girl's ex is trying to get her back

[garruk]

so recently this girl ive been seeing told me that her ex bf is trying to get back with her. she doesnt seem to be interested in him anymore but they have aloooot of history togetehr.

in any case, i stack up better than this guy in every way i can think of (better looking, richer, funnier, more intelligent) but the only thing is that nostalgia and history can be a powerful thing (i still love ninja turtles even though i find it stupid now)

in any case, she just told me about that he asked to get coffee with her this week and she asked me what she should do.


how should i respond? i feel like theres a bunch o things to watch out for. like she could be testing me to see how much i care (she does this sometimes because we arent official and I soemtimes jokingly tell her to date other guys).

anyways, i could use a little guidance fellas. thanks!

 

[5string]

Maintain indifference. Tell her to do what she wants. That will put her back on her heels.

Clearly she is still interested in the other guy.

Indifference man. Indifference.

Asking you what she should do? WTF!

 

[joverby]

5string is right, indifference will really set it in her head that you are the prize and she shouldnt **** it up. But if she ended up doing something after being indifferent it really wouldn't matter because saying something about it would just make you seem weaker. But I agree she is clearly attracted still or she wouldn't even be talking to him.

 

[DonGorgon]

same situation here.. but i think this is just a sign that her interest level is not high enough cause its a fact that once a woman wants you she could have a husband and still F you every chance she gets.... women play games and say stuff instead of the simple fact that they are not feeling good about you or they are..

focus on Fing her.. as long as you do the frequently and well you will be ok..

 

[oneboy21]

If a chick wants to leave you for another guy don't stop her.
5string is clear she shouldn't be asking you what should she do.

 

[49au]

If you were official this would be a little trickier (I just went through this sh!t), but since you are not then trying to draw a line here is not within your rights, and it would be disastrous even if it was.

My ex, when we first started sleeping together (before being official of course) was working with this guy that she kept telling me was falling all over her. She told me how much he complimented her, how he kept texting and calling her, asking her out, etc.

My response was always humorous, and I actually jokingly encouraged her to go out with him. Then I was going out of town one weekend and she called to tell me that he had invited her on a short weekend cruise with some friends, and asked what I thought about her going. I told her to go. She acted upset at my indifference... but it was like magic.

The whole thing was a big sh!t test (and no, she didn't go). She never wanted the guy anyway, he was a b1tch and she was just trying to see if I would fail the test. After that she never mentioned him or any other admirer (and I know she had a lot) again. The next 6 months or so were like heaven on earth.


... but you're right about nostalgia and history. As soon as our relationship hit some rocky times, she started thinking about her ex again. She was ready to marry him and it fell apart. It was about a year since they had broken up. I handled the situation badly overall, but when I did show indifference it made her completely devalue him.

 

[garruk]

If you were official this would be a little trickier (I just went through this sh!t), but since you are not then trying to draw a line here is not within your rights, and it would be disastrous even if it was.

My ex, when we first started sleeping together (before being official of course) was working with this guy that she kept telling me was falling all over her. She told me how much he complimented her, how he kept texting and calling her, asking her out, etc.

My response was always humorous, and I actually jokingly encouraged her to go out with him. Then I was going out of town one weekend and she called to tell me that he had invited her on a short weekend cruise with some friends, and asked what I thought about her going. I told her to go. She acted upset at my indifference... but it was like magic.

The whole thing was a big sh!t test (and no, she didn't go). She never wanted the guy anyway, he was a b1tch and she was just trying to see if I would fail the test. After that she never mentioned him or any other admirer (and I know she had a lot) again. The next 6 months or so were like heaven on earth.


... but you're right about nostalgia and history. As soon as our relationship hit some rocky times, she started thinking about her ex again. She was ready to marry him and it fell apart. It was about a year since they had broken up. I handled the situation badly overall, but when I did show indifference it made her completely devalue him.

thanks man, its nice to hear from someone who has experienced what im tlaking about.

tahnks to all the responders though. you guys all gave really good responses. ill be indifferent about this. gotcha

 

[garruk]

same situation here.. but i think this is just a sign that her interest level is not high enough cause its a fact that once a woman wants you she could have a husband and still F you every chance she gets.... women play games and say stuff instead of the simple fact that they are not feeling good about you or they are..

focus on Fing her.. as long as you do the frequently and well you will be ok..

we have been fing. i did her at least 3 times on saturday.

 

[garruk]

i forgot to mention that they acutally hung out a few weeks ago. I played it off like i didnt care but afterwards I told her I didint like it.

she said "you could have just told me no"

does that change anything? this guy lives like 2 hours away too and he's going to drive all the way out here. total tool.

 

[joverby]

i forgot to mention that they acutally hung out a few weeks ago. I played it off like i didnt care but afterwards I told her I didint like it.

she said "you could have just told me no"

does that change anything? this guy lives like 2 hours away too and he's going to drive all the way out here. total tool.

I would say it kind of does ya. She knows you don't like it but is doing it again anyway. Still be indifferent and cool about it but that's not a good sign IMO. Especially the drive he's making to see her, would you drive that far to not get some tang?

 

[5string]

The plot thickens. Now we know she likes sex and spins her own plates. Better keep it wrapped up garruk.

I see another thing here. Chances are even a tool won't drive for two hours unless there is a poonful of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Like I said. Act like you don't care. Don't react to her little tests. If you do this, my money says she'll blow off the tool and you'll have her eating out of your hand.

 

[garruk]

The plot thickens. Now we know she likes sex and spins her own plates. Better keep it wrapped up garruk.

I see another thing here. Chances are even a tool won't drive for two hours unless there is a poonful of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Like I said. Act like you don't care. Don't react to her little tests. If you do this, my money says she'll blow off the tool and you'll have her eating out of your hand.

i like it. and the plot thickens comment made me laugh.

thanks guys. its in threads like this that i remmeber why i like frequenting this site.

 

[mahoney]

There are a lot of different reasons a girl might tell you this about the ex

In general i have nothing to fear from exes, so i say sure i have no problem with it (i'm also not a big fan of telling other people who they can and can't hang out with, and would not accept someone telling me who i can and can't hang out. dealbreaker)

 

[GhostWriter]

From my most recent experience, I would not tolerate this crap at all.

I wouldn't say a word. I've used the, "You can do what you want, but don't expect me to stick around for this," line before.

This only made her resent me because she felt that I was manipulating her.

I forgot who, but someone else on this forum mentioned this to be a Pyhrric victory. The price to pay of winning this battle, is losing the war.

If it were me, I would shrug my shoulders and start meeting other women. If she comes around, then great. If not then F#%# her.

 

[Sparky]

You owe it to yourself to be with a woman that wants to be with you. Anything less and you're demeaning yourself.

Yes. Maintain indifference. If she chooses you, cool. If she doesn't, consider you dodged a bullet and move on.

I've had this situation with the annoying ex before. And the particularly annoying (grrrr....that one was a real wind up) orbiter. WHen I got together with the bird I was with at the time, he told her he couldn't be friends with her anymore, because seeing her with me "hurt" him so much. What a ****wipe. Still makes me angry now even thinking about it seven years on.

I was a bit younger then and made the mistake of showing her my anger with him. She stayed with me however and benefited from my "offerings" for four years. However if I could have turned the clock back, I would have stayed cooler about it.

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

so recently this girl ive been seeing told me that her ex bf is trying to get back with her. she doesnt seem to be interested in him anymore but they have aloooot of history togetehr.

in any case, i stack up better than this guy in every way i can think of (better looking, richer, funnier, more intelligent) but the only thing is that nostalgia and history can be a powerful thing (i still love ninja turtles even though i find it stupid now)

in any case, she just told me about that he asked to get coffee with her this week and she asked me what she should do.


how should i respond? i feel like theres a bunch o things to watch out for. like she could be testing me to see how much i care (she does this sometimes because we arent official and I soemtimes jokingly tell her to date other guys).

anyways, i could use a little guidance fellas. thanks!

Is this the same girl you wrote about on the disrspect thread?

If it is you didn't listen to what I said.

I told you to continue to f her but find other girls because she isn't reliable as a possible gf.

any girl that gushes about her ex and esp one that has a lot "history" isnt over him and you should be aware.

she IS interested because she is still in contact with him. if she wasnt interested she would of ignored him.

doesnt matter how you stack up against him. she has had history with him. she doesn't with you. she still has interest in him so it tilts in his favor.

she is asking you to see how you react. she knows what she wants. she still has plans of seeing him.

she is not your gf so you cant tell her what to do. telling her no and making a big deal about the ex will create problems.

she will see him and probably will sleep with him so be aware of that.

i wouldnt place any high priority on her until she proves to you that her ex is no longer in the picture.

no use wasting your time on her when she can bail on you and go back to the ex at anytime. that is why you need to look for other girls. she is seeing her ex so you can find other girls.

that is why i told you to f her when you can and look for other girls besides her because she is not reliable. i said that before you made this thread.

that is what you should do. don't waste your time on a chick that is flakey and unsure because she most likely will go back to the ex because of her feelings for him. if she was really interested you the ex wouldnt even matter.

 

[garruk]

Is this the same girl you wrote about on the disrspect thread?

If it is you didn't listen to what I said.

I told you to continue to f her but find other girls because she isn't reliable as a possible gf.

any girl that gushes about her ex and esp one that has a lot "history" isnt over him and you should be aware.

she IS interested because she is still in contact with him. if she wasnt interested she would of ignored him.

doesnt matter how you stack up against him. she has had history with him. she doesn't with you. she still has interest in him so it tilts in his favor.

she is asking you to see how you react. she knows what she wants. she still has plans of seeing him.

she is not your gf so you cant tell her what to do. telling her no and making a big deal about the ex will create problems.

she will see him and probably will sleep with him so be aware of that.

i wouldnt place any high priority on her until she proves to you that her ex is no longer in the picture.

no use wasting your time on her when she can bail on you and go back to the ex at anytime. that is why you need to look for other girls. she is seeing her ex so you can find other girls.

that is why i told you to f her when you can and look for other girls besides her because she is not reliable. i said that before you made this thread.

that is what you should do. don't waste your time on a chick that is flakey and unsure because she most likely will go back to the ex because of her feelings for him. if she was really interested you the ex wouldnt even matter.

yeah you're right and honestly in my head, i know youre right. the problem with finding other girls is my lack of time. Im in an extremely demanding career and i have big plans. i dont plan to marry this girl or anything because in a few years when i finally make partner i should be swimming in girls.

i barely squeeze out time to hit the gym. but thanks man. i really appreciate you taking the time to help me and get my head straight.

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

yeah you're right and honestly in my head, i know youre right. the problem with finding other girls is my lack of time. Im in an extremely demanding career and i have big plans. i dont plan to marry this girl or anything because in a few years when i finally make partner i should be swimming in girls.

i barely squeeze out time to hit the gym. but thanks man. i really appreciate you taking the time to help me and get my head straight.

i know i'm right but you're making excuses for why you can't find other chicks. i'm a busy guy too but I find the time.

you aren't even official yet and you made the marriage comment.

I think you are into this chick more than you realize so thats why you aren't looking elsewhere and why you shouldnt put her as a high priotity in case she calls your thing off.

Let me ask you this...when she hangs out with the ex next time and gets her good feelings back for him after she bangs him. if she then tells you she is sorry and cant see you anymore. what will you do then? you will have to look for your sex from somebody else right? you dont want to use your hand i'm sure. so that's why you should start looking now in case this happens. you gotta always be one step ahead of these chicks. just warning you this could happen.

why play games with her if she still has a thing for the ex?

f her when you get the chance

but i would be looking because a chick who is seeing her ex is not reliable and more than half the time they go back or go between the two of you and i'm sure you dont want that.

you already said she hung out with him. now she is again. so what does that tell you? start hunting for new chicks.

then if you get somethng else going you can drop her. then watch her squirm. actually if you had another girl she wouldnt be hanging out with the ex.

thats good your focusing on your career too but she isnt reliable and i would use her for the sex and not take her seriously as a gf because even if she is official with you. there is always the ex she isnt over.

anyways good luck

 

[garruk]

thanks ace for shaking some sense into me.

i was just thinking this over earlier and i cant agree more. im acutally kind of angry about this hwole thing now. thanks everyone.

 

[Credos]

fvck, I hate "stage 5 clinger" ex boyfriends...

Like ace said though, best thing to do is spin more plates, be one step ahead of the game mate :yes: