Girlfriend refuses to let me take explicit/nude pictures of her during sex

[sasquatch22]

Hi all

I currently have a girlfriend who I've been in a LTR with for about 8 months now. We're pretty good together, and she's generally quite liberal in the bedroom - she is definitely not a prude. However the problem is that we have a partly long distance relationship - she lives in another country.

We've been seeing each other every other month, so we've really only had 4 months of actual physical contact with each other. This hasn't led to too many problems, but one major one for me is sex. I'm a virile guy, and I miss her body terribly when she's away for a month at a time.

To counter this, I have requested numerous times that she let me take videos and/or pictures of her naked, or us having sex, so that I have something to "tide me over" while I don't actually have her. But she is totally against this idea and tells me so - she says that she sees absolutely no value in it, and that having pictures would only be a further "temptation" and would bring us no real comfort whatsoever. She also says she doesn't like the idea of anybody having such sensitive photographs of her (presumably in case the relationship went south and I posted them all over the internet, which I really doubt I'd do). She says that if our relationship is strong then we should survive without this stuff.

I think the sacrifice is very small on her part - she lets me take a few sexy photos, and I get to be a bit happier for the next month. Is this reasonable? Who is being selfish here?

How do I convince her to let me take pictures? Please don't just suggest threatening to leave her or banging other women while she's gone - as I said it's a LTR and although I'm totally fine with voicing my dissatisfaction to her, I can't cheat on her as it's quite serious now.

This issue might seem trivial but it bothers me, perhaps out of principle, that she isn't willing to make this kind of sacrifice for me when it's so easily done, and I'd be so willing to do the equivalent for her.

Cheers!

 

[DJDamage]

Tell her that you want to take pictures of her body parts without her face, thus if the pictures do leak out (which is probably what every girl fears of especially when its over, all bets are off) it could be anyone's ass in that picture.

 

[Captain]

I currently have a girlfriend who I've been in a LTR with for about 8 months now. We're pretty good together, and she's generally quite liberal in the bedroom - she is definitely not a prude. However the problem is that we have a partly long distance relationship - she lives in another country.

First, long distance relationships are not good relationships. You might not want to hear it, but you should be seeing other women. Not wanting to hear that advice doesn't make it any less true.

Now to your question.

You need to tell her how sexy she looks. Start with something innocent, like her in her lingerie. When she's in her bed in her underwear, tell her that she looks great and you're going to take a photo. Then show her the photo and tell her how sexy she looks. Don't make a big deal out of it. Make sure you've got her turned on first, build the sexual tension. Don't ask if you can take a photo, tell her you're going to.

 

[amoka]

Wrong... your girlfriend has everything to loose by allowing you to take a nude picture of her. She is smart. If you want to look at a nude picture while your girlfriend is away, go get someone on the side.

 

[prairiedog24]

Bro... please. If I were you, I'd think it was sexy that I was dating a girl with a brain.

 

[Prodigy746]

Shes actually a smart girl man. Very smart indeed ...might want to keep this one. She isnt dumb enough to fall for that and next if you do brake up w her you show her nude pics to your friends or even post them on a site. You might not be like that but i would say 80% of the guys would do it. Imagine she cheats on you.... do you actually think you would not show those pics to your friend if he asked you. Maybe you would be so pissed and would upload them on the web for everyone to see.

I do think you are being selfish... if you want nude pics there is plenty of porn on the internet. Better yet, the girls on most porn videos have much better body than your gf... i am 100% sure of that. SO your argument is bad and selfish.

 

[The Gamer]

Girls right, your wrong.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

She's correct in being concerned. I went through this myself last year, and it ended badly... with my exes DAD ending up with OUR VIDEO! Hehe I'm not going to regret it, but I sure as heck won't do it again!

 

[handle]

You have a smart girl. Pictures during sex is not one of those things you should expect people to be okay with.

 

[sasquatch22]

Thanks for all the replies so far.

I'm aware it's a sensitive issue and one which nobody should be expected to be automatically OK with. However because of our long-distance situation, I had hoped we could work something out. Having pictures and other reminders like articles of clothign really helps me deal with the separation - I guess I'm the kind of guy who needs a constant reminder like that. Omitting her face from the pictures could be one compromise.

Don't ask if you can take a photo, tell her you're going to.

I've thought about this method, but it always seemed a bit risky for me - pulling something like that might ruin the mood. I'd much rather get her mentally "on board" and have her understand where I'm coming from, so that she doesn't just think I'm a pervert who wants pics to stare at all day.

I guess this represents an underlying issue in our relationship where I feel like she doesn't understand me or can't empathise with me. I know in situations like this she might be totally justified in being stubborn but sometimes it's clear that if she disagrees with something, then it's automatically bad and my opinion or feelings don't matter.

Please keep the suggestions coming, and thanks.

 

[shaunuk]

This is one of those things that has to be decided by whether people are comfortable with it or not.

Some girls are perfectly happy to be filmed whilst sucking c0ck and being fvcked....but some are dead set against the idea (for various reasons; body issues, fear of leak, and actual trust issues of course).

And then there's girls inbetween these two extremes, which is where lots and lots lay. Some girls may let you take topless photos, or photos which don't include their faces. Others might be OK with topless or lingerie pics...etc..

Also as the trust in the relationship grows, you may be more likely to get what you're after.

 

[shaunuk]

Basically since relationships have to be about compromise at some point, if you want to continue the relationship, your best bet is to only go as far as she will allow and don't verbally beg for it.

If trust increases and you keep doing a good job in the sack, she may even start suggesting going a little bit further with pics etc.

 

[amoka]

Omitting her face from the pictures could be one compromise.

It looks and feels like you want something to masturbate to. If you want something of her to keep as a reminder, take a picture with her--- not a nude picture of her. She will not let you. period.

 

[sasquatch22]

It looks and feels like you want something to masturbate to.

Well actually, I was going to add "...but I'd much rather keep her face in the pictures". I don't just want something to jack off with, I wan't to reminded of what it's like to be with HER sexually. That's exactly why I'm not just using porn.

 

[Warrior74]

Honestly its too late. You "asked permission" instead of creating an atmosphere where it just happens naturally.

The few times I have taken naked pics of girls, we had been taking pics before we got in the bedroom, funny pics, sexy pics, just having fun. We continued taking pics until we got into the bedroom and it just progressed naturally as a part of having fun.

I had a one nighter with some girl I met online a few months back and took pictures of her from the minute I stepped in her house until my cawk was in her mouth, she didn't mind at all but emailed me a few days later and asked me not to post them online.

You have to lead, be natural, and not beg or ask. If you've already asked more than once then your begging. Drop it for a few months and then try again naturally, but as her guard is up about it, I would probably say it's not going to happen for you in my opinion.

 

[Strongsauce]

Well... it looks like everyone here's pretty against the idea. But, I'd say one way to convince her of your trustworthiness would be to give her something as like, collateral or insurance. Sensitive material of your own, or something you highly value that you leave in her possession just to show she can trust you. Then, when/if you guys split up you can just swap it back (hah, I could see that meeting being mega awkward). And if you aren't comfortable with that, then maybe you'll see it from her perspective. But yeah, ignoring all of this, being in this kind of "bargaining" phase is probably a sign that this ain't gonna fly anyways.

 

[Leporello]

Bottom line, she doesn't trust you.

Better work on that.

 

[sasquatch22]

Bottom line, she doesn't trust you.
Better work on that.

You're quite right. It's been a huge source of contention over the months. I can tell you guys with the utmost sincerity that everything I tell her and feel for her is true... but she has trouble believing it sometimes. Maybe she thinks a sincere guy is too good to be true?