Girlfriend Flakes and Doesn't Answer Phone

[Tebow]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months and everything has been great. I'm never clingy or needy and she still texts/calls me first most of the time. It does seem like the IL has started to go down a tiny bit, but I don't really figure that to be a huge deal since we're a pretty new relationship.

Today though, we had plans to go out for lunch after I got out of class and about 45 minutes before my class got out, she texts me "Hey. Go have lunch with your friends. I'm not that hungry anyways ". She had to work about an hour from when we were going to lunch, but that wouldn't have been a problem. It ticked me off a little bit but I didnt show it and just said "kk :]"

Then I call her on my way to lunch and she doesn't answer. She's at work now, but I never heard back from her. This isn't like her at all, but I'm not sure how I should handle it. She definitely must have made other plans, maybe she got called into work or even lunch with another guy. It's weird she didn't say what was up or answer me back.

What should I do? Bring it up or just let it go? I'm definitely going to pull back some to make sure the attraction stays there. Thanks!

 

[joverby]

Dude, you said you're not needy or clingy but you're acting like it. Trust me, it's a lot easier to see on the outside looking in. What was the purpose of your phone call you were making? Were you going to make plans, or just chat?

How often have you guys been hanging out? How often is she the one offering to hang out lately? Just seeing if you've been hanging out too much possibly.

Also Mahoney says it best when he says to not focus on the frequency of your contacts but the quality. Same with the hangouts. If you do it too frequently they become less fun each time.

 

[Tebow]

Haha ok I guess to put it better, I dont act like it on the outside. I was calling to see what was up and if she was feeling alright or whatever.

I dont know if she was at work. She didn't have to work until later, but she might have gotten called in early. If that was the case though I'm sure she would tell me.

We had a class together and were in the same club so we hang out just about everyday (i know I know, not the best thing). Like I said we hang out just about everyday, so she doesn't really offer to hang out a lot. Last night she said she wants to go on a date this weekend, but I always make all the actual plans

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Haha ok I guess to put it better, I dont act like it on the outside. I was calling to see what was up and if she was feeling alright or whatever.

I dont know if she was at work. She didn't have to work until later, but she might have gotten called in early. If that was the case though I'm sure she would tell me.

We had a class together and were in the same club so we hang out just about everyday (i know I know, not the best thing). Like I said we hang out just about everyday, so she doesn't really offer to hang out a lot. Last night she said she wants to go on a date this weekend, but I always make all the actual plans

See the bolded part above? Before I even read this post I was going to ask you how often you two are hanging out.

Look, 3 months is not a very long time, you two are smothering each other and she just wants some room to breathe. One of the biggest steps to successful relationships, is balance. You two went from being single, to spending everyday together, that's imbalance.

Don't be surprised if she starts to want to do her own thing on a regular basis, its necessary and keeps the girl interested in you.

Tell me, how interested would you be in learning about a certain topic in your class if you discussed it everyday?! Probably not much.

This is a rookie mistake that if it continues will lead to the demise of your relationship.

Chill out, don't call her to see if "everything is okay," show her that you have your life outside of her, go out with your friends etc; this is what will keep her coming back to you.

You say you don't show your needy or clingy, well thank God that she didn't answer your phone call because that would have been VERY needy and VERY clingy.

She's your gf, you don't own her, let her breathe and things will get better. Keep this up and she will dump you.




PIMP

 

[Tebow]

Yea man you're right. I know hangin out everyday is a bad thing, I noticed that when I typed it out haha.

I have no problem with her doing her own thing. She is the one that wants to hang out all the time (until today). The phone call wouldn't have been clingy or needy, trust me I'm not a newbie to this stuff.

I just want to know how to handle her disrespect. I understand I don't own her, but I'm not going to let her flake whenever she wants like that

 

[joverby]

Would you of rather she just sat there and watched you eat?(since she wasn't hungry) Or even if she was making it up(likely) would you want to have lunch with her when she didn't want to have lunch with you, smothering her more?

The call after just establishes the fact that you're not secure with your position in her life and you're scared that you aren't her #1 priority. You must remain confident.

 

[Tebow]

No I wouldn't Joverby, I understand what you're saying though. I wasn't calling her to ask her to come to lunch. Really I was calling her to find out what she was doing. Because of some insecurity like you said. I know that is one problem that could mess up our relationship.

What do I do about her flaking and not answering though?

 

[joverby]

You really just have to be cool, confident and let it roll off your back. You have to realize that you can't establish your own value lower than hers, becasue as soon as you do that she loses respect for you, with that goes the attraction.

That's part of the problem of seeing her every day too. Like PIMP said it just gets boring. I'm recovering from being like you right now is why I can help so much. This was REALLY recently too. I'm just turning things around with my girlfriend now (I think).

I was pushing mine away just like you are. I would call her after she didnt respond only to get nothing back again.

What finally did work(or is "working") so far was stopping initiating contact when I noticed she stopped. After a few days she texted me asking wth was up pretty much. I texted her back the next day. She ended up not responding to a text, so what do I do? I wait like an hour and a half and call her, looking for my validation. No answer, I see her update her facebook RIGHT after so I get all pissy and send her a pissy insecure text. No answer.

I blow her off for like 2 or 3 days after that again. Finally call her (per someones advice here) she picks up, we shoot the **** for a second and then I just asked if she had been busy lately or something,then got to the point. Told her that we need to stop these games or end the relationship. That was just a few days ago, she's been initiating contact since then and has been pretty affectionate so I'm just feeling it out. But you have to learn self control and confidence.

It really does help to have some good really fun hobbies. Like I disc golf with friends and started jamming out with some of my buddies in a band. This is the spin other plates thing. Plates don't have to be other girls.

[Edit]: I'm not saying do what I did either, I just started getting sick of where it was going (and don't even know if it's fully good yet or not) and every circumstance is different. It sounds like mine got worse than yours though. You need to get control before it's too late.

 

[Tebow]

Thanks Joverby, thats exactly why I decided to post on here.

Haha as bad as it may sound, I do not smother her or over contact her. Most of the time she contacts first and I usually don't respond back for a while.

One problem is that we do hang out every day. Its unavoidable that we're going to see each other everyday, but I need to *edit* stop making myself available all the time.

So you say to not do anything about her not answering back? I don't want her to get the idea that she can just do whatever she wants though

 

[joverby]

Thanks Joverby, thats exactly why I decided to post on here.

Haha as bad as it may sound, I do not smother her or over contact her. Most of the time she contacts first and I usually don't respond back for a while.

One problem is that we do hang out every day. Its unavoidable that we're going to see each other everyday, but I need to start making myself unavailable all the time.

So you say to not do anything about her not answering back? I don't want her to get the idea that she can just do whatever she wants though

Don't have to make yourself unavailable ALL the time. Just a better balance than seeing her every day. Like I said get some new hobbies or something, that's the easy answer at least. I wouldn't say anything, as PIMP already said too it would be very needy and clingy if you did that. Confidence is key man, you need to realize(or act like you do) that she will keep coming back to you, becasue why wouldn't she?

That statement I bolded was because that is REALLY controlling. She CAN do whatever she wants though, she's her own person. That's the problem dude. You're spending too much time with her and getting more clingy. You need to back off for yourself, trust me.

[Edit]: Like I said earlier too, it seems like she had a pretty legit reason man, she said she wasn't hungry.

 

[Tebow]

I trust you man, I realize that now. Confidence isn't a problem (atleast acting like it), obviously there is some insecurity though.

I meant to say stop making myself available all the time. I'm going to work on that and I won't be making plans/contacting her for a while.

Thanks a lot for your advice

 

[joverby]

Just remember balance, don't cut her off to the point to where it would be unusual or hurt the relationship more. Just focus on the quality of contacts / hangouts rather then the quanity. Try to keep yourself busy. Pretty much some of the best advice I got.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

No I wouldn't Joverby, I understand what you're saying though. I wasn't calling her to ask her to come to lunch. Really I was calling her to find out what she was doing. Because of some insecurity like you said. I know that is one problem that could mess up our relationship.

What do I do about her flaking and not answering though?

First off you are a newbie, your 18, how many successful LTR have you had at 18? You have a lot to learn, part of life, everyone thinks they know what's up when they're young.

Secondly do you know what flaking is? Its when you have set plans and the other person doesn't show up, doesn't call etc. She didn't flake, she canceled, big difference.

Its not disrespect bro and that's where reading all this online PUA stuff is corrupting your brain and making you think you know what's up. It would have been disrespect if she didn't call to tell you she's not coming, see the difference?

Whether she's the one calling all the time to hang out or not, the fact is your still accepting her invites, which means your dependent on her for your happiness by now. Its okay to say you can't sometimes, even if you can, YOU SHOULD say you can't every now and then.

Bottom line, your becoming predictable, women like a challenge, the challenge is starting to fizzle out here and unless you reverse this, your relationship could be in trouble.

But don't go off being a controlling dictator now because you read it on some PUA site, just start to pull back a little, hang out with your friends more and do your own thing; if she's into you, she will start chasing again hard, if she doesn't, it might be time to start looking for other options.

And lastly, your 18, you should be sampling all the flavors, not being stuck with vanilla everyday.




PIMP

 

[goldengoose]

dont hang out so much and pull back

 

[Tebow]

You're right I am only 18, so I guess I am a newbie haha. Thank you guys. I have started becoming dependent on her and its taken your outside views to show me. I'm going to go back to focusing on myself and my own life a bit more. Thanks again!

 

[Jariel]

I'll just echo the advice Pimpsicle has given. Give her space and go and do your own thing more often.

 

[Tebow]

Alright thanks man

 

[keemojung]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 3 months and everything has been great. I'm never clingy or needy and she still texts/calls me first most of the time. It does seem like the IL has started to go down a tiny bit, but I don't really figure that to be a huge deal since we're a pretty new relationship.

Today though, we had plans to go out for lunch after I got out of class and about 45 minutes before my class got out, she texts me "Hey. Go have lunch with your friends. I'm not that hungry anyways ". She had to work about an hour from when we were going to lunch, but that wouldn't have been a problem. It ticked me off a little bit but I didnt show it and just said "kk :]"

Then I call her on my way to lunch and she doesn't answer. She's at work now, but I never heard back from her. This isn't like her at all, but I'm not sure how I should handle it. She definitely must have made other plans, maybe she got called into work or even lunch with another guy. It's weird she didn't say what was up or answer me back.

What should I do? Bring it up or just let it go? I'm definitely going to pull back some to make sure the attraction stays there. Thanks!

You are not alone! I got the similar situation as yours.

I had sex with her two times and mostly she initiates the call.

But, yesterday, she didn't return my call even though an hour before that

she still text me.

Right now, im trying to become a DJ but sometimes I got stuck and need advices.

 

[Tebow]

I've kept contact minimal this evening (not too unusually) and just got the "didn't mess up, I hope..." text. So no worries about the interest level. Still need to back off and cut off availability some