Girlfriend says "sex hurts"

[brod716]

We haven't had sex too many times, I would say total of about 7 or 8, and then had a long break from each other, not by choice. Anyways, now she's back and holding out on me -- no skin-to-skin contact, however very wild and sexual through clothes. She was never really comfortable during making love and would almost always use KY for lubrication.

She now says that it hurts and it had always hurt (I wasn't her first either), and she wants it [wants me] but the pain turns her off and she's afraid of it.

What would you recommend? How would I approach the subject, I am not selfish - I want to make her feel good too. Should we just experiment, what do I say to her to calm her? Just be serious, please.

Thanks

 

[sux2bu]

Oh boy... we're going to have fun with this thread.

 

[brod716]

Originally posted by sux2bu
Oh boy... we're going to have fun with this thread.

Have some compassion yo!

 

[iqqi]

how much time to you spend on 4play?

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

You should ask her WHAT hurts during sex... It could be that you are "bumping" into her cervix which can be unpleasant, but easily fixed by a change of position, etc. Or maybe she's not lubricated enough (may need to take longer to get her "ready" for sex). She may have an infection of some sort... I'm not sure what infections would cause these problems but I know there are some (some are STDS, some are just regular inflammations or whatnot). Maybe she should go to the gyneocologist and get checked out. Who knows, she might even be allergic to the lubricant or the latex condoms (sometimes allergies show up out of nowhere after a while). And there's also the possibility that she's lying, but I can't imagine why... I don't know if she's a nut, you'll have to be the judge of that

 

[sux2bu]

Damn, you're either hung and she doesn't like to be disemboweled while having sex, or maybe shes gotta small hooch. I've been with a couple girls that I couldn't go all the way in with.

 

[brod716]

Originally posted by iqqi
how much time to you spend on 4play?

Enough - that is never the issue, she would always initiate closer contact when she'd be ready.

Actually she had asked a doctor about this before -- all she got as the response was "you have to relax" -- DUH, that didn't help...

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

Originally posted by brod716
Enough - that is never the issue, she would always initiate closer contact when she'd be ready.

Actually she had asked a doctor about this before -- all she got as the response was "you have to relax" -- DUH, that didn't help...

Well it might be psychological. There are sexual disorders where women can't have sex or sex hurts, but it's all psychosomatic. Did she have this problem in the past with other partners or is it a new problem?

 

[Miles Davis]

You need to be gentle the next time around, dude. She's going to have to learn to like it if she's gonna be with you. At least that's the way it is for me. Next time you do it use lots of lube. Check out Liquid KY instead of the normal kind in the tube. Enter her inch by inch at a time, let her get used to you. It might take some time. I did this with one of my past girlfriends, and she began to love the sex. Yeah, and foreplay too.

If it becomes too much effort and you're not satisfied, then you gotta step up and make a decision.

 

[iqqi]

Originally posted by brod716
Enough - that is never the issue, she would always initiate closer contact when she'd be ready.

Actually she had asked a doctor about this before -- all she got as the response was "you have to relax" -- DUH, that didn't help...

if the doc told her she has to relax, that would mean foreplay is NOT doing the job, which it should. in most cases sex hurts when she isn't lubricated enough. that would be foreplay. and the time it takes is different for all women.

maybe she is too insecure to make you keep up 4play until she is really ready, so she gives in too soon. honestly, cuz i used do that sometimes. try this: next time you are with her just tease her. don't make her think she HAS to have sex with you. as a matter of fact, don't even let her. do this the next two or three times. then, the time when you do have sex, make foreplay last all night, until she is wet through her panties, then try it.

see what happens.

 

[Kodiac]

You sure your putting it in the right hole ??

But seriously... she's got to relax, take it slow and yeah...get out the KY jelly...then take it slow some more, do heaps of foreplay.

Once she learns to enjoy it (thus relaxing) id assume it would all be smooth sailing from there on in

 

[BobbDobbs]

There are a million ways to have sexual fun without penetration.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Astro-glide?

 

[Pancho]

spit?

 

[DuckMan]

^^spit, tats a first, all else fails, try it.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Are you a brotha? If not you must be packing babyboy! Use Ky it helps alot...and don't forget to put some on your middle finger to stimulate that cl*it while your hitting it...for her extra and added pleasure....uh let me add gently stimulate..

 

[Kwah]

Its most likely lubrication and size related. Just lube the **** out of yourself and go really slowly. My current girlfriend is very very tight that way and I have to go very slowly till she gets used to me. Once we get past that though she rides me like a pony. Just think of it as inspiration to take your time.

 

[ZeeOwl]

Malibu pretty much covered it all (figures ). The only other think I can think of is a psychological disorder (can't remember what it's called) which causes a woman's sphincters to contract when in sexual situations. It's caused by anxiety about sex. The causes can be multiple, usually some kind of childhood sexual abuse or having been raped. In mild cases, it causes pain during penetration (and if you've had several partners, she'll probably feel unusually tight). In extreme cases you won't even be able to penetrate her.

In any case, she needs to see a sex therapist. Her doctor is obviously not helping. And offer to go with her. She might not want you to, but she'll appreciate the support.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

What do you notice about her hole? ....anything that shouldn't be there? Like little white particles that can pass for cottage cheese? It could be a yeast infection. Some women, have this, and have no idea they have it, or too embarrassed to say it. It's described as a burning sensation during and after sex. Ask her.... have you tried using a condom?

If it's the girth, just do what I do... start it in REALLY slow. I mean sloooooooooooooooooooow. Don't drive the whole thing
in there... just eeeeeasy in, eeeeasy out, rotate, go a little deeeper, deeeeeper, easy out, and repeat. Eventually, she want it plowed in but, first, eeeeeeeasy, and slooooooow.

 

[brod716]

OK, thanks for your suggestions... Most of them are to take it EASY -- and I HAVE noticed that that's what she always insisted on, especially at the beginning -- SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW -- I'll try that...

And to answer all questions at once - no, she's not sick, she has no STDs, she has had one partner before, and I had NONE before, so I don't know if she's considered big or small - I think small though, from what I gather, and I would NOT be considered big by my anyone's standards

Anyhoo, thanks, will see what happens.