Giving up this pick up stuff for the time being, could use a little advice

[Kal0051]

Hey guys, I know what I'm about to say isn't gonna be popular but here goes. I'm planning on giving up this pick up stuff for a while. Originally I came to this site to learn how to get a specific girl (my old oneitis). Never got her, but the site helped me get over her. Started to read the various threads and tried to learn how to get better with women and I think I've learned a great deal. However, in all that time I've had minimal success, only had 1 date (first date ever), only kissed 1 girl (only girl I've ever kissed), and still a virgin (although I've learned that's not that important). Keep in mind I'm 25, so it's a little bit sad, lol. Anyway, as much as this stuff has helped, I think it's messed me up a bit. I know I'm missing something that will allow me to take what I've learned and actually have success with it (even if it's just occasionally dating a girl). I think I'm gonna give up with this pick up stuff for the time being, and just work at my education and saving up money (I'll stay away from this site as well). I used to be able to enjoy my life without women, but that was before my oneitis (she was the first girl I really liked, all the girls I met before that I didn't care much about). Since her I've tried to get good with women just to say that I'm good with them and for sex, but in reality I never really liked any of them (most of them were ok girls, but nothing special). Obviously this decision isn't gonna be popular here, but have any of you guys tried this? What did you do with the time you used to devote to this? Any tips on things you think I should do during this time? And of course any other comments are welcome. I'll check out the posts to this thread for the next day or 2 then I'll stop coming to this site. Thanks guys.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

If you go through with it, you'll be swimming in women thereafter. One of those unwritten laws.

 

[dereklovesugly]

Life isn't about picking up women. This site isn't neccessarily about picking up women. It's about improving yourself. I wouldn't say cut women out of your life, but if you need time for you, then take time off of focosing on women. You need to be happy with yourself before a women will be happy with you. Further your education and money, good for you. But understand success and money doesn't bring complete happyness. Do other things to make you feel and become better. I reccomend working out (I started again recently and I can't tell you how much better I feel and I feel about myself).


I guess what I'm getting at is don't stop talking to/aproaching girls. Take your time though. And most importantly, ALWAYS try to better yourself

 

[everywomanshero]

WELL for one thing I never began with the premise that nothing I tried would make any difference. I began with the attitude that I was going to get results somehow, someway no matter what and I was going to do it sooner rather than later.

If I had minimal results, then I did something else, and I did it a lot. Time management issues here, thinking doesn't get you girls, actions do.. Have you emailed every woman on dating sites in your entire area? Have you approached dozens of woman if not hundreds in bars and malls? Have you signed up for classes you're interested in to met like minded women? If you met them, did you actually make a move? If not, then what have you really done at all besides think about the problem? Cowardice will not get you women, they like brave men. Making the move over and over is all important. The girls are going to sleep with someone, by taking yourself out of the game, you've only insured it will not be you.

 

[AAAgent]

Try being friendly with women without being their friend when u go out. Do this while mainly trying to have fun for yourself. These two vibes show that one, you have agenda, two you're not desperate, and three you out to have fun. People hover around fun people because they want to be apart of that fun. Learn to have more fun.

 

[Kal0051]

WELL for one thing I never began with the premise that nothing I tried would make any difference. I began with the attitude that I was going to get results somehow, someway no matter what and I was going to do it sooner rather than later.

If I had minimal results, then I did something else, and I did it a lot. Time management issues here, thinking doesn't get you girls, actions do.. Have you emailed every woman on dating sites in your entire area? Have you approached dozens of woman if not hundreds in bars and malls? Have you signed up for classes you're interested in to met like minded women? If you met them, did you actually make a move? If not, then what have you really done at all besides think about the problem? Cowardice will not get you women, they like brave men. Making the move over and over is all important. The girls are going to sleep with someone, by taking yourself out of the game, you've only insured it will not be you.

I've tried the online thing for a couple of months, and to be honest there was nothing but ugly/fat chicks and attention *****s. Was very disappointed. I'm very against online dating because it truly is a waste of time (if you can have success at it then great, you'd probably have lots of success offline). And yes, I've approached hundreds of women (not really that hard to imagine since I'm 25). Who says I'm a coward? I know what you are saying, that persistence is key, however I'm a bit tried of gaming. Maybe it be a bit different if I had some success stories to encourage me and give me a bit of momentum. Just don't have much motivation.

 

[Kal0051]

Try being friendly with women without being their friend when u go out. Do this while mainly trying to have fun for yourself. These two vibes show that one, you have agenda, two you're not desperate, and three you out to have fun. People hover around fun people because they want to be apart of that fun. Learn to have more fun.

yeah, I don't find gaming fun, that's why I want to stop it and actually have fun when I go out.

 

[dereklovesugly]

Don't look at it as "gaming" or veiw it as going out. Just be sociable. Have fun. Don't put pressure on yourself to hit on women. Don't go around with the mindset of "I want to hit on women and get laid." Go out with the mindset of "I want to talk to people, be sociable and make some new acqaintances" I get the sense you're putting too much pressure on yourself.

 

[Kal0051]

Go out with the mindset of "I want to talk to people, be sociable and make some new acqaintances"

that's the mindset I had before I learned about gaming and discovered sites like this. Never got laid mind you, but I was a lot more happy. That's what I'd like to return to, even if it means I don't get laid. Don't get me wrong though, it be nice to experience sex but in the grand scheme it doesn't matter all that much.

 

[SharinganUser]

To me it doesn't sound like you are very comfortable with your sexuality. I think that is something you need to come to terms with. People who get laid alot are comfortable with their sexuality and in turn make the women they meet more comfortable sexually. You won't have to "game chicks" when you are more comfortable with yourself because you'll just do it automatically.

 

[F!DELITY]

Kal0051 - I urge you not to leave entirely!!!

I have read a lot of your posts, and you and I seem quite similar...and yes, Im a virgin at 24!

I agree that this forum can be destructive if you visit too much, but there is no harm in logging on every couple days for a little bit...thats what I do nowadays anyways...Its just a nice way to exercise the DJ muscle...even if that is not your aim at the minute!

Having said that, good luck with your education and finances...both two huge parts of life I am trying to pay more attention to this coming year!

All the best!

 

[Mike32ct]

There are two extremes:

1. The guy who absolutely must get laid at all costs.

Pros: he's aggressive and focused
Cons: he's very needy

2. The guy who is out to have fun and doesn't care either way about getting laid.

Pros: he's fun and not needy
Cons: he's oblivious to women hitting on him and misses signs and he's not aggressive enough to act on them.


I have a hard time finding the happy medium myself. I think the ideal is to be #2 mostly while still keeping my eyes open to opportunities.

I was a virgin until 28 so I totally understand where you're coming from. Focus mostly on your health, career, finances, hobbies, etc. It's totally cool to take a break from women and even drop "pickup techniques" that aren't really you. But never totally give up on women because you'll miss some great opportunities when they arise.

 

[Kal0051]

There are two extremes:

1. The guy who absolutely must get laid at all costs.

Pros: he's aggressive and focused
Cons: he's very needy

2. The guy who is out to have fun and doesn't care either way about getting laid.

Pros: he's fun and not needy
Cons: he's oblivious to women hitting on him and misses signs and he's not aggressive enough to act on them.


I have a hard time finding the happy medium myself. I think the ideal is to be #2 mostly while still keeping my eyes open to opportunities.

I was a virgin until 28 so I totally understand where you're coming from. Focus mostly on your health, career, finances, hobbies, etc. It's totally cool to take a break from women and even drop "pickup techniques" that aren't really you. But never totally give up on women because you'll miss some great opportunities when they arise.

I used to be the 2nd guy in your example and really enjoyed myself. However since starting this pick up stuff I've become more like the first (and I'm not having fun at all). That's why I want to go back to what I was, maybe I'll be able to use what I learned to be less oblivious. And if nothing happens then whatever, at least I'm having a good time.

 

[Maxtro]

To me it doesn't sound like you are very comfortable with your sexuality. I think that is something you need to come to terms with. People who get laid alot are comfortable with their sexuality and in turn make the women they meet more comfortable sexually. You won't have to "game chicks" when you are more comfortable with yourself because you'll just do it automatically.

ROFL!

How can a virgin be comfortable with their sexuality? People who are lacking in experience don't have any sexuality.

Kal0051,
I have been on this site for a long time, been exposed to a ton of PU material yet have made very little progress. What I have done is come to some realizations.

The biggest one is that doing poorly with women is only a symptom of a much larger problem. It is something that must be fixed first. If the main problem is not corrected, then getting girls will be near impossible.

IMO being a virgin at 22+ and not because it was a choice to stay a virgin is a sign that something is wrong with the person. The first step to recovery is admitting there is a problem.

I think you should try and figure out if you are suffering with depression. If you are, then you need to get that fixed. It will not be an easy process.

I've been dealing with moderate to severe depression for a long time. It turns out that my thought process itself is screwed up. It took me a long time to figure out what the real issue was.

I really suggest taking a break from the seduction stuff and find out what your real issues are.

 

[Ease]

Sounds like you need:

Inner Game, Confidence game, Body language. You need to completely to turn up yourself. Your style, your dress, your attitude.

Confidence comes from success, my advice would be to not give up and let it come to you.

 

[spinaroonie]

Take a bootcamp!

 

[SharinganUser]

ROFL!

How can a virgin be comfortable with their sexuality People who are lacking in experience don't have any sexuality.

Humanbeings are sexual creatures, everyone has sexuality regaurdless of wether they've lost their virginity.