Girlfriends Past

[guppyscum]

I found out this week my ex is pretty much a *****..

She’s had many partners, ****ed in clubs, given head in toilets, etc.

She comes from a good family background and her mother would be ashamed if she found out. Now we broke up for others reasons, emotional instability, she was trying to push for commitment right away etc.

I just feel angry that this girl portrayed this ‘good girl’ image and walked around on my arm and wanted my respect. She talked of being moral and loyal and it makes me confused she doesn’t hold the same qualities when she’s single.

It’s like she wanted her cake and eat it too.

All the time when I was younger I was being respectful in LTRs etc when most of the chicks are getting pumped left right and centre. I guess she had insecurities and not enough self respect not too hold out form getting f*&ked.

Luckily I have changed my ways but it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth with this girl. Arrghh.

 

[KontrollerX]

In my view the only thing that matters is if a chick cheats on you or not.

Thats all you should be concerned with in my opinion.

It doesn't matter if she rode 18 billion c0cks before you all that matters is if she treats you well as your girlfriend and she never goes and rides another c0ck while she's your girl or kisses another guy or simply finds some way to emotionally cheat on you with an AFC orbiter.

On the other hand the poster jophil's view is that you are definitely well within your right to judge your girl's past conduct and make a decision about her based on that.

And that view also is fair enough in my opinion.

I simply don't hold jo's view because I know with today's slvtty culture its nigh impossible and probably unrealistic to screen out girl's who've had loads of c0ck in favor of girl's who've had no c0ck or few c0cks as the girl's that claim they've had no c0ck or few c0cks could be lying and just finding near virginal princesses like this in this day and age is once again practically impossible.

 

[Jeffst1980]

It gets complicated, because "good" girls will often have high numbers of sexual partners even if they're not particularly promiscuous, as Kontroller pointed out. A typical "serially monogamous" girl might never have sex outside an LTR, but if this started in her teens, she will probably have racked up quite a few by her late 20s.

I do believe you should look to her past for fidelity issues, though. If she's cheated on every boyfriend, it doesn't matter if she's only slept with 3 guys. Her past becomes your destiny.

In your case, I would need to know more details. If she had sex in a club with a long term boyfriend, that just means she's sexually open. If it was with strangers (which I am assuming), that means she has self-esteem issues. High valued girls may have one night stands, but not with random, unqualified guys.

 

[#41]

If you can't stand knowing that your girl might've been a ****fiend, why even ask the question in the first place?

 

[jophil28]

Good post Kontroller and I agree with pretty much everything you said.


However,

If I do find out the chic I am with was slutty, I lose all respect for them. Many people on this site will shame myself and others with the "Insecurity" label. They can call me what they want.

I have expectations of the women in my life and one of them is the ability to restrain oneself from promiscuity or sexual relations with someone simply because they are "hot".

If a woman cannot control her sexuality with men when she is single......logic would imply that she would have difficulty controlling it even when in a relationship.

Anyone who dislikes this behavior in their women, you are justified in your thought process. It only makes sense to protect yourself as much as possible from being with someone who will cheat. Part of that process is weeding out the "ho's".

He he !
I think that you just signed on for a tour of duty as a member of the SS "morality crew"..welcome aboard.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

If you had a GF who was smoking hot, well adjusted mentally, loyal, would make a good mother, came from a good family, etc. etc., but would only ever begrudgingly have sex with you, in missionary position only, never consider giving you head, and only once a month because she thought that sex was dirty and she didn't want to be thought of as a slut, would you marry her?

 

[amoka]

If you had a GF who was smoking hot, well adjusted mentally, loyal, would make a good mother, came from a good family, etc. etc., but would only ever begrudgingly have sex with you, in missionary position only, never consider giving you head, and only once a month because she thought that sex was dirty and she didn't want to be thought of as a slut, would you marry her?

A view that I never considered!!

 

[Heretolearn]

If you had a GF who was smoking hot, well adjusted mentally, loyal, would make a good mother, came from a good family, etc. etc., but would only ever begrudgingly have sex with you, in missionary position only, never consider giving you head, and only once a month because she thought that sex was dirty and she didn't want to be thought of as a slut, would you marry her?

at 20 no.


Now.......... in a second if she was really what you described and completely devoted to you (but obviously had phsyical contact issues).

Sexual creatures are a LOT more common than the girl you described

 

[Aenigma]

If you had a GF who was smoking hot, well adjusted mentally, loyal, would make a good mother, came from a good family, etc. etc., but would only ever begrudgingly have sex with you, in missionary position only, never consider giving you head, and only once a month because she thought that sex was dirty and she didn't want to be thought of as a slut, would you marry her?

For some of the guys coming here once a month is alot compared to what they usually get.

 

[guppyscum]

Some interesting replies.. thanks.

Rollo, whilst this is a valid point, I'm not sure how useful it is to think in such extremes. Situations (and women) are rarely so black and white, but if it was the case as stated, I would have to say no.

I've found out some interesting facts this week; both in reflection and simply asking female & male friends their perspectives.

I usually a staunch member of the, don't ask, don't tell crowd. Pretty much because you could almost guarantee they've f&$ked around more than you could imagine.

I guess while being raised to be 'respectful' of myself and women and put them on a pedestal, these girls were out shagging their a$$'s off. Obviously this got me nowhere, although I did get laid and had some good relationships here and there, but more hurt in the end.

It's funny talking to me ex now about it, and why she did it. There could be a million reasons, but what I'm getting from her mostly is that wanted to be 'liked' and to feel 'attractive' and that she pretty much is a horny girl with a high sex drive.

I guess I can't hold that against her in the end. Even if my ego is a little bruised by her past.

Nevertheless this isn't why we broke up, some other emotionally traumatic events including a suicide threat, general insecurity about me, as I wasn't completely fully available to her all the time for a few reasons. That quite literally drove her mad. Comparisons with her ex during heated arguments etc, to name a few.

Now I have been far from perfect I admit. But I still feel her actions are reasons for me to distant myself. I still find myself missing and wanting her though. Damn it, it seems I did fall for her trap in the end. Funny thing is whilst I have slept around a fair amount; it’s much less than her. And I regret some of those decisions and almost feel dirty for some of the depraved s$%t I’ve done, I wonder how she feels. .

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Rollo, whilst this is a valid point, I'm not sure how useful it is to think in such extremes. Situations (and women) are rarely so black and white, but if it was the case as stated, I would have to say no.

Thank you counselor, the prosecution rests its case.

 

[Colossus]

I simply don't hold jo's view because I know with today's slvtty culture its nigh impossible and probably unrealistic to screen out girl's who've had loads of c0ck in favor of girl's who've had no c0ck or few c0cks as the girl's that claim they've had no c0ck or few c0cks could be lying and just finding near virginal princesses like this in this day and age is once again practically impossible.

This is unfortunate but true.

I recently found out my most significant past LTR slept with a well-known guy around campus, multiple times, despite having flat-out, look-me-in-the eye, denied the fact while we were dating. This was (allegedly) prior to our dating, but it was still a bit of a punch in the stomach to find out. It made me wonder...who else?

What this taught me is that you cannot take a girl's own account of her past at face value. Most, and I mean >95%, have farrr more slvtty exploits than they would ever tell you.

However, I also believe that past cheating or known slvtty behavior (i.e. corroborated by others) is something you should take into serious consideration when choosing a girl. It would be foolish to ignore these incidents thinking they are isolated.

 

[NewMan]

She comes from a good family background and her mother would be ashamed if she found out. Now we broke up for others reasons, emotional instability, she was trying to push for commitment right away etc.

I have found, as a general rule, a womans upbringing has a profound impact on how she turns out as a "woman".

Daddy issues, Being sheltered, repression, divorce etc. have, for me, been tell tale signs of a woman's inability to have a healthy relationship. How it show's itself maybe different - some through alcohol/drugs - perhaps agression towards the guy - arguments - or total out and out slvt as she looks for love.

In particular, a woman that was sexually "messed with" as a young girl - is one to definitely avoid - although the s#x is usually fantastic, it never ends well.

 

[DJDamage]

If you had a GF who was smoking hot, well adjusted mentally, loyal, would make a good mother, came from a good family, etc. etc., but would only ever begrudgingly have sex with you, in missionary position only, never consider giving you head, and only once a month because she thought that sex was dirty and she didn't want to be thought of as a slut, would you marry her?

Yeah I would marry her but then I would have to have a mistress on the side....

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Every man wants a slut. He just wants her to be HIS slut.

What I find interesting about the conflicts of focusing on an idealized woman is that guys have similar parallels with women in this respect. Look at what we're discussing here - the trade off between loyalty, fidelity, motherly nurturing, 'moral' character etc. contrasted by physical arousal, sexual availability, sexual adventurousness, playfulness, etc. When I read threads on this topic (and there are a lot) I can't help but notice how conflicted many, otherwise DJ, guys really are. They want a wonderful, churchgoing, respectable, feminine woman who ƒucks ONLY THEM like a porn star 5 nights a week. I'd agree with GUPPYSCUM in that it's not productive to think in such extremes, but it's like women wanting a Bad Boy AND a Nice Guy in the same guy. We'd love a soccer mom and Jenna Jameson in the same girl, without really thinking that the necessary characteristics of one contradict those of the other.

 

[SXS]

All the time when I was younger I was being respectful in LTRs etc when most of the chicks are getting pumped left right and centre. I guess she had insecurities and not enough self respect not too hold out form getting f*&ked.

I think that your problem, like my own is that you regret not ****ing around more when you were young, once you realized that most girls were doing exactly that.

I honestly think it is in your best interest to keep those kind of gilrs away as soon as you see those signs, even if you have feelings for her. Meeting new girls and trying to completely forget the past always work.

 

[jophil28]

What I find interesting about the conflicts of focusing on an idealized woman is that guys have similar parallels with women in this respect. Look at what we're discussing here - the trade off between loyalty, fidelity, motherly nurturing, 'moral' character etc. contrasted by physical arousal, sexual availability, sexual adventurousness, playfulness, etc. When I read threads on this topic (and there are a lot) I can't help but notice how conflicted many, otherwise DJ, guys really are. They want a wonderful, churchgoing, respectable, feminine woman who ƒucks ONLY THEM like a porn star 5 nights a week. I'd agree with GUPPYSCUM in that it's not productive to think in such extremes, but it's like women wanting a Bad Boy AND a Nice Guy in the same guy. We'd love a soccer mom and Jenna Jameson in the same girl, without really thinking that the necessary characteristics of one contradict those of the other.

I have had two relationships with woman over the past 30 odd years in which there were no such trade offs.
The reason that the two sets of chracteristics appears to be mutually exclusive to most of you goes to your lack of life experience with such women. You have not been fortunate to meet one (or more ) as I have.
These are the 'quality woman' to whom we often refer. They are real - no myth.
I agree that are rare, but they do exist .

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

ANDREW DICE CLAY: Hey, is that your chick there?

GUY IN THE AUDIENCE: Yeah!

DICE: Damn she's pretty hot!

GUY: Yeah,..

DICE: You been together a while?

GUY: Almost a year.

DICE: Nice. She faithful to you?

GUY: Oh yeah.

DICE: She good in bed?

GUY: *nods head enthusiastically*

DICE: She suck a good d!ck?

GUY: (laughing) Oooh yeah,..

DICE: I suppose the next question would be, "How do you suppose she got that way?"

 

[squirrels]

Women swing back and forth between extremes...either they're the "nice girl" who's saving herself for the perfect committed relationship, or they're the utter slvt who's "going through a phase".

If women could just be natural with their sexuality instead of adhering to ridiculous and contradictory social standards, it'd be a lot easier on them.

But they can't...so you get this crap.

I fantasize about the idea of getting head in the bathroom of a club...but it IS pretty damned nasty. LOL

 

[dmatter]

haha....crap now i need a std check everytime a girl gives me good head