Girlfriend's Clothing

[devilindisguise]

Hi all,

I will appreciate helpful replies. Please do not just slander me if you think I have no leg to stand on, please slander me and then give some justification & advice.

I am definitely feeling like I may very well have ****ed up last night. Me and my girlfriend of 6 months went to a formal event with a lot of our friends and then after that we both went to the club strip (she went with her friends, I went with mine, different clubs). At the end of the night I told her I was leaving, she can come with me now or she can stay with her friends. She chose to come with me and we met up. As soon as I saw her and what she was wearing, I thought one thing... trashy. She was wearing a mesh see through top with just a bra underneath. It looked like she was nude to be honest. This is where I may have begun my stupidity. The first thing I said to her was: "you look trashy". To which she replied, "hey that's not nice etc". I told her that it was the truth, and that's all that was said from that point until we got home. Which brings me to the next part.

When we got home, whilst she was in the shower I was writing down my thoughts on what I was going to say. I like doing this because it usually helps
me saying something dumb. After the shower, I told her I wanted to talk. I then said something to the effect of the following:

"When you wear stuff like that I can't help but think it's trashy. If anyone was wearing that I would be thinking trashy. My girlfriend is not someone who I wanna think is trashy. When you dress like that I find it disrespectful to me. I like when you dress sexy, but I want you to dress sexy for me me and not anyone else. I'm the one who has to deal with the comments and staring and all that ****. You can dress that way or you can have me as a boyfriend, but you can't have both"

What followed then was a discussion & my "justification" which eventually lead to "making up" and now everything is "all good".

I know I am going to receive conflicting opinions on this but I want to get a general idea. I put my stuff up in the "maybe" basket because I am unsure whether I am allowed to feel this way. My justification to her and my justification to myself is that; "as a man, I am naturally going to feel protective of women, especially my woman. It would be nice if we lived in a society where everyone could wear whatever they wanted with no social repercussions but that isn't the reality. There are creeps and predators out there that are going to see what you're wearing as a target and I don't like the thought of you being placed in a potentially confronting/ uncomfortable situation because of the extra attention you are drawing. It didn't happen tonight but I'm sure that if we were together and you were wearing that, there would be staring and wolf whistles and other sh*t from other guys and that is, as a man, going to make me feel stand-offish."

I know some people will think that "they love when their girlfriend dresses sexy and gets a lot of attention etc." But to be honest I don't, and I don't think I ever will. Yes attention because she has a pretty face and a good body okay I have accepted that, but attention because she is dressing like a slvt? Probably not.

I don't know if I have completely f**ked things up yet. She is still very loving and high IL today but I don't know if I have planted a seed in her mind that I am an insecure afc. If things fvck up, so be it and I find a new girl.

Is there a reality where I just tell her that this is the way I am, accept it or you don't have to be my girlfiend? Should a good woman be dressing to please only her man? Or is everything that I have just written just the most insecure, AFC bulls**t that you have ever read and in saying these things and thinking this way I have fvcked up beyond repair?

 

[Billtx49]

Women advertise when out in public what their physical attributes are via their clothing and she’s still advertising. Not a big deal at only 6 months in. Your trashy comment was probably initially taken by her as a verbal assault on her character and physical sexuality …
Don’t be insecure or you will turn her off like a light switch…

 

[soulforge]

Your GF is an attention Hoe!

Girls know EXACTLY what kind of reaction they are going to get out of men, when they dress slvty.

Your GF knows when dudes look at her, they will fantasise about smashing her Ass, her puzzy and her mouth.

However.. Don't let this bother you. Don't let her know you are feeling insecure about it.

Simply make a choice!

01. Do you want to continue dating a woman who likes sexual attention from other men?

02. Or would you prefer to be with another girl, who has a degree of self respect for her body, and will not present you with these types of problems!

Just make a choice man!

 

[Tilex]

This may or may not cause major problems for you down the road.
She's basically a reflection of her social circle.
If her female friends dress like that, then she will dress like that too.
Believe it or not, her friends judge her more than you do.

It's a delicate balance because you don't know what she tells her friends about you.
They could easily inject a negative opinion about you into her mind, and then the relationship becomes a slippery slope.

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

Hi all,

I will appreciate helpful replies. Please do not just slander me if you think I have no leg to stand on, please slander me and then give some justification & advice.

I am definitely feeling like I may very well have ****ed up last night. Me and my girlfriend of 6 months went to a formal event with a lot of our friends and then after that we both went to the club strip (she went with her friends, I went with mine, different clubs). At the end of the night I told her I was leaving, she can come with me now or she can stay with her friends. She chose to come with me and we met up. As soon as I saw her and what she was wearing, I thought one thing... trashy. She was wearing a mesh see through top with just a bra underneath. It looked like she was nude to be honest. This is where I may have begun my stupidity. The first thing I said to her was: "you look trashy". To which she replied, "hey that's not nice etc". I told her that it was the truth, and that's all that was said from that point until we got home. Which brings me to the next part.

When we got home, whilst she was in the shower I was writing down my thoughts on what I was going to say. I like doing this because it usually helps
me saying something dumb. After the shower, I told her I wanted to talk. I then said something to the effect of the following:

"When you wear stuff like that I can't help but think it's trashy. If anyone was wearing that I would be thinking trashy. My girlfriend is not someone who I wanna think is trashy. When you dress like that I find it disrespectful to me. I like when you dress sexy, but I want you to dress sexy for me me and not anyone else. I'm the one who has to deal with the comments and staring and all that ****. You can dress that way or you can have me as a boyfriend, but you can't have both"

What followed then was a discussion & my "justification" which eventually lead to "making up" and now everything is "all good".

I know I am going to receive conflicting opinions on this but I want to get a general idea. I put my stuff up in the "maybe" basket because I am unsure whether I am allowed to feel this way. My justification to her and my justification to myself is that; "as a man, I am naturally going to feel protective of women, especially my woman. It would be nice if we lived in a society where everyone could wear whatever they wanted with no social repercussions but that isn't the reality. There are creeps and predators out there that are going to see what you're wearing as a target and I don't like the thought of you being placed in a potentially confronting/ uncomfortable situation because of the extra attention you are drawing. It didn't happen tonight but I'm sure that if we were together and you were wearing that, there would be staring and wolf whistles and other sh*t from other guys and that is, as a man, going to make me feel stand-offish."

I know some people will think that "they love when their girlfriend dresses sexy and gets a lot of attention etc." But to be honest I don't, and I don't think I ever will. Yes attention because she has a pretty face and a good body okay I have accepted that, but attention because she is dressing like a slvt? Probably not.

I don't know if I have completely f**ked things up yet. She is still very loving and high IL today but I don't know if I have planted a seed in her mind that I am an insecure afc. If things fvck up, so be it and I find a new girl.

Is there a reality where I just tell her that this is the way I am, accept it or you don't have to be my girlfiend? Should a good woman be dressing to please only her man? Or is everything that I have just written just the most insecure, AFC bulls**t that you have ever read and in saying these things and thinking this way I have fvcked up beyond repair?

you lost frame. its over. there's no need to explain anything further, you either understand this or you don't. women do something called **** test. go read some lacan if youre lonely. this isn't a slander, if you are at the level where you are dissecting "justifications" from the discussion, and she's forcing you to be wrong ie justify what you said Ie justify what about it was wrong, she's levied control and has lost respect for you. women/men in general are great actors because they believe in their own word. the basic idea isn't to be "controlling her" but to allow (for lack of better term) her to manifest the control that you have over her, that she is clearly "handing the keys over" (this is an advanced concept however so don't get to hung up on the exactness of your understanding of it). everything else, love, everything, is a simulation.

 

[devilkingx2]

1. Insecurity is bad. If you can't trust her stop committing to her, if she hasn't done anything then don't worry about nothing.

2. Being controlling is bad, she's her own person and you need to get over that unless someone is getting hurt, it'll only get you into unnecessary fights you'll never win unless she's a doormat that needs a father not a boyfriend lol.

3. Trashy? You're a ****ing guy lmao. Sexy girls isn't supposed to be a problem for you, we're the primary beneficiary of that.

4. She's going out lmao, she's gonna dress like a sexy young girl at a party, not cinderella at the ball nor a soccer mom in the park.

Now if she dresses sexier when going out than she does for you, or only dresses sexy for going out and you get sweatpants, that's a whole nother thing.

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

1. Insecurity is bad. If you can't trust her stop committing to her, if she hasn't done anything then don't worry about nothing.

2. Being controlling is bad, she's her own person and you need to get over that unless someone is getting hurt, it'll only get you into unnecessary fights you'll never win unless she's a doormat that needs a father not a boyfriend lol.

3. Trashy? You're a ****ing guy lmao. Sexy girls isn't supposed to be a problem for you, we're the primary beneficiary of that.

4. She's going out lmao, she's gonna dress like a sexy young girl at a party, not cinderella at the ball nor a soccer mom in the park.

Now if she dresses sexier when going out than she does for you, or only dresses sexy for going out and you get sweatpants, that's a whole nother thing.

"if you cant trust her stop committing to her"

beautifully worded

 

[devilkingx2]

02. Or would you prefer to be with another girl, who has a degree of self respect for her body, and will not present you with these types of problems!

A lot of the girls who claim to have respect for their body are self righteous prudes that think they're doing the world a favor by being less sexy because it's easier than any other form of good character lol.

Meanwhile if you look down on girls being sexy. You'll find yourself a girl who agrees with your worldview that female sexuality is bad and she should dress like a muslim, that won't be any fun.

 

[zekko]

I don't think it's insecure to object to your girlfriend going out in public dressed like a wh0re. The real question is whether or not you are compatible.

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

I don't think it's insecure to object to your girlfriend going out in public dressed like a wh0re. The real question is whether or not you are compatible.

yeah not necessarily insecure but what type of man does it make you. you could be fully secure in your embarrassing ideological sexuality, happy too

freud slipped it but w.e

*multiple blunts + brews in

 

[devilkingx2]

I don't think it's insecure to object to your girlfriend going out in public dressed like a wh0re. The real question is whether or not you are compatible.

You're not her dad, your girlfriend looking sexy reflects well on you because you got a hot girl that other people would want

Saying that she looks like a wh0re is bizarre to me because You're discouraging sex appeal... In someone you're fvcking.

It would be like if a girl said to you on a date "only beta cuck f@ggot losers commit to women, real men pump and dump"

 

[ohrein]

My girlfriend doesn't even wear low cut tops because "those are for you". Those women are hard to find but sounds like your girlfriend is the other end of the spectrum. Not sure about trying to control her clothing but I'd think about your choice in women. I don't think there's anything unreasonable about stating your boundaries. I've had guys try to start sh1t with me when I've been out with slutty looking women. It's so tiring. I'm not saying a woman needs to dress like a prude but there's certainly limits I have.

 

[ohrein]

You're not her dad, your girlfriend looking sexy reflects well on you because you got a hot girl that other people would want

Saying that she looks like a wh0re is bizarre to me because You're discouraging sex appeal... In someone you're fvcking.

It would be like if a girl said to you on a date "only beta cuck f@ggot losers commit to women, real men pump and dump"

Sexy is classy. I wouldn't want to be seen with a trashy girl.

 

[Spaz]

My girlfriend doesn't even wear low cut tops because "those are for you". Those women are hard to find but sounds like your girlfriend is the other end of the spectrum. Not sure about trying to control her clothing but I'd think about your choice in women. I don't think there's anything unreasonable about stating your boundaries. I've had guys try to start sh1t with me when I've been out with slutty looking women. It's so tiring. I'm not saying a woman needs to dress like a prude but there's certainly limits I have.

All my girlfriends, past and present or even future ones will adhere to my frame; slut in bed and a total classy sexy lady to the rest of the world.

Fvck what other women think, what other men think. It's what I think that matters. It's my fvcking frame where my rules applies.

 

[AttackFormation]

Is there a reality where I just tell her that this is the way I am, accept it or you don't have to be my girlfiend? Should a good woman be dressing to please only her man? Or is everything that I have just written just the most insecure, AFC bulls**t that you have ever read and in saying these things and thinking this way I have fvcked up beyond repair?

I wouldn't have a problem with girls dressing sexy or "trashy" with me. First of all I think our society's problem with nudity is unnatural, not nudity (and maybe it's worse in America where you guys live hence this thread but I dunno). Second, they're not the ones fvcking her, if you wanna look at my girl - look all you want! take it in.

Have you fvcked it up beyond repair? I don't know. If you can't change this attitude then this could escalate into a larger problem depending on what she thinks about it. If you can change it and see things my and devilking's way, then don't apologize to her, but explain that "when I think about it, I really don't mind that clothing " in an as smooth a fashion as possible so you can roll it over.

 

[highSpeed]

Women advertise when out in public what their physical attributes are via their clothing and she’s still advertising. Not a big deal at only 6 months in. Your trashy comment was probably initially taken by her as a verbal assault on her character and physical sexuality …
Don’t be insecure or you will turn her off like a light switch…

Sorry, going to have to disagree. While I agree she is still advertising, at 6 months, that's a problem. So she's been seeing him for 6 months and she still wants to advertise? No, that's a problem. So when is it not ok for her to be "advertising"? A year? 2 years? I don't know why we put men in a dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. If you do say something, you're weak and that will turn her off. If you don't, you're telling her you're ok with her doing that when you're not. Strongly consider moving on depending on her reaction.

 

[zekko]

You're not her dad, your girlfriend looking sexy reflects well on you because you got a hot girl that other people would want

I'm old enough to be her dad, I bet

This is just an observation, but I find it interesting: I notice you and I are on opposite sides of the "pink hair" thread, where I'm okay with the pink hair and you're not. But we're also on the opposite sides of this "trashy attire" issue, where you're okay with the trashy dress and I'm not.

 

[Glassguy]

Lets be clear about something:

Its not the trashy clothes that she was wearing, rather her intent by wearing them. She wanted attention from men while out with her friends. That isnt debatable.

You have been seeing her for a while and didnt expect that out of her. Now you see the true her and she is showing you who she is by her ACTIONS.

So first and foremost, she isnt totally all in with you to go out seeking attention/being an attention wh0re. Or she doesnt have the c0ck carousel out of her system yet.

You now are self debating whether or not she is up to your standards to go forward with her.

Best advice- start drawing away from her and just call her when you want her to come over and smash, because that's what she seems good for. That way its a win/win for YOU. Who cares about her in the long run. Get what YOU want.
If she is smart she will pick up what you are laying down and you dont even have to say a word. You just keep smashing her and see if she doesnt start kissing your @ss. And if she doesnt figure out why you are backing off, oh well. Keep smashing her and start hitting up new chicks. Use her as a branch to monkey branch from to the new girls you will meet.

This chick, as of right now, is not worth being exclusive with.

 

[AttackFormation]

Lets be clear about something:

Its not the trashy clothes that she was wearing, rather her intent by wearing them. She wanted attention from men while out with her friends. That isnt debatable.

You have been seeing her for a while and didnt expect that out of her. Now you see the true her and she is showing you who she is by her ACTIONS.

So first and foremost, she isnt totally all in with you to go out seeking attention/being an attention wh0re. Or she doesnt have the c0ck carousel out of her system yet.

You now are self debating whether or not she is up to your standards to go forward with her.

Best advice- start drawing away from her and just call her when you want her to come over and smash, because that's what she seems good for. That way its a win/win for YOU. Who cares about her in the long run. Get what YOU want.
If she is smart she will pick up what you are laying down and you dont even have to say a word. You just keep smashing her and see if she doesnt start kissing your @ss. And if she doesnt figure out why you are backing off, oh well. Keep smashing her and start hitting up new chicks. Use her as a branch to monkey branch from to the new girls you will meet.

This chick, as of right now, is not worth being exclusive with.

Here's the problem... If you're with a chick you think is sexy, loads of more men in her vicinity will also do. Chicks need validation like a wounded person needs morphine and oxygen, and the sexier more men think she is, the more of it she'll get. Regardless of what you feel about her clothes or her intentions, it's just not realistic to expect a girl who "knows her customer base" to lay off the drug line. You can have a girlfriend you think is sexy or a girlfriend you think is modest (or you can stay single).

 

[HankHill]

Boils down to:

1. She and you are not compatible, what she thinks is appropriate you don't.
2. She's trashy for you so treat her like a trashy woman, not your girlfriend

Talking is usually a waste of time and energy but it's understandable when it's your girlfriend/wife etc because you're really hoping that it will change her thinking and things will become great...they usually don't, in the long run.