Girls moving in

[andy87]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

 

[SW15]

There is an Iron Rule of Tomassi about this exact situation.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

Shacking Up

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months. You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVE…

therationalmale.com

I recommend you read this article.

You've likely messed your current situation up in a lot of ways.

Moving in with a girlfriend is generally not a good idea as that article explains better than I would be able to explain it.

I've not lived with any of my girlfriends. There were times in the past where I thought about it but never did it. I'm glad I didn't do it.

 

[Dr.Suave]

If its not working out for you then rip the band aid off. She´s gonna use tears and/or sex as a wepon to try and change your mind. Be strong brother.

 

[pipeman84]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

You're 36 that means you've been with her since you were 32 and only 3 months ago she asked to move in? Whatever relationship you have with that woman, that's not really a girlfriend and she's not girlfriend material. If she was, she would've asked to move in within the first year or would've left you if you were unwilling to.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

Why, as a grown man do you have a “girlfriend,” let alone a girlfriend of four years with no aim of family formation (children) and/or marriage?

In a sense, you are married anyway!

You might not even be able to get her out because of squatter’s rights depending on where you live.

I’m against playing house and being a boyfriend past 22 years old.

But I’m sort a hard liner and I think in the minority with my thoughts. There’s not much in between with me. It’s either forming a family or seeing a legal escort or having casual sex with as little time and financial investment as possible and absolutely no emotional investment! No games! And being a “bf” over years is all about games with nothing to show in the end. No children, no financial accrual, no family alliances, no meaningful social bonds.

If a man wants to get laid, then he can go do it. That doesn’t require temporarily wrecking one’s life by having a woman move in. Or being a woman’s employee, a boyfriend or pet. When a “girlfriend” moves in, she can easily have the man by the balls. Her energy is not put into raising children, which does take enormous energy. Instead what a “live-in gf”often does is put damn near all focus on the “bf,” change the house around, and seek to monopolize all his thoughts and free time! It’s enough to drive a man insane!

I’m sorry you made this mistake. A friend of mine did, twice! And in one case he had a major problem getting the woman to leave because of squatter’s rights.

 

[Manure Spherian]

You're 36 that means you've been with her since you were 32 and only 3 months ago she asked to move in? Whatever relationship you have with that woman, that's not really a girlfriend and she's not girlfriend material. If she was, she would've asked to move in within the first year or would've left you if you were unwilling to.

You do have a point but maybe you can consider what I just wrote above.

 

[The Duke]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

You need to be firm with your boundaries. It's very common for women that move in to attempt to change things. If you don't like it, tell her no. If she doesn't respect it, then she needs to leave.

If you allow it your problems are only beginning.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

Yes, red flag!

I was with a woman for 5 years before she moved in with me. She knew my house, has been here avout twice every week over the 5 years.

2 Months after she was in EVERYTHING startet to be a problem. My house, the "smell" of it, the stairway, the bathroom, my family visiting, EVERYTHING was an issue.

You better stop her right now or it will fvck up your life down the road. Your way or the highway.

There is an Iron Rule of Tomassi about this exact situation.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4
NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

That could be a fatal mistake.

If one intends to get into marriage with a woman he hasnt lived with for at least 1-2 years every day under ONE roof, he might be in for a rough awakening.

That woman would basically be a stranger to you, a friend with benefits you dont know anything about.

There is a lot of **** that could go wrong.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

No man should shack up with a woman he's dating until they get married, and they should not do marry unless a) she's a good woman and b) if you think you can maintain a rock solid frame and boundaries. Personally, I couldn't. The slow poison drip/encroachment/death by 1000 cuts strategy they employ is sinister and draining and you have to retain eternal vigilance. I would just give up and flee to Argentina after years of living a chick who has encroached on my life that much.

You made this topic clearly because you're unhappy. Luckily you're only in the early stages if this and have already recognized what is going on and you already know what to do - tell her to move out. If she doesn't like it, too bad. Probably should record her and get a lawyer if you think she's the type to do some psycho shvt upon you telling her this.

 

[The Duke]

No man should shack up with a woman he's dating until they get married, and they should not do marry unless a) she's a good woman and b) if you think you can maintain a rock solid frame and boundaries. Personally, I couldn't. The slow poison drip/encroachment/death by 1000 cuts strategy they employ is sinister and draining and you have to retain eternal vigilance. I would just give up and flee to Argentina after years of living a chick who has encroached on my life that much.

You made this topic clearly because you're unhappy. Luckily you're only in the early stages if this and have already recognized what is going on and you already know what to do - tell her to move out. If she doesn't like it, too bad. Probably should record her and get a lawyer if you think she's the type to do some psycho shvt upon you telling her this.

Why exactly should a a man not shack up with a woman he doesnt intend to marry? I've done it twice but only with girls I was fully committed to and wanted to be with long term. So marriage like, but not marriage minded. I don't see the concern.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why exactly should a a man not shack up with a woman he doesnt intend to marry? I've done it twice but only with girls I was fully committed to and wanted to be with long term. So marriage like, but not marriage minded. I don't see the concern.

I don't see the point. How can you get a break from her when she lives with you. Maybe you lucked out but it just sounds like a nightmare with most women.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Why exactly should a a man not shack up with a woman he doesnt intend to marry? I've done it twice but only with girls I was fully committed to and wanted to be with long term. So marriage like, but not marriage minded. I don't see the concern.

I’m obviously not the poster you responded to but you might want to consider what I wrote above in my previous post.

I’m the opposite of your line of thought. I don’t see a point in living with a woman who isn’t a wife and mother of one’s children or having a girlfriend who one doesn’t intend to marry.

I am all for peaceful discussion of opposing views and I don’t advise what other men do. So I would like for someone to explain the point of girlfriends way past one’s early 20’s, let alone live-in girlfriends.

I say this knowing full well how risky marriage is these days, but that is besides my point.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Manurespherion,
"Why, as a grown man do you have a “girlfriend,” let alone a girlfriend of four years with no aim of family formation (children) and/or marriage? "
Simple answer,maybe he's a Don Juan!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Is she on the lease? If shes not carrying half the costs of living you've been railroaded.

 

[The Duke]

How can you get a break from her when she lives with you. Maybe you lucked out but it just sounds like a nightmare with most women.

It was never an issue. I'd go hang out with my dudes, do my hobby, etc. She always had her things she enjoyed that got her out of my hair and I had mine.

 

[The Duke]

I’m obviously not the poster you responded to but you might want to consider what I wrote above in my previous post.

I’m the opposite of your line of thought. I don’t see a point in living with a woman who isn’t a wife and mother of one’s children or having a girlfriend who one doesn’t intend to marry.

I am all for peaceful discussion of opposing views and I don’t advise what other men do. So I would like for someone to explain the point of girlfriends way past one’s early 20’s, let alone live-in girlfriends.

I say this knowing full well how risky marriage is these days, but that is besides my point.

Whatever works for you is great.

I read your earlier post and you mentioned this:

"Instead what a “live-in gf”often does is put damn near all focus on the “bf,” change the house around, and seek to monopolize all his thoughts and free time! It’s enough to drive a man insane!"

I've never had these sorts of problem but I do know guys that do. I've lived with 3 different women(one married, two girlfriends). Close to 20yrs of my life. I'm not really compatible with a woman that wants to run the show nor control what I do.

And if thats how you feel, a wife isn't going to magically not do these things you are worried about right?

Eventually a girl that you are close to and thinks highly of you will want to live with you. So why did I agree to a live in arrangement? Because I valued these girls, understood their desire, it simplified and saved a lot of time not going btwn two houses. It was something I wanted as well. The financial risk of a failed marriage is too great, it also doesn't serve me at all. I can get the same deal with out marriage and less risk.

 

[Glassguy]

You need to be firm with your boundaries. It's very common for women that move in to attempt to change things. If you don't like it, tell her no. If she doesn't respect it, then she needs to leave.

If you allow it your problems are only beginning.

I agree. It seems that a lack of communication is the problem here. My last LTR chick lived with me the last 5 months we were together. There were things in my house that she wanted to change, albeit with her own money. And some things were changed on my dime simply because I had already planned on changing them anyways (2 bathroom renovations). But she discussed things with me and most things I was fine with and a few I was not. And she helped me do the work every step of the way.

At the end of the day it is my house, I paid for it, my sole name on the deed. I have the final say so, but there must also be some sort of compromise. Lets face it, these women arent breaking in to move in. It was discussed and they were invited to do so. And part of that should mean that you want her to feel like its her home also, which will involve her making a few changes so it feels like her home too.

I honestly think some men are so hell bent on just being stubborn, they cant see the forest from the trees. And they wonder why things dont work out.

 

[RickTheToad]

Anyone on the fence about moving in with a girl have a hard think about it, I have my own place and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years, she asked if shr could move in to swe how we got on, well it's been 3 months and I feel its not working out, things she never bothered about before are bothering her now, treating the house like its hers trying to change things. Anyone been in this situation? Think I'm going to have to tell her to move back into her parents house I don't think she will take it too well. Andy

1) Your house, your rules. Should she not like it, she's welcome to be introduced to the door.
2) What are your intensions with her? If you do not want to marry her, do you want kids?

 

[RickTheToad]

Why, as a grown man do you have a “girlfriend,” let alone a girlfriend of four years with no aim of family formation (children) and/or marriage?

In a sense, you are married anyway!

You might not even be able to get her out because of squatter’s rights depending on where you live.

I’m against playing house and being a boyfriend past 22 years old.

But I’m sort a hard liner and I think in the minority with my thoughts. There’s not much in between with me. It’s either forming a family or seeing a legal escort or having casual sex with as little time and financial investment as possible and absolutely no emotional investment! No games! And being a “bf” over years is all about games with nothing to show in the end. No children, no financial accrual, no family alliances, no meaningful social bonds.

If a man wants to get laid, then he can go do it. That doesn’t require temporarily wrecking one’s life by having a woman move in. Or being a woman’s employee, a boyfriend or pet. When a “girlfriend” moves in, she can easily have the man by the balls. Her energy is not put into raising children, which does take enormous energy. Instead what a “live-in gf”often does is put damn near all focus on the “bf,” change the house around, and seek to monopolize all his thoughts and free time! It’s enough to drive a man insane!

I’m sorry you made this mistake. A friend of mine did, twice! And in one case he had a major problem getting the woman to leave because of squatter’s rights.

Squatters rights do not really pertain to relationships; as she already had authorization to live there.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Rick,
Here in New South Wales,after six months your partner has all the rights of a Married Woman....The modus operandi is,they go to legal aid and are encouraged to take out a Domestic Violence Order,they don't have to show bruises just say he lifted his voice....It is open and shut YOU get a visit from at least two Policemen who allow you to take personal things and Tools of Trade if she objects to anything it goes her way,In my first Marriage,mine even prevented my moving a small Filing Cabinet with all my Business records in....It generally takes about two years to get your house back...in my second Marriage I was dead Lucky...Madam got violent and left me injured,I had concussion,smile, and went to Hospital,at 10 AM next morning went to the Court House and got a Domestic violence order taken out on her...we Western Men have been Screwed over!