Girls with BFs (Merged threads)

[becker]

Girls with BFs

How do you interpret a girl who has a BF who also might show interest in you? As it seems, most of the girls I know who I'd date are attached, but the signals seem contradictory. I never act much on them outside of some innocent flirting, since I just don't want to open that can of worms. The only way I'd go further is if the signs were more clear, but what is a clear sign in these cases for those of you who have been in this position?

 

[TesuqueRed]

We've had a few major threads on this subject, I wish I could direct you where to search. Maybe some of the members copied it into their personal archives, otherwise I'd do a phrase search on variations of "she has a BF". Some posters really summed it up quite well in those posts--made for a rich discussion.

 

[Santos]

Don't do it

I will NEVER try and "get with" a chick who has a BF. It NEVER works, I've seen it fail so many times. Here's why me and my friends agree it's a bad idea:

If she really is a decent chick, then she's not going to go run off with some other guy she's known a month and leave her BF of two years. If she will run off with some guy she just met, then she's not worth having cos' she'd probablly do it to you too.

If you meet a HB and she has a BF, in my opinion it's best to just remain CASUAL friends with her. Don't become BEST friends, else you'll end up in the "freind-zone". If one day she breaks up with her BF, gets over it and starts looking for a new dude. She might decide you wouldn't be so bad. Provided you've been a DJ C&F etc, and haven't become GOOD friends with her. But don't HANG around waiting for her to leave her BF. Go meet some single gals.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[crowes22]

It NEVER works, I've seen it fail so many times.

So have I.

If she really is a decent chick, then she's not going to go run off with some other guy she's known a month and leave her BF of two years

Are you sure about this? Let me ask you.....Would she be more of a 'decent chick' to stay with her boyfriend and cheat on him?

That is what happens the majority of the time. These 'decent chicks' are still females, it's important that be kept in mind.

These 'decent chicks' will cheat on the boyfriend first, and then dump him. I've gone back and forth with my opinion on this topic, but to think girls will dump their BF because the relationship is stale, be single, and 'get over it' before moving to another guy is extremely unrealistic.

If she will run off with some guy she just met, then she's not worth having cos' she'd probablly do it to you too.

I'm not singling you out Santos, but I hate hearing this statement, it's too easy .

If you meet a HB and she has a BF, in my opinion it's best to just remain CASUAL friends with her.

If you aren't interested in her, I suppose this can work. Personally I try to totally distance myself from her at all costs. Because her interest makes me uncomfortable, it becomes annoying to be the target of all the tricks she pulls to try and get me to want her. But it can be valuable info, and amusing.....to a point, for a guy seeing it for the first time, or more likely realizing what is happening for the first time.

Don't become BEST friends, else you'll end up in the "freind-zone".

If she wants you, REALLY wants you, the friend zone is a HARD place to end up. She'll either want you, or be indifferent to you, or quite possibly HATE you, if she feels that you are aware she wants you. Your'e making her feel ,that is why if I don't want her, I try my best to vanish.

If one day she breaks up with her BF, gets over it and starts looking for a new dude.

She'd be 'over it' before she dumped him. She'd be 'looking for a new dude' before she dumped him, more than likely already involved with the 'new dude' before she dumped him.

She might decide you wouldn't be so bad.

Wouldn't I be lucky?!! I have wasted my time waiting for a girl to settle for me.

No way, I might decide she wouldn't be so bad. She was 'settling' for the guy she was with, she knows it, which is why she looks for something better.

It'd be nice if girls dumped the guy they were with when their interest began to plummet. The fact is most are so insecure and will stay and use the guy to show to the world and to her potential prosepects, that she is wanted, and lusted after. Usually not until they are older, late 20's for what I've seen, will they have gained the confidence in their ability to attract, to dump one guy and be single. I like that personally, some do have that confidence younger, some I think never get it, no matter how hot she is.

The ones that have don't feel they need a guy as social proof to obtain the guy she wants. These are the type of girls we deserve. They are rare, but exist.

And some of these insecure chicks aforementioned become that type we deserve. These girls aren't always as bad as alot of guys think. They simply aren't that confident in their ablities to attract the guy she wants, if that guy is YOU, then she likely thinks you are the creme of the crop.

Will she leave you? No past behavior of any girl will guarantee she will or she won't, all risk. If you are a DJ, and know you have options, I don't see how this is such an enormous issue. You only have to date her, get in a relationship with her, marry her, whatever, if you think she is worthy, and if you want to. I'm not looking for a wife or a relationship at the moment, so these girls don't bother me. I don't go around trying to steal guys girlfriends, their girlfriends try to get me to do that.

But don't HANG around waiting for her to leave her BF. Go meet some single gals.

Agreed. However single chicks are rare. At least hot single chicks are. It's noble, and also something only men will respect, women will not , I don't care what they say, but first off they simply won't believe there are guys that won't get involved with a girl who has a boyfriend.

It's your call on whether you would or wouldn't. I've been at points where I said I never would as well. But my take has changed.

 

[Node]

Santos, I disagree.

From what I have seen, most gals that are in LTR's are there because they are somewhat comfortable or are deep down afraid that he is the best they can get. They need to be shown that there are other opertunities before they will brake up with the BF.

In my opinion if shes not married she is fair game. Chances are she has never met a DJ like yourself before, so go for it. It is your job as a DJ to show her that there is somthing better available ---YOU! Just be cairflul her BF is not MR Universe!

Good luck man

 

[TesuqueRed]

I posted about doing a search since I was too tired to go thru all that I gathered from previous appearances of this post. Crowes and company got a lot of it (still do the search you lazy b@stard!)--the only thing I can add is that once you've acquired DJ eyes, you don't need a simple rule "if she cheats on him (using the word broadly) she'll cheat on you!"

True, to a point.

I have seen both women and men trade up, cheat, play monkey girl (or guy) etc. and then meet the one person who was at the top of the ladder.

...ok, I just mixed 3 metaphors there, but give me a break...

Trajedy was when they didn't recognize they reached the top of the ladder with the person they found and kept playing too long and lost that person. And the real DJs or the real women recognized it and stopped trading up.

The DJ eyes will let you know your interest in the women and will inform you of her interest in you. And then you don't really resent the game or limit yourself to "if she cheats on him, she'll cheat on you" stuff. You'll just have a feel how real whatever you have with her is.

 

[uniassign]

Just make sure she doesn't have a psycho bf before you start your work on her.

If you want a comprehensive plan on how to go about this, email me.

 

[Batman407]

crowes and I have got the same opinion on this.

In my experience, a borefriend shouldn't even be viewed as an obstacle. Don't CB yourself... you're the man and there's no reason why she wouldn't want to have some fun with you.

 

[hitop]

I agree with a previous poster. This is a simple subject which is dredged up again and again. It is covered in the DJ Bible and in older posts. Try a search.

 

[becker]

uniassign, sounds interesting, what plan do you have?

As for everyone else, thanks for your input. I know it must be annoying reading posts about the same stuff. This is just an interesting topic for me since I can relate to it. I did a search, and those old posts didn't have what I was looking for.

I don't think that going after this girl is a good idea. I won't even consider her unless she's detached from her BF. It's sort of a turnoff for me if she's involved, but the flirting is in good fun.

 

[ATLDonJuan35]

Decisions, Decisions!!!

Well, in this case you wanna know how youwould approach this girl without stepping on toes....well this is a tough one but I think I can give you a road to go down that won't send you up Sh**'s creek without a paddle. I have a few methods you could do.

1. Ask her to go to dinner with you, not a fancy dinner or anything like that, something like Chili's, or T.G.I Friday's or something where there is a lot of people and is a good comfortable atomosphere. This will help her relax and be able to talk openly.

2. This one is more on the personal side ask her to come over and watch movies or vice versa. This will test how much she is in to you, if she is at all. Now I call this the friendly cuddle technique, this will open a gate to where she'll want to lay on you, now don't take advantage of this let her make the first move then the guilt is on her not you. Aight!!! holla back and tell me if you tried one.

 

[VeryBadGirl]

If I read the original post right, this guy is asking for *signs* that a girl with a BF is interested in him. Here they are...

Now, these go for a girl you just met recently (like in the past few months) - if we are talking about a girl you have been friends with for years, that is another story.

*accepts fake dates with you - ie, she goes out to dinner with you alone, with no pretense of meeting friends later, etc. If I meet a guy who I think would get along well in my group of friends, I don't go out to dinner with him *alone* - I invite him to a party or the bar when I know a lot of people will be there so he can meet and get to know them. 9 times out of 10, my BF will be there too. (Beware of a caveat - the moocher - she could just be accepting dinner with you for, well, a free dinner)

*doesn't mention her boyfriend the first day she meets you. When I meet a guy and we start talking, I work my BF in there as soon as humanly possible. It really isn't hard to do and it let's him know I am not on the market. If a girl flirts with you for a few hours and then mentions the BF, she may have interest.

*talks about sex with you - alone - within the first few days of knowing you. If it is a group discussion at a party or something, it doesn't count. But, if she is talking about her favorite position with you alone in the corner of a car, chances are she wants to try it out with you.

*touches you. Hugs goodbye don't count - because girls will hug anyone near then that they kind of know. If a girl is touching your arm, leg, face, etc on a pretty consistant basis (a punch on the shoulder, once, doesn't count) then she may be interested.

*never brings her BF around when you are there. If you have seen her out 4 times and never seen her boyfriend with her, chances are the relationship could be on the rocks. The couple that plays together, stays together. If she is playing a lot without him, she could be looking for a new playmate.

 

[mahon83050]

Well, I also believe alot of chicks are insecure...and yes the attractive ones too! How does that saying go...chicks are like monkeys they won't let go of a branch until they grad hold of another one. I personally believe most chicks would rather be with an unattractive man or an AFC rather than be alone. I am sure there are plenty of chicks out there in relationships who are not happy.

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by crowes22

These 'decent chicks' will cheat on the boyfriend first, and then dump him. I've gone back and forth with my opinion on this topic, but to think girls will dump their BF because the relationship is stale, be single, and 'get over it' before moving to another guy is extremely unrealistic.


I guess you're right, now that I think of it. I knew this chick once that was actually DATING guys while she was still seeing her BF, then when she found one she liked she dumped her BF. I guess chicks hate being single so they just sit tight and wait for something better.


If she wants you, REALLY wants you, the friend zone is a HARD place to end up. She'll either want you, or be indifferent to you, or quite possibly HATE you, if she feels that you are aware she wants you. Your'e making her feel ,that is why if I don't want her, I try my best to vanish.


Makes sense.


Will she leave you? No past behavior of any girl will guarantee she will or she won't, all risk. If you are a DJ, and know you have options, I don't see how this is such an enormous issue. You only have to date her, get in a relationship with her, marry her, whatever, if you think she is worthy, and if you want to. I'm not looking for a wife or a relationship at the moment, so these girls don't bother me. I don't go around trying to steal guys girlfriends, their girlfriends try to get me to do that.


I suppose if you're a good DJ then your GF will stay. Thanks a lot for your input, I am still a recovering AFC so I appreciate the information you gave.

Regards
Santos

 

[crowes22]

If I read the original post right, this guy is asking for *signs* that a girl with a BF is interested in him. Here they are...

Hey VBG, it's been a while. Your'e right he was asking for signs.

The DJ eyes will let you know your interest in the women and will inform you of her interest in you. And then you don't really resent the game or limit yourself to "if she cheats on him, she'll cheat on you" stuff. You'll just have a feel how real whatever you have with her is.

This is so true Tesque Red, the DJ eyes part, it opens up a whole new world. What I find funny is the women STILL think you are clueless, since most men are. I find it hilarious to sit back and watch all the things they pull, often to the point of where I can't help but bust out laughing for no reason (of course there is a reason, but I keep it to myself).

*touches you. Hugs goodbye don't count - because girls will hug anyone near then that they kind of know. If a girl is touching your arm, leg, face, etc on a pretty consistant basis (a punch on the shoulder, once, doesn't count) then she may be interested.

Definetly, VBG I don't have time to add much, and there isn't much to add that isn't on this site somewhere, so I'll just offer my thoughts on a couple things you said.

*talks about sex with you - alone - within the first few days of knowing you. If it is a group discussion at a party or something, it doesn't count. But, if she is talking about her favorite position with you alone in the corner of a car, chances are she wants to try it out with you.

Absolutely, I agree 100%.

*doesn't mention her boyfriend the first day she meets you. When I meet a guy and we start talking, I work my BF in there as soon as humanly possible. It really isn't hard to do and it let's him know I am not on the market. If a girl flirts with you for a few hours and then mentions the BF, she may have interest.

For the most part I agree with this, some girls will throw the BF line in ASAP, as VBG said, to let you know she is taken, but..........

If she has put herself in your line of sight, and you went on about your business, as if you really didn't take notice of her (most guys will stare, gawk, follow her, try to talk to her immediately, etc) this can change things a bit.

If you haven't had a convo w/ her yet, but the previous has occured, don't be surprised if the BF is mentioned the first time you talk with her, likely called by her "my boyfriend" , not a name. He will likely have no point/place/purpose in the convo, but she mentioned the clown to YOU anyway. A girl did this exact thing to me last week as we discussed how the light was out on our stariwell in the apt. complex we both live in. She began a sentence stating an action the BF took (credit Pook) on the dark stairwell, but stopped making no point of the sentence, her point had been made. She then started grilling me w/ questions, I had to end the convo and leave.

*never brings her BF around when you are there.

Agree, unless she has given you a chance and you didn't bite. If she still thinks you are interested, but for some reason haven't made a move yet, she may use the loser BF as social proof, she wants you to see her with a guy that wants her because she wants YOU to want her. She thinks you think she isn't desired, or desirable enough.

If this happens to you, go start talking, being buddies w/ her freakin loser borefriend. If this doesn't bother her, she isn't interested in you.

If she is intersted in you, you'll see what happens, but put on an iron clad straight face because I personally find it hillariuos.

 

[becker]

VeryBadGirl, are you one of the probably rare girls who frequent this board? Thanks for your input; I'm sure it helps to actually hear from someone from the opposite sex on such a subject.

Just saw this girl today. I've known this girl for a while, 2 1/2 years or so, but until now, nothing more than just a casual basis. She never mentioned a BF for as long as I've known her, and by the way she acted, it sort of seemed like she didn't have one. Anyways, I invited her to do something with me on Valentine's Day (nothing romantic, just more of a friends thing, since I felt that if she didn't have a BF, she'd just be alone) but she told me it was very nice of me to invite her, but she had plans with her BF. Does this seem like the type of situation that you talked about where if the girl mentions her BF then she's probably not interested?

We've done small insignificant things together. I seriously can't tell whether she's interested. She does have good eye contact, smiles a lot more than she normally does, and the conversation flows nicely.

I enjoy hanging out with her, and would like to do it more, but how do you tell a girl that without making it sound like you're asking her on a date or something? I haven't had a lot of female "friends" before, so it's sort of awkward how to go about it, because whatever you do, it seems like you're interested romantically, even if she has a BF (I thought it'd be easier since she did, but it's not). I just don't want to make things awkward by giving her the impression that I'm asking her on a date. I guess this is sort of a question on how to be "anti-DJ".

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by uniassign
Just make sure she doesn't have a psycho bf before you start your work on her.

If you want a comprehensive plan on how to go about this, email me.

Actually, why don't you post here? Some of the best threads have been from guys who posted on this subject, or--the very best---on how to get out of the LJBF zone.

Don't get stingy on us.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Originally posted by uniassign
Just make sure she doesn't have a psycho bf before you start your work on her.

If you want a comprehensive plan on how to go about this, email me.

I agree completely with this. Don't get TOO confident, because I can assure you its not too hard to get a bunch of friends with balaclavas to beat up some guy with baseball bats.

So if shes dating Mario "F*ckwithmeandyoudie" Morzellini, then you'd better take care.

 

[1-2-3]

Girl has bf, what to do?

I met this girl and we hooked up for a little. She invited me over also a little after. It turns out she lied to me and she really has a bf. She was saying how she was sorry about it. She said they've been dating for a little more than a year. She also said they fight a lot sometimes and that they may be breaking up b/c they might go to different schools. She keeps telling me i'm awesome and stuff and i really like her. when we're together she holds my hand and stuff and sometimes touches me. is there anything i can or should do?

 

[1-2-3]

^^