Girlfriend - no counter offer

[wonderer]

Am I over-reacting here.

Girlfriend who I have been seeing for 3 months we were supposed to be going to the city this weekend, she had bought tickets to a show and I started making the plans for tomorrow and she says she cannot go, her mum didnt let her (shes 18 and has very strict residence allowances - everything has to go through the parents! including curfew times) there was no counter offer.

I played it cool and said thats alright dont worry! I havent set up any other dates. Ive been reading about no counter offer situations and ive read that you shouldnt start asking when can we meet up straight away. I was going to wait until tomorrow to ask when shes free. Am I over-reacting here as we're in a relationship, she wants me to take the lead?

Should add that her attraction through her actions is high, she bought me gifts last time she saw me, taught me I love you in russian, said she wished she could see me every day, high kino, we agreed to having sex the first time soon (dont know if shes getting cold feet about the whole relationship with this)

 

[Jetleg]

Dont see a problem here, i think you are acting like a paranoid.

Counter offer (for me) usually applies to girls i'm starting to date, or more importantly to girls i have not dated yet. Just because she didnt counter offer one time dosent mean her IL is low, she might be disaapointed that she can go to the show, or mayb had a fight with her mom who the hell knows.

Disappear for a few days and see what happens, its so easy - if she doesnt text you in 2-3 days you know her IL is low.

The thing you should be worry about is ABOUT YOUR SELF. seems like you are too attached to her and overreact things. if she will ever act like b1tch (which i gurantee, at some point will happend) dont be afraid to walk away. "so what if she didn't counter offer? who the f*ck cares" that should be your attidue.

 

[wonderer]

Dont see a problem here, i think you are acting like a paranoid.

Counter offer (for me) usually applies to girls i'm starting to date, or more importantly to girls i have not dated yet. Just because she didnt counter offer one time dosent mean her IL is low, she might be disaapointed that she can go to the show, or mayb had a fight with her mom who the hell knows.

Disappear for a few days and see what happens, its so easy - if she doesnt text you in 2-3 days you know her IL is low.

The thing you should be worry about is ABOUT YOUR SELF. seems like you are too attached to her and overreact things. if she will ever act like b1tch (which i gurantee, at some point will happend) dont be afraid to walk away. "so what if she didn't counter offer? who the f*ck cares" that should be your attidue.

Thanks for you reply. I dont really know what happend. In terms of disappearing for a few days, she's only ever texted first a few times, I think she might be old fashioned in this sense, I didnt text her for 4 days until I had to, to find out what was going on with the play. I judge her IL on when we meet, and it is high.

 

[Jetleg]

Thanks for you reply. I dont really know what happend. In terms of disappearing for a few days, she's only ever texted first a few times, I think she might be old fashioned in this sense, I didnt text her for 4 days until I had to, to find out what was going on with the play. I judge her IL on when we meet, and it is high.

You didn't text for 4 days and then you texted her to see what is going on (you should not have done this), she then told you she cant meet you - this is somthing you should mention next time.

This a bad sign. how long haven't you met?

I can tell you one thing - she is not your GF. Girlfriends dont go ghost for 4 days and then reject without counter offering.

I hope you didn't make a scence out of it, just tell her its not a big deal, now go ghost, if she ever texts you, consider her a plate.

 

[wonderer]

You didn't text for 4 days and then you texted her to see what is going on (you should not have done this), she then told you she cant meet you - this is somthing you should mention next time.

This a bad sign. how long haven't you met?

I can tell you one thing - she is not your GF. Girlfriends dont go ghost for 4 days and then reject without counter offering.

I hope you didn't make a scence out of it, just tell her its not a big deal, now go ghost, if she ever texts you, consider her a plate.

We met exactly a week ago, we dont see eachother more than once (one time was twice a week). I didnt make a scene, I said it was fine, then left it at that, I said I can now lay in which is a good thing! Trying to be funny, she said ahah because you are the king (she calls me the king), we never text much, just to set dates up, maybe some chatter here and there, but its not unusual for us to go days without texting. I want her to chase me more which is why I dont.

Actually I didnt text just to find out what was going on, I asked her how her week was the day before.

What shouldnt I have done? And what should I ask her about? I wasnt going to ask about anything, act aloof and brush it off. Should I not go in and ask tomorrow when can meet then?

 

[Jetleg]

Listen, im not a big texter my self, but come on, girls nowdays are 24/7 on their phones. if a girl liks you enough she will text you some random sh1t. im not saying you should text every 5 minutes, but 4 days of nothing is not normal for a girlfriend. im writing it again because i think you still think she if your GF.

How often does she text her friends? how often is she online or on her phone?

Now to the point - no, you don't text her anything until she texts you. and when she text you keep it minimal, make sure to mention she needs to "make it up to you", and wait for her to suggest something. from now on she is your plate unless she shows an higer IL.

DO NOT TEXT HER.

 

[wonderer]

UPDATE - Ive seen on her social media shes in london right now with her girl friends having drinks... Ones she hasnt seen in a long time. I got blown off and possibly lied too. Its possible that she wasnt allowed to see me late and has made other plans, or its all been an excuse. She was talking about the play for weeks and was really excited about it, I know her IL is high when Im with her. Im going completely ghost. So glad I didnt message today.

 

[om1xr]

absence, dread game and having other options are the biggest powerful things to use when it comes to dating especially having options/other girls chasing you.

one more thing: you guys keep forgetting the basic rule of the one who care less, is the one who has power.

now I want you to try to be less interested, I'm not saying being aloof. but don't initiate texting until she does and when she does make your exit after a few messages. make plans with her and then flake. tell her you are going to a trip and don't invite her and if she wants say that's not possible and don't explain why. be unavailable sometimes. get more options
use the above and if she has high interest like you say she will find a way to meet you at 3am if that's what you want.

girls subconsciously like a guy who is a challenge and you are acting needy.

if you did you I said above...make sure to keep us updated.

 

[BeExcellent]

she says she cannot go, her mum didnt let her (shes 18 and has very strict residence allowances - everything has to go through the parents! including curfew times) there was no counter offer.

Did it occur to you that this ^^ may be the issue? If her parents don't like you they are going to discourage her seeing you or disallow it altogether, but the parents will likely allow time out with a girlfriend. I had very strict parents and they would block dates they didn't approve of. I dated very little in high school as a result of strict parents.

Also, some girls are NOT going to text you, especially if they are raised very conservative. Some girls do not initiate but will respond. If she has high IL when you are with her but she doesn't text, she may expect you to take the lead. If you don't she will assume (or her mum will tell her) that you don't like her that much.

Keep that in mind and don't be too scared to make contact. Just gauge her by her actions once you make contact...i.e. her response and her willingness to see you. If her responses or willingness to see you fall off, then move along, she's not that into you. Just understand that where parents are involved you've got extra interference to deal with.

 

[wonderer]

Did it occur to you that this ^^ may be the issue? If her parents don't like you they are going to discourage her seeing you or disallow it altogether, but the parents will likely allow time out with a girlfriend. I had very strict parents and they would block dates they didn't approve of. I dated very little in high school as a result of strict parents.

Also, some girls are NOT going to text you, especially if they are raised very conservative. Some girls do not initiate but will respond. If she has high IL when you are with her but she doesn't text, she may expect you to take the lead. If you don't she will assume (or her mum will tell her) that you don't like her that much.

Keep that in mind and don't be too scared to make contact. Just gauge her by her actions once you make contact...i.e. her response and her willingness to see you. If her responses or willingness to see you fall off, then move along, she's not that into you. Just understand that where parents are involved you've got extra interference to deal with.

You might have hit the nail on the head, and by going ghost I could be ruining my chances, Ive been ghost one day so far, trying to figure out if I should text or not.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Listen, im not a big texter my self, but come on, girls nowdays are 24/7 on their phones. if a girl liks you enough she will text you some random sh1t. im not saying you should text every 5 minutes, but 4 days of nothing is not normal for a girlfriend. im writing it again because i think you still think she if your GF.

How often does she text her friends? how often is she online or on her phone?

Now to the point - no, you don't text her anything until she texts you. and when she text you keep it minimal, make sure to mention she needs to "make it up to you", and wait for her to suggest something. from now on she is your plate unless she shows an higer IL.

DO NOT TEXT HER.

Don't text her at all or respond. Let her call you.

 

[wonderer]

Giving an update as people have been asking - I sent a message today, there have been a few back and fourth, just asking how her weekend was, she said she was studying (she was actually in the city with her friends, I wonder if she lied so that it didnt seem like she was blowing me off, or because this studying will become an excuse not to see me) then asked me what I had been up to, I said I was busy but it was great, she said busy is good! I said yeah time goes quick, like you said it was 3 months ago since we met! This is the last message sent so far.

I haven’t set up another date yet, I want to go ghost for another 2/3 days and see if she initiates, If not I will ask her out, this is when I will really find out whats going on. Or maybe I just stay ghost, Ive tried to talk to her a bit and she’s the one to end the text conversations, I feel like I’m being needy. Then again I’m not sure if the issue is the fact I only text to set up dates and try and go for the bang without building comfort.

I wonder if somethings happened with the mum, or shes got cold feet, as we were arranging sleeping with each other this weekend, this is why I've been trying to build up more comfort. See OP for IL when I'm with her.

 

[Trainwreck]

No offense, but you sir are a dumbass. Regardless of the fact you consider her your gf, she does not see you as her bf. So what if you'll never find out the truth first hand, get over it and grow a ***** pair and drop this ****.

 

[Jetleg]

Giving an update as people have been asking - I sent a message today, there have been a few back and fourth, just asking how her weekend was, she said she was studying (she was actually in the city with her friends, I wonder if she lied so that it didnt seem like she was blowing me off, or because this studying will become an excuse not to see me) then asked me what I had been up to, I said I was busy but it was great, she said busy is good! I said yeah time goes quick, like you said it was 3 months ago since we met! This is the last message sent so far.

I haven’t set up another date yet, I want to go ghost for another 2/3 days and see if she initiates, If not I will ask her out, this is when I will really find out whats going on. Or maybe I just stay ghost, Ive tried to talk to her a bit and she’s the one to end the text conversations, I feel like I’m being needy. Then again I’m not sure if the issue is the fact I only text to set up dates and try and go for the bang without building comfort.

I wonder if somethings happened with the mum, or shes got cold feet, as we were arranging sleeping with each other this weekend, this is why I've been trying to build up more comfort. See OP for IL when I'm with her.

Dude, come on.

We told you not to message her, stop being a f*cking donkey and start listening.
She is not stupid mate, she knows that she is f*cking with you. but you still act all g@y and sh1t asking her how her weekend was.

she probably sucks someone's c0ck as you read this, just move on.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Giving an update as people have been asking - I sent a message today, there have been a few back and fourth, just asking how her weekend was, she said she was studying (she was actually in the city with her friends, I wonder if she lied so that it didnt seem like she was blowing me off, or because this studying will become an excuse not to see me) then asked me what I had been up to, I said I was busy but it was great, she said busy is good! I said yeah time goes quick, like you said it was 3 months ago since we met! This is the last message sent so far.

I haven’t set up another date yet, I want to go ghost for another 2/3 days and see if she initiates, If not I will ask her out, this is when I will really find out whats going on. Or maybe I just stay ghost, Ive tried to talk to her a bit and she’s the one to end the text conversations, I feel like I’m being needy. Then again I’m not sure if the issue is the fact I only text to set up dates and try and go for the bang without building comfort.

I wonder if somethings happened with the mum, or shes got cold feet, as we were arranging sleeping with each other this weekend, this is why I've been trying to build up more comfort. See OP for IL when I'm with her.

She never had High IL for you

 

[RangerMIke]

You are worrying too much about this one girl that you have only been dating for 3 months. Leave her be and go date other girls... if this one comes around, great. But don't expect it. Just move on.

@BeExcellent has a point... she could be conservative... and if this kind of behavior isn't to your liking then you know she isn't right for you.

Remember you have the right to reject women just like they can reject you. The simple truth that I have discovered in my 30+ years of dating is women/girls can come to the conclusion that a match isn't right MUCH faster than we do. Your dating life will be a lot less stressful and aggravating if you learn to pick up on the little hints that you are on your way out and just cut loose women who just going to keep torturing you until you get the hint.

First hint... she starts making it hard to meet up. If you don't pick up on that.
Second hint... she starts getting b1tchy. If you don't get it then.
Third hint... she starts insulting and disrespecting you. If it still hasn't gotten through you think skull.
She just gives you the let's be friends speech.... and if you hang around hoping to turn that around... (BTW... when she says she just wants to be friends, she doesn't mean it... she wants you to go the fvck away)
She starts flaunting other dudes in front of you.

It is a rare woman/girl that is going to come right out and tell you she done with you, and for you to go away. Which naturally would make things much easier.... but alas... you have to read between the lines. When she starts making things difficult to meet up, just leave her be until she comes back to you... she might just need some space and you are giving her too much attention. If she starts b1tching at you or disrespecting you, just ignore her. If she really likes you she'll come back around... but know that this SELDOM happens, when a chick is done with you... you are done.

 

[zinc4]

Am I over-reacting here.

Girlfriend who I have been seeing for 3 months we were supposed to be going to the city this weekend, she had bought tickets to a show and I started making the plans for tomorrow and she says she cannot go, her mum didnt let her (shes 18 and has very strict residence allowances - everything has to go through the parents! including curfew times) there was no counter offer.

I played it cool and said thats alright dont worry! I havent set up any other dates. Ive been reading about no counter offer situations and ive read that you shouldnt start asking when can we meet up straight away. I was going to wait until tomorrow to ask when shes free. Am I over-reacting here as we're in a relationship, she wants me to take the lead?

Should add that her attraction through her actions is high, she bought me gifts last time she saw me, taught me I love you in russian, said she wished she could see me every day, high kino, we agreed to having sex the first time soon (dont know if shes getting cold feet about the whole relationship with this)

Wait and then set up a date when she reaches out and cancel on her right before the date.

You guys need to be more dark triad with these women.

Example: a girl im seeing kept delaying moving dates and times so tonight she said she was coming over i left with out telling her and knowing she was coming to my place and went to a mass in santo domingo church then drank some beers and rode around on a horse and carriage.

When i got wifi again i had like 15 missed messages and 5 calls saying she was at my place but i would not answer her. I told her sorry but next make time time and stick to it. You got to **** with these women snd challenge them to get the high IL up and locked them down down. If they leave then oh well.


She broke down and said i made her more angry than any guy ever and said she loves me and will make it work even though we are far away. She is just a plate unfortunately for her. It might sound mean but you become like a magnet for women once you adopt this attitude.