Girlfriend ignoring messages / acting distant

[Confusedneedhelp]

Girlfriend of three years. She's 20 I am 22. Started dating when she was 17 I was 19.

Sex is amazing (of course after she became legal), she was a virgin, has learned to give me heavenly *******s over the course of three years.

She is (was?) madly in love with me. Does not even SMILE when talking to other guys, basically shows 0% interest in any other guy and makes sure every guy knows she is off limits.

She got a job about 6 months ago, typical cashier at a females clothes store.

We text around the clock, instantly if both are literally free. I would say about 500 messages a day. During college, home, work, trains etc.

Always eager to meet me. Always buys ME gifts.

3 weeks ago she came home from work and sent me a ****LOAD of LOVE messages, saying how she's lucky I am hers, etc. Each message I respond casually, "yeah, cool, ily2, etc".

The very next day, she becomes distant. In the past 3 weeks, she doesn't send me goodmorning texts (has been doing so for THREE YEARS every single day),, goes to work or college without letting me. All day busy no text, gets off 6pm, goes home without letting me know. At home, she texts me for about 30 minutes, falls asleep.

Then I keep sending her texts she doesn't respond until the NEXT day she gets off work, basically like 20 hours later.

This week it's gotten worse. She leaves my viber messages at "SEEN", doesn't respond for hours and I end up writing "Seen? why haven't you responded if you saw?"

Before this, she would always respond instantly or if busy she would let me know. Now after 20 hours, she says she was busy. And now she's tired wants to sleep.

(she does sleep however, a lot now).

Used to meet 2x a week, now have only met her once in the past three weeks (I gifted her something nice, she got teary eyed, appreciated it).

Today I have been texting her for 6 hours, a total of 16 messages, no responses. I got the "SEEN" at the last message, I texted ? and again no response.


Self evaluation:

I am being paranoid. Not giving her personal space. I should back up.

Other options: Become a boss and just let her know to eff off (by doing No Contact).

I love her yes, but I can be a cold ****er if I want to be. NC is piece of cake for me.


Advice?


In the past, I have cursed at her some times, she would just stay quiet.

Yesterday, I told her STFU over the phone, and for the first time in 3yrs of hearing, she said it back to me as well.

Some of her messages are :

"I'm tired, just got off! Give me time"
"Give me some space please!"
"I am tired, don't fkin disturb me".
"I gotta sleep, stop fking texting me"

She never used the f word in 3 years.

 

[In2theGame]

Another guy is in the picture IMO from personal experience. I'm going to tell you what everyone else is going to tell you...... Back the fvck up and go ghost. She is seeing your messages but she may be feeling guilt because she does not want to be with you anymore and doesnt know how to tell you that OR she has been messing around with another guy and shes feeling guilty about that also. Ive been through that before and the best thing for you to do... is to do nothing. No texts, no calls, no anything. Its a very difficult thing to do that not many Men can carry out but you need to back off and let her reach out to you and when she does.... you ask her whats going on. Im telling you dude, dont force it.. back up.. and remain silent. Shes ignoring you and avoiding you ina way, so you need to respond back in the same silent way.

By the way, If you read post and think "I know man but im feeling really hurt inside with this awful gut feeling something is off" Trust me, i know exactly what your feeling and you need to take the approach im telling you. She WILL reach out to you when she hasnt heard from you in a few days.

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

Another guy is in the picture IMO from personal experience. I'm going to tell you what everyone else is going to tell you...... Back the fvck up and go ghost. She is seeing your messages but she may be feeling guilt because she does not want to be with you anymore and doesnt know how to tell you that OR she has been messing around with another guy and shes feeling guilty about that also. Ive been through that before and the best thing for you to do... is to do nothing. No texts, no calls, no anything. Its a very difficult thing to do that not many Men can carry out but you need to back off and let her reach out to you and when she does.... you ask her whats going on. Im telling you dude, dont force it.. back up.. and remain silent. Shes ignoring you and avoiding you ina way, so you need to respond back in the same silent way.

By the way, If you read post and think "I know man but im feeling really hurt inside with this awful gut feeling something is off" Trust me, i know exactly what your feeling and you need to take the approach im telling you. She WILL reach out to you when she hasnt heard from you in a few days.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. The thing is, over the 3 years of dating exclusively, she has always made sure to text me even if she was cooking or taking a shower (put the phone outside, wipe hands dry everytime to text).

I have been the one who would usually respond late and it would drive her insane, she would spam my inbox with messages. Now it is the other way around for the past 3 weeks.

I'll definitely back off, but I need advice on this part:

How do I do it? When she texts me (she will around 9pm when she gets home), I let her know something like "You seem like you have enough on your plate, so we should take a break. Finals are here, and your work is keeping you busy, so let's focus on other things for now" and go ghost..

or...

just go ghost starting this VERY MINUTE? (I know she will text in the next few hours tho)

Should I text her normally tonight and start NC starting tomorrow morning?

 

[Confusedneedhelp]

I mean , I used to wake up 3pm to see her goodmorning messages from 8AM.

Now, I wake up 11AM, no message. I message her goodmorning, and I get no response until like 9pm. On her free days, she writes around 5pm.

From 500 messages a day, it has becom around 20 messages a day.

 

[:-)]

We text around the clock, instantly if both are literally free. I would say about 500 messages a day.

Always eager to meet me. Always buys ME gifts.

3 weeks ago she came home from work and sent me a ****LOAD of LOVE messages, saying how she's lucky I am hers, etc. Each message I respond casually, "yeah, cool, ily2, etc".

The very next day, she becomes distant. In the past 3 weeks, she doesn't send me goodmorning texts (has been doing so for THREE YEARS every single day),, goes to work or college without letting me. All day busy no text, gets off 6pm, goes home without letting me know. At home, she texts me for about 30 minutes, falls asleep.

Then I keep sending her texts she doesn't respond until the NEXT day she gets off work, basically like 20 hours later.

This week it's gotten worse. She leaves my viber messages at "SEEN", doesn't respond for hours and I end up writing "Seen? why haven't you responded if you saw?"

Relax. For the first time in this relationship she's flipping the script to see what kind of a man you really are. As soon as she does, you go full poosy with your hamster in full spin. Showing your true beta colours.

Calm down if you wanna keep her.

 

[Piers Nivens]

I wouldnt say beta, I guess my skills are just rusty because I got so used to it over three years.

to make it worse, ALL my normal female friends also always, idk, obey me?

Got used to having things done my way, so yeah I am definitely taken back by this.


good advice so far, will definitely stop sending messages unless its a response to her messages. No goodmornings, goodnights or calls.

Will keep you guys updated, will appreciate more advice.

 

[In2theGame]

Yeah, I know what you're saying. The thing is, over the 3 years of dating exclusively, she has always made sure to text me even if she was cooking or taking a shower (put the phone outside, wipe hands dry everytime to text).

I have been the one who would usually respond late and it would drive her insane, she would spam my inbox with messages. Now it is the other way around for the past 3 weeks.

I'll definitely back off, but I need advice on this part:

How do I do it? When she texts me (she will around 9pm when she gets home), I let her know something like "You seem like you have enough on your plate, so we should take a break. Finals are here, and your work is keeping you busy, so let's focus on other things for now" and go ghost..

or...

just go ghost starting this VERY MINUTE? (I know she will text in the next few hours tho)

Should I text her normally tonight and start NC starting tomorrow morning?

Bro, I went through it with my ex which was 5 years. We were on the road to making plans to get married and she started almost with what your girlfriend is doing right now. I went through it also with my ex of a long time ago when i was 17 years old and they all do the same sh*t. I HIGHLY advise you do not let her know your going ghost, Just do it. Do NOT, i repeat do NOT let her know what your going to do. Just vanish. Its hard i know because of that sinking feeling in your stomach. You need to toughen up and carry this out. Its like an emotional torture but you must do it. Also, prepare for what might be happening because if she's acting like this... Chances are that shes thinking of breaking up with you completely or that another guy is in the picture. The more you try to force her to respond, the more you push her away and she will convince herself that your a controlling jerk, even if its not true, girls talk themselves into thinking dumb sh*t to justify their actions.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Bro, I went through it with my ex which was 5 years. We were on the road to making plans to get married and she started almost with what your girlfriend is doing right now. I went through it also with my ex of a long time ago when i was 17 years old and they all do the same sh*t. I HIGHLY advise you do not let her know your going ghost, Just do it. Do NOT, i repeat do NOT let her know what your going to do. Just vanish. Its hard i know because of that sinking feeling in your stomach. You need to toughen up and carry this out. Its like an emotional torture but you must do it. Also, prepare for what might be happening because if she's acting like this... Chances are that shes thinking of breaking up with you completely or that another guy is in the picture. The more you try to force her to respond, the more you push her away and she will convince herself that your a controlling jerk, even if its not true, girls talk themselves into thinking dumb sh*t to justify their actions.

Will do. Thanks.

I dont think she'll break up, she's all over me, using my pics as backgrounds etc. Buying me things, clothes etc every other week.

But I shouldnt push that. Will talk to her normally tonight, and will become a ghost overnight.

Sounds good.

 

[:-)]

I wouldnt say beta, .

I would.

 

[Piers Nivens]

I would.

They might be traits of a beta, but doesnt label me as a beta.

like I said, just got rusty becsuse the gf and all my female friends always do things my way, so I got used to that ****.

 

[:-)]

They might be traits of a beta, but doesnt label me as a beta.

.

Well of course. You are neither one nor the other. Only your actions determine which you are at any given moment.

So far your actions are getting all emotional when she doesn't respond and coming here asking questions and advice. All AFTER your previous big man, casual ILY2 texts.

As soon as the Sh1t Hit The Fan you lost your frame. Maintain your frame. DJ rule number one.

 

[No.Danny]

You're not beta. You're a creep. 16 messages without 1 reply? ......oooookay

 

[Piers Nivens]

You're not beta. You're a creep. 16 messages without 1 reply? ......oooookay

Oh yes, 16 msgs to my GIRLFRIEND of three years plan to marry, totally makes me a creep.

Esp when half of those messages were me thinking she was asleep so I tried to wake her up to avoid "oversleep fatigue".

but ok whatever you say. I came here for advice not to be called labels.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Well of course. You are neither one nor the other. Only your actions determine which you are at any given moment.

So far your actions are getting all emotional when she doesn't respond and coming here asking questions and advice. All AFTER your previous big man, casual ILY2 texts.

As soon as the Sh1t Hit The Fan you lost your frame. Maintain your frame. DJ rule number one.

Thata why I am going ghost/busy/nc, to pull the bending frame back to my doorway.

Like I said, nc is cake for me. And if that doesnt fix ****, then fk it. At least I know I tried.

 

[Piers Nivens]

she's going to leave you for another guy it's been in the works for a while sorry. that love mom and she did just before she went ghost is pretty f****** creepy though. Not that I haven't experienced it

Sorry, couldn't understand the 2nd half of your msg, rephrase please?

 

[goldengoose]

Yesterday, I told her STFU over the phone, and for the first time in 3yrs of hearing, she said it back to me as well.

Some of her messages are :

"I'm tired, just got off! Give me time"
"Give me some space please!"
"I am tired, don't fkin disturb me".
"I gotta sleep, stop fking texting me"

She never used the f word in 3 years.

I wouldnt say beta, I guess my skills are just rusty because I got so used to it over three years.

to make it worse, ALL my normal female friends also always, idk, obey me?

Got used to having things done my way, so yeah I am definitely taken back by this.


good advice so far, will definitely stop sending messages unless its a response to her messages. No goodmornings, goodnights or calls.

Will keep you guys updated, will appreciate more advice.

Like I said, nc is cake for me. And if that doesnt fix ****, then fk it. At least I know I tried.

Looks like a troll thread to me. You the same guy? You're asking for us advice then you seem to have it all figured out like a troll. But then you ask us for more advice again.

When chicks are ignoring you back off and don't text. Girlfriends don't drop off swearing at you for no reason, unless they lost interest due to another guy. If you are legit, I'd start to prepare an exit strategy so you don't get dumped. Sure hasn't been cake when you're sending over 20 texts to her.

 

[:-)]

Like I said, nc is cake for me. And if that doesnt fix ****, then fk it. At least I know I tried.

Ok now you're talking. But don't get ****y. NC is no piece of cake when it's someone you care about and I know you care about her cos this thread wouldn't exist if you didn't. Good luck.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Im the same guy, yes. Piers is my older account, 5 wrong passwords couldnt login. Its recovered though. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Looks like a troll thread to me. You the same guy? You're asking for us advice then you seem to have it all figured out like a troll. But then you ask us for more advice again.

When chicks are ignoring you back off and don't text. Girlfriends don't drop off swearing at you for no reason, unless they lost interest due to another guy. If you are legit, I'd start to prepare an exit strategy so you don't get dumped. Sure hasn't been cake when you're sending over 20 texts to her.

OP and me are the same. This is my main account I couldnt login, and 5 attempts got my logged out. Recovered on my mobile, thats where I am writing from now.

im not a troll. And I have it half figured, meaning to back off. I just wanted some advicr from moe people for a better insight.

 

[Piers Nivens]

Ok now you're talking. But don't get ****y. NC is no piece of cake when it's someone you care about and I know you care about her cos this thread wouldn't exist if you didn't. Good luck.

Thats true.

But when something becomes toxic, even if its loved, you know its time to fix things for the sake of our own health.