Girls hate because they care?

[The LadyKiller]

I was talking to a friend of mine from back home and he offered an interesting take on girls who hold grudges towards certain guys.

I was explaining a recent situation of mine in which a girl I know and cross paths with hasn't spoken to me in nearly a year. We have a number of the same friends, so it's inevitable that we cross paths at parties, other social events, even at work! This girl and I used to get along rather well, though nothing resembling a date or get together materialized (she played silly games, I felt she was trying to lead me on and I never asked her out). Ever since this period, she's ignored me, scorned me, tries to cut me off from my friends (unsuccessful), and so forth. All the while, she suggests everything is good and normal. I tried to clear the air with her due to our familiar ties, but she ignored the request. I don't know what I did to cause this reaction/resentment.

My friend said I don't see what's going on here. His take is that this girl has (or had) feelings for me? I don't agree with him about that - again, she really resents me now, but he went on to say how girls only hold mysterious grudges against a guy in this fashion if there are some feelings or if they care.

Though part of it could make sense, I think most of what he said is coo-coo talk, what do you think?

 

[The LadyKiller]

Any thoughts? In short, my friend is saying that girls only hold grudges or act in this manner if they care. If they don't care, then they'll act indifferent.

 

[betheman]

wether people hate you, despise you or adore you..you have some hold over them, they divert a lot of their energy into whatever emotion they feel for you, the more powerful that emotion is, the greater the hold, you need to figure it out to exploit it

 

[Brosy]

Sounds logical to me, the passive aggressive behaviour sounds familiar too.

I've never been able to work out a solution to this other than cutting them off. However you are tied into a common circle with her so she's like a cat playing with a mouse. You can't call her out as she'll play dumb and you'll look like the bad guy. All I do is rise above it and NEVER flip your lid about it, this is their intention and if you do they get the satisfaction that they can manipulate you.

I found out yesterday a girl in my outer circles who I am now completely indifferent about is still outwardly bitter about me. I'd cut her off years ago so it was news to me... To be honest felt a little bit sorry for her

 

[Cremasta]

There are girls who will hate because they care.

But they are psychotic fvckups that you should avoid at all costs!

Sometimes you will just meet someone, and you just know you're not going to get along. Sounds like you met one.

 

[Thoma]

I'm in a similar situation. I told my oneitus that I wanted to be more than just friends with her in December and she responded by telling me about her boyfriend that she'd had plenty of opportunities to mention but chose not to. She then cut me out of her life completely. Her last text was designed to hurt me in ways that are shocking. However, the content was easily disproved by her actions so I don't know what her deal is.

So in short, I agree with you. However, I have no idea how to exploit it.

 

[Brosy]

Thoma I did some googling/reading on passive aggressive behaviour before, I do not remember finding an actual way to exploit it, rather the main advice was not to allow yourself to get engaged.

I am sure this is very much an invention of evil part of the female mind and basically the game is, you react/confront her = you lose.

I bet if you called her out on whatever was in her last text message you'll get something like "wtf I didn't mean it like that! Lol"

What is their motive? what do they get out of it? No idea mate, but ignore it or you can end up in a dark place.

 

[Thoma]

Agreed Brosy. I'm going NC and if she ever does re-engage, I've got a list of demands that will basically keep her out of my life (or make for one hell of a good time)