Girls who are close friends with their exes: your verdict?

[Fela Kuti]

After reading a Doc Love article that basically says you shouldn't get serious with a girl who's still in contact with her ex, I remember that I dated this girl who's close friends with her ex. They broke up 5 years ago because of distance and now they still communicate often, even Skype-ing once in a while. She once told me that they're just close friends and I shouldn't worry. Now I'm not seeing that girl anymore but I'm just curious what should've I done when I knew she's close friends with her ex? And what's the general verdict for girls who're close friends with their exes? Thanks.

 

[iwanttofight]

F*ck that. I wouldn't want my girl doing that sh*t. Come on they are not "just friends". They f*cked each other probably hundreds of times. Evertime you go down south on your girl you imagine you girl's X boyfriend been in that same hole hundred of times. F*ck that, no way I would deal with that sh*t.

 

[Fela Kuti]

F*ck that. I wouldn't want my girl doing that sh*t. Come on they are not "just friends". They f*cked each other probably hundreds of times. Evertime you go down south on your girl you imagine you girl's X boyfriend been in that same hole hundred of times. F*ck that, no way I would deal with that sh*t.

haha, he's actually in another country, dude. he hasn't returned since his departure 6 years ago. she's the one who broke up with him because she said she hates distance. but anyway that's beside the point.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Easy Question.... Don't get serious with her. There is a reason they are still "close."

 

[BlackMack177]

As a man who's still 'close' friends with his ex, I'm gonna say it's not usually a good idea to get serious with these girls.

There is a difference between being close and just being cool. I have no problem with a girl being cool with her exes, but if she's still hangin with him every day and shares everything with him then she's more than likely banging this dude. Like said before, there is a reason they're still close.

Girls swing from guy to guy. They won't let one go until they got a tight hold on another one. So any girl who's still close with her ex means she still wants him

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Anytime I've been "still close" with an ex, it's cause they wanted me. I don't know if this applies to all women.. But that's my experience.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Technically it's not wrong. Practically it's very fishy.

I would let her know I didn't like the relationship and see how she takes it. Dump her ass if it gets stupid.

I would also want to meet the guy and just ask him whats up with you two? I don't think the question would need to much explanation. See what he says...

I have very little patience for this BS...

 

[perseverance]

That's a red flag to me, I wouldn't enter a relationship with a woman still in regular contact with her ex.

I have seen too many women hook up with a new fella only to be seeing her ex behind his back to tolerate the potential for the same thing to happen to me.

 

[bigneil]

The key question is: who dumped who? If he dumped her, she is still involved (at least emotionally) and you are at his mercy. If she dumped him, then she's just using him to make you jealous.

 

[st_99]

Well, if my LTR ex was still talking to me, emailing me, wanting to hang with me. Guess what, I'd feel like her current boyfriend is a chump and is being totally disprespected. Now, if she is just still in the dating phase with the other guys, thats fine. But if its her boyfriend of a say, 6 months or so, then yeah, thats not good.

 

[Delly2000]

Yeah. That sounds like a problem. Listen to Doc love. Its just a waste of time. If a girl is still close friends with someone she banged already. Big red flag. And major disrespect to you. You did the right thing to move on. Let that be someone elses head up.

I dated a girl in this category. It just makes things complicated. She says they are just friends. They be talking on the phone or hanging out. I don't tolerate that at all now. I write it off real quick.

 

[5string]

By simply creating this thread, the OP knows it's bad news.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

5 minutes of Alpha trumps 5 years of Beta. When a woman is still 'close friends' with her Ex usually it's because he did the dumping – which is the ultimate in DHV. In most scenarios the Ex was the most Alpha guy she knows and she's clinging to that energy until she finds a suitable substitute. If she's still 'close' with the Ex while you're dating her, you're NOT the substitute she's looking for.

If you need a crystal ball, read how this guy's story ends:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=187684

 

[Htienvu]

I am glad OP made this thread, never had this happening to me but I know how to deal with it if it does.

 

[Fela Kuti]

I would let her know I didn't like the relationship and see how she takes it. Dump her ass if it gets stupid.

I would also want to meet the guy and just ask him whats up with you two? I don't think the question would need to much explanation. See what he says...

hmmm doesn't that sound over the top? that screams jealousy IMO.

 

[bigneil]

If she's still 'close' with the Ex while you're dating her, you're NOT the substitute she's looking for.

I agree, but remember that early in the relationship, no matter how charming or handsome you are, the ex still has the upper hand if he dumped her. This is simple human nature: you want her and he doesn't so he seems (to her) to have higher value.

Often she will be on the rebound and will come on really strong, but only because she is pretending you are him.

For example, did you ever lose a pet and get another pet right away? You then find they just aren't the same? Even if over the long run you grow to like the second one better, at first you are simply trying to force a replacement.

Sometimes you can overcome the ex having the upper hand with time. However, after 3 dates or so, if she's still talking about him then she likes him better. Dump her immediately.

 

[rhcp83]

A girl I was dating dumped her ex (she said he started to be extra needy) but it was clear she still had feelings for him. One time we were fooling around in her car and then someone calls after(I figure it's a family member or something) so I hear "You with your new boyfriend?" in the kind of way a parent would say to a girl to make her blush and she said "Oh just with my friend Rhcp83" and she was smiling over the call. Granted we weren't official, just seeing each other...but I regret not calling her out on it. We didn't end up dating much longer anyway.

To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she got back with him. I saw his pics and heard all about him...he wasn't alpha at all...very short, needy etc., but for whatever reason she "loved" him.

But my point is...I wouldn't do it again...date a girl that wasn't over her ex. Ironically, I'd talk about her a lot from being not over her with other women and they'd be like "You talk about your ex a lot." So it's not a good thing for either side.

 

[Fela Kuti]

what if a girl confides to her ex about you or her love life? doesn't that mean the ex is already deep in the friend zone?

 

[st_99]

what if a girl confides to her ex about you or her love life? doesn't that mean the ex is already deep in the friend zone?

Nope. My LTR ex used to talk to me about the new guy she was currently in a relationship with and I would humor her, didn't care, offered my opinion about him, etc. Problem is she was always trying to get me to go over her house and f*ck her. She
was practically begging me to bang her. I never took the bait cuz i was totally over her and didn't even care to bang her.

She ended up moving in with this new guy and they are still together i think. Funny thing is this guy has no idea what was going on, but I guess it really doesn't matter from his perspective. What you don't know wont hurt you I suppose.

 

[Aaron B]

She can have wonderful awesome me in her life, or she can have her ex.

Her choice.

She can't have both.

She doesn't dictate to me.

My only choice is to accept it or leave. I choose not to accept it, and amazingly, it doesn't happen.

Funny how that works out.

When I started dating my ex-wife, she kept mentioning this other guy she had been seeing. And this was back in my AFC days. At first I blew it off, then after she had brought it up several times that she had been seeing this other guy, I just told her straight up:

"Go ahead and do that then. If you want him that's fine with me. But I'm not going to hang around while you try to make up your mind."

In retrospect it might have been better if she had chosen him instead, but that's another story.