Girls escalates to kissing, then says she is not interested in going further.

[Styr]

I had a date yesterday with this gorgeous petite 20-23 girl in her early twenties (thus some 10 years younger than me). It was actually the second date with her, the first being a cup of coffee and dessert at a rather fancy restaurant a week-and-a-half ago. She is from a small town at the countryside, so she was quite impressed.

So we met up, and I took her for a walk in the Old Town, visiting several viewing platforms in the darkness, where we talked vaguely about going hiking together in the future (as she is a girl who loves nature), until taking her to my fraternity rooms where we could sit down in private. We played a game of table ice-hockey, which she knew nothing about, but was rather thrilled afterwards.

Sat down after that, and let her do the most talking, until I slowly started touching her hair, neck, the ears, while she was giggling. I took her hand, and she would not let go once I did so.

She then told me that she was not expecting any romance in her life, but we continued on, mostly in silence for quite some time, until SHE leaned in for a short kissing session. We spent a bit more time with her resting on my shoulder. She actually apologized for there being a silence for too long.

She said that she should go home, but we stayed, cuddling for some 30 more minutes, when she brought that up again. So I stood up, and she followed me.

I accompanied her to her bus, and on the way there she said, that I am very nice to talk to and to be with, and she is not interested in taking this any further, asking me whether I was very upset about it. So I told her (jokingly) that this was the worst thing to have happened to me today.

I had purposefully not added her on Facebook, and when I was on my way home I got a call from her, asking for my Facebook, and if she could add me, so we could be better in contact. I received her friend request shorty after, but waited until in the morning, to accept it.

What are your opinions, as to what is going on here?

 

[jester1x]

Looks like she just told you she is not interested in dating/seeing you anymore. I'd keep in touch with her but only if she reaches out to you first.

She could be using the Facebook invite to create her own personal fan club so to speak.

More than likely, she has a guy back home. It's easy to date a person in another town. If you find out your are not interested then you don't have to worry about running into that person at all.

 

[Konada]

So we met up, and I took her for a walk in the Old Town, visiting several viewing platforms in the darkness, where we talked vaguely about going hiking together in the future (as she is a girl who loves nature), until taking her to my fraternity rooms where we could sit down in private. We played a game of table ice-hockey, which she knew nothing about, but was rather thrilled afterwards.

Good so far.

Sat down after that, and let her do the most talking, until I slowly started touching her hair, neck, the ears, while she was giggling. I took her hand, and she would not let go once I did so.

Still good.

She then told me that she was not expecting any romance in her life, but we continued on, mostly in silence for quite some time, until SHE leaned in for a short kissing session. We spent a bit more time with her resting on my shoulder. She actually apologized for there being a silence for too long.

This is where you fvcked up. She was isolated in your room, making out with you, even telling you 'I just want this to be casual'. You didn't seal the deal and instead settled for a pansy makeout session.

She said that she should go home, but we stayed, cuddling for some 30 more minutes, when she brought that up again. So I stood up, and she followed me.

Frustrated you wouldn't seal the deal and all the cuddling giving her the impression you were seeking for a relationship even when she told you upfront "I want a fvckbuddy relationship".

I accompanied her to her bus, and on the way there she said, that I am very nice to talk to and to be with, and she is not interested in taking this any further, asking me whether I was very upset about it. So I told her (jokingly) that this was the worst thing to have happened to me today.

Dead in the water. She sees you as a guy who is too afraid to go for what he wants. Live and learn.

I had purposefully not added her on Facebook, and when I was on my way home I got a call from her, asking for my Facebook, and if she could add me, so we could be better in contact. I received her friend request shorty after, but waited until in the morning, to accept it.

What are your opinions, as to what is going on here?

Responses in bold.

 

[Juanto]

Moral of the story: ALWAYS go for the hookup when the opportunity arises, regardless if you get it or not in the end.

 

[wifehunter]

friendzone

you are her new "buddy"

 

[Igetit!]

What are your opinions, as to what is going on here?[

Well personally,looks like you made a couple errors that downed her interest. You seemed to come off as more "polite" than attractive. Couple things stood out...one MAJOR thing was this........

we talked vaguely about going hiking together in the future

It's kinda of a bad thing to talk about doing things in the future with a chick,while on a date. You come off as "relationship-y". Your focus should be on being sexual,to stir up chemistry in her. If you're a decent person AND stir up chemistry,she'll bring up relationship talk/activities.

Another DANGEROUS thing you did was this....

Sat down after that, and let her do most of the talking.

Another mistake. It's ok to let her talk,but you have to be careful cause most chicks WON'T stir a conversation to where it needs to go for her to feel a spark/chemistry. In other words,she's not likely to use sexual innuendo,pertaining to YOU and HER. ...or flirting,or being sexually suggestive,or compliments on appearance pertaining to YOU...and her.

Most chicks,they'll be somewhere way off in left field,talking about who knows what. You need to have the stronger frame so you can guide the conversation back to you and her in case she runs off in a tangent. You set there and let her "do all the talking",and you'll likely be there listening to all her problems and emotional issues.

until I slowly started touching her hair, neck, the ears, while she was giggling. I took her hand, and she would not let go once I did so

That's good,but she needs to be primed first,by you flirting,being lightly sexual and stuff..

She said that she should go home, but we stayed, cuddling for some 30 more minutes

You cuddled with her......on a SECOND date. Too relationshipy for a second date.

and on the way there she said, that I am very nice to talk to and to be with, and she is not interested in taking this any further,

Sounds like the beginning of a friendzone speech.

asking me whether I was very upset about it.

Now this is BAD. Here,she felt like you were more into her,than she was into you. See,if she's asking you if you were upset,it means she's worried about your feelings. And if she's worried about your feelings,it means she thinks you have feelings for her.....and that's TOO SOON for a second date.


.

when I was on my way home I got a call from her, asking for my Facebook, and if she could add me, so we could be better in contact.

NO....ok,see here....when she asked you for your FaceBook so you two could "better be in contact",I would have said,"What for?"

Be in better contact for WHAT? She said she wasn't interested in taking things any further with you,right? If so,then what does she need "better contact" with you for?


I think she wants to exploit the mistake you made on the date. You know,where you just sat there and let her ramble on about who knows what? She said you were "very nice" to talk to. Probably because you just sat there and let her mouth ruin the date. So this "better contact" she wants with you is simply so she can continue rambling,while you continue standing there with your mouth shut,istening....A.K.A= Friendzone.

 

[Styr]

Yes, I realize the many mistakes I made, but when I said that I let her to do most of the talking, did not mean she was speaking about her emotional stance, or anything like that. We were having an interesting discussion, and I listened to what she had to say, instead interrupting her all the time, but we were having a two-sided discussion.

As for her having a boyfriend - that is higly unlikely. Also, she does not have too many friends - as she moved to my city only recently, as she is studying here, and living together with a female roommate in a dormitory.

 

[AttackFormation]

Yes, I realize the many mistakes I made, but when I said that I let her to do most of the talking, did not mean she was speaking about her emotional stance, or anything like that. We were having an interesting discussion, and I listened to what she had to say, instead interrupting her all the time, but we were having a two-sided discussion.

As for her having a boyfriend - that is higly unlikely. Also, she does not have too many friends - as she moved to my city only recently, as she is studying here, and living together with a female roommate in a dormitory.

The girl is in her prime years of fvcking around in a new area with no potential consequences for her doing so, told you she is out to have sex without hassle, tried to let you fvck her by going into a private setting with you alone, escalated physically for you when you didn't pick it up, and then tried to make you get it one last time by "apologizing for the silence" of your d1ck not going back and forth inside her. She was probably confused while her mind was computing, but then her brain finalized changing your status from "man" to "gay friend" based on your behaviour and she goes home since your new status means she can't have sex with you. She then informed you more openly of the status change by saying she doesn't expect to have sex with you anymore and hopes that doesn't hurt your feelings too much to not be her gay facebook friend like she now thinks is your aim.

 

[El Payaso]

"Sorry but if we won't be dating then I don't see any point in adding you."

*decline her friend request*

 

[Poon King]

This goes back to the most BASIC of basic rules: Don't listen to what women say, watch what they do.

My policy is to move forward until a woman stops me. I would completely ignore what she said unless her actions backed it up. My next move would be to text her a week later to meet up. If she agrees, I would then continue where I left off.

I think you're over-thinking it. Worry about what YOU want.. not what the woman wants.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Women are funny about kissing. If that doesn't go well - she doesn't like your technique, bad breath, it could be anything, they can shut down very quickly.

 

[Styr]

Not trying to sound desparate, or needy, but what would the best course of action be to recover from this mishap? It is not even as much about getting the girl, but fixing the mistake.

I obviously will be having a no-contact for at least 2 weeks, very likely a month, or even longer, unless she approaches me first. I will be meeting, acquainting, and seeing other girls as well, during that time.

The part that makes me a bit uncomfortable is that I apparently was this close to sealing the deal that evening. A part of me appararently did not expect that things would escalate so quickly, and I had not planned for this. What a way to learn, eh? Also, I have some trouble forgetting about girls into whom I have invested two or more dates - not money-wise, but time-wise. I have let my game down once I see the girls soften and open up, thinking I have won them over, and it somehow goes naturally from there.

Would it be reasonable to assume, that even if she labeled me in her friendzone, it has not had time to root in, as I haven't actually been a "friend" to her - nor do I plan to be one? At least I know she found me attractive and likely wanted to sleep with me, so if I were to get her to a private setting, I could just move ahead - more confidently this time - and she would then thing, that "it just happened".

 

[Desdinova]

I accompanied her to her bus, and on the way there she said, that I am very nice to talk to and to be with, and she is not interested in taking this any further, asking me whether I was very upset about it. So I told her (jokingly) that this was the worst thing to have happened to me today.

This is where you majorly fvcked up. When she said that, you should have agreed with her, telling her that you barely know her and that you won't let just ANY woman into your life. She will then see you as a challenge and feel like she needs to work harder for your attention.

When a woman takes a step backwards, you step back further.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This goes back to the most BASIC of basic rules: Don't listen to what women say, watch what they do.

My policy is to move forward until a woman stops me. I would completely ignore what she said unless her actions backed it up. My next move would be to text her a week later to meet up. If she agrees, I would then continue where I left off.

I think you're over-thinking it. Worry about what YOU want.. not what the woman wants.

So you go for the pants pull down.

she lightly resists
"what are you doing?"

"you know what im doing..."

 

[wifehunter]

your #1 attraction mistake is chasing her instead of letting her come to you.

She must chase... otherwise she'll get turned off and blow you off.

No contact is a good start, but if she contacts you, don't get all giddy and start chasing again.

Save your energy/power for things that are not women. Neediness is a BIG turnoff!

 

[Poon King]

So you go for the pants pull down.

she lightly resists
"what are you doing?"

"you know what im doing..."

Absolutely.

Once you start touching a woman the right way she will often submit even if she said with her WORDS she wasn't interested or ready. Only when she says something firm like "STOP" or shows physical resistance do I back off. No physical resistance is always a green light.

Whenever a woman is not being FIRM with you.. she is giving you the green light to do what you want. If she really doesn't want something she will either be firm with you OR she will find a way to create physical distance from you by leaving the situation or avoiding it completely.

Hard to get = Wish washy behavior
No interested = Cold, elusive, firm, distant behavior

 

[SeymourCake]

She is probably insecure about her body. Give it time.

 

[Juanto]

Absolutely.

Once you start touching a woman the right way she will often submit even if she said with her WORDS she wasn't interested or ready. Only when she says something firm like "STOP" or shows physical resistance do I back off. No physical resistance is always a green light.

Whenever a woman is not being FIRM with you.. she is giving you the green light to do what you want. If she really doesn't want something she will either be firm with you OR she will find a way to create physical distance from you by leaving the situation or avoiding it completely.

Hard to get = Wish washy behavior
No interested = Cold, elusive, firm, distant behavior

Even if she shows physical resistance, you can always back off for a bit, and come back shortly after.

 

[Roober]

Sounds like your kino escalation was wayyyyyy off kilter.

Coffee and date at a fancy restaurant?
She came to your dorm room and you didn't nail her?
To talk in private?
Table hockey? What is that all about?

Sounds like you were trying to be a romantic and she just wanted to get laid.

 

[Styr]

Sounds like your kino escalation was wayyyyyy off kilter.

Coffee and date at a fancy restaurant?
She came to your dorm room and you didn't nail her?
To talk in private?
Table hockey? What is that all about?

Sounds like you were trying to be a romantic and she just wanted to get laid.

I get the last part by now, but it was not in a dorm room, but a fraternity locale. It was not my private room, and there are no beds, just some couches.