 months

[SmackinIsaiah]

Hey everybody.

I was the OP of the possible cluster b thread that garnered some attention over the past couple months. To cut to the chase, I'm heading to my old apartment during my lunch hour to grab the rest of the things from my ex LTR whom I haven't seen since late February.

I'm just wondering how I should handle this, I'm still looking for the right place to live as I've been looking at houses and recentley a nice apartment to tide me over until the right house comes along.

I have a new job as a Director at the local University, and I don't plan on rubbing that in her face, but it's been the source of a new found sense of confidence that had been damaged after I left the apartment Feb 21.

I still have feelings for the girl, yet at the same time I'm so hurt at what happened that I really have lost a lot of respect for her. I've pretty much accepted that it won't work and that her actions aren't pointing that way.

Just wondering how I should handle this situation in a few hours?

Thoughts?

Thanks

 

[MonkeyButt]

Pick up stuff, leave!
Done.

What are you looking to accomplish?
If you want to say something that might cause her anxiety, she still owns you.
Not only might she see it, you'll see it at some level.

Get your stuff.
If asked, say you're doing great, but don't elaborate.
Leave!

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

I just want to get in, get the stuff, and get out. I don't want to do idle chit chat. I don't want to ask how she's doing, I don't even want to see my cat.

If anything I want her to see how well I'm doing.

Bing, bang, boom and I'm out. 2 months ago I would have wanted to talk about everything, but now I don't really want to give her the time of day. At the same time, I don't feel phased at all so far. I will post my followup later today.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

Field Report:

So I waited for 5 minutes, and she pulls up in an 06 mini cooper (we always talked about getting one) so we go in and the small couch is gone replaced with a reading chair, my ****s all in the corner packed up, she calls the cats out to see me, there is art all over the walls then she turns to me and says, "you look good, have you lost weight?"

So I just act non-chalantly, nothing rude, she asks if i want a spaghetti recipe my mom gave her and an old t-shirt I had from when I was like 6, I told her keep them, she says "Thank you that makes me happy"

She helps me pack my stuff, she seems in a chipper mood we get to the car and I'm ready to go, she's got an uncomfortable smile on her face, and says, "I dunno but I feel like crying"

I tell her, "ah that's life" and turn towards the car, telling her I'd be back to get the bigger things when I had more time, as I get in the car she thanks me for picking up the stuff

I don't know if she was looking for a hug, but right when she said that it seemed maybe her chipper mood was a mask, cause she definitely looked like she was going to cry, for all I know that's exactly what she did when we parted and she went in the apartment.


Oh before that in the apartment, and she asked where I was staying, I said I got a promotion so my options are wide open, looking at something in the interim until I get a house. She says, You have 40,000 dollars? I tell her no it's 10% for first time ownersnot 20, she seemed pretty surprised I had that money, that was before she told me she felt like crying by the car

I kept myself at a distance before I left, and it did look like she was going to cry, but didn't, and I was off. During the whole interaction, I felt like a practical opposite of the shell that I was that came there Feb 28, I stood tall, felt attractive again, more importantly I felt strong as **** and much more unswayed by her then the guy that was living with her during that messy year.

Anyways, wondering how I handled this one? I felt pretty ****in strong and looked a lot better then the shell I was the last time I came over back in late February. But at the same time, after the psychological progress I felt I made the past few months, some of this feels like a setback in regards to shutting her out of my thoughts.

.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

It's not so much shutting her out of your thoughts as it is thinking about her as a bygone. Now if thoughts of her are weighing you down, then you must snap out of it and do something. My ex of four years ago still comes into my thoughts, but not in a way that I am slightly depressed. I went above her league and don't want her in my life at all. She's a distant friend now, and that's all there is to it. Thoughts of her are just thoughts of the past and nothing else, as mere as plain paper.

Continue to strive for self-improvement and get better with other women. In time, you'll look back at this and feel nothing. I thought you handled things well with her. Hopefully you didn't give her any ego boost, or make her feel via word or deed that her "sullen" state was having any effect on you.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

She wasn't quite sullen as she waschipper or putting on a face. She was feeling like a by gone until today.

 

[Johnnyventana]

SmackinIsaiah, this is hard, because the cluster b's are such great little actresses. They play on our empathy. Total manipulators. I think you handled it very well. Very professional and honorable. Not at all, I'm sure, like she thought it would go. Keep it up. She'll be looking for kinks.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Isaiah,
very well handled.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

So since I grabbed that stuff two weeks ago I have since bought a new car and have a new place. Have not contacted her outside one financial matter. We still have some loose ends to tie up.

Friday night I'm out with mates and I get a text from her. A drunk text since she misspelled; "someoe here smells like you0used to."

Wtf is that. The first non cold initiated communication from her in mths. Mind you she was drunk, truth comes out.

I haven't frequented the forum much at all the past month, which think is a great sign in it's own.
I didn't reply and don't intend you.

 

[Die Hard]

Keep up the good work!

 

[The_411]

It's all mind games with cluster Bs. They're are trying to ensare you in their crap by any means necessary. The key is always to take away their power by a) not responding b) ignoring their craziness. Cluster Bs want any guy they've been serious with to orbit and be available while they look for new prospects.

They only time they shut you out is when you tell you know they are mentally ill or demonstrate that you are onto them. Or alternatively they find someone they are so "in love" with that they get fixated for awhile.

Her text was done to to do two things a) make you jealous that there was someone there and b) to suggest that she misses you and wants you. However don't be fooled it's a clear contradiction. She's Fing someone while trying to lure you back in ...

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

UPDATE

Scroll up for background on this tale

Last week, I'm driving my new RHD car with a blonde girl I'm seeing in the passenger seat. Look to the right, and my ex has pulled down the street in her new car with her gay friends in the passenger seat. Anyways, we wound up going towards the same area of town, and I didn't try to give her eye contact, but I totally got the vibe that she saw us, especially since she was darting around in traffic a bit to get ahead or behind me...I think nothing of it really and left it at that.

Fast forward to this today..


So I'm about to make dinner tomorrow night for the new girl I've been seeing for a few weeks. Realized that I left my pyrex cookware at the old apartment. So I text the ex saying that I need to get the cooking stuff. She asks, "you're cooking dinner at 845am" I reply, no I meant for tomorrow night.

She goes on to tell me she will look around for it, but that she's MOVING out of the apartment!! After all that bull**** about wanting to live alone, and how I left the place with practically nothing to start all over again, and now she's moving out of the apartment! I couldn't believe it.

So I tell her I can come by tonight to grab the stuff after my meeting with my agent,
she replies "You have an agent? What are you super important now?"
I reply, "No my real estate agent"
She: Awesome. I'm glad that we're both finding success now. Makes me think that this was the right decision after all."

Me: "Maybe, yeah. I'll gather my basement things tonight?"

So, she doesn't mention where or why she is moving, I tell her I can come by later tonight (after I put my offer in on a house), and get my things. She says she won't be home til 7, and she might have people over. But she will let me know.

I simply say "Thanks xxhernamexx."

I don't inquire about where she's moving or where. I don't press it, I don't feel like its going to do any good to me whatsoever.
Then................







Right as I'm typing this post. I get a text from her.

"Welcome. Ps. Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." (hubbell telescope, inside joke from years ago when she said that about the past girl i dated in between our two goes at the relationship.

How the hell do I approach that? I don't think I should even respond. I think she's looking to see if I'm going to say another inside joke, or mention something from our past relationship.

I still just need to get my **** out of there. I don't want to know where she is going, this way I see it as a clean slate to let her disappear. But at the same time curiosity is poking.

 

[scrouds]

You bought a new car but can't afford a new pyrex pan? Just leave it alone. Didn't have enough drama in your life after a few weeks?

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

I can't anymore after the new car/house ha.

Like I said, I'm not looking to pursue her anymore. Just an update. Wanted some input on how i handled it.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

So I'm grocery shopping for stuff to make dinner for this girl tomorrow night and I get a text, "Do you think this apartment contributed to our demise?"

Hahaha, really? Clutching at straws from that end.