Girlfriend/dating with no social life?

[gimmeyofonenumba]

Ill be honest out of 10 being the best my social life is like a 2. Ive made alot of aquantinces but nobody i just commonly hangout with daily. I'll do social outings like once a month. Anyways i feel this is something that will cirpple me. I meet alot of chicks at both school and work, and in the real world i seem like a really social guy with alot of friends,etc. Thats what most people would probably assume of me, I just cant get the idea out of my head that it would be so awkward trying to be dating a chick on the regular with no friends, she'd be so dissapointed, when she comes to find out that i dont have a social life. What do you guys reccommend?

 

[Delta]

actually, if we were in the same area, i'd recommend we should try hanging out!

i'm in the SAAAAaaaaaaaame boat! normal guy. not weird or creepy. but no social life. probably less than yours! my weekends are movie alone or coffee and bagles at borders and/or coffee and bagles at barnes and noble!

at work and at social gatherings, i do really well, am well thought of by acquaintances and coworkers... but a couple of friends that i see maybe once a month (they're both married).

i think if we can just find more people in our situation (who will own up to it!) who want to improve, we could just help ourselves by joining forces.

actually, i guess a thought that i've been having recently is that not all guys are built the same... neither are all girls. there's gotta be a pretty lil book worm for me somewhere.

delta

 

[Lust]

I don't mean to brag, but out of 10 my social life is around a 9.

I have a lot of close friends i see daily (mostly because of school) and on weekends, and i have a sh!tload of friends that i don't know as well but are still really good with.

How? Actually, I'm not sure, i think you have to be interesting for anyone to actively want to be around you, and you have to be really friendly with all the guys (Seems like you have no problems with this one), with the aquaintances, spend a little more time around them, and eventually you will become friends. I think i used to just find out all these things that we suddenly have in common and became best friends.

I'm not sure, i can't exactly type out how to make friends, or how i made friends.

I guess this is something you have to learn yourself.

 

[insanity]

i don't mean to brag but i have zero friends and i have made out just fine. i haven't met any girls in my time that gave a dam how many friends i had, while i was dating them. you don't need popularity to get and keep a woman. i have had friends in the past but i find friends get more in the way when your dating a girl. i don't know how many times those single morons would call me up and beg me to come to the bar and when i said no i'm busy, they would get all mad and call me puzzywhipped. also they would use the line, bros before ho's when just a month or 2 before, when they had girlfriends and were all afc they would stick like glue to their girlfriends.

don't worry about having a crew when dating a woman. be a one man show.

 

[6-heads lewis]

How do you meet women without friends?

I honestly dont mind having no friends, Im more successful by myself. I used to have a lot of "friends" until I left the city and hit bottom, its funny how quickly they abandon you. When I came back, my only true friend told me honestly that nobody ever asked about me or cared how I was doing. If you're smart and efficienct, you may be better off alone.

The only problem is that I dont get invited to parties or anything where I can meet women. The few times I do like a work party or something it goes great, it just happens so rarely. When you meet women rarely, you put way too much value on them and muck it up.

 

[6-heads lewis]

Also, it should be noted how much more difficult it is to make friends when your starting from 0 as opposed to when you already have several (just like getting girls). Dont get too down on yourself if youre having trouble with this despite putting forth effort, anyone who has moved around a lot knows how difficult it is.

 

[onyx]

My social life is up there, I'm a university student so its to be expected but, i also have my friend back home constantly phoning telling me to get back home for the weekend to go out, not just 1 set of friends back home, maybe 3 or 4 seperate groups, but also my university friends wanting me to stay to go out at the weekends. Its hard because I want to go home and see my family as well. Alot of people tell me i'm funny, so I guess thats why people want me around because I know how to have a good time.

Like Lust said above though you can't really teach how to become friends with lots of otherpeople, I guess I did it by meeting some one through work, then meeting their friends etc, and friends from school, and so on. Its easy for me to make friends through work though, since the jobs i've done over the last few years have all been jobs, where people my age group work.

 

[sexxyback]

You will have to work on both areas of your life - getting a social life, and dating girls. Both will come along slowly, but if you work at it, it is not that difficult to get some positive results.

I was in the same situation once. I'm still not Mr. Popular with hundreds of friends, but you don't need to be. I have a few close friends, I have some semi close friends, and a lot of acquaintances. Most people are like me. From the outside looking in, it is easy to mistake someone with a lot of acquaintances with someone with a lot of friends.

It didn't take very long to build up a decent social life - at least one that would not turn off a woman you were dating. Less than a year. You only really need to find one or two really good friends first, the rest will build from there. Just find some clubs, hobbies, maybe check out your local lair. There are plenty of guys who would hang out with you that are in the same position.

 

[Thomas94305]

I identify sooooo strongly with Delta. People will call me quite sociable in gatherings, opening conversations with strangers, etc. Whenever I'd admit to others that I lacked close friends, it surprised them.

However, my situation is starting to turn for the better, and it's worth noting how that affects dating.

About 3 or so years ago, I noted I was in a number of bad friendships. They could count on me to show up at their invitations. I'd call them, email, all the friend things to stay in touch and grow our relationship. But, I noticed they would not go to my things. I'd invite, and no replies. I'd tell them this bothered me, even hurt that things were this way. They basically shrugged their shoulders. In brief, I took inventory of the people who did not bother to show up when I invited, did not initiate calling me, did not initiate emailing me. I quit emailing or calling, to see if they would notice and start emailing/calling at their own initiative. If I ran into them, and they invited me, I pointed out to them that it's time they go to my things, and did not go to their stuff, etc.

Anyhow.. these were bad relationships, and simply ended. Am happy the truth came out in the open and am wiser now. Since then, I've worked hard to grow new friendships. Most people frankly think of themselves, and won't make much an effort to be sociable. Only over the past year has this really come to much. There's a couple of friends I can count on to respond to my invitations, but not all the time. We run into each other weekly, and will do something intentional about once a month.. just disclosing where things are.

HOW THIS AFFECTS DATING: During my bad social times and now with the recent improvement.. that stuff did not affect my dating directly, but had a MAJOR impact nonetheless. In dating without friends or with, the women never brought up that I don't have friends, I need to build better friends, acted like I'm a loser, etc. The major effect is HOW I FELT. Now that I'm growing more friends, I feel more at ease, more supported. It's easier to just be natural around women, having a good time, etc. Rejection is not as big a deal, because I have some friends to talk with, get support, etc. You can argue whether or not I have a weak or strong self image, and I acknowledge I possess elements of both.

The affect of having friends is that when I approach a woman, the friends are inside my head supporting me, letting me know that I'm really not going to fall that far if this doesn't work out. So, a woman doesn't seem to notice if friends are around or not. But, my self esteem does.

 

[vagrant]

i have zero friends. i do have a girlfriend and she too doesn't have many friends. she just started working at a bakery though so i'm sure she'll pick up. i guess when i started skateboarding, ever since then i've only been hanging out with guys that skate which is very few now here in new york. i started feeling that skateboarding was the only thing i know and the only thing i like, so basically it ended up as me not having so much common with the other guys out there.