Girlfriend calls me too much, etc

[itishe]

Hey now.

Been with my broad for over 2 years now, and although I love her I like to have my space where I do not talk to her for a few days. Problem is she calls everyday that or sends me a text.

Her interest level is still obviously high, so whenever I don't answer my phone I get bombarded with questions when I call her back about why I couldn't get to the phone.

Any way around this?

----

Also I must be doing something right to maintain this relationship, one thing I believe I'm losing my touch on that I had earlier in the relationship was the ability to give her the sense of impending doom. The sensation I'll leave the relationship at any minute when she gives me bull****. What are some ways you subtly leave this idea in her head?

 

[The Master Disaster]

Maybe you could leave broshures around your apartment of New Mexico or Alaska, or possibly whenever you're with her and an Eharmony commercial comes on just be like "Sshh Shh E... uh huh harm... uh huh" then be like "was that .net or .com" maybe she might get the hint.

 

[ready123]

lol

 

[Lust]

Be upfront about it.

Why beat around the bush?

Tell her you sometimes like to have a little room to breathe, no biggie.

 

[RedHand]

hey dude, she's growing more comfortable around you.

and it doesn't necessary mean she's going to give you bull****. y'know

 

[[S]alvatore]

Would you rather her not give a sh!t about you, and you having to always call/text etc?

 

[jafyk]

It's a dilema I hate it when a girl calls too much and when she hardly calls my mind starts to wonder if we are losing our connection.

 

[DonJuanit0]

I would enjoy it as long as it lasts, but since you don't seem to like it go on and tell her! Ask her for your space in a kind way so you won't end up in something you don't want! I believe it's normal to talk everyday (once or twice per day) since you are in a LTR though...

 

[Warrior74]

my ex did that at about the 2 year mark. Her clinginess and neediness were in full bloom. This is a major **** test in my opinion. One I failed. First I got to the point where I would jump to anwser to avoid being "bombarded" with questions. That mad me feel like I was on a leash so I rebelled and stopped, which made her call more. Then finally I blew up and yelled at her to stop calling me so focking much at work! Don't you have a life woman? That went down well. We went on to stay together, but it was rocky.

I think whatever you do, remain calm. Don't let her pull you around in any way emotionally. Don't be reactive like I was, be proactive.

I would stop anwsering my phone so much, when she asked a bunch of questions I would brush em off nonchalantly, and if she made a big deal I would ask her, 'why is this such a big deal to you, talk to me about how your feeling right now, whats going on with you?" make it about her and her problems, its not about you. See if you can get in her head and figure out her thinking (or in a woman's case, her feeling). Shut up and let her talk, resist the urge to explain yourself. Fock explaining yourself, I did way too much of that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

 

[eile]

i think this is just because she loves you so much ,and she wants to share you everything every minutes.
and you should tell her what you think

 

[itishe]

my ex did that at about the 2 year mark. Her clinginess and neediness were in full bloom. This is a major **** test in my opinion. One I failed. First I got to the point where I would jump to anwser to avoid being "bombarded" with questions. That mad me feel like I was on a leash so I rebelled and stopped, which made her call more. Then finally I blew up and yelled at her to stop calling me so focking much at work! Don't you have a life woman? That went down well. We went on to stay together, but it was rocky.

I think whatever you do, remain calm. Don't let her pull you around in any way emotionally. Don't be reactive like I was, be proactive.

I would stop anwsering my phone so much, when she asked a bunch of questions I would brush em off nonchalantly, and if she made a big deal I would ask her, 'why is this such a big deal to you, talk to me about how your feeling right now, whats going on with you?" make it about her and her problems, its not about you. See if you can get in her head and figure out her thinking (or in a woman's case, her feeling). Shut up and let her talk, resist the urge to explain yourself. Fock explaining yourself, I did way too much of that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

How would you say that you failed besides getting upset with her vocally? Do you think the beginning of your failing had to do with you answering almost all her calls or was it mainly your reaction to her clingyness that f'ed ya over.

 

[Warrior74]

How would you say that you failed besides getting upset with her vocally? Do you think the beginning of your failing had to do with you answering almost all her calls or was it mainly your reaction to her clingyness that f'ed ya over.

Answering all of her calls in the first place, and then trying to explain myself when I didn't anwser. By the time I lost my temper, I had failed. The bad precedent had been set.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

my ex did that at about the 2 year mark. Her clinginess and neediness were in full bloom. This is a major **** test in my opinion. One I failed. First I got to the point where I would jump to anwser to avoid being "bombarded" with questions. That mad me feel like I was on a leash so I rebelled and stopped, which made her call more. Then finally I blew up and yelled at her to stop calling me so focking much at work! Don't you have a life woman? That went down well. We went on to stay together, but it was rocky.

I think whatever you do, remain calm. Don't let her pull you around in any way emotionally. Don't be reactive like I was, be proactive.

I would stop anwsering my phone so much, when she asked a bunch of questions I would brush em off nonchalantly, and if she made a big deal I would ask her, 'why is this such a big deal to you, talk to me about how your feeling right now, whats going on with you?" make it about her and her problems, its not about you. See if you can get in her head and figure out her thinking (or in a woman's case, her feeling). Shut up and let her talk, resist the urge to explain yourself. Fock explaining yourself, I did way too much of that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Great advice here.

Having similar situation now, cool chic otherwise but I realize she's just calling to much, talking too long. Not good.

But Warrior, so you lost your temper. I'd agree that this is a problem if this happens all the time, like a psychopath with no self-control, or a manipulative wanna-be alpha.

But showing this "potential" of yourself - isn't is only human and only shows that you can be like this if necessary? I mean, nothing happened, wasn' it just on the phone?

Just to remind you to not beat up yourself for human mistakes, in case you did that.

 

[Warrior74]

Great advice here.

Having similar situation now, cool chic otherwise but I realize she's just calling to much, talking too long. Not good.

But Warrior, so you lost your temper. I'd agree that this is a problem if this happens all the time, like a psychopath with no self-control, or a manipulative wanna-be alpha.

But showing this "potential" of yourself - isn't is only human and only shows that you can be like this if necessary? I mean, nothing happened, wasn' it just on the phone?

Just to remind you to not beat up yourself for human mistakes, in case you did that.

it was AFC to loose my temper. I should have addressed it early. I *****ed and moaned to my friends about it, but I didn't do anything about it. Why? Because I was afraid of loosing her or making her mad. After a while I got so pissed at myself for being such a wuss and pissed of her calling that I exploded. It came from a place of weakness, not strength. When it first bothered me I should have addressed it.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

I was AFC... I should have addressed it early.... When it first bothered me I should have addressed it.

I see where you're coming from. This clarifies a lot.

On the other hand, I sometimes find it difficult to really know when something bothering me is worth addressing right then and when it is just a passing mood of a girl, for instance.

To me, it seems, both options
a) direct, immediate reaction and
b) just keep cool and let it pass you by
have potential hazards attatched, like
a) overreacting
b) letting things build up to much (like in the case you reported)

So, to me there seems no one-and-for-all solutions. So, although I'd sometimes like to do (and particularly to have done) everything "right", it seems to be an act of balance, like a form of art. Perfect balance will happen, but often if will just be "alright". This will be alright, though.


So my 5cts to the OP:
Don't always answer the phone, don't always call back immediately. Let her learn from experience. And don't be apologetic about it. This is indeed AFC, and I have been guilty of that, too.

Address her real thing as warrior explained, that's key.

I do believe, that in addition to that you can talk about you, and that this is even good for both of you. Just that you probably have to tone it down a lot if you're coming from the AFC stage many of us come (or came) from.

 

[Hot Alpha Female]

There is a difference between high interest level and neediness.

Sometimes women get like this after they have been in a relationship for a longer period of time.

They lose of sense of themselves and begin to reply on YOU to make them happy and to make them feel better.

Thus all the phone calls.

Maybe you have to tell her that you need some space. Not that you want to break up with her, but that she needs to remember to live her own life too.

I dont blame you that .. this is the way you feel right now.

Its a common mistake a lot of women make.

 

[Roober]

Reviving an old thread here as I believe I fell into this trap... during the last two months, she was calling 2-3 times a day. Morning, after work, at night. Best course of action I see is...


1. Don't set the precedent. Don't ignore, but if you are doing something, DO NOT ANSWER. Once you start on this path, she will expect it.
-A couple weeks before we split, she told me "I wish you were less available", I found SoSuave and began not answering the phone at work, and if I was legitimately busy, I would just shoot a text and say we can talk later. The problem was that I had set the precedent already, so that only ended up making her upset. I remember answering once at the gym. And said "Hey, I just got to the gym, let's talk later tonight", she practically hung up on me and did not call that evening.

2. Talk to her - let her know that you would love to talk with her, but your busy and don't always have time. A good woman will respect your boundaries. I was too afraid to have this conversation = major AFC

3. Too much phone talk and she won't miss you. The last two months of our relationship, I almost always made myself available for her calls. Thereby, we started seeing each other much less, often once every two weeks. This was my ultimate undoing. I would answer the phone even if out with friends and talk for 5-10 minutes. I was basically telling her, "I am always available to talk on the phone".

4. DO NOT REACT to her questioning why you didn't answer. Just be direct and honest, unless you are up to shenanigans. If she is jealous, insecure, or gives you grief = red flag

5. When you do talk, keep the convo. fun!!! Don't just talk about boring or serious things, such as work and kids... Play with her!


Now this is more for LTR and assuming neither party has been cheating. This can start after the 3 month mark when she starts feeling deeply for you. I am a busy guy and always have things going on, but I still always made sure I gave her the time to talk on the phone... COMPLETELY WRONG!

 

[wifehunter]

If you're busy working on stuff she can help with, I would put her to work. Any help will be progress, and she'll get to invest.

If you're needing alone time or guy time, let her know if she asks.

Poor communication is a major deal breaker. It's good that she's reaching out all the time. I would encourage it!!!