I have been out with ten women in the last two months and eight of them have called me a player.
If I am not acting like a beta male and being sexual towards the woman, I immediately get labeled as a player and never hear from them again.
I don't even bang that many women tbh. I date mostly women in the 30-40 range. Women also tell me that they think I might be too much too handle. I have women from my beta days who see me now and notice the difference, they say I am very aggressive, not in a bad way though. They actually have become even more sexually attracted to me. How do you find the right balance? I am looking for a LTR.
These women you have been out with who have dropped off because "he's a player" have done you the favor of screening themselves out. You are not "safe", you are not going to tow the line, you are not going to be their b*tch and serve them. Good for you. Not every woman can handle a dominant man. That is why some have said they don't think they can handle you. That is doing you a favor and saving you time. Your time (as you know) is very valuable.
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I tend to attract player types and currently am dating one for almost 8 months. He is sexually aggressive, unapologetic in his intent, expects to be "in charge" and loves women. He is also a good man with his flaws and his strengths. My ex husband of 15 years was a prominent nightclub owner (and a player himself), and I dated other player types before getting married - typically in a LTR. I say that to offer you a perspective that perhaps might give you some insight based on what I see from a close vantage point as a woman, FWIW about the type of woman who can handle a player type and the many women who can't.
You want a woman who is not put off by the player vibe, whether that vibe is real or imagined in the woman's mind. Better if she is cool with it/is playful about it and understands it. The type of woman who understands a player is one herself and/OR has a high self esteem and recognizes her own value in the SMP. You can make the distinction between a female player and a high self esteem woman by looking at how she responds to you. A female player will play games with you and her intent will be to jerk your chain or get a reaction. A high self esteem woman will respond to you in a receptive way and will behave in a manner that is self respecting, rather than game playing. A female player will be emotionally guarded while a high self esteem woman will be more emotionally open.
What you are doing, without really realizing it is you are screening out women who do not have the emotional stability to deal with the player vibe. In the long run this benefits you. The women who are scared off by the player vibe are attracted to the sexual overtness, they are attracted to your self confidence and the IDGAF, but they worry that you will use them, pump & dump them or STR/FWB them. Why? Because they worry on some level that they do not bring enough to the table to keep you engaged enough to get you into a relationship. These are women with low self esteem, insecurities, trust issues, neediness issues, jealousy issues, and etc. In other words women who are best avoided for LTR anyway. It does not matter how beautiful they are. A stage 5 clinger is a stage 5 clinger no matter how gorgeous.
You want a woman who has more to offer than just the physical package (looks and body.) You might have success with younger women, but if they think you are a "silver fox" then the younger women might be more wary than chicks your age. I saw this in the club scene years ago and still do. There should be some high self esteem women in the 30-40 age bracket. Whatever age you decide to date you need a woman with her own high self confidence who has her own interesting life and doesn't need a man to revolve around. She can still be feminine (she should be in fact) and have her own interesting life. That is the sort of woman who will find you intriguing because you won't be boring, and that is also the type of woman who has the ability to take things on a day by day basis and goes by actions rather than words. In a similar way you should go by actions rather than words.
My BF and I actively choose to invest time with one another. It is the action that shows the interest. Sometimes it's dinner out, sometimes its cooking in, sometimes it's a movie, sometimes it's a hike, sometimes its a ball game, sometimes its hanging out watching TV. I know he likes me/loves me by the time investment and the emotional investment he makes. He knows I like him/love him because I respond and invest my time and emotion. Even at 8 months in he still initiates contact 85-90% of the time. I respond to him timely and warmly. He leads and I defer, although he requests and considers my input on various things. I listen as much or more than I talk. He likes to see me almost daily. If we don't see each other I hear from him daily, which I appreciate and tell him so.
To exist like this in relationship requires both patience and confidence in your individual value independent of one another. I know the BF can find other women in a flash. However I also know he can't find a woman with my attributes easily and the connection we share is unusual. Pretty women and hot bodies are a dime a dozen. The ability to connect with another human being is harder to find. While I know he can get other women (and I know to stay on point from an appearance standpoint), he knows I can get other men too. This keeps each of us showing up as our best selves in the relationship, and I don't think that people should ever get slack in that respect. If we fight we respect one another to directly state the issue and to deal with it in a forthright way. I am not afraid to call him out or walk out on behavior I will not tolerate. Neither is he. The relationship is more valuable than NEXT and starting all over if a conflict comes up. This reinforces the mutual investment and keeps things stable and growing.
If he leaves - he leaves. I'm not going to go chasing after someone if he should decide I'm not the right fit. Meanwhile I'm looking at his behavior and deciding on an ongoing basis whether he is good enough for me. If I leave - then I leave.
In other words the relationship is self-calibrating, self-perpetuating, and stimulating for both of us. So we keep choosing to grow together and get to know one another on a deeper level. Would either one of us experience hurt if things ended? Yes to be sure. But that is a risk worth taking. You are looking for a woman who will take that risk with you (and you with her also.)
The type of woman who can handle a player will have a certain character and understanding of the player archetype. And you'll have to be the judge of her character and suitability as you get to know her. But the women who eliminate themselves from the running after a single date? Good riddance. They are not substantive enough to stick around and see what besides the player vibe you have to offer.
