Girl's on her game...how to stick to mine?

[The Comeback Kid]

When I return to school in a couple weeks, I plan on asking a girl I like out (I'll have to call, but that's not the point). She was in a couple of classes with me last semester, and for the most part we had pretty good rapport. She's friendly, she's respectable (so not a slvt like a lot of college girls), and we have similar interests. I get some good IOI's from her, such as eye contact, smiling, and we can both hold a conversation (featuring ball-busting on both ends). There's one thing though...as of late, she's been on her game, and trying to read her is harder than it's ever been before!

I've completely been myself around her, for better or for worse. The good thing about this is that I am usually a pretty confident person (I speak well and am decisive), everything I do is genuine, I'm outgoing and upbeat, and I mix in some good C+F. Most importantly, I'm not predicable...I don't act/react like most conventional guys when she employs some of her tests. The bad part about all this is, since I'm not perfect, there are some speed bumps. I need to escalate more kino (she's kino'ed me more than I've kino'ed her), some of my jokes miss the mark, and it's not really hard to tell if I'm stumped/caught off-guard about something.

Back to her though...a couple months ago - when I didn't know her as well as I do now - she told me she was busy before Thanksgiving Break when I had asked about meeting up once. I didn't let it get to me though...I didn't change one bit. Ever since, we've actually talked more, and I know her more than I did earlier, we're more comfortable around one another (we usually only interacted on the days we had classes together). As this whole thing progressed...I began to notice some possible game-playing by her. One time, she basically ignored me during a break in one of our classes (talked to a couple other guys nearby), only to come over, sit and start talking to me for a bit at the end of class when everyone was just hanging out.

A week or so later, she texted me about her needing a video camera even though she knows others in the class more than me (my partner and I signed one out, she forgot to)...only to tell me the night before she found one, but thanks anyway (I told her she could borrow it the one day we weren't using it). A few days later, during finals week, she initiated some playful banter via text (she was busting me about something).

I'm on break now, and I figured I'd try to establish some sort of contact once during the four weeks we have off - we live on opposite sides of the country, so no chance of seeing her. This past week, I sent her a C+F text regarding something that recently happened. She fired back right away, soon after/eventually she said, "I'm at a bar right now, so all the kids will have fun when I go out". My response was alright ("haha nice to see your sense of humor, no surprise you'd be at a bar "...she is a few months older than me and just turned 21, so she likes rubbing that in lol), but I have no idea what she was trying to do here with the "kids will have fun when I go out" part.

My buddy, who is good at deciphering this stuff, thinks she likes to socialize with people at the bar (kids = ones with fake IDs?), makes them think they have a chance, but in reality she's only playing with them. Now this raises a question in my mind...is she just playing with me for the possible attention like with these bar guys, or is it possible I have a chance here (again, I plan on calling her to ask her out when I'm back at school)? I ask this because according to my friend, she's playing with the guys at the bar, and if he is correct - why would she tell me this?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

I know this ended up being a little lengthier than I though, I just wanted to provide some background on the situation so I don't need to make 100 posts about the same girl before I even ask her out.

Basically the question I have was fueled by that last comment she sent me...why would she tell me that she's at the bar playing games with guys or "kids" there? More importantly, looking at things from a whole, does it seem like she is just playing games with me for the attention, or do I actually have a good shot here?

 

[DJCorleone]

Seems like you're well too focused on this ONE girl...i'd move on straight away...

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Seems like you're well too focused on this ONE girl...i'd move on straight away...

Yeah I'd agree that I'm a little too focused on her here. There's a reason for that though.

You see, I'm not great at routinely clicking well with girls even though I make an effort to get along with everyone. I'm not a "nice guy" and stay true to myself, but I'm closer to being one than being a jerk. I'd say my general weaknesses around girls could be that I'm a little shy at first, I can be a bit stubborn, and I overthink things, but other than that there really isn't much else. Regardless, I somehow unleash plenty of girls' anger - I've been blasted on several occasions for no real reason, some of them hold grudges, and other girls who I don't even know keep their distance even though I never actually did anything wrong (my friends are similar to me and they do just fine)! A recent example...a girl I had introduced to my friends was trying to sleep at a party, a few of my friends and I were a little loud near her room, she had enough of it, she only comes after me and was furious! My friends got off scot-free and she would actually like to see them again? She'd have to be a moron to think they weren't doing anything, when they in fact were doing more of the noise-making than I was. Another time, one of my good friends called a girl and was making fun of her for something big she screwed up (botched a relay in the Section track meet)...the next day at school I get bombed about this, even though I wasn't even involved!

Back to this girl...there is a reason why I'd be so focused on her. Two months ago, I got stood up by another girl, and I was sick of things like this routinely happening. I wanted to take my mind off girls after that (for the reasons I provided above too), UNLESS the girl: 1.) Is very respectable/responsible - something not a ton of college girls are, 2.) easygoing and friendly/not moody 3.) shared similar interests and had things in common, and 4.) had a good personality that would mesh very well with mine (some girls have good personalities but we don't get along). So yeah, I made some pretty tough standards for the time being (temporarily)...but this girl I like now has hit all four of the "requirements," so I wanted to give this a shot.

This is all background though...my two main questions regarding this girl: 1.) Why would she seemingly tell me she's playing mind games with the guys (or ones with fake IDs) at the bars? I'm a few months away from being 21 myself. Secondly, is it possible she's playing these sorts of games with me too, or does it seem like I may have a good chance here?

 

[Metacomet]

Sorry man I didn't read the entire post. All I can say is if a girl is 'gaming' YOU and not the other way around - wtf are you doing?

Girls don't GAME on guys they actually intend to be with. They GAME to get their ego a boost...

You are reading into all her little movements and she loves it. Stop paying attention to her... you will see that her 'GAME' is not really there. You are buying into it big time.

 

[chinwaggler]

You're reading into it too much, follow what you think you should do, and if it turns out wrong, who cares.

You're already thinking of her weeks ahead of meeting her/asking her out. Chumpish

 

[sodbuster]

Ask her oout now. Find out-NOW. You shouldn't hav to chase a girl[hard] if she's interested, if you are on her list, but not the top,move on. you may move up her list, you may not-but sitting here waiting for her?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Ask her oout now. Find out-NOW. You shouldn't hav to chase a girl[hard] if she's interested, if you are on her list, but not the top,move on. you may move up her list, you may not-but sitting here waiting for her?

Normally, if we weren't on break, I would do this, but it may come off a little strange if I was to say, "Hey [name]. let's grab coffee in two weeks (when we're back at school.") :crackup: We live on opposite ends of the country, so there is no chance we'd meet up before going back to school.

As for the other replies I've seen here, you guys are right in that I'm thinking too much about this. I'm going to go for it once we're back...if she says yes - great. if she says no, I'll move on.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Getting back to what SodBuster said...While asking her out seems a little crazy since I won't see her for about two weeks or so...is it crazy enough to work? I don't know how I'd go about it..."Hey let's grab coffee/a bite (whatever) the Monday after next" would make it look as if my entire schedule is open and I'd be desperate. Contrarily, if I said, "Hey let's grab coffee/a bite (whatever) when we're both back at school" is too vague and I'd have to set up a time/place later on anyways. I like to have the time/place in mind when I ask a girl out.

What's the best way to play this?

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

Interesting thing about being focused on one girl. Why is it that so many people, when they're focusing on someone seem to assume that they're spending just as much time and emotional energy focusing on them? She might be, I doubt it, but either way it doesn't matter.

Look, I'm not going to tell you to next her because you're thinking too much about her. What I will tell you to do is live your life. The worst thing you could do is obssess. If she is 'gaming' you, you're only playing into her hands. If she isn't 'gaming' you, you'll overthink things, get all nervous and anxious and screw it up for yourself. Are the two of you so extremely busy that you have to plan things so far in advance? I'm going to assume the answer is no, because if it was a yes, it would be a bad idea to proceed anyway.

Enjoy your life, focus on your goals. If an opportunity presents itself later on (and I suspect it will) then you can proceed. If it doesn't, you'll have another girl you're connecting with shortly anyway. Repeat after me: "who fvcking cares?"

-Cyrano

 

[Alle_Gory]

I see nothing wrong. You like this chick, then go for her. But stick to your game. If you crumble in front of her you lose.

If you want something then go get it. Put in the work, but do it smart. She is just like every other chick on some level. They all have the same basic instincts, so don`t be a wussy and don`t break down.


Best way to play it? Communicate. Do it through Facebook, MSN, something. Get her talking, get her interested in the conversation, then take it on a deeper level, then deeper... etc. Gauge it, don't press her for intimate stuff off the bat, but avoid fluff talk. Get her thinking about things. Concepts, ideas, emotional stuff, amazing stuff.... yadda yadda.

And don't worry about being too rough. Its better to show her you can be an a*hole than be too afraid of your power as a man and be a wussy. You can always talk yourself out of being an a*hole but not the other way around.


And don't forget. They have the same basic instincts. Don't treat her special. Treat her like everyone else. When she does special things, she gets special treatment. In that order.



Then ask her out for coffee or whatever when youre back at school.

BTW, when I say communicate I don't mean all the time. Whenever you have the opportunity and you cut her off first because you have other stuff to do. If you communicate well she will want to talk to you for hours.



One more thing. If you're doing it right, she shouldn't have any 'game'. If she's gaming you then you are not taken seriously. You can use this as an indicator to see if you're doing things right.