Girlfriend and her past hookups: Why do I feel this way? Is it justified?

[Brighty]

My girlfriend as of now has hooked up with four other people (3 make outs, one drunken fvck that she regrets) in the first two months of college before we got together as opposed to my two other people. Two of the makeouts were when she was drunk from these real creeper guys in this one frat thats notorious for creeping on girls and one of the makeouts was with my roommate (however, this was before we even met). I know its in the past, but whenever I think about it I just can't help but get this nasty feeling in my stomach.

Its almost as if I feel insecure that some other guys have been with my girl, and even though we've fvcked over like 50 times in the past month and a half and all these guys have gotten is a makeout from her, I still feel insecure about it. When I think about it from the other guys' perspective I feel like they're thinking "Oh she was just another notch in my belt," or "Oh she's just another hookup" and it infuriates me. I'm worried people may view her as a slut or something, because she keeps going back to that one frat to party but its because she doesn't know any other parties that go on and she has friends there, she says, and she knows that it bugs me. I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but is she just looking for the attention or something? Maybe I'm asking for too much in a girl, but I just feel uncomfortable that she's hooked up with more people than I have at college before we got together.

I like spending time with her and I really feel a connection there, but when I almost feel like she was too promiscuous before she met me (two of the makeouts with the creeper frat were while we were talking/dating, but before anything serious happened) sometimes, but other times I just feel like my ego is out of control.

I just need some other viewpoints on this, because I feel like I'm being unfair to her in a way but I just feel crappy every time I think about it. How do you guys feel about other guys your girl has hooked up with? How do you deal with it? Because I feel like I may be blowing this out of porportion.

 

[Energizer]

I don't ask and I don't want to know, that's the best way to be.

 

[testsinner]

My girlfriend as of now has hooked up with four other people (3 make outs, one drunken fvck that she regrets) in the first two months of college before we got together as opposed to my two other people. Two of the makeouts were when she was drunk from these real creeper guys in this one frat thats notorious for creeping on girls and one of the makeouts was with my roommate (however, this was before we even met). I know its in the past, but whenever I think about it I just can't help but get this nasty feeling in my stomach.

Its almost as if I feel insecure that some other guys have been with my girl, and even though we've fvcked over like 50 times in the past month and a half and all these guys have gotten is a makeout from her, I still feel insecure about it. When I think about it from the other guys' perspective I feel like they're thinking "Oh she was just another notch in my belt," or "Oh she's just another hookup" and it infuriates me. I'm worried people may view her as a slut or something, because she keeps going back to that one frat to party but its because she doesn't know any other parties that go on and she has friends there, she says, and she knows that it bugs me. I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but is she just looking for the attention or something? Maybe I'm asking for too much in a girl, but I just feel uncomfortable that she's hooked up with more people than I have at college before we got together.

I like spending time with her and I really feel a connection there, but when I almost feel like she was too promiscuous before she met me (two of the makeouts with the creeper frat were while we were talking/dating, but before anything serious happened) sometimes, but other times I just feel like my ego is out of control.

I just need some other viewpoints on this, because I feel like I'm being unfair to her in a way but I just feel crappy every time I think about it. How do you guys feel about other guys your girl has hooked up with? How do you deal with it? Because I feel like I may be blowing this out of porportion.

if u really like her than it doesnt matter about the past guys she hooked up with
how do u deal with it? if ur past was better than hers i dont think u guys can go hand and hand... but if u banged more girls and hooked up with more girls in the past than i guess its cool... the girl should feel insecure not u
u gota be alpha male
anyways girls love attention just like guys.. especially when were in college its always an orgy and people party and have fun
if u r insecured about it dont get with her

 

[Brighty]

if u really like her than it doesnt matter about the past guys she hooked up with
how do u deal with it? if ur past was better than hers i dont think u guys can go hand and hand... but if u banged more girls and hooked up with more girls in the past than i guess its cool... the girl should feel insecure not u
u gota be alpha male
anyways girls love attention just like guys.. especially when were in college its always an orgy and people party and have fun
if u r insecured about it dont get with her

She lost her virginity when she was 14 in a two year relationship, she's had sex with 4 other guys besides me in total and she just turned 19 last month. She was my first (I'm 19). She tells me that I'm the best she's had and after a few weeks after I fvcked her for the first time she says I'm the best she's had sex with, but it still doesn't make me feel any better.

 

[iliketennis]

get over it

 

[drak_ool]

This is your first girl, she s had plenty of experience before you (if she told you 4 guys, you can conservatively guess at least 4 more she didn't tell you about) so it's normal for you to feel insecure. However, she seems to be satisfied with how you work it, so why worry about it?

3 make outs and one drunken f.uck in the 1st 3 months of college? your girl's a saint dude! This is not the kind of behavior you should worry about. You are def blowing this out of proportion.

General piece of advice: if you cannot handle hearing about your girl's past sexual partners, don't ask about them. She will lie to you anyways. As you hook up with more and more girls, you will notice how this obsession of yours with a girl's past will slowly die out

 

[theunflushables]

Like Toby said, get over it.

You will never meet your virginal princess (and trust me, if you do, you won't want to sleep with her.)

And seriously four other guys is nothing. I don't say this to be mean, but more in the form of advice, grow the **** up. No matter who you hook up with, someone will have had their **** in them before you. You are not Captain Kirk and you are not boldly going where no man has gone before.

If she says you are the best she ever had take it at that. Its not improbable to be better than 4 other guys.

 

[1337]

What other people think of her and what shes done in her past is not really your business. You can't really define somebody with their past cuz people can always change.

Im gonna cut it short and say your not really suppose to care.

 

[Brighty]

I know, but I have to see the guy that she fvcked that one night every single day and he's a complete tool. First time I met the kid he wore aviators indoors and whipped out his acoustic guitar and started playing wonderwall for no reason. Its just infuriating, especially the way he talked about her afterward ("You talking to <girl>? Yeah she's a good fvck"). It just gets my stomach in a knot knowing that people think my girl is a slut.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Stop judging yourself. The problem isn't with her; it's with how you think of yourself.

Its just infuriating, especially the way he talked about her afterward ("You talking to <girl>? Yeah she's a good fvck").

See that's not appropriate, and a good time to put this guy in his place.

 

[SamMalone]

Dude, every girl thats 22+ is going to be considered a ***** if we use the traditional definition. Girls have fun and screw around like guys. Only thing to worry about is if she is still doing it while she is your "girlfriend" and making you look like an idiot.

Also, if you think she's an idiot for f*cking that tool guy, why are you with her? She obviously makes stupid decisions.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

It is of no consequence, your feelings.

Save for the fact that, if you allow them to fester and build steam, they will inevitably lead you to the Village of the AFCs.

I have banished many a poor soul such as yours to this Village, so do not think yourself beyond reproach.

So if you do not take a real cold, hard look at where all this insecurity is coming from (*hint: it has nothing to do with other guys), you will crash and burn with this girl and the story usually ends with her fvcking the "tool" guy she was with before you!

Such are the ironies of an AFCs existence.

So get this girl off her pedestal, she is not some mystical creature that you trail through the forest sniffing her droppings, and know that you are not the first nor the last to dig them guts. Have fun with this one, but do not be so occupied with her that the rest of the women fall away into oblivion.

Remember, "thou art not an AFC."

 

[Brighty]

Yeah, that was a great post Julius. I'm working on it now but every time I see my roommate or that one tool that she fvcked it kind of brings up those feelings again. How can I fix this or how can I get rid of these feelings? I took a second and thought about them and isolated what really bugs me about it and why it makes me feel bad:

- All of the guys she's hooked up with (the four that I know about) have been far below what I would deem her standards and in comparision to me they are much less attractive than I am (other people have remarked this and she even told me so). It reflects badly on me because it makes me look like less than I actually am.

- That people will view me as a sucker for being in a relationship with a girl who gives it away on a drunk hookup.

- I don't want anyone talking to her or even thinking of her like that, treating her like a piece of meat, she has self esteem issues as it is and not only does it hurt her, it hurts me when someone thinks of her that way.


And this is just what I think, and I realize that I'm probably painfully wrong about some of these things, and that's why I'm telling you guys them now, so you can verbally kick my ass and tell me that there is nothing wrong and that's okay, or if you see something that makes you scratch your head twice then let me know.

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah, that was a great post Julius. I'm working on it now but every time I see my roommate or that one tool that she fvcked it kind of brings up those feelings again. How can I fix this or how can I get rid of these feelings? I took a second and thought about them and isolated what really bugs me about it and why it makes me feel bad:

- All of the guys she's hooked up with (the four that I know about) have been far below what I would deem her standards and in comparision to me they are much less attractive than I am (other people have remarked this and she even told me so). It reflects badly on me because it makes me look like less than I actually am.

- That people will view me as a sucker for being in a relationship with a girl who gives it away on a drunk hookup.

- I don't want anyone talking to her or even thinking of her like that, treating her like a piece of meat, she has self esteem issues as it is and not only does it hurt her, it hurts me when someone thinks of her that way.


And this is just what I think, and I realize that I'm probably painfully wrong about some of these things, and that's why I'm telling you guys them now, so you can verbally kick my ass and tell me that there is nothing wrong and that's okay, or if you see something that makes you scratch your head twice then let me know.

1. Maybe she's decided she wants a higher quality man.

2. Every college age girl gives it away on a drunk hookup.

3. You will never be able to stop what someone thinks about her and why bother fighting someone over what they say about a woman that in all probability you will eventually stop dating.

Just have to relax man, take it easy.

 

[drak_ool]

Brighty, I see a lot of things that make me scratch my head so hard that i m going bald!

real quick analysis based only on what you ve told us about your girl in this thread: do not get emotional attached to this girl. But you already are... So you need to take a few steps back at this point, def no more of those "it hurst me when they talk sh.it about my girl" (seriously dude, re-read that whole sentence and then go take a long look in the mirror: are you really that guy?)

This is college, freshman relationships rarely work anyways. So take advantage of what she can offer while you still can, but do not invest yourself emotionally into her.

The main reason I see trouble in the future for you is because you are both insecure, you are both inexperienced (you more than her), and I just don t see how you could weather some major storms later down the road if you cant even handle the one dude she s had sex with at your school.

Another problem for you is that you care way too much what other pple are thinking. Basically your main worry in this situation is how you will be viewed by your peers because you are dating a girl who s develloping a reputation as "easy" among your social group. You can start working on this now, but it will take some time until you can completly disregard what others are saying.

And then should you always disregard what others are saying? after all, a lot of girls who have a slvtty reputations deserve it. So what is considered "slvtty" of a 3 months freshman girl? well, to solve the question, I asked a couple college (girl) friends.

When I told them your situation (as a hypo, of course) they both did not hesitate: this girl is def a slvt. Here s their reasoning, after I said I think their assessment is a little too harsh: girls make or break their reputation during the first year/semester of college, and then it sticks with them for the rest of their time there. So a girl that goes out and gets drunk with random boys and then spends the night at the frat house will be cast out right away. She will have this reputation following her, so if you cannot deal with it, eject now.

 

[Brighty]

Brighty, I see a lot of things that make me scratch my head so hard that i m going bald!

real quick analysis based only on what you ve told us about your girl in this thread: do not get emotional attached to this girl. But you already are... So you need to take a few steps back at this point, def no more of those "it hurst me when they talk sh.it about my girl" (seriously dude, re-read that whole sentence and then go take a long look in the mirror: are you really that guy?)

This is college, freshman relationships rarely work anyways. So take advantage of what she can offer while you still can, but do not invest yourself emotionally into her.

Yeah, I don't. Like, I like her and all and I'm an emotional guy when it comes to girls but I would have no qualms with leaving her if there somehow was a big complication (although I don't foresee it). The sex is great, however, (she loves getting tied up and just generally getting taken advantage of :rockon and we've probably fvcked around 50 or 60 times in the past two months, so I've definitely gotten experience. And she likes playing Modern Warfare 2, and she's not half bad, so that's definitely a plus.

The main reason I see trouble in the future for you is because you are both insecure, you are both inexperienced (you more than her), and I just don t see how you could weather some major storms later down the road if you cant even handle the one dude she s had sex with at your school.

Another problem for you is that you care way too much what other pple are thinking. Basically your main worry in this situation is how you will be viewed by your peers because you are dating a girl who s develloping a reputation as "easy" among your social group. You can start working on this now, but it will take some time until you can completly disregard what others are saying.

You know, I don't think she really has that reputation. I think a lot of it is in my head, and the one guy who called her "a good fvck", that was before we got into a relationship and she confronted him about it and apologized and confessed he was drunk and didn't mean it. I just think that because she's had a drunk fvck and 3 makeouts in college before we got together that she may have the reputation of a slvt, but then again I don't know what's considered normal or permissible in the college environment so I just used high school standards. I've had no real sign that people think she's a slvt other than that one comment from the guy, so it may be all in my head. I just think that's slvtty behavior, but am I wrong in that respect?

But sometimes I can't help but ask myself - what if I wasn't there to "catch" her early on? Would she still be going out and hooking up and fvcking random guys? She doesn't now because we're in a relationship obviously, but was she that kind of girl when I met her? Who knows.

And then should you always disregard what others are saying? after all, a lot of girls who have a slvtty reputations deserve it. So what is considered "slvtty" of a 3 months freshman girl? well, to solve the question, I asked a couple college (girl) friends.

When I told them your situation (as a hypo, of course) they both did not hesitate: this girl is def a slvt. Here s their reasoning, after I said I think their assessment is a little too harsh: girls make or break their reputation during the first year/semester of college, and then it sticks with them for the rest of their time there. So a girl that goes out and gets drunk with random boys and then spends the night at the frat house will be cast out right away. She will have this reputation following her, so if you cannot deal with it, eject now.

Yeah, but as I said, I'm not sure if she does have that kind of reputation. It's a lot to think about, but at the very least I feel that this relationship will benefit me in being more proficient in sex, getting more confidence with myself in bed, being more empathetic and understanding when I need to be, and learning to not be jealous of girls' past histories (because obviously my future relationships, I won't be the first guy she's fvcked).

But seriously, thank you for this post and thank you for actually asking other girls about it. It means a lot and I appreciate it man.