Girls shows up to date with her friend waiting in the car

[omkara]

So I had a date a couple weeks ago with a shady online hookup. We had good rapport initially through text. (That is my way of getting girls to feel comfortable. By the way I've never had a girl flake using this method.) Anyway, like the title says, she shows up and I find out that her friend who dropped her off is outside in the car waiting for her, just to make sure things go ok.

I'm sure the friend would have left if things went ok between us, but I think this is starting off on the wrong foot. It puts me in a place where I'm practically having to convince her to stay, against her friend who is probably placing doubts in her mind and already has her loyalty. What would you have done to defuse this situation? I pretty much just ignored it at the time and didn't react. I just said, yeah I know how that goes. Thought of calling her out later but that probably wouldn't have worked either.

More generally, has anyone noticed the increasing trend of paranoia among women now? I mean some of it is justified, with the crazy experiences women have. On the other hand, it is because a lot of women make horrible decisions about what guys to date. They'll agree to go out with a pathological liar who tells them what they want to hear, while passing on a decent guy who doesn't have all the flashy traits.

The other day I was emailing some chick and we were talking about going out and she says, 'if you're not at all like your pictures or end up being insane i'll deal with that nonsense later.' I have pretty much never misrepresented myself to women to get laid. So I dont' feel like I should be obliged to reassure her. I am not a person who's afraid to take risks. Yet I am having to deal with people who seem to want to go from comfort zone to comfort zone throughout life and never really take any risks. Does anyone have any perspective on this or advice on how to make these women feel comfortable without trying to justify myself?

 

[jhl]

against her friend who is probably placing doubts in her mind and already has her loyalty. What would you have done to defuse this situation? I pretty much just ignored it at the time and didn't react.

If your date is having doubts, no amount of convincing is going to completely reassure her to think that you are not a creep. Why? Because once your girl and her friend get together when you aren't around, her friend is going to cast a seed of doubt into your girl's mind by talking all kinds of nonsense about you.

If you want this girl that badly and are willing to go through the trouble, what you must do is to get every one of these ****blockers together and establish comfort and DHV (and in the process also show that you aren't a freak to her friend and all ****blockers. So essentially you gotta show you are a cool, high value guy and establish (without an ounce of doubt) that you are no creep. If her friends buy it then it gets so much easier from that point onwards.

As to the paranoia of girls....several of my female friends (some of who are hot and some not) are on online dating sites like match.com and POF. Every single one of them have shown me the chat dialogue with these guys and I'm appalled by the creepy behavior and statements of all these whacko AFCs who don't have a clue on how they should interact with women...let me take that back. They don't have a clue about human interaction period.

A lot of people on this forum talk about the flakiness of girls these days....and one of the serious underlying problems is because of this f'ing creepy behavior by all these AFCs. Once a girl experiences this, many many become extremely guarded and it's no surprise they will do whatever it takes to make sure you aren't one of those guys.

As much as I hate flakiness, I also hate these type of guys with a passion because it makes my life that more difficult when getting women.

 

[omkara]

To be honest, I am barely charming enough to win over one girl, what to speak of winning over her and her friend at the same time. And I don't really care about this girl. I would rather just try to find nicer ones. This experience did kind of mess me up for about 2 weeks though. She was pretty much breaking rapport with me from the minute she got there. We had agreed to go see some jazz music (which was actually funk), and she tells me "I don't like jazz. At all."

I made no effort to oblige her and after about 5 minutes told her she can go if she wants. And then she tells me 'you're a nice guy and all...' WTF? She's giving me some lame cliche speech whose sole intention is to make her feel better for weaseling out of a commitment. No I don't want to waste time on this kind of girls. This whole experience has made me want to increase my rate of seeking out new targets, and maybe start stacking dates.

 

[The Duke]

I've had 2 girls pull the "i'm bringing a friend" at the last minute. Twice I've allowed it. I think they do it because of uncertainty in you. So in the future when it happens I am refusing to allow the date to happen at that point in time. We can just continue to talk/text on the phone until she convinces herself that I'm "ok" to go out with. Once I got to know these girls fairly well they both were lacking in social skills! I don't want a girl like that. If you lack social skills you will also lack relationship skills! And both did.

I'm also only going to invest so much to generate comfort before I go out with somebody. If I feel I have invested enough and they are still not comfortable then tough **** for them. Its not all about them. Is it a woman's world or a man's world? Sometimes I wonder why men are so desperate to give into women. I'm the prize, not them.

Its also flakeyness, I don't want to be messing around with some girl who isn't totally into me. Those types are a waste of time.

 

[jhl]

I've had 2 girls pull the "i'm bringing a friend" at the last minute. Twice I've allowed it. I think they do it because of uncertainty in you. So in the future when it happens I am refusing to allow the date to happen at that point in time. We can just continue to talk/text on the phone until she convinces herself that I'm "ok" to go out with. Once I got to know these girls fairly well they both were lacking in social skills! I don't want a girl like that. If you lack social skills you will also lack relationship skills! And both did.

I'm also only going to invest so much to generate comfort before I go out with somebody. If I feel I have invested enough and they are still not comfortable then tough **** for them. Its not all about them. Is it a woman's world or a man's world? Sometimes I wonder why men are so desperate to give into women. I'm the prize, not them.

Its also flakeyness, I don't want to be messing around with some girl who isn't totally into me. Those types are a waste of time.

A completely possible scenario. Good post.

 

[window]

I cant see a problem if her friend was just dropping her off if it was a first meet with a stranger. If however she made the assumption that it was ok to bring another person without asking you first I would have just said thanks but no thanks. I had an online chick want to set up a first meet at an open air gathering where she'd be with a few of her friends (can you imagine lol). I thought this would suck so told her not interested but happy to meet her for a coffee by herself. She came back to me and said ok no problem.

 

[omkara]

Her friend was waiting in the car, in an undisclosed location, until she gave her the ok to leave. And she didn't even tell me this right away. It came up in the course of conversation. It was super creepy, in a reverse sort of way.

I think if this happened again, I'd call them out on it. "you brought your friend on a date?" It also means that she had told her friend about our convos. I consider it a sign of low character for girls to talk about their personal life to their friends, if they just met someone. I could call em out on that too. Of course the first time this happened I was completely not expecting it. Certain variations of this had happened to me, but they usually involved someone texting them to see if they were alright--not waiting in the car.

As you said it was a total non-starter to begin with. Total lack of character.

 

[Zarky]

If you're dating 15 year olds then it's understandable.

 

[DanelMadr]

What to do? Basically you have to chloroform them both or the other one calls the cops, before you get her friend to the van.

I once was in a situation similar to this....girl with a bodyguard/girlfriend. I asked them that I was wondering, if they are trying for a 3some. Well, it didn't really helped....her girlfriend showed up the next time too, only now she was more flirting with me. So the girl brought another girlfriend on the next date. I ended up talking to her friend and she(original) started crying and told us "Go ahead, I can leave you alone if you want me to." It did not cure her however. I had like 2 dates alone with her and another 5 with her girlfriends present. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. In my example I wasn't really trying to assure her of my undying love, so I can't really blame her. Funny thing is when I first met her I showed her my ID in order to gain her trust :]

 

[DanelMadr]

Her friend was waiting in the car, in an undisclosed location, until she gave her the ok to leave. And she didn't even tell me this right away. It came up in the course of conversation. It was super creepy, in a reverse sort of way.

I think if this happened again, I'd call them out on it. "you brought your friend on a date?" It also means that she had told her friend about our convos. I consider it a sign of low character for girls to talk about their personal life to their friends, if they just met someone. I could call em out on that too. Of course the first time this happened I was completely not expecting it. Certain variations of this had happened to me, but they usually involved someone texting them to see if they were alright--not waiting in the car.

As you said it was a total non-starter to begin with. Total lack of character.

You are taking it way too seriously and way too personal. Make fun of her.
I guess you don't like her that much do you? Be a little forgiving...she is just a girl after all. And you can be the protector....once you are cleared not to be a predator.:yes:

 

[squirrels]

Online dating, huh?

You would not BELIEVE the "weirdos" girls run into. And a lot of it is a result of the kind of crap they teach on these forums.

"Put this in your profile"
"Say you're this kind of person"
"Send her this in E-mail"

Then when she meets you, you're still a shy little dork who loves anime and is angry at the world and expects automatic sex on the first date because he delivered the lines he was told to on SoSuave.com. Awkwardly and almost comically, but he delivered them and now he's p!ssed because he's not losing his virginity.

Might want to take a little bit more time to build rapport with a girl before you start asking them out on dates...maybe they'll be less afraid.

 

[brian123]

Maybe I am missing something, but was this your 1st or 2nd date with the girl? If it was, she may have been there just for safety reasons. If the whole "is this guy a serial killer" type of thing was out of the way, then obviously there are different issues.

I'd have handeled it with some type of joke like "I'm glad your friend waited out in the car, I didn't want to buy a 3rd person dinner."

 

[brian123]

Maybe I am missing something, but was this your 1st or 2nd date with the girl? If it was, she may have been there just for safety reasons. If the whole "is this guy a serial killer" type of thing was out of the way, then obviously there are different issues.

I'd have handeled it with some type of joke like "I'm glad your friend waited out in the car, I didn't want to buy a 3rd person dinner."

 

[omkara]

It was a first date. I think Daniel was right and I was just taking it too personally. I mean of course no one wants to be thought of as a potential serial killer. But they don't really know me. They only know what they have seen of me so far.

I agree, playing it off with humor is the best I think. A playful neg may have worked also. "what are you fifteen or something?" haha

 

[logic1]

I would go the route of bantering with the ......I expect a threesome at the end of the night............And when they laughed or said yell right......I would have said Im fricken serious.

 

[vatoloco]

The thing is, with so many psychos out there, people have to be careful. However, if a woman is so adamant about bringing a bodyguard, chaperone, etc., then she either doesn't really dig you and is just going out for the free dinner and to be entertained OR she'd damaged goods (she's had too many bad experiences and guess who's gonna be paying for them? ).

When I do the online thing, I ask them to meet me in a public place for about 30-mins to an hour. If they're not willing to do that, I move on.

When a woman "threatens" me that she's gonna bring a friend, I know that either she doesn't dig or she's shit-testing me. Depending on my intuition, I bow out and/or play with her:

"Sure thing sweetheart. Just do me a favor..."
"What's that?"
"Just make sure that she's less attractive than you."
"Why!?"
"Because if she's cuter than you, I might just go for her instead!"

 

[Falcon25]

I wish I had a friend in the car waiting to save me from the psycho bitvch last week. There's safety in numbers.

 

[Solomon]

If you're dating 15 year olds then it's understandable.

lol

I remember when I was 19, I met a girl on a social networking site, she insisted on bringing her friend along (she was 17 @ the time) we met at a mall 40 minutes away. It was awkward, it was her and her fat friend, needless to say afterwards she wasn't feeling me but her fat friend was(this is after I dropped $40 on her and a teddy bear like a simp).