Girlfriend ditches me to go to a dude's party

[dudewut]

Ok let me clarify she didn't go to the party however she didn't go for a completely different reason (that she don't know anyone there)

So my gf was invited to another dude's party and she ask if she can bring someone. Here is how the convo went;

Another dude: sure, as long as its not your bf haha
Gf: hahahhaha
Another dude: do you still even have a bf?
Gf: yup

So if a girl is willing to ditch me to go to another guy's party and the dude's intentions are like that, then does that mean its done?

 

[dudewut]

Btw I didn't confront her about it since she didn't really go, so yeah

I am just concerned and bothered by it

 

[pipe007]

How did she ditch u? And arent u the other someone she was trying to take with her? Plus she admitted having a bf... dumbazz

 

[dudewut]

How did she ditch u? And arent u the other someone she was trying to take with her? Plus she admitted having a bf... dumbazz

No, she did not tell me to go with her.

I was saying that the reason she didn't go is because she don't know anyone there, therefore if she knows a lot of people going she would have went.....without me, despite of what this guy is saying

 

[pipe007]

If that is so. You are with the wrong person...

 

[Aaron B]

don't try to fix this issue proactively

just do it back to her

they can dish it out but they can't take it

now you get to go around and meet girls and insinuate to them that you are single and flirt and all that

honestly you should just dump her now but i'm assuming you are unwilling to do that

also maybe she didn't go because there would be too much competition for that one guy she likes? she is gonna wait for a better time to get with him

 

[dudewut]

If that is so. You are with the wrong person...

Please elaborate. In which case what should I do?

 

[Iceberg]

Ok let me clarify she didn't go to the party however she didn't go for a completely different reason (that she don't know anyone there)

So my gf was invited to another dude's party and she ask if she can bring someone. Here is how the convo went;

Another dude: sure, as long as its not your bf haha
Gf: hahahhaha
Another dude: do you still even have a bf?
Gf: yup

So if a girl is willing to ditch me to go to another guy's party and the dude's intentions are like that, then does that mean its done?

How did you find this information? Were you snooping through her texts?

Either way, I'm not sure if this was a ditching or not. I'm gonna need some more convincing. Some dude flirts with her (as guys are known to do) and invites her to a party that she doesn't attend.

Would she have attended? Maybe, maybe not. If she had attended, would she have invited you? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm not sure what to make of this. As far as the guy flirting with her...I flirt with girls all the time. It doesn't mean I'm 100% trying to bang them, sometimes it's just flirting for the hell of it.

I'm not trying to let your girl off the hook, but I just don't know enough right now to advise you to dump her.

 

[dudewut]

How did you find this information? Were you snooping through her texts?

Either way, I'm not sure if this was a ditching or not. I'm gonna need some more convincing. Some dude flirts with her (as guys are known to do) and invites her to a party that she doesn't attend.

Would she have attended? Maybe, maybe not. If she had attended, would she have invited you? Maybe, maybe not.

I'm not sure what to make of this. As far as the guy flirting with her...I flirt with girls all the time. It doesn't mean I'm 100% trying to bang them, sometimes it's just flirting for the hell of it.

I'm not trying to let your girl off the hook, but I just don't know enough right now to advise you to dump her.

It's just the intent of it. Think about it, a dude asks her to ditch her bf and then she complies.....like wtf, should I be mad about this? Though I know she is not gonna do anything (I am starting to doubt that now)

 

[dudewut]

And is sosuave's solution to everything is to dump our respective girlfriends? Damn....

 

[Iceberg]

And is sosuave's solution to everything is to dump our respective girlfriends? Damn....

Okay, let's say that this situation really is your girl disrespecting you by going solo to a party where a dude wants to bang her - Let's say that this is the reality of it:

What advice, besides dumping her, would you expect to get?

Once a girl decides that she no longer respects you, that is the end of the deal. The foundation is faulty, and it's impossible to rebuild. (Maybe not impossible, but it's not worth the effort)

There are certain situations that can be corrected. Situations where a girl simply doesn't know the rules or expectations of the relationship. This situation is (hypothetically) a girl thinking that your position is weak, and she can sneak off to a party with another man and test the waters.

What else is there to do but dump her? What....you think a stern talking-to is going to rebuild whatever decreasing attraction has led her down this path? You think you're supposed to sit down and actually explain to a grown woman why it's wrong to sneak off to parties with dudes who are trying to bang her? You think that she's innocently unaware of what she's doing?

That is why the normal sosuave advice would be to dump her.

But again, like I said, I don't know the REALITY of the situation. All i know is that your'e apparently snooping through her phone or email to dig up dirt on her. Which makes me believe that you're:

A) Weak and paranoid

or

B) Getting a gut feeling that your girl is up to something.

 

[dudewut]

All of the above Iceberg, and no she was not really sneaking off to the party she told me about it and we do look at each other's phones sometimes.

Btw, I am just shocked at how easily it is for DJs to pull the trigger :O

 

[Packers2010]

after reading icebergs A and B just above. i say it's time go..

if you have to snoop threw her texts and emails what trust is left. she wants another guy. let her go man. you can find someone else.

people always wan't to hold on. i always let go. but sometimes that easier said then done.

 

[loveshogun]

Hey OP,

Everything Iceberg said.

If you're looking for excuses to break up, you need none. Break up. It's not like a divorce where you have to fill out paperwork. Sh*t, and even then...

ASSUMING your girl is awesome 95 percent of the time, I'd like to make a suggestion - this will go against the usual grain of what I tell guys to do, but it's a novel idea: try talking to the girl.

Talking to your girlfriend about a problem is not the same as "pouring your guts out" or "bending over and taking it in the a*s." Normal, well balanced adults can talk through major problems. Doesn't necessarily solve anything, but it can at least inform decisions.

Just remember that your POV is not necessarily hers. She might not think whatever was such a big deal. And maybe she's right - maybe you're a paranoid crybaby.

BUT, if MY girl wanted to go to some dude's party where he'd probably try to get in her pants, you'd be damn sure that I'd have something to talk about with her.

Once again, though, we don't know if the girl actually wanted to go to this party. All we know is that she didn't go.

For what it's worth, the last time this happened to me, I talked to the girl. She didn't go to the party, but the conversation did at least tell me more about her, and what she was thinking. That was good information to have when I decided to break up with her. She was a low quality girl with a hot body and pretty face.

Be prepared to walk if you don't like what you hear. Quit being so paranoid. If she's your girlfriend, and she did something that bothered you (more than just annoying you), then let her know what she did, minus the paranoia and drama.

Try it. Let us know how it goes.

 

[LoneWolf]

I've done it before.. talking to the girl when I have a problem. Sometimes I get so pissed I have to. Someone I'm seeing was giving me sh1t (teasing me) infront of her family during dinner... parents, sisters, nephews, etc. Saying stuff like she'll deport me back to my country and all that and just saying silly things. She probably didn't realise her harmless jokes were actually harmful. I tried to laugh about it but it bugged me. I'm a little sensitive to these things. It's like she had nothing to talk about so she kept teasing me. When we got home.. I sat down next to her while she was watching tv and put my hand on her leg and said "I'm a little upset.. do you know why?" she knew why and told me that. I said "You pissed me off you know? In the future I would like that you don't do that anymore.. okay? I'm not really angry but just want you to know I didn't like it. Not infront of your family, making me look like a fool. I'm going to shower now."

She was pissed off (in a quiet way) when I confronted her about it but at least she knows never to do it again.