Girlfriend says she doesn't want me as much... wth??

[Checkmate12]

Essentially the girlfriend (of 3 months) and I had a bit of an "off week", where we saw each other entirely too much at this stage of the relationship. We went on a two day trip out of state to her brothers house and saw each other a couple more days that week. The connection wasn't really there for some reason. I think the familiarity was beginning to kill attraction. She wasn't hysterical at my jokes like she normally is. The physical affection was at a minimum. The vibe all around was pretty wack.

Sensing this, I really backed off about 5 days ago. Started focusing more on work, the gym, and my other passions/hobbies. I started going to bed earlier, avoiding long phone conversations with her, and kept the texting at a bare minimum this entire week. Basically I stopped really giving a crap because I'm not a huge fan of having to put in a lot of effort to get my own girlfriend to like me. She has responded really well to this. The "I miss you's" have really started to increase on her part. She calls me several times a day to which I only answer about half the time. She has been chasing. All in all, she is back to normal and coming on even a little bit stronger than before.

I see her last night for the first time since I put the distance between us and it went great. Tons of laughing, joking, kissing. Our normal selves. At the end of the night she drops it on me that during the previous week she honestly just hadn't had as great of a desire for me as usual. She says she got scared because she wasn't sure why her feelings hadn't been as strong for me. My pride was hurt but I wasn't surprised at all. I was a little indifferent towards the news, told her I had sort of felt the same way, and that I really don't care to be in a relationship that I have to work for the adoration of my own girlfriend. (I didn't dramatize any of this, just stated it matter-of-factly cause that's how I feel). She starts to panic and tells me that things are back to normal and that she definitely still wants me and wants to continue to work at our relationship.

I'm not at all naïve, but things really do appear to be back to normal. Though I know I can't proceed as normally here, this was a game changer. I plan to be much more cautious and distant/self-focused like I have been the past week. How do I keep this from happening again? I really care for this girl but I will walk away from the relationship if this becomes a chronic issue. Any advice or insight on what the heck happened or how to proceed? My mind is still in a bit of a whirlwind.

 

[XY.]

It may be fixed for now but you're just putting a band aid on something that needs surgery. Next time she acts up and I can assure you that she will then it's time to jet. Three months is long enough. Get your plates ready

 

[Checkmate12]

It may be fixed for now but you're just putting a band aid on something that needs surgery. Next time she acts up and I can assure you that she will then it's time to jet. Three months is long enough. Get your plates ready

Well for her sake, I hope she doesn't act up again. Ill be out the door and she'll be left with a big, steaming pile of regret.

 

[instantnoodles]

Well for her sake, I hope she doesn't act up again. Ill be out the door and she'll be left with a big, steaming pile of regret.

I'd play the same game as you . Playa

 

[luber873]

Isn't rule #1 never listen to what a woman says? She thinks with her feelings.

 

[JoeMarron]

I think the fact that you guys had an off week is a red flag. I understand the importance of not spending every waking moment with your gf, giving her the gift of missing you, etc. but if your gf is already bored with you 3 months into the relationship, what are things going to look like a year from now? 5 years? 10? If you plan on being with her long term, you guys will inevitably spend more and more time together. Desire isn't gonna stay at 100% all the time but I'd be a bit weary if my gf was already slipping three months in.

 

[Checkmate12]

I think the fact that you guys had an off week is a red flag. I understand the importance of not spending every waking moment with your gf, giving her the gift of missing you, etc. but if your gf is already bored with you 3 months into the relationship, what are things going to look like a year from now? 5 years? 10? If you plan on being with her long term, you guys will inevitably spend more and more time together. Desire isn't gonna stay at 100% all the time but I'd be a bit weary if my gf was already slipping three months in.

I agree completely Joe. This was a huge red flag for me. I'm not gonna jump ship just yet but ill certainly be prepared if it comes up again.

 

[luber873]

Look at it the other way, may she said "that during the previous week she honestly just hadn't had as great of a desire for me as usual" because she wanted to test your interest level.

Look at it like energy. If you're upbeat, confident, etc your woman will pick up on this and things will flow more smoothly. Maybe you did spend too much time together and you did a good job re-calibrating by taking some time off. Don't pay as much attention to what she says. Think about YOUR energy level.

 

[DonGorgon]

she has met a new guy and he has Fed her.. she is just ready for new sex am suspecting you did not satisfy her..

 

[Checkmate12]

Look at it the other way, may she said "that during the previous week she honestly just hadn't had as great of a desire for me as usual" because she wanted to test your interest level.

Look at it like energy. If you're upbeat, confident, etc your woman will pick up on this and things will flow more smoothly. Maybe you did spend too much time together and you did a good job re-calibrating by taking some time off. Don't pay as much attention to what she says. Think about YOUR energy level. [/B]

I like this. The problem I'm having now is that I naturally want to pull away and not have much to do with her, let alone be upbeat in our interactions. Our conversation last night has turned me off in a big way. She just asked if I'd attend a family dinner with her tonight which I am seriously thinking about declining.

I guess I just need to keep my attitude of indifference going and maintain my outcome independence so that no matter what happens with us Im not phased? As it turns out, the more bullcrap I have to put up with in this relationship, the easier it is to be indifferent about whatever happens.

she has met a new guy and he has Fed her.. she is just ready for new sex am suspecting you did not satisfy her..

Been waiting on the classic SS answer. I can assure you she has not met a new guy and she's never had sex in her life as she's a devout Christian. The girl couldn't tell a lie even if it meant saving humanity. You need to start messing with quality women that don't force you to jump to the conclusion of infidelity as the source of every relationship problem my man.

 

[HyperAnalyze]

she has met a new guy and he has Fed her.. she is just ready for new sex am suspecting you did not satisfy her..

Might be jumping to conclusions but,

If you have a quality girl, she will want your attention, seek you out, always want to hang out with you and give you her love/affection.

3 months in? She had better still have puppy dog eyes for you. Otherwise, get the straws cause you had better be spinning your plates soon. :woo:

 

[London NATURAL]

Tldr, only read the title. But I understand the saying is "next"

 

[betheman]

Been waiting on the classic SS answer. I can assure you she has not met a new guy and she's never had sex in her life as she's a devout Christian. The girl couldn't tell a lie even if it meant saving humanity. You need to start messing with quality women that don't force you to jump to the conclusion of infidelity as the source of every relationship problem my man.

Dear god! the naievety is strong in this one..I can assure you?? really? men have brought up children for years in the belief they they planted the seed in that womb... but you? you are different right? she is a devout christian? hmmm, she may not have but open your fvcking eyes

 

[Checkmate12]

Dear god! the naievety is strong in this one..I can assure you?? really? men have brought up children for years in the belief they they planted the seed in that womb... but you? you are different right? she is a devout christian? hmmm, she may not have but open your fvcking eyes

The use of questions for a sarcastic, self-righteous effect? Where do I get off claiming I know the status of my girlfriends fidelity better than a couple guys on a message board? Perhaps you have some superior enlightening that you could share with such a naïve fool? Am I using the question asking method correctly here????

 

[betheman]

The use of questions for a sarcastic, self-righteous effect? Where do I get off claiming I know the status of my girlfriends fidelity better than a couple guys on a message board? Perhaps you have some superior enlightening that you could share with such a naïve fool? Am I using the question asking method correctly here????

the liberal use of question MARKS you mean??????? forgive me my self righteous outpouring dear pontif!!!!!! (note liberal use of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!)
married men, men in long term committed relationships have 'know the status of their womans fidelity' to only have their very arses burned in disbelief and wondermwne , at the outright lies of said women. as I stated it may not be the case with you, but if this was a roulette table, id wager there is or has been, interest from another man.
post your age

 

[Checkmate12]

the liberal use of question MARKS you mean??????? forgive me my self righteous outpouring dear pontif!!!!!! (note liberal use of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!)
married men, men in long term committed relationships have 'know the status of their womans fidelity' to only have their very arses burned in disbelief and wondermwne , at the outright lies of said women. as I stated it may not be the case with you, but if this was a roulette table, id wager there is or has been, interest from another man.
post your age

You have a valid point sir!! I have no rebuttal other than, I am still quite sure this is a huge non-factor. I have plenty of reason to believe what I believe. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Also, I will assure you that this is not the classic case of me wanting to defend my ego or the fact that my poor heart couldn't handle the thought of her committing the wretched act of oogling another mans goodies. In fact, that thought doesn't scare me at all because that would make this situation infinitely easier. A quick next!

 

[user name]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOpei8RZp4I

 

[Night-hawk]

^^^:crackup:

If you have a quality girl, she will want your attention, seek you out, always want to hang out with you and give you her love/affection.

Pretty much.

 

[Big Nuts]

Checkmate: She may have not been with another man physically, but she could still be with someone else, at least emotionally...and it might not be you??? i.e. Is another man pursuing her that gets her "wet"? Work/school colleague, FB friend, old boyfriend, online/social net working punk?

Tread carefully.

 

[Skyline]

You answered your own questions! Plus listen to her actions, if they matched what she said, which in this case they did, then believe it.

What happened? You became too available, too familiar, and not mysterious. You didnt mention how you were before but im guessing you were around her often but then this came and it was sort of the "breaking point."

How do you prevent it from happening again? You said and already did it! This isnt 100% fool proof but it will keep her hooked. You became busy during those days. You werent paying attention to her, not talking, and thus became mysterious again boosting her attraction. Simply do your own thing!

As for the cheating. I.. What? I honestly think she just lost attraction because you were always there. And it was proven because when you withdrew, she chased!