Girlfriend ignoring messages / acting distant

[Soolaimon]

When girls act like this there is another guy involved.

They lose their love and respect for their boyfriend treating him like $hit.

Taken girls that I slept with behaved the same way as yours is doing.

They cut communication with their bf, argue, pick fights, blame, make excuses to talk/hang out, sex dries up cause of the other guy she is doing that with.

They make YOU their problem. That's what she's doing with you.

I had this one girl who was ready to dump her bf for me. I saw how $hitty she treated him. I had no intentions of wanting a woman like that. she dumped him and then I told her I didn't like the kind of person she was. Then she accused me of "playing with her feelings breaking her heart."

You are in a bad situation here with her actions and behavior. Nothing she is showing shows she still wants to be with you in the long term.

Give her space, be ready to dump her, take time out to fix your needy behavior of smothering her, get yourself together, meet new women.

I would leave this relationship. No need for any of this drama and bull$h!t from her. Relationships like that are not worth it to be treated like $hit.

Each time she treats you like $hit the more respect she loses.

Oh yes, 16 msgs to my GIRLFRIEND of three years plan to marry

It doesn't look like you'll hear any wedding bells with this woman Piers.

Thats true.

But when something becomes toxic, even if its loved, you know its time to fix things for the sake of our own health.

Wrong. When something becomes toxic you leave for the sake of your own health and sanity.

Toxicity never is healthy. Toxicity never gets any better when it reaches that point.

Disagree with going ghost, that's what you do 3-6 months in when you have no years of time invested to at least inquire into. As long as you two have been together, and as much time as you have invested, sit down face to face and ask her what's up. Ask her -directly- if there is someone else, and ask her directly to explain the change in contact pattern. Keep this talk short, under an hour, don't bring it up again, don't let it drag into days of drama which they feed on and it sucks you dry,then make your decision. Never show anger, pout, or any of the other things that GIRLS do unless she does something demonstratively wrong. Not returning your texts or not texting until midday is not demonstratively wrong.

Terrible advice.

Investment of his time means nothing to the woman when she wants out. Everything he did before doesn't matter to her anymore.

She doesn't care about the past. She cares about the present.

Asking her face to face is a waste of time. She will most likely not tell the truth when it is asked of her. She won't admit to cheating. She will lie to him allowing more drama and days to drag on with this until she finds a way to dump him.

Judge a woman by her actions. Not her words. You guys want to keep going on her verbal words that mean nothing.

An opposite change of behavior is a cause for concern that shows something is wrong.

Swearing at him, blaming him, telling him "he makes her miserable", not texting him back, wanting space, ignoring him are all classic signs she isn't happy getting ready to dump him.

Women never outgrow communication with men they love.

Her actions are showing an unhappy toxic woman. That means she wants out.

For all you know this girl is just growing out of 500 texts a day. Everyone who is maturing will eventually, it's not adult behavior. People with things to do in life don't do that.

Next goround cut all texts until there is an exclusive relationship in place, then very very sparingly. Be proactive on the phone, be the one who calls, give them 5 minutes then out. Never get into "good morning, good night" contact routines. Texts are for kids with no life. Don't be that any more. There is always something better to do with your time than be planted to a phone in insipid back and forth tethering behavior. Spend the time exercising, doing an outdoor thing, learning a trade or skill, language, anything other than being a phone pod like the herd of sheeple. Good luck.

She wouldn't disrespect, swear, ignore him if she was "outgrowing texting".

She still would text him but not throw a fit about wanting space ignoring him all day.

Get some experience to know the signs of a woman with one foot out the door.

 

[GS750]

Had this happen I'm sad to say. Communication slowed, she was acting distant, etc. Next thing I know...WHAMMO. I put her on the spot...I get the "I'm seeing someone else". Granted it was partially my fault, can't blame her 100% for it. I wasn't exactly innocent for the whole mess. But I saw all the signs of an impending breakup and I knew in my gut that she was seeing someone. And the rationalizing, blaming, etc. came at me like a tsunami. Live and learn.

 

[In2theGame]

Had this happen I'm sad to say. Communication slowed, she was acting distant, etc. Next then I know...WHAMMO. I put her on the spot...I get the "I'm seeing someone else". Granted it was partially my fault, can't blame her 100% for it. But I saw all the signs and I knew in my gut that she was seeing someone. Live and learn.

Funny how that "gut feeling" tells you all you need to know. It's like you know before you actually know.

 

[GS750]

Yeah I knew. Not exactly the same situation as the OP...we weren't exclusive by any means. But her behavior...spot on.

 

[dasein]

Get some experience to know the signs of a woman with one foot out the door.

I forget more about women each day than you'll ever know in your entire life.

 

[BraddH]

You are disgusting. Just stop.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I'd end this now as she's making it very clear that she no longer wants to be with you. Go back and forth between the stuff you read on this site and the dynamics of your relationship. Dissect it. Example - swing over to the "most beta thing you've ever done" thread very recently posted, scan it, and check to see how many of those you are guilty of. Definitely read up on the DJ Bible. The more you immerse yourself in this site, the more you will come to see where you went wrong. In the process, continue to improve yourself all around as a guy. Be glad you stumbled on this site at your age (another young lucky dude!) If I could leave you with any piece of concrete advice, no more binging on text messages anymore, with any girl. Occasional texting is fine but being glued to your phone is not. Leave that kind of druggie behavior to women.

 

[RangerMIke]

Relax. For the first time in this relationship she's flipping the script to see what kind of a man you really are. As soon as she does, you go full poosy with your hamster in full spin. Showing your true beta colours.

Calm down if you wanna keep her.

Spot on. She started a new job... maybe she is tired... but I think she is testing you... could be another dude giving her some attention. But you have history on your side. She isn't going to dump you this quick... she's invested too much time in you.

Don't sweat it... chill out. You are lucky this hasn't happened to you before. TRUST me at some point we ALL have to put up with this (for me lost count). Best way to deal with it is only call her when she texts you. I hate all this texting. I've spent most of my dating life without a cell phone much less texting. I honestly don't know how to run that game so I don't even try. Everyone texts now... if you don't do it you set yourself apart. Works for me.

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

Great input from almost EVERYONE, thank you all, there is just wayyyyyy too much to quote individually. I let the frame slip a little. I highly doubt there is another guy, because I always have had access to her phone (and even during the one meeting during these bad weeks, she let me hold and go through her phone with no problems; I used her phone for maps, etc, but not once did she even look at what I was doing). Update in next post.

Spot on. She started a new job... maybe she is tired... but I think she is testing you... could be another dude giving her some attention. But you have history on your side. She isn't going to dump you this quick... she's invested too much time in you.

Don't sweat it... chill out. You are lucky this hasn't happened to you before. TRUST me at some point we ALL have to put up with this (for me lost count). Best way to deal with it is only call her when she texts you. I hate all this texting. I've spent most of my dating life without a cell phone much less texting. I honestly don't know how to run that game so I don't even try. Everyone texts now... if you don't do it you set yourself apart. Works for me.

I think I may have been at fault for some part of it, because she wakes up 8am for college, and works, and comes home 9pm-11pm. 5x a week. I only got irritated because she didn't do this with the same workload earlier, just these past three weeks. I will be mature here and admit I might have overlooked her heavy schedule.

Definitely need to just pull out, and give her space. Update in next post.

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

UPDATE

So last night she came home from work, and txt "ate dinner?" .
Several messages back and forth,
I tell her to sleep twice,
she says "oh, now you're trying to escape for the night?"

Sends me a picture of her at the moment.
Sends me another one of her from a wedding a while back,
then sends me some photos of her pet rabbit.
Then another one with her girl bestfriend.

Says she loved the expensive chocolates I bought her once a while back.
Wishes me goodnight with kiss etc.

I wake up to her goodmorning message, and a message wishing me luck for my final exam. I say thanks and don't respond.
6hrs later she has break at work and she texts me "how was your exam?" I don't respond. 2hrs later asks me if I did good, I say yeah and stop texting.

8pm tonight, she texts again, "so how was the exam, how'd you do", and then starts talking about her workout and if I feeling alright. I say yeah, and go do some things I had to do. I don't text back.

1hr later she texts me "Hey Love". I say hi, short talk about her "6pack in progress", and after a while falls asleep.

230AM here, I gotta knock out too.

Women.

 

[Fedex]

Woooo relationship seems to be in a safe spot here!
I think it's time to tone down the whole "Ignoring text/1 word texts" a bit.

Op's getting a hang of it

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

Woooo relationship seems to be in a safe spot here!
I think it's time to tone down the whole "Ignoring text/1 word texts" a bit.

Op's getting a hang of it

I wouldn't say safe, but I definitely wouldn't say she's cheating or another guy is in the picture.

Still staying with the one word responses. Message for message. Nothing more.

 

[JohnChops]

finally, an op who learns!

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

finally, an op who learns!

Thank you for the kind words.

 

[nzsnowman]

I would say about 500 messages a day.

How in the **** do you get anything done? Jesus there's your problem mate...

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

MASSIVE UPDATE (DECISION MADE, NEED ADVICE ON ACTING ON IT)

9:53AM
I woke up this morning to two text from her.
GF: *big kiss emoticon, on viber if anyone is familiar*
GF: "Goodmorning"

2PM:
Me: "Goodmorning :*" (yeah I know, afternoon but fk it)

6:17PM
GF: "Wow, I am so tired."
GF: "Just got a break".

6:24pm:
Me: "Yea"

6:26pm:
GF: "I am miserable"

6:34pm:
Me: "Why"

*no response*

6:40pm:
Me: "I gotta go, ttyl" (I was with a female friend, having light dinner/desserts. And no, I am not cheating lol)

8:44pm:
GF: "Going home" (I had told her to always let me know when she is going home so I don't text her, because she loses signal on the train for 1hour).

10:10pm
Me: "Alright"

10:23pm:
GF: "Whats upppp?"

10:24pm
Me: "Just got home, winding down"

10:24pm
GF: "From where?"

10:30pm
Me: "Played tennis during the day, and some dinner" (tennis and dinner was with the same female friend, she is also a 9/10 by the way. If things go downhill with gf, I will date the HB9)

10:38pm
GF: " I see.."

10:53pm
Me: "Hm"

10:54pm
GF: "What are you doing?" (in our native language)

10:57pm
Me: "Sitting, texting"

1057pm
GF "I see.."

11:17pm
Me: "You?"

11:23pm:
GF: "Tired, sleepy" (she had done a 9hour shift).

11:27pm:
Me: "Sleep, goodnight :*"

11:27pm:
GF: "I have to use the restroom and change and stuff you know.."

11:27pm
Me: "Ok."

11:28pm
GF: "......."

11:30pm
GF: "Ok, fine, goodnight sleepwell :*"


Around 15 minutes after this, I decide I am going to meet her in the morning and face to face, tell her we should stop talking until she is a little more free and has more time for me, because it's outright disrespectful that I can make time for her but she cannot, even during breaks or on the train when going to work or coming home).

So I call her at 11:55pm. No answer. Probably slept. I call again after a few minutes.

11:58
GF: "WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, why are YOU CALLING ME LIKE A PSYCHO?"

GF: "Can't a girl sleep after a 9 hour shift, and has to wake up tomorrow for a 13 hour shift?" (holiday shifts extended apparently)

Me: "13 hours? bull****"

GF: "9am to 10pm, count that **** you ass"

Me: It's a Sunday you moron"

GF: "You ****er, it's Christmas week, so STFU" (see, even if I may have been wrong, that '****er' was NOT accounted for. I do not want to deal with that fkin **** anymore).

Me: "Why are you cursing?"

GF: "Because YOU called me a liar and said I am bull****ting, **** this ****"

Me: "Listen, I have to talk about something. I will meet you outside your workplace when you get done"

GF: "No, my brother is gonna pick me up"

Me: "Then will meet you first thing in the morning before you head to work, and from there I have to go somewhere myself" (I have work, and then another tennis/dinner "meeting" with HB9 female friend).

GF: "No, I will be tired and exhausted, can't it wait until Tuesday?" (last Tuesday she wasn't feeling well and bad weather so I had rescheduled our meeting for this coming Tuesday).

Me: "No it cant wait"

GF: "It's its something that will ruin my day, keep it to yourself"

GF: "Are you breaking up?"

Me: "Look, what time do I see you?"

GF: "What is this about?
GF: "Tell me I don't understand"
GF: "Tell me whats its gonna be about"

Me: "Look, give me the time and get over it, and we can sleep. Jesus Christ"

GF: "825am"
GF: "Can you tell me the topic it's gonna be about? I'm asking"

Me: "See you 825am on the dot. You have a peaceful night".

*Seen. No response back, usually always does the last goodnight, but my way of saying it got to her.*

I sensed unsure-ty and worry in her messages.


I plan on meeting her and telling her we shouldn't talk until she has time for me. I will tell her it's great that she is busy, a hard worker, and it's wonderful that she met new interesting people. But I also met new interesting people, and we should focus on other things in life until we have better time frames. I'm gonna say it straight up "I am not going to deal with this disrespectful tone and time managing skills of yours. If I can make time to text you, you can as well. And if you can't, then we shouldn't talk until you can sort your priorities out. And since I stopped using curse words (the b word recently was once after an entire year and half), I am not going to stay around with your disrespectful tone".

I will not use the word break up per se, because it's more of a pause/putting it on hold until SHE can fix her priorities. College ends this week, so she will be able to see me A LOT more since it will be just work. So I am not sure how long this will be? or even worth doing at the moment.

Morality question: SHOULD I even talk today or wait? It would kind of be unfair to "ruin" her day before she goes to work, a 13 hour shift, and she needs to deal with stupid customers and handles money.

Am I overthinking this? Should I just wait Tuesday and talk during our full fledged 8-10 hour meeting over dinner?

If I do wait, what do I tell her in the morning? Meet her, drop her off, and not talk about it or not even meet her?

I have like 5 hours left. So if anyone sees this, please respond asap.

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

How in the **** do you get anything done? Jesus there's your problem mate...

I already explained that. 200 messages were from me, 300 from her. Total 500.

Of those, many were small messages like hey, ?, brb, etc.



They were done while sitting home, train, car (waiting on lights, traffic), or free time at work or college.

I am a security analyst consultant, so my job is office work. I have time sometimes.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Delete

 

[Octogonal]

Dump this chick already.

 

[Tiguere]

Yea bro.... You have to dump her and dump her without giving her hints you may take her back. She's really disrespectful.... And acts like you are just an annoyance. STRIKE FIRST