Girls find me pretty but not sexy.....

[Matt Rogers]

I know quite a few female friends and acquantainces who compliment me on my good looks, and say how charming and sweet I am. I do a bit of online dating and get a lot of messages and people saying they think i am hot. They also say that they can't believe I am single as they are sure there are lots of girls chasing me. But for some reason they never think of me in that way. I am not attracted to them especially but it hurts my pride that they don't want to sleep with me! I also get a few girls convinced I am gay because they say I am good looking, dress well and am single.

I also had a date with a girl i met online and she said that although i was very handsome she just didn't feel any sparks or chemistry and said she prefers bad boys.

I know enough to avoid AFC mistakes like supplicating and stuff. But I suppose I am just naturally a sweet, easygoing sort of guy and can't really do sexy.

Any ideas to make myself sexier so that girls think of me as potential lovers, rather than a good looking charming man.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

There's a problem with being easygoing. Typically when a guy is easygoing, he goes with the flow. However, for him to do anything, there needs to be a flow. Without it he just bobs around waiting for a wave.

Women want guys to make those waves. To consider them desirable (without supplication of course). To make moves on them that make them feel sexy. To appreciate them as sexy and attractive, to give them that warm feeling down below.

In my AFC days I actually seldom had problems attracting women, I just couldn't tell the good ones from the bad ones. But what I always had was a bit of "sexual naughtiness" in me that women gravitated to. Those are the things that set off that 'spark' that women allude to.

Things that I do to promote that include:

1. Voice tonality - women love resonance in a guys voice
2. Eye contact - not staring but looking into her soul
3. Kino - innocent non sexual touches, but still lingering touches
4. Allowing (leading) the woman to make moves on me
   [/list=1]
   
   Let me know if you have any specific questions about any of these aspects. It's not really hard to do, just a bit different than what guys typically do.

 

[Jariel]

I have had precisely the same problem for a long time...even the whole idea of people thinking I'm gay. But I would go with Francisco's advice. It's pretty much the same thing I've done and it does help a lot. Just try expressing more sexuality.

However, don't dump your easygoing side completely, because despite what a lot of people here will say, a lot of worthwhile women do appreciate sensitivity and finer qualities in a man. It's usually the slvts that don't because...well they just want a sexual thrill.

 

[DeathDealer]

Well it depends really.

If the girl is outgoing, most likely she'll want to be with a guy that is organized, direct, and to the point.

And if the guy is laid back "go with the flow" - he'll probably do better with a girl that is organized, direct, and to the point.

This doesn't mean the man doesn't lead, he still has to maintain masculine confidence.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Mmm, well I am not an aggresive person and incredibly gentle. I don't accept any crap but I never lose my temper over anything, except when very stressed when i can be very irritable.
I am very good at making female friends, but am losing too many girls to the friendszone.

I am witty and charming, but just lack an edge I think. I don't give off a sexual aura and I don't seem to excite girls sexually. I do the things you say Fransisco, but they don't work.

Part of the problem is i look rather effeminate as i take after my mother-and have blonde hair with curls, blue eyes, a very boyish face and generally look rather sweet rather than sexy.

It seems girls prefer guys with slighter courser features.

 

[shagnscoob]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers

It seems girls prefer guys with slighter courser features.

its funny that you say that...

last night at a party one of my lady friends was talking about a friend of mine that goes to our school. she said that lsat year he was extremely hot but this year its fading and she thinks its because hes getting a little too clean...

and she immediately said 'theres nothing wrong with clean guys' because i was right there.


what i suspect is that the grungy look only works on some guys and its easier to pull off. however looking clean and looking sexy is much more of a challenge. but i believe its possible, its done me VERY well. except im trying to the find the balance between 'indie rocker' and 'model' fashions...

 

[DeathDealer]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers

It seems girls prefer guys with slighter courser features.

Girls like cute guys but not ones that feminine futures.. like that Clay Aiken guy from American Idol. You gotta think about this for a second.. what makes a girl attractive...smooth skin, angular face or oval face, curves, smaller nose - it's like almost a reverse for guys... the guy can have smooth skin or tough skin, the guy that has a squarish or rectangle face is more attractive than a guy that has a round/oval/angular face, bigger nose is more masculine.

Guys that are more feminine looking tend to be categorized immediately in the nice guy area , it's genetics. You can change this appearance though by going to the gym cause working out will not only alter your body physically but your face too making it appear more rugged.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by DeathDealer
Girls like cute guys but not ones that feminine futures.. like that Clay Aiken guy from American Idol. You gotta think about this for a second.. what makes a girl attractive...smooth skin, angular face or oval face, curves, smaller nose - it's like almost a reverse for guys... the guy can have smooth skin or tough skin, the guy that has a squarish or rectangle face is more attractive than a guy that has a round/oval/angular face, bigger nose is more masculine.

Guys that are more feminine looking tend to be categorized immediately in the nice guy area , it's genetics. You can change this appearance though by going to the gym cause working out will not only alter your body physically but your face too making it appear more rugged.

deathdealer made seom good points. in relation to his post lets talk about the human psyche.
First off lets think about the psychology of man and woman and what attracts each other as a potential mate and idea of fertility:
man:
Masculine face
athletic body
big/strong hands
hairy
rough skin possibly
tall/big
aggressive

which are all indicators of good genes

women:
smooth, soft cream colored skin
femininity
physically beautiful and good hygiene
unaggressive

well there is a bunch of stuff i could mention for man/woman but those are the basics. im not saying you are, but a possibility that you may not be presenting the expected mail traits towrads which may explain why they keep you in the friends zone.

matt - i used to be somewhat like you. never losing temper over anything. you'd have to do something really horrible to piss me off. but, there are times when it's appropriate to lose your temper and get mad/aggressive, as that is what's expected of men and masculinity. i learned its ok. never losing temper = nic guy, which also translates to being pushed around.

i think when girls say they want bad boys, they actually mean they want someone who's more sexually aggressive (kino etc.) and turn them on, not someone that talks do deaht without sparking chemistry.

I admit i used to be a pretty boy, geled up my head, dressed nice. my taste in clothes now are different and more rugged, i dont bother with my hair anymore, its actually a hassle. And i suppose u could say i dont try at all to make myself more attractive like i used to. But i do get more attention from the women it appears with the new me.

in addition, when guys go out looking their best, certain women feel that they spend more time in the mirror than actually caring about ohter stuff.

 

[sapphire]

Yea, masuline features like a strong jaw and nose helps.

I remember some time ago, this hot girl I used to date said the first thing she noticed about me and was attracted to was my long and pronounced nose.

It is only natural as having a prominent nose, strong jaw, etc. is supposed to be attributed to high testosterone levels which to the female species correlates to a male with a high degree of aggressivenes and ambition. It is a primal thing going back to the days of the caveman where only the strongest survived to pass his genes. These are the things that attract females at the biological level.

Just like most men are attracted to women with feminine features, i, e nice round ass, firm breasts, etc. women by and large go for guys who possess features that are distinctly masculine.

Girls may find a guy like jude law who seems to have feminine features, i,e small refined nose, large eyes, etc., attractive, but I bet someone like Van Diesel would be more sexually attractive to most women because he is the embodiment of what a real man is supposed to look like.

I think guys who have both attributes fair the best. Brad Pitt would be someone who fits the archetype of the male who exudes both feminine and masculine physical qualities.

 

[Jariel]

There will never be a single look that appeals to all women, but you should make the most of what you have and embrace your pretty boy look. Look at David Beckham - one of the most popular pinups ever, and yet so effeminate. Then there's Will Young, who is gay, yet adored by women worldwide.

Some women will go for masculinity, others will go for the pretty boys. What you need to do is find the look that most compliments you personally.

Personally, I've been labelled a "metrosexual" and I embrace it, because frankly, I've never received so much positive attention. I've tried various styles and that's the one that works for me.

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by Jariel
Look at David Beckham - one of the most popular pinups ever, and yet so effeminate. .

He's a star athlete. Most won't think of him as effeminate.

 

[Double]

Nah, he isn't. Englands soccer player are nothin' but pretty boys

 

[DeathDealer]

David Beckham is effeminate? Uh.....Please use a better example of effeminate men such as the following:

Typical Anime/Video game fanboy.
Clay Aiken/William Hung of American Idol
Typical Homo at a Gay Bar.

 

[Jariel]

I actually believe that attraction is heavily influenced by the media. It sounds like nonsense, but when the media promotes a certain look, then that look increases in value and is perceived as more attractive.

So, whatever the media is promoting is the look that has the most universal appeal. No one likes to admit the power of the media, but it's true to quite a large degree.

You even see comments on this board like "I dated a model" or "I have the looks of a model" as a way of appealing to an accepted standard.

 

[tmpgstx]

Good point, but these media promotees look like chics!

It's only the superficial chics that will be attracted to them, and and based on shallow superficiality.

Being a man, i could never get myself to look that feminine. I wouldn't want to, would be an insult to my maleness.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

All of a sudden every "good looking guy" looks like a woman now? Where are all of these guy models and whatnot who look like "chics"?

Don't try to underplay the importance of a good looking face.

 

[tmpgstx]

Oh no, not doing that. It goes beyond that though. Just go to comso magazine website and you'll see. These guys look like chics, with 'girly' faces, bigtime. No strong defined features what so ever.

They're built, but like *****es that have been working on for a few months.

And they ask 'where did the real men go'? They're here, just not in those lame Cosmo, Teen mags.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Matt Rogers
Mmm, well I am not an aggresive person and incredibly gentle. I don't accept any crap but I never lose my temper over anything, except when very stressed when i can be very irritable.
I am very good at making female friends, but am losing too many girls to the friendszone.

I am witty and charming, but just lack an edge I think. I don't give off a sexual aura and I don't seem to excite girls sexually. I do the things you say Fransisco, but they don't work.

Part of the problem is i look rather effeminate as i take after my mother-and have blonde hair with curls, blue eyes, a very boyish face and generally look rather sweet rather than sexy.

It seems girls prefer guys with slighter courser features.

Interesting!

I´m in the same situation you are. Let´s see the comments here.

 

[Bonhomme]

What you can do

1) Be more sexual. Really work the kino and eye contact. The more confident you are with your sexuality, the more sexy you come off. I used to be a shy, skinny, moderately pretty Catholic boy who was scared to death of sex. Some gals gave me aggressive hints that went right over my head. Now kino, eye contact, and projecting sexuiality are my strengths. Most of my 1st dates end up in bed. If I can do it, you can.

2) Take up weight training and/or aerobic exercise. Go to the health & fitness forum and learn about healthy, drug-free ways to naturally increase your testosterone and cut up to get a leaner, meaner appearance if you're on the soft side... or more muscled if you're too skinny.

3) Be grateful for your youthful appearance. Time is on your side here. Believe me, you'll be glad about it 10 years from now when the younger hotties are still among your prospects.

 

[Sardaukar]

I agree with Bonhomme. **** those guys that mention genetics and how "that's just the way it is". You are asking for advice and they're telling you why you are justly getting this ****.

Also, if you're a submissive gayboy, then ultimately even Bonhomme's advice will not work.

How many submissive, "easygoing" (lazy) idiots have I encountered who wouldn't take the initiative to save their own mothers? "But that's who I am". The **** WHO YOU ARE.

TAKE INITIATIVE, OR JUST DIE. No point choking up the help bandwidth.