Girlfriend lied

[Conq2009]

Hi,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months now. I've been really happy and enjoy her company. Recently, however, I discovered she lied to me about something.

After we'd been together for a month, she sent me a love poem which she said she'd written for me. Last week I discovered that in fact she'd written it before for her ex-boyfriend. I asked her if she had definitely written it for me and she said to my face repeatedly that she had.

I'm not sure what to think. Is this a big lie? Can I trust her? What should I do?

 

[HolyG]

If she wanted to give you a love poem, I wouldn't really get too angry about that. Even if it was previously used.

Let it slide.

 

[maosrdbf]

Should you care? **** no...

but remember this: if you absolutely know that she lied about it, then now you know shes capable of lying about anything. Dont invest in this one too greatly...

 

[DJDamage]

Its the thought that counts.

As long as you are the only guy that is fvcking her then it doesn't really matter.

Although it does make her a liar so tuck that piece of information to yourself and wait to call her on it only when you are stuck in a pickle of some sort.

 

[Furyguy]

I have dealt with this **** before man, it starts there and ends with her cheating on you.

That is just my experience, if she's going to lie about trivial **** then it never really stops.

And you know, it's not the lie that bothers me. It's the fact that she sticks with it despite being caught. If it is such a little tiny thing, why not just tell the truth? I just don't understand why she felt the need to lie to me about something when the truth would have been totally fine, too.

That is just my experience anyways, and the girl in question ended up being an extremely dishonest person in general. Your girl might be way more trustworthy than mine was. For me, though, it was a slippery slope and once it got started it never stopped.



Bottom line, don't get all paranoid over it, but DO listen to what your gut is telling you.

 

[kingy]

of course she cant say "YES" lol she was in a hole and so had to respond one way. its the thought that counts, even tho she isnt very creative. its a nice thing enjoy

p.s. id actually say, noooo you wrote it for your ex u big liar lol and joke about it. she will then come back with a love essay next week.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

How many guys does history judge for the same crime? If you went back 2,000 years ago, you would find a centurion under a tree with his mistress, trying to pass of Ecclesiastes as "an original love poem."

How many guys buy their engagement ring at a pawn shop? Hell I probably would.

She lied, but it was in the name of pleasing you. She was cheesy, but in the Battle of the Sexes, the vast majority of cheese is on our side.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Hi,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months now. I've been really happy and enjoy her company. Recently, however, I discovered she lied to me about something.

After we'd been together for a month, she sent me a love poem which she said she'd written for me. Last week I discovered that in fact she'd written it before for her ex-boyfriend. I asked her if she had definitely written it for me and she said to my face repeatedly that she had.

I'm not sure what to think. Is this a big lie? Can I trust her? What should I do?

Women write love poems to their feelings, not you. It's what they're feeling that they are aimed at.

Guys write poems to specific girls or just steal them off the internet.

Leave her alone on this one, she gets a pass. Also, don't accuse a girl of lying. Just don't. She does things for mysterious reasons she does them. And, if you call her a liar when she did something for you, it really ****s her up because she's being punished for doing something while she was trying to make you happy. It's like kicking a dog for bringing in the newspaper but you find out it is actually the neighbors newspaper.

No more accusations.

And, don't be suspicious. If you're looking for negative things, you'll find things that appear negative even if they aren't. Be glad you have a girl giving you poems, no matter the source, her feelings are for you.

 

[Proselytiser]

Women write love poems to their feelings, not you. It's what they're feeling that they are aimed at.

Guys write poems to specific girls or just steal them off the internet.

Leave her alone on this one, she gets a pass. Also, don't accuse a girl of lying. Just don't. She does things for mysterious reasons she does them. And, if you call her a liar when she did something for you, it really ****s her up because she's being punished for doing something while she was trying to make you happy. It's like kicking a dog for bringing in the newspaper but you find out it is actually the neighbors newspaper.

No more accusations.

And, don't be suspicious. If you're looking for negative things, you'll find things that appear negative even if they aren't. Be glad you have a girl giving you poems, no matter the source, her feelings are for you.

She understands what she's doing, just as a guy would. I wouldn't punish her because it is the thought that counts, but she knows what's going on.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

She understands what she's doing, just as a guy would. I wouldn't punish her because it is the thought that counts, but she knows what's going on.

Women actually don't. Seriously. Their emotions have very complicated ways of justifying what they do and the reasons for those things.

This is why women will flip the **** out when pressed on something and will usually side-track into something else where the man is at fault about that other something else.

Really. This is my serious face. Women retroactively justify every thing they do because there's an emotional fog around those things they do.

In fact, I wouldn't be the least surprised if the girl believes that the poem was inspired by a man she was destined to meet. This is retroactively changing why she wrote the poem in the first place. It wasn't meant for the man she wrote it for, so, when accused of writing it for another man she will deny it.

Really. This is how they work. It's not wrong, it's not right, it's just how it is. There's extremely complicated emotional circuitry involved and accusing them of lying is useless as well as likely to cause further problems.

 

[Proselytiser]

Then why would they ever apologise?

 

[Erik V]

It's not a problem. She wanted to give you a good love poem, but she couldn't come up with a new one - perfectly understandable! If you are together for a year, I am sure both of you will do far worse things. Come on, this is nothing. You can't expect her to be a master poet; not everyone can be me.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Then why would they ever apologise?

Almost every thing women say is for an effect or to gather information.

What women say isn't nearly as important as what women do.

Apologizing is actually extremely manipulative. They'll do it just to shut you up or to seek approval. They'll also do it so they can keep getting away with crap. Many guys will accept apologies for just about any behavior even though the "I'm sorry" took all of 1/10th of a calorie to do and doesn't mean she's sorry at all.

On this note, men should very rarely apologize. Watch the guys around an HB and you'll see they apologize quite a lot whenever she acts irritated with something a guy has done. They test for this as well when a man makes a kiss move or whatever on them and it's obvious the HB was flying interest signals. They'll act a bit irritated and watch to see if he'll set his ship on course for LJBF island by saying "i'm sorry, i thought....." instead of being Alpha and acting like he did what he wanted to do, so what.

 

[AAAgent]

hahahaha i think this is so funny cuz it happened to one of my best friends too. his ex at the time wrote him a poem that she stole offline and he found it. he was pretty pissed so i can see why you're pissed as well. that girl lied about everything.... don't know if that correlates though.

 

[WaterTiger]

How did you find out she originally wrote it for him & not you???? She obviously didn't tell you.

SO.....

Was it from a male friend of hers?
(Who would love to see you guys break up so he can have a shot at her?)

Was it from a female friend of hers?
(Who would love to see you guys break up so she could have a shot at YOU?)

Was iot from a family member?
(To create family drama for the sake of drama?)

I think lying about the poem thing is a yellow flag. But I'd also think about where the information came from before I dumped her.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Strange, i had a similar thing happen.

I'm a writer, so i often get women to write me things (a lot of times regrettably as most women are horrible writers; who often just write a bunch of cliches and call it a poem.)

This girl i was with brought me a poem on a post card once (i asked her to bring it; this is something i picked up from franco). I actually liked the poem.

Then, my snooping @ss was sitting in her car one day while she was picking up something from her parents house and i found an old folder with emails from her and her ex from like a year ago.... and there it was.... almost the same exact poem and it was written to him (a few minor changes)...

What did i do? Called her out on it... and made a joke out of it...

we'd be making plans for something and setting it up... and i'd be like "ok, just text me later about it. or.... you can just forward me a text you sent to your ex a year ago.... same difference"

never let it be a serious issue... and never got bent out of shape because of it.

 

[Erik V]

Strange, i had a similar thing happen.

I'm a writer, so i often get women to write me things (a lot of times regrettably as most women are horrible writers; who often just write a bunch of cliches and call it a poem.)

So, so true!

I suppose it is because everyone wants to be an artist. But if you are bad at dancing or singing, it shows too much. However, in poetry, "modern" art declares that everything is art - as long as it doesn't have structure, rhythm and rhyme, those old-fashioned traditional things.

Same with painting. But then you have to get paint and brushes. While anyone can slap together a few lines about bad love on paper. Allow me to demonstrate:


I loved you like life itself
You said you loved me too
Then you went with HER
Now what should I do?

...Except that rhymed, so it is far too advanced already. Here's another:

i thought you loved me
and wed always be together
you said i was your's
then you left me
and said see ya later
my frends were all like thats so him
so now i lost feith
i hate you but love you so it hurts!!!

 

[koolness]

check her on it.

Tell her you want a genuine expression of affection from her to you, you want her full commitment, and that she needs to get rid of all the baggage from the past relationship , otherwise she is going to jeporadize the one she has with you.

Simple