girls keep telling me Im sweet and good and that they can trust me with anything!!!!!

[wise_mage]

lots and lots of girls keep telling me Im sweet and good (and tell their friends as well: "wise_mage is good and sweet") and that they can trust me with anything and that I am the kind of guy that actually cares about people and hideous afcish sh!t like that. actually those are about the only compliments I recieve from girls aside from "ur very intelligent" or "u sing great" or stuff like that.
I never listen to them say "ur so hot" or "ur so bad", etc.
they think they are telling me cool stuff when in fact they are insulting me in a way that I think could not be surpassed. why?the thing is guys, girls want to have sex with the bad guys. the guys who use them, break their hearts and play with them.
everytime they tell me this things its like they are telling me that I am completely the opposite of what turns them on.
talk about continous blows to ur manhood. I tell u, its like they are saying I am some kind of big time AFC.
the catch about this: I am not!
Im no jerk either, no point in lying there, though I would like to be one just so things would become easier in that department.
but by my head, I am not some sugarcoated, non sexual, sweet, girly, desparate for affection, AFC!!!!
I am neither good nor bad. I am a mix of both.
then why in the hell do they have to classify me as the opposite of what they find sexually appealing when in fact it works more like I am what I am when I want it to be and thats f*cking that?
I am very f*cking tired of this bullsh!t. it has got to stop. now!
they and their comments are driving me crazy along with the lack of sex. are they f*cking blind? wise_mage? nice? sweet?
are they kidding me? sure, I am those things at times just like Im selfish and politically incorrect at times but for the most part Im a mix of both.

why are they saying this horrible terrible things about me?
they are making me feel like I havent gotten anywhere with this whole dj bussiness. and after 18 months in so suave, that is not a nice feeling to have.

what the hell do i have to do for girls to start telling me Im bad and giving me all the sex that comes with that statement?
I seriously do not know what I am doing wrong, or if Im doing anything wrong at all? I am passionate about my life, I keep myself busy, I workout, and basically if u dont count any sexual activity with women, which is what my life lacks, I live the dj lifestyle fellas. aside from the lack of sex and women, everything else is where its supposed to be. at least I think and feel that way and I believe thats all that counts.

any ideas?

 

[El Campeon 56]

Well let me tell you girls call this sort of thing as they see it. Sure sometimes we may think that we are one way or another, i mean look at ourselves when we were AFCs we couldnt figure out that we were doing anything wrong. It sounds like you know exactly what it takes to get a woman into you its simply that its not working.
What i suggest that you need to do is up the ****y and funny and use more kino, anything to get these girls off the fact that you are a sweet guy. You must show them another perspective to get them thinking of you in a different way. You may even need to take it to the point of where you use borderline jerk behavior to show these women another side of you. Because its one thing to be called nice and sweet and a good guy and be laying these chicks, but its another when it puts you in the friend category that you dont want.

 

[rgeere]

Personally I think the fact that they tell you all these things is a good thing and is very constructive; you should really be appreciative of that fact. There is no reason to look at any of that negitively. If I were you I would use all of this to start creating an aura that will attract more females to you [female friends will help you do that], and maybe work on your non verbal communication skills some.

 

[Duke]

I know I'm echoing El Campeon, but use more C&F. Make them laugh and also put that "did he just say that!" open-mouthed expression on their faces. You say that you sing? If girls are in your audience, try looking them in the eyes during really passionate portions of the songs.

From what you've said, I believe that you're not coming across in a sexual manly way. Maybe you don't take enough risks during conversations? Throw some monkey wrenches into the mix to blow away their perception of you as a nice guy. Internally, they'll be thinking "Nice guys don't say this kind of stuff!"
It will intrigue them and show another dimension of your personality.

 

[htemorp]

I remember the days when girls were all saying "htemorp is a nice guy", "htemorp, ya, he's really nice." and when I said, NO, THAT"S THE END OF IT. Then I stopped being nice, I haven't heard anybody said that shiet in years .

****y and funny is the way to go.

 

[wise_mage]

and how can I be ****y and funny then?

I thought I already was ??????????

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by wise_mage
and how can I be ****y and funny then?

I thought I already was ??????????

It's not what you think it is what they think. Pay attention to how they respond to you and try to hone their perception of you.

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by htemorp
I remember the days when girls were all saying "htemorp is a nice guy", "htemorp, ya, he's really nice." and when I said, NO, THAT"S THE END OF IT. Then I stopped being nice, I haven't heard anybody said that shiet in years .

****y and funny is the way to go.

what did u do to stop being nice?

 

[rgeere]

Originally posted by wise_mage
what did u do to stop being nice?

By learning how to express your own needs and desires appropiately while not being a doormat, and taking control when it is expected of you. Atleast that is how it works for me.

 

[Umbra]

Bro, you already know what you're doing wrong. You keep hinting at it and skirting around it, because you don't like the connotations. Just come to terms with it. You KNOW you're still too sweet. You need to be more of a jerk. It's not a bad thing. You'll find a balance, but you're still hanging back in the AFC zone. Assert yourself, and keep up the C&F so you get away with it.

 

[wise_mage]

and if they consider me this things does that mean that Im off the sexual list and into the friends zone? do they necessarily have to consider me a bad boy and a jerk etc in order to want to have sex with me?
cant I be a sexually desirable sweet, good person?
what if I keep acting the way I do but just start approaching tons of girls and being very bold and direct? would that solve my problem?
or do u think maybe it has to do with the non verbal communication, such as body postures and stuff?
I explained this to my mom who knows about NLP and stuff and she says that its perhaps what I comunicate with my non verbal body language. she says that the way I move and look at people and sit down is like that of a model on a magazine but she says that eventhough it looks good thats not the way a macho man (jerk) would walk or sit or stand or whatever. she says my way is to soft like Im floating while the macho mens way is tense and rough and aggressive. what do u think about this?
I personally think the way I move is sexy and estetic but maybe girls percieve it as non manly. god, r they stupid!
anyhow, like today there was this guy in class who was touching this hot babe (they both have significant others) everywhere and she was loving it and she told me she couldnt even look at him while she was laughing. I asked her why and she says supposedly its because he was laughing at her all the time.
I think it was because he made her nervous. anyway, I stared at her in the eyes like for 10 seconds after she said that, didnt even touch her or anything, just stared into her eyes very calmly, and she said "whats up with you?" like I had just made something very very non acceptable or something.
I was sitting with this same chick another day and this guy came over and said "Im depressed, I let a friend down." and inmediately she answers "Im sure its because you stole his girl."
then I asked her later that day that if I told her I had let a firend down would she think its because Istole his girl and she said
"no way! I would never think that about you. ur not thatkind of person. u actually care about other people. and blah blah blah blah and more blah that translates into : ur such and afc!"
the other guy is not better looking than I am, nor smarter than am, nor knows as much people as I do, yet this girl is basically telling me Im not capable of stealing a girl. well **** that ****!!
she thnks Icant attract any girls or something. and if she thinks that how many others might think that? what sort of f*cking vibe must I be giving off for girls to act this way towards me.

plus the ****y and funny, neg hit and kino areas are the ones that Im very retarded at. they are very hard for me.
compared to the kino some guys at my class pull off I barely touch girls. they just put their hands all over them and they love it but when I try to do it they react very differently. why?
and its also still hard for me to touch a girl freely like I own her.
I think perhaps its fear of a negatve reaction.
and I am very lousy at ****y and funny. everyime I do it I end up looking arrogant or rude. it always backfires.

please help me!

 

[Umbra]

The reason you don't pull it off is because your heart isn't in it yet. You still doubt yourself. Your facial expression, your eyes, your gestures, and your posture betray you. You can hate me for saying this, but I think it's what you need: Stop being a p*ssy. When you look in the mirror, ask yourself what you see. If it's not what you like, start changing for real. No more illusions. Sharpen your edge. I get this visual image of a chubby, soft, pimply kid. Cut that sh*t out. I should get an image of a clean cut, toned, masculine, confident man.

 

[wise_mage]

by the way, I do not insult or despise people. I respect human beings and get interested in what poeple have to say as well as being considerate and empathetic about their feelings (perhaps my key mistake, perhaps not) but I dont take **** from people, I dont walk on eggshells, Im pretty free, I do what I want when I want to do it (well most fo the time at least) and I stan up for myself and my ideas. I have the courage to stand up against masses if thats what it takes to defend my ideals and opinions.
so as u see, Im not a deisrespectful stupid jerk but Im not a sugarcoated candy assed nice guy either. I consider myself a mix of the best assets of both.
I think girls are the ones with the problem. I think they are only able to see things in black and white and since I have more nice guy qualitties than jerks guess that they then label me as a sweet good guy, instead of seeing the interseting mix I am.
I think i have to start applying tons of kino and being ****y and funny but:
how can i be c &f making it sound right without sounding arrogant or rude but just on the verge of this concepts while at te same time making them laugh?
how can I overcome my fear of kino?

 

[Umbra]

See? This is the edge I'm talking about. The slighty indignant and assertive edge. I think you're stuck in your RAFC stage, bro. You NEED to become a jerk for a while. Only then can you see the other side and balance out to be a true DJ. Your heart and soul don't back you up yet. You're still scared and you still doubt yourself.

 

[rgeere]

Girls are never the problem when it comes to their perception of you, that is for you to mold, shape, and develope. There is evidently something there that they see that you obviously don't see. I think you know this and you keep dancing around that fact like wildfire. Being ****y and funny is all about playing the game and if I were you I would spend more time listening to what other people here have to say.

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by Umbra
I get this visual image of a chubby, soft, pimply kid. Cut that sh*t out. I should get an image of a clean cut, toned, masculine, confident man.

I do not have pimples, perhaps very small ones on my t zone but I control them by using proactiv.
I am not chubby ( I am 5`7 and 145 - 150 pounds). In fact I look strong, perhaps not thin or tonerd either, but strong and agile. and soft, well maybe, but I grow a beard and even if I shave I sill have a 5`00 o clock shadow. so eventhough my face is a bit soft perhaps (round, without the well defined action herow jaw) I think I look masculine. masculine enough at least.
and I do look confident. none of these girls tell me I am insecure or even hint at that. every once in a while one might tell me something of that sort but most girls that tell me anything of that sort mostly tell me they think Im vain.
toned... Im on my way there. give me a few months.
clean cut... this is something Im certainly not. but what about alternative fashion. fashion other than preppy mainstream stuff?
I aim more for that. i dont want to look preppy but rather like a hot preppy/skater/raver/lots of styles if u know what mean.
Im about to get new clothes as soon as I have more money in a few months.

so i dont really understand why u got the image u got. care to explain?

 

[Umbra]

Yeah, because that's the image I got from reading your posts. That's the image you project despite what you actually look like. It's the subtle one, the one girls smell a mile away.

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by rgeere
Being ****y and funny is all about playing the game and if I were you I would spend more time listening to what other people here have to say.

care to elaborate on what playing the game is?

and why do u say if i were you? dont u thinki listen to the people in here?

 

[wise_mage]

and why do u say Im still stuck in my RAFC phase?
I think perhaps u could be right on this one,
but then, how do I become a jerk?

 

[Umbra]

Because you still lack confidence. You still have an unhealthy amount of self-doubt and fear holding you back. Confidence does not yet permeate your entire being, radiating out of your f*cking pores.

How do you become a jerk? Start acting like you've always wanted to act but didn't. Stop being afraid of what people think. Stop giving a f*ck. It'll be good for you. After you gain some much-needed confidence, you can balance out.