Girlfriend Kissed her ex!

[darkwolf08]

people do make mistakes though, and ive given her 2 months of hell for it... If I leave her, i may have thrown away something very serious... but if i stay with her... she might do it again with someone else... I have been tempted myself, but never really had the oppertunity, since we share everything....

 

[Jokerlsk]

Get a grip man. Your putting her on a pedestal...... steps for recovery...
1. kick her exes ass
2.Call off the wedding, you engaged, tell her you wanna see other people don't initiate contact wait for her.
3. if she contacts you blow her off first, tell her your busy. YOU reschedule on your own terms.
That's how it needs to go down. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but if you don't do it this way things will get worse

 

[Love Ninja]

1. kick her exes ass

Yes, absolutely do this if you're an immature ass and you want to risk jail.

 

[darkwolf08]

So no1 genuinely believes that people make mistakes? shes niaive as am i really. I have told her that the wedding is a no no until this whole polave is sorted out.

She has ben around forever, and Ive made mistakes in past relationships, not with her but... thats the way things go... one really was a mistake, and another led me to this girl

I want it to all go away, she is still so important to me... I dont know how to tell her... Im going to tell that guy what i think of him and have him booted from the campus... then on to her.... She will regret what she did 2 me... but I cant leave her alone, shes had some major issues in the past (like i said earlier)

 

[Love Ninja]

I want it to all go away, she is still so important to me... I dont know how to tell her... Im going to tell that guy what i think of him and have him booted from the campus... then on to her.... She will regret what she did 2 me... but I cant leave her alone, shes had some major issues in the past (like i said earlier)

You just don't get it, do you?

It's not about him at all.

If you even remotely want a chance for the relationship to survive...go back and read my last response.

Have HER get rid off him... and the way to do that is.

1) Break-up immediately.
2) Tell her your cool with her decision... although you'd PREFER she respect your relationship instead.
3) ACT COOL WITH EVERYTHING!
4) and Date Other Women!

That's it... she'll either grow-up fast or it'll be over. And if it IS in fact over, trust me, you wouldn't have wanted what you would have gotten anyway.

Unless you hate yourself and love misery.

 

[darkwolf08]

Thank you, im meeting her in the morning for a lecture.... ill have a word with her, tell her were done... and see where it goes.

Do people not get 'caught in the moment'??

 

[Love Ninja]

Wolf... message me your real e-mail and I'll send you a GREAT PDF on how to handle break-ups, rekindling, and infidelity with women.

I wished I had it a year ago!

 

[Jokerlsk]

I was kidding love ninja......

 

[Rebound Material]

could her ex be the guy that made this thread??? = http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=147062

 

[SmoothTalker]

Man, this sounds so familiar.

I understand where you're coming from, you love her, and the amount of time you've put into this relationship is huge.

However, her behaviour is a bad sign.

Was the friend out of line? Yeah, definitely. But unless he is literally raping her, its up to her to act properly. Blame her, not him. What really worries me is not that she kissed someone, but that while you are engaged to get married she started questioning who she wants (even for a little bit).

Your problem is that you feel like you don't want to lose her, so you aren't willing to act in the way you have to. You have to be willing to give her up, and most importantly, she has to know it. That will either cause her to shape up damn fast, or the relationship will be over. EIther outcome will at least settle the issue.

Good luck!

 

[ready123]

could her ex be the guy that made this thread??? = http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=147062

haha that would be awesome

 

[inerte]

I would have dumped her.

What kind of love do you believe? I want you to think what love means. If someone from a couple can kiss ex-girl/boyfriends, it's not my kind of love. My kind of partner for life.

Will she ever do it again? Who knows? Who cares? SHE DID IT ALREADY. Now it's the time to say to yourself that this is a behaviour that you don't want your partner to have.

Oh, but she's sorry. Oh, she says she wasn't thinking straight. She says she wants you. You're the man of her life, and she made a mistake.

Talking, and acting, are two different things.

Damn it man, she kissed someone else. If it was the gardener, how would you feel? Now... an ex? IMHO, it means she's unsure about her own feelings. She's unsure about how she feels with you. I am old-school. I believe in true love. That's how I lived with my previous girlfriends, even if it didn't work out. Because I looked inside me and realized that I couldn't live forever with them.

Now, a lot of people forgive. It's natural, it's common. But you did the right thing by showing her that you weren't happy with what happened. Now it's time for her to show you that it won't happen again. She saw you pissed off by what happened, so she will try to not make you angry/sad again.

IF (big if) she truly loves you, she'll make this "sacrifice". She will stop talking, answering calls, reading email from him. Because it'll make you happy.

Sometimes, people can't have the best of two worlds. She wants YOU to be cool that she'll keep talking to her ex? An ex that she kissed? WTF?

Now, this will be hard. Lots of things can happen if you dump her. Worst of all, she can go right back at him. Actually, that's very probable. Know that it will hurt like hell. You'll cry. You'll feel like sh1t. But also knows that if she does this, then she definitely wasn't the girl for you.

It depends, again, what do you think love means. If you can forgive, good for you (but she needs to stop talking to him). If you can't (I probably wouldn't), then realize it's going to hurt to break up with the one that you thought it was the woman of your life. But in the end, after weeks of sadness, you'll emerge stronger. Because you know she wasn't, after all, the right one.

 

[In2theGame]

Right where to begin,

Well my girlfriend of 2.5 years has kissed her ex. She did this about 2 months ago, and I found out 1 month ago off her ex (who never really liked me since he was an ex-mate). Well, at first they had only just began speaking again, and I was a little weary at first. They apparently kissed within the first 2 weeks of them starting to speak again.

Well for the month after the kiss I was an arse, i didnt know that anything had happned, but my gut instinct told me otherwise.. and it was justified in the end. I gave her a bit of a hard time and her ex finally admitted it (much to her displeasure).

Well initially they told me it was a peck and no one knew, then well i have been finding out more and more eversince, like the fact she actually doubted me and couldnt make her mind up about what she wanted for the 3 days following the kiss, and that it was a little more... passionate. (I found this out today).

I am certain it was just a kiss, nothing more. I understand she has kept things away from me in fear of how i would react (my dad ended up in mental hospital when he found out my mum cheated), and partly to ensure we stayed together. We are engaged to be married and have been for about 11 months.

There is no doubt in my mind that she wants to be with me. We have been through hell together during this time and were happy at the moment. I love her to bits.

However, she told me she still 'cares alot' about her ex, and she wont just ditch him, since he is a good friend, but Im not comfortable with them being together. Just in case old feelings come back. I have no idea what to do, I love her so much, but I cant handle him?

Thank you

P.S. Me and my partner have been friends for 5 years, it was partly due to me she ended up with him in the first place....

There is absolutely NOTHING to think over in this situation. This calls for Girlfriend Termination ASAP. no games, no questions. As far as you should be concerned, Her services as G/F are no longer needed.

 

[In2theGame]

blackhatter this is solid advice you gave "I know you're not going to like the advice you're getting, but we're giving it to you for a reason. We've all been in the same situations and have had the same outcomes."

Solid man.

 

[darkwolf08]

Thanks so far, I love her so much, its very difficult, but... its decision time

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

I would have dumped her.

What kind of love do you believe? I want you to think what love means. If someone from a couple can kiss ex-girl/boyfriends, it's not my kind of love. My kind of partner for life.

Will she ever do it again? Who knows? Who cares? SHE DID IT ALREADY. Now it's the time to say to yourself that this is a behaviour that you don't want your partner to have.

Oh, but she's sorry. Oh, she says she wasn't thinking straight. She says she wants you. You're the man of her life, and she made a mistake.

Talking, and acting, are two different things.

Damn it man, she kissed someone else. If it was the gardener, how would you feel? Now... an ex? IMHO, it means she's unsure about her own feelings. She's unsure about how she feels with you. I am old-school. I believe in true love. That's how I lived with my previous girlfriends, even if it didn't work out. Because I looked inside me and realized that I couldn't live forever with them.

Now, a lot of people forgive. It's natural, it's common. But you did the right thing by showing her that you weren't happy with what happened. Now it's time for her to show you that it won't happen again. She saw you pissed off by what happened, so she will try to not make you angry/sad again.

IF (big if) she truly loves you, she'll make this "sacrifice". She will stop talking, answering calls, reading email from him. Because it'll make you happy.

Sometimes, people can't have the best of two worlds. She wants YOU to be cool that she'll keep talking to her ex? An ex that she kissed? WTF?

Now, this will be hard. Lots of things can happen if you dump her. Worst of all, she can go right back at him. Actually, that's very probable. Know that it will hurt like hell. You'll cry. You'll feel like sh1t. But also knows that if she does this, then she definitely wasn't the girl for you.

It depends, again, what do you think love means. If you can forgive, good for you (but she needs to stop talking to him). If you can't (I probably wouldn't), then realize it's going to hurt to break up with the one that you thought it was the woman of your life. But in the end, after weeks of sadness, you'll emerge stronger. Because you know she wasn't, after all, the right one.

/signed

this guy knows how to debate. he tells the OP he understands his views, while incorporating his opinion and what he would do. he tells what he wants to hear, while telling what's to expect if he continues acting this way. good job on not being the typical sosuave pessimist.

i read this whole thread, i'd have to agree with this. it's the best advice without swinging the pendulum from AFC to over-zealous alpha wannabe. don't be the two extremes... AFC is just as bad as over-zealous-alpha-wannabe. be the comfortable middle.

listen to this guy.

 

[darkwolf08]

Well, i told her whats going on. She didnt give a monkeys about any of it. Shes not about to change.

Maybe your advice is the best, I was clouded by my 'love'

To the future!

 

[Axcell]

TRUST me when I say this, you must next her.
I've had something similar happen to me before, and in the end, a cheetah never changes it's skin - she will revert back to her own ways if she finds out she is able to get away with this one.

By nexting her, you will still remain the prize, because as of right now, she KNOWS you love her to bits, so she will continue to take advantage of your feelings for her. Ever heard of the saying "Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Once you are given a bit of power, you become corrupted, and tend to abuse it. By allowing her to still remain with you despite the fact that she kissed her ex-boyfriend, you have given her the power in the relationship. Once she is given that little power, what's from stopping her from doing something more with this guy?

Re-read my post twice - It will definetly impact your decision.

 

[shaunuk]

Yes, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the plunge and end it with her PERMANENTLY.

She kissed him. End of. He did not 'take advantage of her', you are just making excuses to let her off with it and keep being with her. He's more than a friend, don't listen to her bullsh*t.

Basically, enough said in the thread...dump her, and for Christ's sake, pull your head out of the matrix...she's a cheating *****...stop it with this 'everyone makes mistakes' ****.

 

[gottiwill]

GREAT advice inerte.
Bookmarking this thread.