Goddamn it... it's JCballin's turn to vent

[JCballin88]

Alright fellas, I apologize in advance for another "screw this I hate women" but damn...I just got ****blocked harder than I ever have in the rest of my combined life.

I will preface this by saying that...YES...I do "work" with the girl in the story here...but our hours are very different and we're in different departments so it's not too taboo, in my opinion.

Anyways, there's me:

- 23, good-looking,
- smart
- one of the youngest in the office but also one of the hardest-working and most respected of the younger core
- Popular with everyone due to my low-key nature and good sense of humor


Her:
- 22, newish on the scene
- very sweet and innocent,
- very smart and well-accomplished (has like 4 college degrees,)
- really pretty in that down-to-earth, classy girl style
- Like me, isn't really into smoking, drinking, swearing, etc.

So basically the two of us have hit it off very well...I number-closed early and have been building some great rapport. She has sent some pretty solid signals my way, including initiating kino, laughing at everything I say, great eye contact, etc.

The situation:

Work retreat a couple hours away, including hotel stays and two nights of partying! This girl asked me a month ago to make sure I was going, and since then have been making plans to do our own thing for a lot of the time since neither of us are super into getting wasted and passing out for most of the time.

So we're supposed to go tomorrow on this party bus, had plans to sit together and all that.

Then she calls me and says "hey, change of plans, I'm going to drive separately with 'LOSEROFFICEGUY' since he wants to come back early and go to an event in town. So I'm going with him...do you want to ride with us?"

I of course declined, said I'd continue with the main plan.

This is what I don't get - this guy is the biggest, creepiest loser in the office, and somehow he's always around this girl. I occasionally asked myself "is there something more going on there?" And the answer is, apparently yes!

Here's what I don't get about LOSEROFFICEGUY. He is:

-31 years old
-Bald
-Makes $8/hour and lives with his parents
-Smokes, drinks, swears, and is extremely immature
-Likes to go to strip clubs
-Has two DUIS and is one bad parking job away from losing his limited license
-Others girls have told me he freaks them out cuz he's so creepy

And there you have it. I lost out to the 31-year-old "bad boy" who lives with his parents. I'll never, ever understand what this girl is doing by apparently picking him over me.

I guess the moral of the stories are:

-One-itis is a serious disease
-Bad boys still reign supreme, even if they suck at life
-Don't date in the office.

TL,DR: I thought I was on my way to dating a classy, nice 22-year-old, but lost out to a guy 10 years older than me who is the ultimate tool.

 

[ganda1f91]

I'm kind of at a loss as well... maybe there is some common interest between them that no one knows about...

Who knows, maybe it will blow over, maybe not? I anticipate most people here would tell you that if she is into a guy like that, then she is no good for you anyway. Hmmm, should see what they have to say.

 

[JCballin88]

Yeah man...I'm just still flabbergasted. I mean I don't have solid proof that they are an "item," but it's becoming more clear that she's far more into him than she is me. They have like...nothing in common that I can see.

It just sucks cuz I'm working so hard right now...I moved all the way across the country for this job, am living completely independent from my parents, am scraping by on my own but dammit, I'm thriving in the process. I have been hitting the gym like crazy when I'm not working 12-14 hours a day.

I guess it's on to the next one. Had a cashier at a grocery store practically throw her number at me yesterday so it may be time to spin that plate, even though she doesn't strike my fancy overly much.

 

[MisterD]

When you say "is there more going on", did you ask around and find out they're dating or at the very least communicating/hanging out outside of work? Or are you just assuming this?

Either way, kudos on how you handled it. I'm pretty sure knowing myself I would have tried my best to thwart his plans and rode along with them, and been on my A game to take him out of the running, but I guess it could be seen as a desperate move.

If she's into dudes like this she did you a favor. If she's as high quality as you make her out to be and she's hanging with dudes like this, there is obviously self esteem issues there.

 

[JCballin88]

Yeah MisterD, that's a good point. I haven't officially asked anyone yet, because I know it'd get back to one of them and blow up on me, but my gut is hardly ever wrong on stuff like this.

I mean literally I had a whole fun "date" day planned on Saturday with her in this town 2 hours away where we were gonna be...did all this research and was going to take her biking to this animal rescue place, etc. etc.

And this guy just swooped in and stole her out of the blue. She's even leaving early WITH him on Sunday to go to a baseball game together. Something she told me she was really excited to do with me in the near future.

 

[ganda1f91]

Yeah, I'm kind of starting to follow your gut too...

 

[MisterD]

I would act like it didn't bother me and ask her out for Saturday anyway, and see if her frame has changed since this past incident.

If she flakes or whatever, I'd charge it to the game.

But again, you're not missing out on much if everything you're saying about this girl is accurate. She may have issues at some level.

 

[JCballin88]

Yeah. I guess this is my other question - if I somehow find a way to back out of this trip, does that make me look weak? I mean I really wasn't all that excited about it other than having a chance to hang out with her 1-on-1.

The whole thing that sucks is that OfficeLoserGuy wasn't supposed to be on the trip at all because he had a conflict...but then somehow he worked it out so he could go, but since he wants to come back early he needed to go separately, and therefore roped the girl into the whole thing...blah blah blah.

So now there's really no incentive for me to be there, because this guy's going to be all over her the whole time and I'll be sitting there just really pissed off. And unfortunately there's no other single girls that will be present.

 

[MisterD]

That's an interesting question. Are you basing the decision on what you think would make you look more attractive in her eyes?

I only do things that I want to do. If I made plans with this girl and she screwed me the day before it's supposed to take place, I probably would look to get out of it. Just for the fact that she was the only reason I was going. I'm not gonna go, fake enjoying myself, watch her be all over some dude, just on the off chance I come out looking good. Call it defeatist, or afc, or whatever, but I wouldn't go. I'd use that time to go on a date with one of my plates.

 

[JCballin88]

Call it defeatist, or afc, or whatever, but I wouldn't go. I'd use that time to go on a date with one of my plates.

Exactly. I don't want it to look like I'm staying home sulking...it's just that I have far better things to do than sit around pretending like I'm enjoying something that will make me writhe with jealousy.

Unfortunately I think I might have to go either way...my spot is all paid for and such. I'd probably have to offer my boss reimbursement or something...but it'd probably be worth it at this point.

 

[MisterD]

That's tough. Especially the no other girls part. If there were other chicks at this retreat the answer would be obvious, get tipsy and try to land one of them with this girl around to see it. But if there's no one else there to game...

What about amoging the dude when you guys get to the retreat?

What's gonna be your plan once all you guys are there (if you go)

 

[JCballin88]

Basically it's two nights of partying sandwiched around a sporting event (we work for a pro sports team)...basically the whole theme of the weekend is just a bunch of dudes and a few couples getting drunk, and I'll just be hanging out with the group.

I've tried to AMOG this guy but he just...I don't know. He gets under my skin so easily that I can't even stand to be around him. He's so creepy and so obviously desperate and pathetic that I just can't stand to be around him...yet he's the one getting lucky.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Basically it's two nights of partying sandwiched around a sporting event (we work for a pro sports team)...basically the whole theme of the weekend is just a bunch of dudes and a few couples getting drunk, and I'll just be hanging out with the group.

I've tried to AMOG this guy but he just...I don't know. He gets under my skin so easily that I can't even stand to be around him. He's so creepy and so obviously desperate and pathetic that I just can't stand to be around him...yet he's the one getting lucky.

Unfortunately some chicks like losers. They can't help it. Perhaps it's their need to 'nurture' and think they'll change the guy, see him as a challenge to 'win' and prove something to themselves.

I've seen sh1t like that happen waaay too often at jobs I've worked in the past. It boils down to not feeling sorry or caring about the chick. They show they are losers themselves.

Low self esteem = I need someone 'lower' than myself.

If you can. Bring some even hotter chick with you and ignore the both of them but keep it cordial should EITHER of them try to talk to you.

If it doesn't work out between them? If I were in that situation I'd avoid that chick like the plague. She's shown by her actions what she really likes.

Or will you try to 'win' that second hand 'prize'?

Based on your story I'd personally have her immediately placed as someone to be written off as potential. Cordial and co-worker friendly. Fine. Anything else? Hell no. There are waaay too many chicks out there to worry about a chick who's worried about the office loser. Have standards and keep them.

 

[betheman]

"-Smokes, drinks, swears, and is extremely immature
-Likes to go to strip clubs
-Has two DUIS and is one bad parking job away from losing his limited license
-Others girls have told me he freaks them out cuz he's so creepy"

sounds like he doesnt give a sh1t! awesome! as for other girls being freaked out coz he is oo creepy? wonder how many of them he has pounded?

 

[Single4Life]

Don't read too much into it...

There are girls who keep friends who are losers. That doesn't mean they want to have sex with them or go out with them. I knew a girl who would spend a LOT of time with this loser who would get drunk and high all day.... and he had a girlfriend. He tried to cheat on his girlfriend with my friend in question, and she turned him down and told me about it. She said she would NEVER date him, he has too many issues, no way, out of the question. Yet, she still remained his friend and they would talk.

It could be that this is ALL about the event she wants to go to, and not about "you vs him". Maybe he offered tickets or something to an event she really wanted to go to, and sees him as just a friend.

It seems weird she would even be his friend, but women try to be nice to people. You said she is sweet. Doesn't mean they want to have sex with them.


Also, why don't you just offer her tickets to the same event and tell her that you want her to go with you? Fight for her

 

[betheman]

Don't read too much into it...

There are girls who keep friends who are losers. That doesn't mean they want to have sex with them or go out with them. I knew a girl who would spend a LOT of time with this loser who would get drunk and high all day.... and he had a girlfriend. He tried to cheat on his girlfriend with my friend in question, and she turned him down and told me about it. She said she would NEVER date him, he has too many issues, no way, out of the question. Yet, she still remained his friend and they would talk.

It could be that this is ALL about the event she wants to go to, and not about "you vs him". Maybe he offered tickets or something to an event she really wanted to go to, and sees him as just a friend.

It seems weird she would even be his friend, but women try to be nice to people. You said she is sweet. Doesn't mean they want to have sex with them.


Also, why don't you just offer her tickets to the same event and tell her that you want her to go with you? Fight for her

oh really?? words and actions, take what comes out of their mouths with a pinch of salt

 

[JCballin88]

Also, why don't you just offer her tickets to the same event and tell her that you want her to go with you? Fight for her

We actually already had plans to do the exact same event in a couple of weeks...I have an insider there who even would have given us free tickets. It's something this girl is really into...maybe that's why she jumped at the chance to attend Sunday with LOSEROFFICEGUY.

Anyways, hardly slept last night since I was so upset...ugh...just texted my boss asking if I could bow out of the festivities...stay tuned.

 

[SgtSplacker]

RELAX GUY!

This smells like something I have seen before...

Ugly office guy with pull uses his influence to assign himself on projects and things with the prettiest girls in the office.

Why does it look like they are an item?

Because the girl is trying to be professionally nice to the guy. Because she also sees his pull around the office.

But the guy is using his pull to step a little more out of the box and flirt with this girl overtly. These kinda guys are very sneaky he probably knows you two are kind of an item so when you're around he amps up his advances to block/push you away. Maybe he even got a little jealous after hearing you had such a nice hookup with this girl and blocked your a$$.

When you can have a private conversation with this girl all you have to do is start talking about the trip and let her bring the subject up. I'm willing to bet she is going to tell you the guy is creeping her out.

Take this relationship out of the office ASAP. (if you can)

Either this or she just digs bald guys.

 

[SoSuave666]

I may have missed something...but why did you plan a date one month ahead? Why didn't you ask her out during the one month span between when you started talking about the retreat with her and the time of the actual retreat? You know how fickle women can be.

I agree with most other people on this thread. If she is a subordinate to this other dude she may just be professional. I have gone to beisbol games with coworkers who weren't up to my level before. I would ask her out on a weekday sometime next week and not worry about the outcome. If she says no, f*ck it. No big deal. It sounds like this could be more of a case of you just expecting things to work out without taking any action. It also seems like you planned too much. Scoping out the scene of the place before you go? Making all these plans prior to her confirming the date was still on? All this does is reinforce (in your mind) how much you care. She changes things up on you (without knowing your intentions) thinking it's no big deal. OF COURSE it's a big deal to YOU, look at all the planning you did. It seems like a huge rejection. Don't fret mayne.

 

[JCballin88]

Well to be honest, we haven't had any real time to hang out outside of work yet. Part of that is because I usually am there 10-12 hours a day; she is there much less but has two other jobs that have taken up the majority of her time until just recently.

She was definitely interested in hanging out...even telling me like three different things we needed to do in the area since I'm still new in the area and haven't been able to get out there much.

And I'd like to agree with the sentiments that maybe she's just being really professionally nice to this guy. But my gut is telling me there's gotta be something else going on...I know he's always all over her any chance he gets.

Also, it looks like I will be going on this trip, as I didn't even hear back from my boss. Wish me luck, gentlemen.