give it time?

[squirrels]

I dunno, I think you guys are off. Men don't give roundabout answers to questions like "Where is the relationship headed" because they're afraid of the woman leaving them...unless he's specifically deceiving her into thinking there's LTR potential just to get in her pants.

A REAL man refuses to answer the question "Where's the relationship headed" because he doesn't know the answer, he had never tried to determine the answer, and trying to determine the answer is a waste of time. It's a bull**** question whose answer can only be determined by idle, thumb-up-the-ass speculation.

 

[zoze]

This has been the most educational post I have read since hopping on these boards.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

sounds like you are in the "tick-tock" mode of your life.....

men hate to commit, period.
men hate it when women try the "does he love me" test.

men will take what they want out of a woman and run with it. show him no respect and he shows you none.

why would you consider having a relationship as a waste of time? How was the time wasted? If you approach a possible relationship with the waste-of-time attitude, then maybe youre wasting his time, not yours.

If American women would have respect and show respect for a man, a man would change his attutude and show women what they want. Most men as they age finally catch on to the tests women like to put men thru. Men hate this and older men will go tell you to take a flying fvck.

so....if you approach men with respect, you'd be the most valuable woman out in the marketplace. That's why women feel they are wasting time with a man, but actually, youre wasting
his time.

you are getting some good feed back here 32swf, so take heed for yourself and listen to what they are saying. they're all telling you to show some respect for men and men will show you some.
so.... spread the word out there to your fellow frustrated sisters who complain about how lame men are and why they refuse to answer to commitmental tests. chumps fall for this, not REAL men.

good post sister....hope we taught you something.

 

[flexion_]

32swf.... I would have answered the exact same way your BF did. "Taking a break" is essentially ******** to me to mean:

1) I'm not interested in you anymore
or
2) I've found someone else

Any guy in a 6 month relationship would want to be around for you if you are going through a stressful event. So ultimately, I would be completely shocked by what you said and agreed like he did thinking why is this girl creating drama for no reason - she must want to end this...

If you want to self-distruct the relationship because of reasons 1 or 2 then by all means keep talking about this stuff. If not then say something to him like I was just having a bad day with all the stress and *never* bring it up again.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by Beethoven

In summary:

• Men don't answer questions directly, because then they won't get what they want
• Women test men because they are trying to get what they want
• Neither men nor women will easily be able to change the other by complaining about these two points

you could substitute women for men in all of those up there. it is true both ways for most men and women. the truth is, sometimes noone knows for sure what they want clearly. so you can't always speak clearly. or ask straightout. sometimes emotions from the heart, and thoughts from the head are not on the same page. if you ask someone to tell you their feelings, their head may intervene. alot of times, if alot is riding on the question, the answer won't be absolutely true.

so a clever woman, and a clever man, would have to navigate these dark passageways with strength and insight in order to end up somewhere they really want to be, with both parties happy. sometimes this is harder than other times, depending on the people involved. say you have a ladies man, and an innocent lady. you then have a game much like the one in "Love in the Afternoon", starring Audrey Hepburn. playing the game was the only way she won. but some do not like games.

it comes down to is the object of your heart's pursuit worth what you must do for love? if you are a very straightforward gal, are you willing to play the game, and maybe lose? if you are a ladies man, are you willing to give it all up, and maybe not even be able to keep the woman you did that for?

in this case, your mother is dying. that is an extreme variable to factor in. are you willing to go through this with someone who may be a good friend and comforter, but not a man willing to claim you with his love? or would you be willing, simply TO get through this?

choices, choices.

i would also like to add that sometimes the straightest way leads to the blindest path. sometimes it takes a cunning way to shed light on one's eyes to something they would not see right in front of them, illuminated with the brightest light of upfrontness. ya heard?

 

[32swf]

update

I appreciate all the good advice I've gotten on this post.

I talked to my bf last night and

1. apologized for suggesting that we take a break. I told him that I didn't want a break, and I was just trying to assess the situation.

2.I told him that guys had led me on in the past, leading me to believe we had a future when they really weren't into me. (and that's what I had meant about wasting my time with guys.)

3. I said I understand if he doesn't know what things will lead to, but that I didn't want to hang around if he knew for sure he didn't see a future with me. He said he understood.
He asked if I had a better assessment of the situation now, and I said, no not really. and we both laughed.

He was very affectionate and understanding, and we had a great evening.

I will try my hardest to be direct and honest with him from now on. My lack of communication has fouled things up in the past for me, and I'm determined to change my wussy ways. thanks.

 

[maranathaman]

Originally posted by zoze
This has been the most educational post I have read since hopping on these boards.

WERD!

 

[maranathaman]

Re: update

Sounds like you may have learned something here! That's GREAT!

Here's my 2 cents. I'm probably saying what has already been said for the most part, but perhaps if nothing else, this will be a postive re-enforcement.

a) I, as a man, HATE games/tests from women.
If you want to know something from me, be honest about it, and I'll answer you honestly. Don't force me to have to try to "read-between the lines" to try to figure-out what the heck you are really getting at. When a woman plays games, or asks weird/inappropriate questions, then Red Flags go-up in my head. It makes me think, "Do I want to live with a woman who keeps our relationship unnessesarily in turmoil?"

b) I think your bf did exactly the right-thing in saying basically, that it's o.k. with him if you wanna take a break. He showed that he is not a wussy who will grovel at your feet if you threaten to leave him, but he's a real man, who would love to continue being with you, but he can live fine on his own if nessesary.
So ladies, if you are thinking about trying to play the
"maybe we should take a break" game to see where you stand with your man or for whatever other reason,
you better be ready to live with the consequences if your man calls you on your bluff.

 

[BringUrGreenHat]

You did a really good job making that up. Now, just to clear something up if he was affectionate and understanding, and you both had a great evening... you can pretty much deduce the guy has strong feelings for you, and is willing to make it work.

I can't even say I would have been the man your bf was, the way he handled himself with your games. I might've just gotten angry and walked away completely. But the answer to your relationships position:

GOOD!

Also, if you just want a straight up answer, ask him how he really feels about you. Thats all you really need to do, and take what he says to heart. A guy says what he means, a woman says a load of bull****, and shows what she means.

 

[DJ_Dork]

iqqi, nah biatch, guys don't pull that crap on girls. ONLY YOU GIRLS DO.

Well you did the right thing 32SWF by supplicating to him and communicating him in apologitic tone. However, that doesn't mean everything is all sweet and shiat. His options are open now. I know I wouldn't be stupid and hang around a girl that questions a relationship "Where is this heading, is there a future for the both of us" You are lower on priority rank.

I bet he's already acting a little bit more aloof and cares less about you already. You just dug a hole, now you gotta patch it up.

Oh you can still fix it. Pay for his dinners/Cook for him every so often. Swallow his semen, every so often. Buy him gifts every so often.

Where's your investment?

 

[iqqi]

i wish that things would be great since you were upfront, unfortuantely things are ususally more complicated than "be honest" "don't play games", especially in matters involving the heart. this guy sounds like he might be a commitmentphobe. but he is older. so maybe wiser.

but i predict that he will keep stringing you on for as long as he can without really defining the relationship, until he is forced to, or he has convinced himself he can do better either alone or with someone better. that is how commitphobes work.

i say open your eyes wide when you are ready, and see what is really going on here.