Couldn't really get the gist of it in the title. I have been with my girlfriend for about 5 months now, usually we only get to see each other once a month as she lives in a nearby city a couple of hours away.
I am much older than her, I'm 27 she is 18 and a student.
She broke up for winter holidays and said she could come stay with me for the whole 2 months holiday. So I thought great, every time I saw her before even though it was brief it would always be passionate and hot with sex etc. I imagined we would have a great time for these two months.
So she arrives and wants to buy some instant noodles and I tell her not to as it's bad for health and suggest I treat her to something better. She insists on the noodles.
The result is she ends up with a stomach ache then after a few days gets a cold so she ended up having these two problems over two weeks and obviously I tried to take care of her.
The problem started when I noticed she was very cold to me and would hardly speak to me, when I spoke to her she would use the excuse of being ill. I thought fair enough and kept my distance. At some point after I kept pushing the issue she promised she would be nicer to me after two weeks of being here and at one point agreed we could have sex after two weeks as well.
When the day finally came and she was feeling better and her promise was on this day I confronted her on it and she still has the exact same attitude. After an argument she admitted to me that something happened.
Apparently she went to the park with a friend and this guy (I guess similar age to her) started speaking to her and then stalking her after she refused him, and at one point even bear hugged her before she escaped with him running after her. She managed to get away but she says due to this event she has been emotionally scarred and doesn't like going outside the house or speaking to people. She even said to me "All guys are bad people" and that she hates all guys and when I asked if that included me she said she also hates me a little.
Her attitude is worse over time we are now up to the two and a half weeks or so point and on top of not speaking to me she won't let me touch her or kiss her even in the most innocent ways. I've been 'going ghost' on her the last week or so slowly paying less attention to her but if anything things are worse. Over this whole time period she usually just chats or plays on her phone, sometimes chatting with other guys on her phone's IM. Sometimes I ask who the guy is and it's always her older brother or some friend in another city. I think it's possible she may like another guy, but why come see me?
I figure from what I've read about advice the best thing to do is ignore her and 'go ghost' but that's hard when she is staying with me. All my friends tell me to either tell her to leave or just ditch her. She tells me that she has this attitude to everyone since the 'event' occurred and it's nothing to do with our relationship.
Some background, I am living in China and she is Chinese and we speak in Chinese together as it's my second language though I am a white Aussie.
My analysis of the situation from what I know of Chinese culture and her personality is that she was originally a shy girl with little self confidence and not very vain, not into chasing rich or handsome guys like many Chinese girls are.
But I think this event has made her emotionally cut off and lowered her confidence and trust in other people. I believe the reason Chinese in general is vainer than most cultures is due to this lack of trust in other people and lack of 'moral code' and a strong stereotyping thought process where they find it hard to think of people as individuals. From my experience dating here it seems many girls from a young age get hurt by a guy at some point and become emotionally cut off then after a period of cooling off end up with a much vainer personality.
I was already pretty fed up of being in China till I met this girlfriend due to the vanity here, little trust in communication or the spoken word. Also a distrust of other. Though I'm sure there are some exceptional places.
So what should I do? I can't force her out of my apartment and it breaks my heart that we would have to split up. Today I tried to alpha up and just told her due to the way she is treating me we aren't in a relationship anymore and I said we are just friends and that if she has a place to go she can leave but I won't force her. But I said if she wants to stay I strongly urge her to improve her behavior towards me and help fix our relationship.
My theory about why she would come and stay with me even if she no longer likes me is that she still has some feelings for me and by treating me like dirt whilst saying I should still be treating her better it's like she is forcing me to be a beta male so she can let herself stop having feelings for me.
This is the same reason some guys (on this forum) girlfriends will suddenly send a bunch of lovey messages to them right before going cold, it's a brain **** on the guy to make him chase her so she can feel good about herself and not be upset about leaving. This kind of **** makes me really think on average girls are much meaner and more manipulative than guys in relationships.
Sorry for the long post I just didn't want to miss out important details. Thanks for reading any questions I will add more details.
I am much older than her, I'm 27 she is 18 and a student.
She broke up for winter holidays and said she could come stay with me for the whole 2 months holiday. So I thought great, every time I saw her before even though it was brief it would always be passionate and hot with sex etc. I imagined we would have a great time for these two months.
So she arrives and wants to buy some instant noodles and I tell her not to as it's bad for health and suggest I treat her to something better. She insists on the noodles.
The result is she ends up with a stomach ache then after a few days gets a cold so she ended up having these two problems over two weeks and obviously I tried to take care of her.
The problem started when I noticed she was very cold to me and would hardly speak to me, when I spoke to her she would use the excuse of being ill. I thought fair enough and kept my distance. At some point after I kept pushing the issue she promised she would be nicer to me after two weeks of being here and at one point agreed we could have sex after two weeks as well.
When the day finally came and she was feeling better and her promise was on this day I confronted her on it and she still has the exact same attitude. After an argument she admitted to me that something happened.
Apparently she went to the park with a friend and this guy (I guess similar age to her) started speaking to her and then stalking her after she refused him, and at one point even bear hugged her before she escaped with him running after her. She managed to get away but she says due to this event she has been emotionally scarred and doesn't like going outside the house or speaking to people. She even said to me "All guys are bad people" and that she hates all guys and when I asked if that included me she said she also hates me a little.
Her attitude is worse over time we are now up to the two and a half weeks or so point and on top of not speaking to me she won't let me touch her or kiss her even in the most innocent ways. I've been 'going ghost' on her the last week or so slowly paying less attention to her but if anything things are worse. Over this whole time period she usually just chats or plays on her phone, sometimes chatting with other guys on her phone's IM. Sometimes I ask who the guy is and it's always her older brother or some friend in another city. I think it's possible she may like another guy, but why come see me?
I figure from what I've read about advice the best thing to do is ignore her and 'go ghost' but that's hard when she is staying with me. All my friends tell me to either tell her to leave or just ditch her. She tells me that she has this attitude to everyone since the 'event' occurred and it's nothing to do with our relationship.
Some background, I am living in China and she is Chinese and we speak in Chinese together as it's my second language though I am a white Aussie.
My analysis of the situation from what I know of Chinese culture and her personality is that she was originally a shy girl with little self confidence and not very vain, not into chasing rich or handsome guys like many Chinese girls are.
But I think this event has made her emotionally cut off and lowered her confidence and trust in other people. I believe the reason Chinese in general is vainer than most cultures is due to this lack of trust in other people and lack of 'moral code' and a strong stereotyping thought process where they find it hard to think of people as individuals. From my experience dating here it seems many girls from a young age get hurt by a guy at some point and become emotionally cut off then after a period of cooling off end up with a much vainer personality.
I was already pretty fed up of being in China till I met this girlfriend due to the vanity here, little trust in communication or the spoken word. Also a distrust of other. Though I'm sure there are some exceptional places.
So what should I do? I can't force her out of my apartment and it breaks my heart that we would have to split up. Today I tried to alpha up and just told her due to the way she is treating me we aren't in a relationship anymore and I said we are just friends and that if she has a place to go she can leave but I won't force her. But I said if she wants to stay I strongly urge her to improve her behavior towards me and help fix our relationship.
My theory about why she would come and stay with me even if she no longer likes me is that she still has some feelings for me and by treating me like dirt whilst saying I should still be treating her better it's like she is forcing me to be a beta male so she can let herself stop having feelings for me.
This is the same reason some guys (on this forum) girlfriends will suddenly send a bunch of lovey messages to them right before going cold, it's a brain **** on the guy to make him chase her so she can feel good about herself and not be upset about leaving. This kind of **** makes me really think on average girls are much meaner and more manipulative than guys in relationships.
Sorry for the long post I just didn't want to miss out important details. Thanks for reading any questions I will add more details.
