Give her another chance or cut her?

[Swashbuckler]

There is a girl I was basically really good friends with. I asked her to go with me to my sister's wedding, and she agreed. She and I have been on what most consider dates. I never labeled them; in retrospect, I should have, but I wasn't really focused on progressing things, but I started to push things further and further.

Then one day I was getting something to eat with her, and she turned bright red while she said, "I... I should of told you. I sort of have a boyfriend... I don't really call him my boyfriend... he kind of acts gay... He really helped me through my fathers death in December, and he is the reason I woke up every morning.

She told me she couldn't make it to the wedding because she couldn't get out of work. Because she waited too long, too many people took it off, so I took someone else to the wedding. She then found out I was seeing someone else non-exclusively.

So after the wedding, I left the country for a couple weeks with some friends. I hooked up with a French girl while I was there, and the pictures from the wedding and trip surfaced on friends facebooks. She sent me something on facebook telling me she was sorry for what she has put me through, and she was really sad she couldn't make it to the wedding, and she thought about it all day while she was at work; then she said, "I hope you're having a great time over there. I'd really like to hang out when you come back; I think I still owe you a few dinners and a game of pool. That is, of course, if your girlfriend doesn't mind, and if you still want me around."


So I got back, and a week passed, and then she sent me a text asking me a question. I looked at it, and I just closed it. Waited a day, and then while I was at friend's house I got bored, and answered her question with a "Nope." Then she responded 1 minute later complimenting my new car (She saw it on facebook. It's a new Audi A4). I waited over a day to respond. I didn't really care to respond, but I did, and again 2 minutes later she responds. This time she tells me "So, let me know when you're free because I'm ready to shoot pool." Then another 2 minutes go by, and she sent another text, "I promise to follow through this time. No headaches."

I don't know if I should just cut her and move on, or do I give her another chance. She's obviously incredibly desperate to see me.

What do you guys think?

Right now, I'm leaning towards responding to her, "[Her Name], I'm sorry. You had your chance, and you blew it."

She's not the only girl in my life. God, I have 5 or 6 women I could start a relationship with right now. The French girl I hooked up with is coming to the United States for 3 weeks in August, just to come and see me.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Give her another chance at... friendship? Dating?

If you guys were such good 'friends' it seems to me that should would have told you about this other guy before.

If you give her another chance, she may think she can always get away with that kind of stuff, no matter what your relationship status is...

It's your decision, though. She is only human and could have genuinely made a mistake... People aren't perfect.

Good luck, and let us know how things turn out!

 

[amoka]

It is amazing how women chase guys don't give a fvck about them. CUT this girl LOOSE!

 

[Igetit!]

LMFAO. This statement by her basically guarantees that she is setting you up to flake on you again.

Yeah,I'm temped to agree with DonS. Just the mere fact that she even said that means that to her,the whole time her and the OP have known each other has been nothing but one big game to her.

She promised to follow through this time. So I guess all the "other times" she was intentionally,ON PURPOSE being (as she said) a headache. She knew what she was doing all those times she was giving you the run-a-round. All you wanted to do was spend some time with her,but she was too busy playing games and being childish.

Seems to me like you found yourself an attention WH*RE.

And the only reason she's promising to "follow through this time" is because she knows that another girl has your interest. Or in other words,her source of male attention might be taken away. Although I believe what DonS said,I do think she may actually follow through like she said,but not because she likes you or has any real interest in you,but because she knows if she doesn't invest anything more of herself into you,you'll lose interest,then she'll have to find another sucker to leech off of to get her attention "fix".

But like Plaything said,it's your decision.

 

[Jitterbug]

Tell her to come to your place to cook dinner for you, on some night that you have nothing better on. It's time for her to put out or get out.

 

[Swashbuckler]

I texted her two hours ago saying nothing more than "Wednesday 7pm"

She hasn't texted back. She's probably doing this as revenge for me waiting 24+ hours to text her back. I couldn't give a fvck. She's already offered to pay for pool and dinner. Jitterbug, I like that idea. I might just take her to the store and have her pick out groceries, and be like "Make me dinner."

I'm going to make her work to get back in my good favor. Honestly, she knows of the girl I'm seeing and another girl who is madly in love with me, and she's jealous of that girl because I went out to eat with that girl last week. I agree she is and has been an attention *****.

If she says she can't make it at Wednesday at 7, even because of her work, I'm gonna tell her flat out that's the only time I have open for her. If you can't make it, I'm sorry.

I'm giving her 1 more night for her to prove to me why I should keep her in my life while she pays for the whole night. If it doesn't go well, I'm not afraid to cut it short and have her take the bus home.

I pride myself on treating women right, but you
1. play games for months
2. decide to stay at home and not room with me right before I leave the country and say you can't bring yourself to tell me
3. leave me dateless to my sister's wedding a week out

and then expect me to forget like it happened. It ain't going down like that.

I have her insecure and desperate. She better not play me again.

 

[Igetit!]

I pride myself on treating women right, but you
1. play games for months
2. decide to stay at home and not room with me right before I leave the country and say you can't bring yourself to tell me
3. leave me dateless to my sister's wedding a week out

and then expect me to forget like it happened. It ain't going down like that.

What do you mean "It ain't going down like that"? It's ALREADY "went down like that". I knew about number 2 and 3 of your list here,but the "playing games for months"? Uhh...how many months are we talking about here? No wonder this girl is playing games with you. You continue to keep making yourself available for her nonsense. Is she that hot/attractive? You say that she expexcts you to forget all the things she's done like they never happened. Well,isn't that what you've been doing by your actions? Up until now,despite all the games,all the flaking,all the getting your hopes up only to have them dashed,and ALL OF WHICH she's done INTENTIONALLY,despite ALL THAT,you're still willing to see her.

Now I see what the problem is and why she's been acting this way. It's simple. She takes you for granted.

She's being ON PURPOSE giving you the run-a-round for months.
You still want to see her.

Left you dateless at a wedding.
You still want to see her.

Decided not to see you before you left the country for a while.
You still want to see her.

Withheld the info that she "sort of has a boyfriend".
You still want to see her.

If it had been only one or two of these things,I might let it slide. But all of them? Repeatedly? And over a period of several months?

You know why she's been behaving and acting this way with you? Simple.

Because she can.

She's been getting away with it for this long. Why would she all of the sudden stop now? What...because you plan to put your little foot down?

Go ahead and follow through on what you said you plan to do..but know this:even if she doesn't flake and shows up like she said she'd do,you still have a lot of work to do to turn this thing around. Imo,she's not showing up because she likes you,she just wants to make sure she's still the center of some guy's universe so she'll still feel wanted by a man.

That's ego based. Her ego getting pumped up by having some guy chase her,and her being attracted to a man are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Go ahead and do what you planned to do,but if she pulls this same stunt on you again,you have to walk away from her and MEAN IT.

Otherwise,she'll just keep this thing going on for another few months,and lose whatever little respect she currently has for you.

 

[PSYCHO]

Give her another chance or cut her?

Dude, don't cut her - that will be assault and a felony!

 

[Cableguy]

If she agrees to come over text her Wednsday afternoon saying that something has come up and you'll have to reschedule.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Don't burn bridges. See where this goes, but continue your aloof and uncaring attitude. It's tough to know if she is doing this because she feels jealous and suddenly wants you or just because she's jealous and has a bruised ego. You have nothing to lose by finding out. If she can't do Wednesday, then don't make an effort to reschedule. Make her chase you as you have started doing.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Give her another chance or cut her?

Dude, don't cut her - that will be assault and a felony!

:crackup: LOL

 

[Alle_Gory]

Well at least she was honest... after awhile. I wouldn't cut her off. What is there to cut off?

Sounds like she would make a good acquaintance. Maybe she has some cute friends. Time to LJBF the b*tch.

 

[Nutz]

I agree with the not burning bridges aspect. Also hold her feet to the fire with a real deal thing. Get her to buy you tickets or something so she's invested in hanging out. Something along those lines where SHE is locked into whatever it may be and cannot flake.

Here's also a great trick I learned for beating down flakes:

"Text me when you're on the way"

or something to that effect. This way you know if they're going to show up or not. Make backup plans and if you don't hear from them by the time when you'd reasonably expect them to leave for whatever the event is, then go do whatever the backup plan is. If they later ditch or are super late or don't contact you, you get to call them out on them supposed to call/text you earlier when they left.

 

[Swashbuckler]

I called it. She texted back 24 hours later to say she was good with the date and time. So it's on for tomorrow night.

I don't really know where I'm going to take her. I probably should think about that. I can't decide if we're gonna go out or if I wanna try and make her cook dinner. She mentioned pool which is throw back to the first night that we went out together.

 

[Cableguy]

Pool eh? Why are you even bothering to decide where to take her? Who does she think is going to pay if the two of you go out? Don't let this be anything other than HER making things up to YOU... like you originally said it was.

You shouldn't have to MAKE her do anything. She's already implied that she knows she's been a PITA. If she was serious about making things up to you she'd be doing all the planning for you. She sounds like a one-itis in the making bro.

 

[Jitterbug]

Like Cableguy said, stop being her b!tch! She's supposed to be making it up to you. Make her cook dinner for you, so you can conveniently hit it right there.

 

[DonJuan11]

There is a girl I was basically really good friends with. I asked her to go with me to my sister's wedding, and she agreed. She and I have been on what most consider dates. I never labeled them; in retrospect, I should have, but I wasn't really focused on progressing things, but I started to push things further and further.

Then one day I was getting something to eat with her, and she turned bright red while she said, "I... I should of told you. I sort of have a boyfriend... I don't really call him my boyfriend... he kind of acts gay... He really helped me through my fathers death in December, and he is the reason I woke up every morning.

She told me she couldn't make it to the wedding because she couldn't get out of work. Because she waited too long, too many people took it off, so I took someone else to the wedding. She then found out I was seeing someone else non-exclusively.

So after the wedding, I left the country for a couple weeks with some friends. I hooked up with a French girl while I was there,and the pictures from the wedding and trip surfaced on friends facebooks. She sent me something on facebook telling me she was sorry for what she has put me through, and she was really sad she couldn't make it to the wedding, and she thought about it all day while she was at work; then she said, "I hope you're having a great time over there. I'd really like to hang out when you come back; I think I still owe you a few dinners and a game of pool. That is, of course, if your girlfriend doesn't mind, and if you still want me around."

So I got back, and a week passed, and then she sent me a text asking me a question. I looked at it, and I just closed it. Waited a day, and then while I was at friend's house I got bored, and answered her question with a "Nope." Then she responded 1 minute later complimenting my new car (She saw it on facebook. It's a new Audi A4). I waited over a day to respond. I didn't really care to respond, but I did, and again 2 minutes later she responds. This time she tells me "So, let me know when you're free because I'm ready to shoot pool." Then another 2 minutes go by, and she sent another text, "I promise to follow through this time. No headaches."

I don't know if I should just cut her and move on, or do I give her another chance. She's obviously incredibly desperate to see me.

What do you guys think?

Right now, I'm leaning towards responding to her, "[Her Name], I'm sorry. You had your chance, and you blew it."

She's not the only girl in my life. God, I have 5 or 6 women I could start a relationship with right now. The French girl I hooked up with is coming to the United States for 3 weeks in August, just to come and see me.

I think you really like this girl and want to have sex with her and be in a relationship. You are fairly concerned about how she texted you and when and what she said that it appears you have feelings for her and are pretty angry at her for not reciprocating by the response above you want to send her. If this was just a friend you weren't attracted to, you would have no problem meeting her for lunch.

If you want something with her, you have to start showing her and making moves. If she doesn't respond, you know you're answer. If you don't want something with her, politely decline for lunch or decide to go and each pay your own way.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Just make sure you don't ask her what she wants to do and have a long conversation trying to figure it out with her. You are the man, you make decisions, you know what you want. Go to your favorite restaurant or just have her cook for you like someone already said.