girlfriend of 4 months is starting to flake, where to go now?

[jamescr73]

So I met this chick about 4 months ago, and we hit it off real well. Things have been going great. The sex is great, communication, everything. Havent had a problem in the world. Then she starts acting weird one day and comes over to my house and we have "the talk". She says in the same sentence that Im wanting to hang out with her more than she wants to hang out with me, yet she doesnt know how to read my emotion, and cant tell if "i really want to be with her or not". Im like wtf? So we fixed things that night, I actually told her that I wanted to be with her, and even though she couldnt tell how i feel all the time, to know that I do want to be with her. I keep my emotions inside, and nobody can read me.

So then comes last weekend, where she decided to go visit some friends in a college party town about 4 hours from here, and she comes back acting weird. Ends up with a bladder infection and is laid up in bed for a few days. Of course I dont see her much, actually only once this whole week. We used to stay at each others places every night. Either she was at mine, or i was at hers. So tonight I had a party at my business and she didnt show up. She wasnt feeling well, but she told me she would of come if she was feeling better, etc.

So now she wants to have another "talk" tomorrow. She wouldnt talk to me on the phone tonight because i was about half drunk at the party. How can I turn this around on her? She is one of the coolest chicks ive been with in my life, but I was talking to an ex friend of hers tonight that showed up with a friend of mine, and she told me that my gf did the same thing to her ex before me. Things were great, and after 4 or 5 months she just flaked and broke up with him for no reason. I call it getting the "what ifs?".

Should I just ignore her and go party for a few days?

 

[shavedhead]

sounds like the signs r all there man that shes gona break up with you. be prepared that she is.

 

[Aragon034]

thats messed up,

sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants and isn't ready to commit to anything long term.

why'd you feel the need to mention the bladder infection? that leads me to assume things... things you might be thinking.

personally, i'd next. It'll suck for a bit, but you're the prize here, not her.

 

[bukowski_merit]

this seems eerily similar to some stuff i've been through lately...

when a woman you're dating starts talking about how you're spending too much time together - that's about where i begin the process of seperating myself emotionally and physically from them...

when a woman is truely into me - i've never heard such a thing come out of her mouth...


i would bet that an ex has come into her life... or someone new...

 

[Jitterbug]

I know some girls who never let a relationship go beyond the 6 months mark. Some only go for a couple of months flings. They say they want to experience life more and don't want to be tied down too soon. Whatever that means.

This sucks. I think she's looking to branch-swing. This calls for a pre-emptive strike, mate. :-/ When you get to do "the talk", before she says anything, tell her you've been seeing each other too much and you want some space or take a break - something along that line, you know the sh!t that chicks often say to guys.

You should first start to separate yourself emotionally from this girl. Easy to say, hard to do, I know.

 

[tsmith2334]

three words: limit your supply.

 

[jamescr73]

she started messaging me on myspace last night, we ended up talking on the phone for awhile. Im pretty sure its over, but she said she wants to think about things for awhile. Whatever thats supposed to mean.

High points of the phone convo:
1. she says the relationship is about me, and that were always doing things I want to do (when she is never the one to contribute ideas, and if it is something she wants to do, she ends up going with her girlfriends to do it and says its a girls thing)

2. She says she has been depressed lately and needs someone to take care of her and that Im not the type of guy that does that.

3. She needs more sentiment from me toward her.

 

[jamescr73]

I know for a FACT that she wont take it in the ass. No way possible with this girl. Now I dont know for sure that she didnt cheat on me, but I brought it up last night. I dont even care anymore. Theres tons of girls out there.

 

[CFERD]

Four months seems to be the point when a woman starts to pull a lot of her sh**

You've got the right atittude. It's when you stop realising there are a ton of women out there that you start to screw yourself.

 

[Metaphysical]

James you need to 'shut down the town' on her before she ****s off completely. This means you shouldn't be contacting her any more, at all. If she tries to contact you, ignore her. Do this for about 2-3 weeks. She will freak out and have all kinds of strong emotional reactions to it, but ignore them.

After 2-3 weeks, her emotions will be so spiked up that when you go back to her, she will be crazy happy to get together with you.

If you want to find out shoot me a pm.

 

[DavenJuan]

James...

its pretty obvious what the deal is here. the bottomline is she is BORED. now, i am not implying that you are responsible for this, but based on a few things that you said, brought me to this conclusion.

im not going to go into major detail, but one of the biggest things was the whole sleeping at one anothers places almost everynight. im not saying that this is something that you should, or shouldnt do, but after only 4 months of dating, its a lot of time being spent together

Women are emotional. Once she starts to feel complacent, or that there isnt any "butterflies" anymore, she seems like shes looking not necessarliy for a new man, but to spice things up and throw some drama in the mix. inevitably if things dont change, she WILL move on.

I know you think that just because she says that you "arent that type of guy to take care of her when shes sick" , or the fact that she tells you that you dont act extremely emotional means that you are "keeping her on her toes"... but it doesnt.

imo, its better off not always TELLING her how you feel, or that you "like her", or blah blah. its better off EXPRESSING it in your own way.

my suggestion, is to take a step back and determine if this is who you really want to be with at this time in your life.

people always say "follow your gut". i know its a bit cliche, but it really is as simple as that.

follow your gut

 

[Igetit!]

Hey man,DavenJuan is right. I couldn't put it better myself. It's just like he said. Women are emotional. They want to "feel". In the beginning,it's easy for a woman to feel fire,passion,and excitement because everything is still fresh and new. However,as time passes by,the excitement starts to fade. Since you posted this here,I assume that you want the truth about your situation.
I might as well go ahead and tell you now that you are not going to like it,but here goes anyhow.

Although the passion naturally starts to fade as with any relationship,the were a couple of things that you did that helped to accelerate the loss of the passon. First of all,the first mistake was you probably spent too much time together. When you do this,what started off being special,becomes ordinary and common. Remember when you were a little kid,and how excited you were whenever Christmas came around? Now image if Christmas was everyday. Think you would still be excited? By spending too much time with her,this is what you do to the relationship. Another error you made was actually telling her that you wanted to be with her when she said that she couldn't tell if you wanted to be with her or not. Women are emotional,remember? But when she said that to you,you gave her a "logical" answer. I believe the reason she had "the talk" with you in the first place was because there was a lack of chemistry on her part,and she was hoping that you would "spark" it". I belive that that conversation was a test.

There IS a way to turn this around. Think back to when you first met her. When you first approached her,the first couple of weeks together,and I mean at least the first two,three,or four weeks. Look at the things that you used to do,used to say,and the behaviors you used to have towards her. Now ask yourself this question:Have I changed? Am I still doing the things I started off doing at the beginning? Do I still talk to her the same way,look at her the same way,act and behave the same way?

Compare the things you do now to back then to see if they are the same,and if they have changed,then go back to doing what you used to do. Now listen,if you have to go back and do what it was that you used to do,DO NOT do them all at once. If you do,your girlfriend will think that you are nuts. Just do a little here and a little there. Just a drop every now and then.

Oh yeah,one more thing. Don't tell your girlfriend that you are doing this.
Don't say anything about it. You,by yourself,on your own make these changes. Change what you send out,and you'll change what you get back

 

[jamescr73]

Igetit, the thing is, I havent changed a bit. Im always the same guy. Im still ****y and funny, I keep her laughing, I havent changed at all, except I stopped going to the gym as often and I gained like 10 lbs. (so did she btw, haha). Its her thats been changing. I find out a month into our relationship that shes on antidepressants, and now she tells me that she is depressed and that its not just me she doesnt want to be around, she doesnt want to be around anybody. She just wants to sleep all the time. Im always doing something. Im the busiest person around. I run a business that I work at 60 hours or more a week, I go to parties and clubs on the weekend. I skydive and drag race and ride motorcycles. I am generally an exciting, busy person. She even told me Ive opened her eyes to lots of exciting things. Now all of a sudden its "all about me" and that I just do things I want to do. She just lays at home all day, and Im out having fun. I figure she would be out there wanting to have fun with me. Whatever.

 

[Igetit!]

Are you sure that you haven't changed YOUR BEHAVIOR towards her?
Are you positive about that? Well,let me ask you this:The way that you would treat a woman who you don't know,but who you are romantically interested in,are you treating your girlfriend like that? Think about it.

 

[jamescr73]

I do treat her like i do other girls, I went to a party last night and realized that its just how I am. When she tells me im not sentimental enough and emotional enough toward her, it makes me feel like she wants me to be a whiny douchebag. Not going to happen, it took me a long time to get over my afc ways.

So she text'd me last night and wants to get together today to talk. I havent responded. Should I just keep on ignoring her?

 

[hanson]

Keep ignoring her. You'll realize like i did how much you don't need her. In fact i still get contacted threw phone or text everyday.

or you can talk to her and drag it on

 

[Igetit!]

Hey man,you're misunderstanding what she's trying to say to you. When she says that you aren't being sentimental or emotional enough towards her,she doesn't mean that she wants you to start spilling out your guts about how you feel about her. Dude,from what I can see,she does like you and she does care about you,and she does want to be with you. She's trying to give you the answer to what it is that she needs from you in order to be happy in the relationship,but you keep misunderstanding what she's saying to you.

Listen,women are emotional,right? Her emotional needs aren't being met by you. That's why she started acting weird. When you are in a relationship where your needs aren't being met,even though you may like or care about your partner,your needs not being met will cause you to act and behave in strange and negative ways with your partner. Don't believe me? Alright,how would you feel if your girlfriend was the nicest,the most honest,the most caring,she cooked for you,she was faithful to you,she was generous,she was extremely,extremely beautiful(HB 9.9). She has all of these qualities that any man would want in a woman,but she would NOT meet your needs in the relationship. And for a man,his #1 need in a relationship is sex. Now,would you still be happy? Would you be happy in a relationship with a woman who is smart,funny,beautiful,sexy,completely crazy about you,faithful,kind-hearted,ect. She has all of this going for her,but she wouldn't have sex with you. Would you act and behave "normal" around her? Would you want to hang out and spend time with her even though in your heart,you now that you're unhappy?

It's never a good sign when your girl says,"We need to talk". When a woman says that,it means that she has been trying and trying and trying and trying and TRYING to get your attention about something,but for some reason she hasn't been able to. So her saying,"We need to talk" means she's tired of trying and she's had enough.

You keep saying that you re "****y and funny",and that you keep her laughing.
If your girlfriend didn't have sex with you,but she was ****y and funny,and kept you laughing,would you be happy with her? I doubt it. Just because you say something funny doesn't mean a woman wants to date you.

It all boils down to this: Needs. She simply doesn't feel the chemistry that she felt in the beginning. It really is just that simple.

 

[jamescr73]

Igetit, i think you hit it on the head. She text'd me again tonight. I hadnt talked to her, or had any communication with her since friday night. Thats the longest period we havent talked since we met back in April. So tonight I talked to a buddy of mine about the situation and I decided to call her to set up the "talk". I initiated the meeting, by asking her to come over tomorrow after work so we could talk. She said ok. At least I will have her at my house, which shows she will at least drive across town and put some effort toward getting a solution.

I will let you guys know what goes down. If the relationship dies, im not too worried about it. One of my buddies wives has a girlfriend she wants me to meet.

 

[Igetit!]

Do you want this relationship to end? I know that I said that she no longer feels the chemistry she felt in the beginning,and yes,that is true. But it can be revived. You CAN make her feel the way she used to feel when she first met you. It is possible. But it will take some time. The fact that you have this "talk" set up with her for tomorrow makes it seem like this might be the end,or at least that's how I interpet it.

 

[jamescr73]

i dont want it to end. what do i need to do during this talk to "revive" things?