Girlfriend staying over at a guy's place

[guitaronfire411]

My girlfriend is moving out at the end of this month because she found a better place and her room-mate is driving her crazy. Case in point: The room-mate lives in the adjacent room with her mother and acts as if she's the landlord, saying that my gf stays up too late (beyond 10PM) and plays movies/music after that time.

To make a story short, she needed to find somewhere to stay before the 15th of December and was going to stay with a female friend. Turns out the only person that could have her for a weekish is a guy friend who wants to meet me, and who she claims has a girlfriend.

She has said that I cannot stay over in the period that she is at this guy-friend's place. I told her straight up that I strongly dislike this idea of staying with a guy friend. My father says this is bad news, so does a friend who I consulted about this situation.

Any ideas? My father suggested that she stays with my grandmother instead but he doesn't like that idea too much.

 

[Jitterbug]

To make a story short, she needed to find somewhere to stay before the 15th of December and was going to stay with a female friend. Turns out the only person that could have her for a weekish is a guy friend who wants to meet me, and who she claims has a girlfriend.

Did she ask you if she could stay with you or someone you know (like a family member) during that week? Did she ask you for help at all?

She has said that I cannot stay over in the period that she is at this guy-friend's place. I told her straight up that I strongly dislike this idea of staying with a guy friend. My father says this is bad news, so does a friend who I consulted about this situation.

Her staying with a guy friend isn't as bad as that part in bold. Why would that be a problem?

I'd meet her guy friend and ask him about it. If his answer makes no sense, you're being served BS.

 

[slaog]

Go and investigate it.


Did you stay over in her previous place? It seems strange that she said you can't stay overnight in the new place. If she wanted it she'd talk it over with the new roommate. If he does have a problem with it then it doesn't sound much better then the previous arrangment.

 

[window]

Man you are way overreacting imo...it's only for a week and this is the only place she can get put up for a week. Yet you "strongly dissagree" ! lol The reason you cant stay over is out of respect to the person who is putting her up for a week. It would be just plane rude. My guess is if you keep up this lamo possesive behaviour this chick will flick you.

 

[Veridin]

Yes, it all depends on what that guy is like, and what your girlfriend is like.

When there are problems with living conditions, that is really hard, and sometimes concessions have to be made in other fields. So if she has to stay with that guy, then okay. If she is trustworthy, okay. Now, of course the guy will look at her and think what if, any guy would. I would, even though I would never flirt with a girl who has a boyfriend. That's tough, but hey. If there are no other options, then it is sufferable, and it is only for two-three weeks, right?

 

[slaog]

To make a story short, she needed to find somewhere to stay before the 15th of December and was going to stay with a female friend. Turns out the only person that could have her for a weekish is a guy friend who wants to meet me, and who she claims has a girlfriend.

Thats nonsense. I doubt he's dying to meet you unless he fancies you.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I believe it was Rollo who said something like: "women do communicate directly, but they do so covertly" or something like that.

Unless your g/f is so completely detached from her own humanity she has to know that living with one man while dating another will cause jealousy in any b/f she might have except 1.) if her b/f was a monk and 2.) if her b/f didn't care.

It's a sign of disrespect and low interest in you. Except for the most bizarre circumstances, there should be some place else she could stay for that week. Stay with you, stay with her parents, stay with a brother or sister. It's bullsh!t and anyone who isn't in the matrix knows it (hell even most people in the matrix probably know it).

 

[guitaronfire411]

Thanks guys for the fast replies.

- This guy wants to meet me. Apparently she has known him for at least a year and considers him 'like a younger brother'.

- She claims that his hours are erratic and he won't be there most of the time -- if this is true, why can I not stay over or (presumably) hangout with her there??

@window: Respect? What about respect for me?

She did not ask whether she could stay with me or my family.

I have stayed over at her place numerous times. it is at her temp place with this guy that she has said I cannot.

Have not met the guy. Do not know what he's like.

@Luthor Rex: I know as much. She can't stay with family since she's not from here and it seems like she doesn't have a lot of friends.

Is she trustworthy? So far, I haven't discovered any reason to NOT trust her. I just think that giving him/her the opportunity is far too much.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

If it smells like a rat...

 

[vitor]

Why dont you say come stay with me? Problem solved, its so weird that staying with you would not be her first choice...

 

[window]

it is an emergency place of residence for a week...totally blown out of proportion.

 

[horaholic]

I agree with window here. It sounds like she has no other choice for the time being. But yes, why cant she stay at your place, at least some of the nights?

 

[tafakna]

Does she need to find a place to stay before the end of this month, or before Dec 15th?

If it's the latter there are still 3 weeks to go. I ask because the way you wrote, it seemed like your gf was pushing to live with this particular guy.

On the other hand, if I were the guy trying to truly help a friend, I would certainly push some conditions. I wouldn't like to offer a hand to a female friend, and get a combo deal with her boyfriend sleeping over all the time.

So things can go both ways here, more details would be helpful...

 

[Byezbozhniy]

Kicking up a fuss over this can only make things worse. Just imagine them lounging around watching a movie and then her telling him about how her boyfriend just doesn't understand her.

For me it would be no biggie whatsoever. And I certainly wouldn't expect to be invited to the guy's place. While she's staying at the guy's place you can always invite her over to yours for at least 3 nights to "give the other guy some breathing space."

Just hope that the guy isn't a Don.

 

[SmoothTalker]

There's really only one part of this that doesn't sit well with me. Why the hell would she not at least ask if she can stay with you?

Offer her the chance, and if she says no, something is probably up.

I mean she was apparently desperate and this is the only person she could find, but she didn't ask the person most people would ask first in this situation?

 

[everywomanshero]

Sounds pretty weird to me. I don't really like to involve myself deeply with women who can't even transition from one secure place to live to another.
I must have missed why she doesn't have any close gfs or family that would let her stay for a week, thats not a long time, and a pretty big red flag for me right there, but whatever. I have no idea what's going on with this person, but I suspect she might be insane.

 

[WC2]

Look, I'm the last one to tell someone on these boards to overreact; most of the time guys on here simply just think too much.

But this doesn't sound good to me for several reasons.

1) It's your girlfriend. She should WANT to stay at your place over any other dude's place. It doesn't mean you should let her, but the fact that she doesn't want to tells me something

2) She says you cannot be there when he's there. What? What's the reasoning for this again? Oh what? She doesn't want you to see that she and him have some kind of connection? Just saying.. she wants to be there alone with him for a reason..

3) The line "He's dying to meet you" to me at least, is a dead give away that she's clearly overstating the situation for a reason. Why would some dude be dying to meet you unless he's gay? This to me is a huge red flag and I've actually dated women who told me they'd LOVE for me to meet a guy and 99% of the time they ended up being old f*ck buddies or flings. Think about it. You didn't even know this dude was her friend and you've been dating her for awhile right? Friends talk often, right? I'm not sure if I'm buying that he's just a FRIEND. It sounds to me like he's more like something from her past or possibly just a new guy she's met and taken interest in.

I'm not implying that she's definitely inching to cheat on you. However I am implying that her reasoning on this makes no sense. And that bothers me.

Moreover, she's already making excuses to why you can't come. He's up at erratic hours? How long did it take her to think of that, and WHAT does that have to do with you being there? Women start making excuses when they know they have done/are about to do something wrong. They don't make excuses when they're about to do something right.

The wrong thing to do in this situation is overreact. However these are non-biased questions you must ask yourself. Leave behind the belief that your chick would never cheat on you; if you think like this then you are going to believe anything you tell yourself.

 

[radiodude]

WC2 hit the nail on the head!

My friend, this is the biggest load of crap I've heard a chick feed a guy recently and expect him to actually believe it. The worst part here is that you seem to already be doubting yourself.

This is stinkiness to the max. The level of disrespect she is showing you right now is actually proof the relationship just needs to end. Right now!

You need to break up with her. YOU need to do it and very soon. Just end it. If she gets upset, tell her exactly why and tell her that it's evidence to you that you guys aren't right for each other and that you have vastly different outlooks on life.

If her natural thought wasn't to stay with someone related to YOU, then she doesn't want you all that much.

 

[Phenomenal One]

i don't have any expression in situations like this but to me it sounds weird as hell.

 

[In2theGame]

My girlfriend is moving out at the end of this month because she found a better place and her room-mate is driving her crazy. Case in point: The room-mate lives in the adjacent room with her mother and acts as if she's the landlord, saying that my gf stays up too late (beyond 10PM) and plays movies/music after that time.

To make a story short, she needed to find somewhere to stay before the 15th of December and was going to stay with a female friend. Turns out the only person that could have her for a weekish is a guy friend who wants to meet me, and who she claims has a girlfriend.

She has said that I cannot stay over in the period that she is at this guy-friend's place. I told her straight up that I strongly dislike this idea of staying with a guy friend. My father says this is bad news, so does a friend who I consulted about this situation.

Any ideas? My father suggested that she stays with my grandmother instead but he doesn't like that idea too much.

As soon as she mentioned staying at this guys place, red flags should have gone up for you. PERIOD.