"Give me the week to think about it"
- Thread starter BPH
- Start date
BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,747
- Reaction score
- 6,749
- Age
- 55
Sigh. Yes. The perspective of a woman who has dealt with countless come ons in every style imaginable.
Our OP already asked her out. She declined. Maybe she was truly busy maybe she wasn't. She didn't offer a counter either. She's on the fence at best.
Here's why the response suggested by @Learning Curve sends the wrong message:
OP already asked the chick out. You can't undo that. In the invitation his interest is assumed/obvious. THAT is why the suggestion from Learning Curve comes off spiteful as @JoyDivision1990 put it; but thurt as I put it. He's invited; she's declined. Facts. Now he suggests saying he is going to think about it too? That makes him look completely idiotic. What are we, 12?
The only self respecting type response is exactly what the OP did. Neutral/chill. Kudos to him.
I am emphasizing this because context matters in this scenario. My neutral response is context appropriate. Learning Curve's is not. Who cares about this girl. She's going on a trip with God knows who doing God knows what anyway. Leave things open with her and while she's away at the beach meet other women.
The debate of the finer points matters for the reader who might find himself in a similar scenario. A neutral comment displays an attitude of outcome independence.
Our OP already asked her out. She declined. Maybe she was truly busy maybe she wasn't. She didn't offer a counter either. She's on the fence at best.
Here's why the response suggested by @Learning Curve sends the wrong message:
OP already asked the chick out. You can't undo that. In the invitation his interest is assumed/obvious. THAT is why the suggestion from Learning Curve comes off spiteful as @JoyDivision1990 put it; but thurt as I put it. He's invited; she's declined. Facts. Now he suggests saying he is going to think about it too? That makes him look completely idiotic. What are we, 12?
The only self respecting type response is exactly what the OP did. Neutral/chill. Kudos to him.
I am emphasizing this because context matters in this scenario. My neutral response is context appropriate. Learning Curve's is not. Who cares about this girl. She's going on a trip with God knows who doing God knows what anyway. Leave things open with her and while she's away at the beach meet other women.
The debate of the finer points matters for the reader who might find himself in a similar scenario. A neutral comment displays an attitude of outcome independence.
Millard Fillmore
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2023
- Messages
- 846
- Reaction score
- 818
Less is more people. No need to overthink it.
Either no response or a one word response is good.
I would even shorten @BeExcellent 's to a simple "come back tan" but I think hers is good too.
Either no response or a one word response is good.
I would even shorten @BeExcellent 's to a simple "come back tan" but I think hers is good too.
Macadellic
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2021
- Messages
- 389
- Reaction score
- 514
You are not a priority to her.
Traveling to an exotic fun destination for new experiences is of greater importance to her.
She is living her best life.
I hope you are doing the same OP.
Traveling to an exotic fun destination for new experiences is of greater importance to her.
She is living her best life.
I hope you are doing the same OP.
Learning Curve
Master Don Juan
You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
hellonwheels
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2024
- Messages
- 44
- Reaction score
- 42
- Age
- 37
Eh I think she’s 100% right on this, not a fan of your recommended response. Don’t see how it’d get any good results and it doesn’t even make sense.
Learning Curve
Master Don Juan
Ok.
Let me rephrase it then for you and @BeExcellent so it makes more sense.
"Tell her: "Sure, Let's keep in touch"
Now On to the next.
M
member162951
Guest
^^I'm now back to thinking her response wasn't her "declining" so much as letting him know she was leaving for vacay the very next morning and would be down for grabbing that drink when she returns.
"Give me a week to think about, I'm leaving for Cancun in the morning"...
Yeah she definitely could have phrased it better and been more clear but...
When he responded asking her to hit him up when she returns, she responded immediately "will do"!
So OP why not live your life, pursue your other options and take a "wait and see" approach?
Versus assuming..... whatever?
Also someone mentioned you weren't a "priority." Ugh. May I remind you you've never even met, how much of a priority do you expect to be?
In any event, I will say the same thing I say to women on the female forums - lower expectations and chill...
Keep us posted.
Last edited by a moderator:
CornbreadFed
Master Don Juan
Wait til she gets back from Cancun.
Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Solomon
Master Don Juan
OP is overthinking this like most here said, this would be a situation where you either
1. Wait-hit her up when she comes back
2. Move on
Personally, I would move on, no need to complicate a matter with a woman who you haven't met yet especially one who is about to go on vacation. I've been in this situation before and hit the chick up and she basically stopped responding, no harm no foul I prefer to engage in women who have high interest and also decent logistics i.e. live close, are available within 7 days at the latest etc
I've also been on the flip side where I went on vacation and came back and hooked up with women this has happened a couple times as you seem interesting that you traveled somewhere exotic or out of the norm
1. Wait-hit her up when she comes back
2. Move on
Personally, I would move on, no need to complicate a matter with a woman who you haven't met yet especially one who is about to go on vacation. I've been in this situation before and hit the chick up and she basically stopped responding, no harm no foul I prefer to engage in women who have high interest and also decent logistics i.e. live close, are available within 7 days at the latest etc
I've also been on the flip side where I went on vacation and came back and hooked up with women this has happened a couple times as you seem interesting that you traveled somewhere exotic or out of the norm
nismo-4
Moderator
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2005
- Messages
- 4,422
- Reaction score
- 1,128
Why am I taking this case?
OP, don't be surprised if she took some Chad dik on the Cancun trip. She's not interested at this time. Either wait till she comes back and hope for the 1/256 chance she calls you. Or just unmatch her and move on to a new chick.
Everybody in the court, say it with me. Anything other than a yes, complete with the actions to back it up, is a no. Would you "have to think about" a double date with Shakira & Katy Perry if you knew they were paying and smashing you that night? Nope, you'd turn that Playstation 5 off real quick.
Everything goes ok in OLD conversations, until the man asks to come offline...then you find out real interest and attention wh0res.
Disinterested until proven interested. She's getting piped by Chad and Brad and David, so go out and meet Stacey, Rachel, and Allison.
Case closed. Grab a can of Mountain Dew and a slice of pepperoni pizza on your way out of my courtroom.
OP, don't be surprised if she took some Chad dik on the Cancun trip. She's not interested at this time. Either wait till she comes back and hope for the 1/256 chance she calls you. Or just unmatch her and move on to a new chick.
Everybody in the court, say it with me. Anything other than a yes, complete with the actions to back it up, is a no. Would you "have to think about" a double date with Shakira & Katy Perry if you knew they were paying and smashing you that night? Nope, you'd turn that Playstation 5 off real quick.
Everything goes ok in OLD conversations, until the man asks to come offline...then you find out real interest and attention wh0res.
Disinterested until proven interested. She's getting piped by Chad and Brad and David, so go out and meet Stacey, Rachel, and Allison.
Case closed. Grab a can of Mountain Dew and a slice of pepperoni pizza on your way out of my courtroom.
M
member162951
Guest
@BPH, this^ was the extent of your interaction. Matching on the app and a few message exchanges, if that.
I'll ask again, how interested do you expect her to be after such a minimal exchange and having never met in person? Other than an interest to get to know you better?
Which she is as evidenced by her response "Will do"! to your asking her to hit you up when she gets back.
IMO this attitude of expecting high interest or that you should be a priority (as other posters have mentioned) after only a couple of messages is entitlement, the very thing you guys accuse women of!
It's feminine behavior. And ego-driven.
So what IF she went with another guy? Again, you have never even met!
Do you honestly expect a chick to drop all her other options and make YOU the priority after only a couple of message exchanges?
Again entitlement. Feminine.
Even if you take her words literally that
she wants to think about it as she's gone for a week, better that than giving a clear yes and then changing her mind and flaking.
Anything can happen before a meet, for you too!
Chill and see what happens when she returns.
Detach from outcome and remain open to all possibilities...
I say the SAME to women when they start in with their unrealistic expectations and entitlement attitudes.
Keep us posted.
Last edited by a moderator: