Girlfriend takes longer to respond than usual

[Afrodesiac]

Would you think your girlfriend is taking the piss if she said she would call you back after doing some house duties, settling her daughter for bed etc but didn’t get back to you until 3 hours passed and sends a text saying “you ok babe?” instead of actually calling?

To add - this isn’t a common thing she does, so its thrown me off slightly. I’m not going to emotionally react but to be honest I don’t even feel like responding at all.

Would you ask her what took her so long? Personally this comes across as too needy in my eyes or would you just ignore it and act like everythings normal?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I wouldn't respond until a day later with 'fine' and see how she responds to that.

 

[Westminster]

I wouldn't respond until a day later with 'fine' and see how she responds to that.

Seems like a good way to proceed.

 

[Afrodesiac]

I wouldn't respond until a day later with 'fine' and see how she responds to that.

she called twice after the initial text I spoke about (20mins later) but I didn’t pick up/haven’t responded to either - would you still proceed the same way or call/text back?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Are you concerned she is monkey branching or talking to another guy? What other actions is she doing that makes you believe she is acting shady?

to be honest it is hard to tell about a simple text exchange. As long as she is hooking up with you, doing fun things together, or talking about doing things together you shouldn’t worry about a simple text exchange.

However, behaviour such like this from her usually means that you have been acting needy in the past for quite sometime or you are not pulling your weight and you might be pushing her away without even noticing.

 

[Dr.Suave]

We need more context. For example, does she always comply when you initiate sex?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

she called twice after the initial text I spoke about (20mins later) but I didn’t pick up/haven’t responded to either - would you still proceed the same way or call/text back?

Keep to the script. Go to sleep. In the morning you "read her text again and realised you hadn't responded" so you respond with 'fine'.

This is like the 'Nothing' that women will tell you when you ask them 'What's wrong?'. She will see your curt reply as terse and will start wondering if you're angry at her. So expect a text like 'You mad at me?' to which you can respond with '? Why?' so she can now start wondering if you mean 'why do you think I'm mad at you' or perhaps you mean 'why would I be mad at you? did you do something wrong?' and that will put her on the path to utter confusion.

I trust you know how to deal with confused women.

 

[BPH]

girlfriend

her daughter

I don't know how long you've been dating but this already seems like it's set up to fail.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

As a general rule, if a women suddenly changes her behavior/pattern, no matter how trivial or innocuous it may seem, it's not a good sign.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Doesn't sound like a good thing, but reacting poorly or needy to it will only hasten the decline.

Show her you are unplussed and return disinterest with disinterest. Either she will get the message and self correct or she will leave, but either way she KNOWS what she is doing is wrong, you don't need to let her know. That serves no purpose and will be viewed as weak behavior.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

It is possible that there’s an untold story here, e.g. her texting “you ok?” means she knows she did something would upset you, and she wanted to preempt your reaction. Also, sounds like she has young kids, it it possible she dozed off getting them to bed.

 

[Afrodesiac]

I’ve noticed her pulling back i.e not calling as frequently as she used to e.g before she would call an unhealthy amount (10 times a day) now its maybe 2-3 times, she’s not as excited to talk etc but this tends to fluctuate (to be fair recently she has been ill so this is defo most likely contributing to her mood shift) - we have had some pretty big arguments recently concerning me still going out with mates a lot on weekends and what not too + I flipped out when I got her pregnant and she insisted on keeping the child but I told her I wasn’t ready etc…she has a kid and wants me to play father figure to her daughter because the dads not present (this already rubs me the wrong way tbh), she’s a lot snappier now, tries to give me attitude etc.

The sex is still on the table, not once have I tried to have sex with her and shes declined. She knows other women are into me and she gets pissed off if i’m out and I don’t text or call her or keep in frequent communication in general. I’m just noticing her pulling back and to be honest I can’t be bothered to deal with the same **** my ex tried to pull. I’d rather just exit stage left, stay single and keep a few women in rotation instead or committing to one.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well I think you have your answer man. At this point, your goals have diverged. She’s played her cards and you decided not to continue the game. She’s telling you she wants a baby daddy. You don’t want to be that baby daddy. Let her go and find someone who will.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Would you think your girlfriend is taking the piss if she said she would call you back after doing some house duties, settling her daughter for bed etc...

Would you ask her what took her so long? Personally this comes across as too needy in my eyes or would you just ignore it and act like everythings normal?

You're

-Dating a single mom

-Mulling over this situation more intensely than Truman deliberating dropping The A Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki

-Asking everyone else here for directions and approval for whatever decision you make

The available evidence suggests that you've a neediness problem more generally, one which extends far beyond this one broad

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

-Mulling over this situation more intensely than Truman deliberating dropping The A Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki

I'm sure Truman didn't deliberate that long over wiping out a few hundred thousand Japanese.

Not to mention that without their atomic anxiety we probably wouldn't have so many Godzilla movies.

 

[Afrodesiac]

You're

-Dating a single mom

-Mulling over this situation more intensely than Truman deliberating dropping The A Bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki

-Asking everyone else here for directions and approval for whatever decision you make

The available evidence suggests that you've a neediness problem more generally, one which extends far beyond this one broad

I totally agree. The issue is this - when I get into relationships I tend to play it solid at the start, getting her to invest more, playing it cool and generally not giving a **** about the trajectory of the interaction, which gets her highly invested - but then my emotions start to get involved and I notice the same outcome i.e the woman starts to pull back to some extent. Now usually this is her testing the waters to see if I maintain frame or get overly needy/reactive - this is were half the time I fail but it depends on how high my level of interest in the woman is. I failed miserably with my ex because I was questioning her all the time and **** but she was a top tier narcissist and ****ed my head up in more ways than one. With my current girl - for the most part I generally play it like I don’t care too much, but I may be slipping into some tendencies which may be making her question whether or not i’m truly alpha. What do you suggest I do to stop having needy tendencies leak out into the relationship? Stop committing so quickly to one chick and have a few in rotation? Thank you all for the responses by the way.

 

[Afrodesiac]

Also, if i ignore her, don’t respond etc she’ll blow up my phone with calls and when I do answer she gets pissed off and starts questioning me and saying even if i’m busy I could at least answer and tell her i’m busy doing X Y Z ill call you back when i’m free etc. She’s super clingy in that sense.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What do you suggest I do to stop having needy tendencies leak out into the relationship?

Don't have relationships until you had sex with so many women that the mere thought of pushing your limp chafed noodle in another hole becomes a chore and you can judge relationships with something else than your penis.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Also, if i ignore her, don’t respond etc she’ll blow up my phone with calls and when I do answer she gets pissed off and starts questioning me and saying even if i’m busy I could at least answer and tell her i’m busy doing X Y Z ill call you back when i’m free etc. She’s super clingy in that sense.

No, dude, she is controlling. Because you lack self-control.

You need to learn how to read women before having relationships with them. That alone will spare you a lot of headaches.

 

[Afrodesiac]

No, dude, she is controlling. Because you lack self-control.

You need to learn how to read women before having relationships with them. That alone will spare you a lot of headaches.

Can you elaborate on this a bit more please.