Girlfriend asked me for a "break/ open relationship",

[JdelaSilviera]

It never ceases to amaze me, the confidence women have that they´ll have a wild summer if they want, it seems that even uglies can be Djs... Something has to be done or the end of the world is coming lol.

 

[todays_news]

Thats why I'm asking if there is someway for me to salvage MY pride, or at least leave her with some regret..

Its obvious that you're not happy with whats happened, but you dont seem as torn as a lot of others.

In terms of pride, you'll have your pride back when you dont give a **** what she thinks. This includes breaking up with her with immediate effect, and not contacting her, responding to her texts or IMs. Meet other women and then the game will be complete. Women dont think logically, they think emotionally give it a while and she'll start coming to you again, to try and regain your interest. Do not buy her bull****. Do not have any of it.

I joined when I broke up with my ex because of her bull****. I made one or two mistakes after, but fundamentally I cut her out of my life and filled the space with women and made more friends.

She came back, in vein, as by then I didnt give a sh*t. Its the best feeling in the world, seeing their reactions like that when you show them you're now out of reach. Nothing better.

 

[EFFORT]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=90482

For the future. This thread here should be a sticky....it would prevent a lot of problems.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This one too:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

 

[5string]

Taking a break=Dealbreaker

 

[Vespoli]

This one too:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

Oh my god. Why didnt I see this before? I wish I had some sort of rep. That needs to be stickied immediately!

But as for the guy who said I dont seem torn up, honestly I feel like sh!t, especially because there was another guy all along it seems, or at least someone she met over in cali. I'm heavily critical of myself, and after thinking long and hard I realized that its my own fault for letting it happen like this.

 

[omega05]

she wants another guy to smash her. sorry man

 

[Razor Sharp]

I got the same rap from this girl I was seeing a few years ago. We had a short fling that only lasted for a summer, and she said that she wanted an "open relationship". This was pretty funny because at no time did I ever agree to be exclusive, but whatever.

Mind you I did like her a lot and probably could have made her LTR if she didnt play herself. But I didnt get mad, upset or try to negotiate her affection. I did get her to quickly change her mind, something like this:

HER: I want to be with you, but I think we should be able to see other people
ME: That's cool
HER: Really? You are fine with this? (shocked!)
ME: Sure thing - why limit yourself when there are so many opportunities?
HER: (awkward pause) ... Are you seeing someone else?
ME: I wasn't, but I sure will be now.
HER: What?? Who is she? Do I know her?
ME: Nah, you never met them.
HER: THEM?? There's more than one?
ME: That's the beauty of an open relationship aint it?
HER: ... I don't know if I can do this.
ME: It was your idea
HER: I know but now I have doubts
ME: Not me! Anyways, I gotta handle some business and you obviously have a lot to think about so..
HER: But.. but...
ME: Seeya! (peck on the cheek)

I left her sitting there with her jaw hanging open. 20 minutes later I got a text saying "I dont want anyone but you". She became so obsessed with me afterwards that I had to cut her loose.

Morale: When a woman wants a break, and you give it to her happily it instantly makes her wonder if she made the right choice.

It's also worth mentioning that a "break" is a sign of a relationship that simply does not work and is not worth your time. Relegate that girl to booty call status AT BEST, or cut her off entirely.

Sounds cold, but that's how the game must be played if you want any hope of keeping your heart intact.

 

[escaleraroyal]

break her ass fat ass

 

[Scion]

Oh my god. Why didnt I see this before? I wish I had some sort of rep. That needs to be stickied immediately!

But as for the guy who said I dont seem torn up, honestly I feel like sh!t, especially because there was another guy all along it seems, or at least someone she met over in cali. I'm heavily critical of myself, and after thinking long and hard I realized that its my own fault for letting it happen like this.

There's aways another guys dude. Women are good at setting up fallback guys for when they are done with their current relationship. Most girls can't be single, they define themselves by their relationships. Your now the fallback guy for this girl. She's either already banged this guy and is seeing how **** turns out or she's infatuated with him and is hoping he'll make a move. But either way your the back up. This whole "open relationship" **** is just her trying to feel better about cheating. I see this with my friends all the time, it's not worth playing her game. Don't break up with her, just go no contact. Find a new girl (or girls) and if the old one contacts you say your in a new relationship. It'll throw her off since the only reason she'd contact you is if her new relationship fails. And don't feel bad dude, this **** is common place and just means this girl wasn't quality to begin with. It's a blessing in disguise.

 

[LovelyLady]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks

 

[handle]

It really doesn't need to get complicated here... Accept the break, bang other chicks while she bangs other guys, and if you actually give a **** later on then you can get back together. But you'll probably be uninterested at that point. Win-win.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Vespoli- I don't want to say, "I told you so," but I remember telling you the only way to salvage her dropping interest level was to dump her. Now, it's too late for that.

...ok fine: I told you so.


Your best bet is to cut all contact with her and just find some new girls to chill with. It is SO much easier to find a new girl than it is to "fix" a broken relationship. Ironically, the best way to "fix" a broken relationship is often to happily date other girls--do this and she'll question if she made the right decision.

You are young and, as a result, your view of the grand scheme of relationships is myopic. This relationship served a purpose is teaching you to avoid certain pitfalls. Now, you will not make the same mistakes next time.

It is CRUCIAL to have a few failed relationships early on; they will help destroy the ONEitis that was your downfall in this one. I got dumped by my first 3 girlfriends; now, at 29, I have much more success with women---mostly, because I know that I can replace them if need be. This is a lesson I would NOT have learned if I didn't experience the feeling of rejection by someone I believed was a "soulmate."

I knew from your initial post that you were going to pay lip service to the advice given in here and then fail to implement it in any sense of the word. That is the elephant in the room at Sosuave--the fact that most of our forum advice about relationship problems goes unheeded. Your story is not one-in-a-million; it's actually quite run of the mill.

The good news is that it's all part of the learning process. You now know what you SHOULD have done, because we broke it down for you. Now, you can go forward without having to blame your failure on evil women, or your looks or height, or your lack of money, etc.

You will meet many other girls. You will dump some, and get dumped by others. But, through it all, you will improve until you reach a point where there is no guesswork involved and YOU are in control. That's what we strive for.

 

[Vespoli]

Thank you for the advice Jeff, I'd like to tell you that I did call her soon after I first posted here to end the relationship, but it just so happened that she had sent me a letter and she was waiting for me to call. As soon as I called her she asked me why I didnt call sooner, and she missed me etc. The letter she sent me said how much she cared for me and missed me. I was an idiot, because I immediately fell for it. Now you see me here.


Her letter literally threw my emotions all over the place, and sadly I became weak and ate up every single thing she said. It just amazes me that she could tell me those things, send me a letter and then ask for a break a few days later.

So yeah in all honesty, I really didnt want to believe what you guys were saying and her letter gave me the answer I had wanted. It was also the reason I tried to stay with her, when I last spoke to her... and all i got was a slap in the face.

I'm happy to say I got a little poon last night, so the sting of being dumped isnt too bad right now.

But truly, thank you for the advice because it really helped me.

 

[horaholic]

HER: I want to be with you, but I think we should be able to see other people
ME: That's cool
HER: Really? You are fine with this? (shocked!)
ME: Sure thing - why limit yourself when there are so many opportunities?
HER: (awkward pause) ... Are you seeing someone else?
ME: I wasn't, but I sure will be now.
HER: What?? Who is she? Do I know her?
ME: Nah, you never met them.
HER: THEM?? There's more than one?
ME: That's the beauty of an open relationship aint it?
HER: ... I don't know if I can do this.
ME: It was your idea
HER: I know but now I have doubts
ME: Not me! Anyways, I gotta handle some business and you obviously have a lot to think about so..
HER: But.. but...
ME: Seeya! (peck on the cheek)

I left her sitting there with her jaw hanging open. 20 minutes later I got a text saying "I dont want anyone but you". She became so obsessed with me afterwards that I had to cut her loose.
.

That makes my day!

Translated it basically means "i would like to bang other guys, but I dont think you have enough game to bang other girls, so fawn over me."

 

[Hakuna]

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new

 

[xectxny19x]

That makes my day!

Mine too. :rock:

 

[SuSHI]

"using this open relationship to confirm her decision to which she will then end it herself later." You said it yourself, so say this exact same thing to her. And tell her to have a good life and cut all contact with her. Like say a "fVck you" as aloof as possible.

 

[kyokon]

yeah, what razor sharp said. Same thing happened to me too but it took me a few days to realise how good I had it. And it took her until I banged somebody new and told her all about it to realise that the 'open' thing was not so cool and she changed her mind.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

When a woman wants " a break " she really wants a slow convenient(to her) breakup, BUT is too chicken sh!t weak to say so. She is also likely to want to keep you around as fallback guy in case her new 'adventures ' do not pan out.
And believe me..she is planning some fun without you. That fun may have already started behind your back.

Here is the SOP for dealing with this kind of crAp -

She ," I think we need a break for a while."
You," I wanted to talk to you about that but you beat me to it. A 'break' sounds good. Just friends with no other expectations, right?"

And then you just wander off to the carpark with your head held high...
You do not enter into "negotiations", nor discussions about her wants, needs or feelings. No pleading, no begging her to "reconsider".

She has just rejected you. Lose her number and if she chases you online, you ignore her..

I completely agree with this. But what if you live together and have a son together? This is my situation. In the end, I'd get over her quickly but man I love my son to death. I love waking up next to that little mug. It's much more difficult now