Girls reactions to rape.......

[CLOONEY]

Hey guys (and girls), just a quick question, my current girlfriend was raped about 3 years ago, however never sought help for it. She did not report it at the time for numerous reasons and has been dealing with it ever since. She has no intention to report it to the police now, but I strongly suggested she seek help for it. She started her counselling today and seemed very very distant after it. Do you guys think I did the right thing? I know very well of anchoring, and think maybe because I strongly suggested she did it, she may somehow relate me to the bad thoughts when doing it, and me talking to her about it and helping her through it may damage the relationship because of it. Any opinions? Maybe I should just back off and let her go through it on her own? Although to me, this would seem cold. I really have no experience with this kind of thing before, perhaps some of you guys who have could help in some way with some advice........

Cheers

 

[( . )( . )]

Considering every 2nd chick nowadays was "raped" or knows of someone who has her own "rape" story, I take all that sh!t with a grain of salt now. This goes double for chicks who were "raped" but never reported it.

I suggest staying away from all that stuff, thats her business and I personally would never bring it up and if and when she brings it up acknowledge her cry for attention , give her an emotional pat on the head and then change the subject. Your not her therapist.

edit: lol I just said "therapist".

Sean Connery: It looks like this is my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapists" for $200.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/97/97tjeopardy.phtml

 

[Wyldfire]

You should never push anyone to get help until they are ready to be helped. As she drags up all the very unpleasant memories she's going to have a lot of pain, fear and messed up emotions. That's very painful for a person and there's a good chance she'll resent you for pushing her.

It's great that you want her to get help, but as with an alcoholic or an addict...pushing can make matters much worse than they would otherwise be.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
You should never push anyone to get help until they are ready to be helped. As she drags up all the very unpleasant memories she's going to have a lot of pain, fear and messed up emotions. That's very painful for a person and there's a good chance she'll resent you for pushing her.

It's great that you want her to get help, but as with an alcoholic or an addict...pushing can make matters much worse than they would otherwise be.

Yeah, fukc, thats exactly what I thought.

Question is, what to do now?

 

[Evangenlion]

she would have had to deal with it some time or other, better now then later.

anyway, your gonna be in the mix, be prepared for many many bad days. ohhh the screaming, the shouting and crying lol run run.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Yeah, fukc, thats exactly what I thought.

Question is, what to do now?

Your best bet would be to tell her that you realize you may have pushed her into therapy before she was ready to go and you're sorry. Then tell her you'll support her choice to either keep going or stop going, whichever she chooses.

As long as her past isn't having a negative impact on your relationship, she might not need therapy. Some women are able to cope with this kind of thing without therapy. It depends on the person and the circumstances surrounding the rape. The more violent a rape is, the harder it is to get over for a woman. If her life was at risk that makes it far worse as well.

Kudos to you for not taking the attitude some here take about rape. Althouth there are a few women who lie, most aren't lying. Rape is a humiliating crime and some people like to blame the woman who got raped. A woman doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING by coming forward about being raped.

Just be supportive and let her deal with what has happened to her in whatever way she feels is best for her. And again, as long as it doesn't impact your relationship negatively you should leave it be.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
Considering every 2nd chick nowadays was "raped" or knows of someone who has her own "rape" story, I take all that sh!t with a grain of salt now. This goes double for chicks who were "raped" but never reported it.

I suggest staying away from all that stuff, thats her business and I personally would never bring it up and if and when she brings it up acknowledge her cry for attention , give her an emotional pat on the head and then change the subject. Your not her therapist.

edit: lol I just said "therapist".

Sean Connery: It looks like this is my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapists" for $200.
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/97/97tjeopardy.phtml

Why am I not surprised you think the majority of women lie about being raped?

Pathetic...

 

[RonBurgundy]

Get rid of her

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Your best bet would be to tell her that you realize you may have pushed her into therapy before she was ready to go and you're sorry. Then tell her you'll support her choice to either keep going or stop going, whichever she chooses.

As long as her past isn't having a negative impact on your relationship, she might not need therapy. Some women are able to cope with this kind of thing without therapy. It depends on the person and the circumstances surrounding the rape. The more violent a rape is, the harder it is to get over for a woman. If her life was at risk that makes it far worse as well.

Kudos to you for not taking the attitude some here take about rape. Althouth there are a few women who lie, most aren't lying. Rape is a humiliating crime and some people like to blame the woman who got raped. A woman doesn't stand to gain ANYTHING by coming forward about being raped.

Just be supportive and let her deal with what has happened to her in whatever way she feels is best for her. And again, as long as it doesn't impact your relationship negatively you should leave it be.

Perfect advice, thanks Wyld! I actually pointed out the same thing to her, said she has come such a long way since then, (she used to wear baggy clothes all the time years ago, because she was scared of being noticed, now wears things most girls are still afraid to wear). She is far less self-concious now, and like I said to her, she is happy with her life now, and doesnt stand to gain that much from therapy. She thought about it, and all the pain she will go through when there is not much extra to her life she COULD gain from it. In the end, she didnt say one way or the other, but she appears to me to not be going through with the therapy, and seems very very releived that she doesnt have too. She said she was doing it for her, but it was obvious deep down she was doing it for me. Oh well, hopefully this one blows over now and things get back to normal. Thanks again, probably just saved a very good relationship with your advice!

Cheers

Oh and as far as girls saying they have been raped, yeah girls with real big insecurity issues do this, to get attention. However, this girl definately does not need attention. And as Wyld pointed out, she stood to gain NOTHING from saying she was raped.

Thanks again.

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Perfect advice, thanks Wyld!
Oh and as far as girls saying they have been raped, yeah girls with real big insecurity issues do this, to get attention. However, this girl definately does not need attention. And as Wyld pointed out, she stood to gain NOTHING from saying she was raped.

Thanks again.

Under what circumstances was she raped? She was just walking down the street minding her own business and BAM some dude jumps out of the shadows, holds her down against her will, and goes at it ?

Or, (99 % of so called rapes), both members were drunk and or stoned, one thing led to another, and ... sh!t happens. Basically, buyer's remorse, and woman is p!ssed that there's no return poicy.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by CLOONEY
Perfect advice, thanks Wyld! I actually pointed out the same thing to her, said she has come such a long way since then, (she used to wear baggy clothes all the time years ago, because she was scared of being noticed, now wears things most girls are still afraid to wear). She is far less self-concious now, and like I said to her, she is happy with her life now, and doesnt stand to gain that much from therapy. She thought about it, and all the pain she will go through when there is not much extra to her life she COULD gain from it. In the end, she didnt say one way or the other, but she appears to me to not be going through with the therapy, and seems very very releived that she doesnt have too. She said she was doing it for her, but it was obvious deep down she was doing it for me. Oh well, hopefully this one blows over now and things get back to normal. Thanks again, probably just saved a very good relationship with your advice!

Cheers

Oh and as far as girls saying they have been raped, yeah girls with real big insecurity issues do this, to get attention. However, this girl definately does not need attention. And as Wyld pointed out, she stood to gain NOTHING from saying she was raped.

Thanks again.

Glad to be of help, Clooney. Good luck and I hope things work out the way you want them to.

 

[Wyldfire]

Again...it depends entirely on how the woman deals with things that will determine whether or not a past rape will affect her relationships.

The women who tend to have difficulties embrace victimhood. Women who are survivors and move on with their lives are fully capable of having good, healthy relationships and raising healthy, happy children.

Clooney knows his situation best and which applies to this girl. We should leave him to making that determination on his own because he's the one who actually knows the woman best.

 

[Wyldfire]

She only sought out professional help because he pushed her to.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

Here are some statistics that's being pulled outta my ass, but I wouldn't doubt that it could be true but it also explains why women game us, test us, get b1tchy around us:

More than 75% of women you date may have been groped, stalked, grabbed at.

Around 50% of women you date may have been forcibly done things sexually against their will (this is not rape, something like molesting or making the girl do a blojobs when she doesn't like it.)

Less than 25% of women you date may have been raped not violently but by force by their loved ones (husband, boyfriends, associates, friends.) They didn't have a knife to their throats, but they were forced to have sex and "gave in" because obviously the male species is stronger and bigger than the female.

About 10% of women you date may have been violently raped by force by strangers or even their loved ones.

Sexual violence happens to men very rarely, that's why some men out there laugh at off because they've never experienced it. But it's true what OneArmDeeJay says about raped women, I've dated two women that told me they were raped by their boyfriends. These same women were very quick and defensive when they spoke to me, and they played hella mind games to see what kind of a man I was. I tried to give my heart when they wouldn't give theirs, Just know what you'll be getting into, if the girl uses rape as a baggage against you, it's better left alone than dealing with something you never brought on to her.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I dont feel like the flame war...

 

[CLOONEY]

As far as sexually, this girl will do more than practically any other girl I have been with. So far a nurses uniform, a police uniform and a school girls uniform. She does every position, and has huge lungs for screaming down the house!

She has cried twice, once because she saw the guy, and once because his sister applied for a job at her work (she went to school with the guy who did it, it happened after a football game).

She does not like people sneaking up on her, and jumps when someone touches her on the shoulder if she doesnt know they are there. That is it, nothing too hard to deal with. Other than that, she is very happy, doesnt use it to get away with anything, has no problem showing a lot of affection and love!

It was 3 years ago, and apparently for the first year she was very moody and hard to get along with. However, she has obviously come a long way from that girl, and the one who woudl only wear baggy clothes. She even got dressed up in her schoolgirls uniform in a public toilet, to come out just to make me laugh and happy cause I was telling her to wear it for ages!

So na, its not causing too many problems, and she is not doing the counselling now, dont think there is really a need and its definately not worth the risk considering how far she has come and how much damage it may perhaps cause compared to the small amount of good it COULD do!

As far as not looking after kids, lol, this girl has the most nurturing nature I have ever met (hence why I am keeping her around), she does it automatically and appears to me to make for a great mother! She works with a lot of kids at work who all love her, she was rated the best manager there (works full-time, and studies full-time). So she is definately not the crazy emotional monstor like it appears some rape victims become.