Girlfriend and eye contact with other guys...

[netman]

I just want to vent a little. It freakin pisses me off when I'm walking with my girl and she makes eye contact with every guy that passes by. And when we're sitting in a restaurant or anywhere in public, she has to make eye contact with every guy that sits near us or passes by.

It annoys me, because I know how guys think and they love it when they get a girl (especially when she's walking with her guy) to make eye contact with them; it's sort of empowering to them. I've mentioned this to her, but she acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I know I might get flamed here, but should I consider this lack of respect on her part, or am I just making a big deal about nothing? I know this may sound like irrational jealousy or childish, but I've been with a lot of females, and I've never ever been through this before. She's an HB9, so I can handle guys looking at her, but the eye contact? I don't know.....

 

[Skel]

did she cheat on you? Then what is the problem?

I assume every hot girl you see when with your girlfriend you take a second look. I know i do but i have no intentions of cheating. Just browsing

 

[netman]

Yes, browsing is fine and that's a separate issue, but I'm talking specifically about making eye contact with every guy that passes by. It's 2 different things. Looking at someone doesn't really mean anything, but most guys interprate eye contact as a sign of interest.

Picture yourself walking with your girl, and a guy is walking towards you and he looks at her (which is fine) and then she looks at him (which is fine too) but then she makes and holds eye contact with him, and then the guy looks at you with a smirk that has (yeah, I got your girl looking at me, you punk) look on his face. It bugs the hell out of me.

I'm 28 and have had tons of women, but I've never, ever been with a female who does this on such a constant basis.

 

[Big Pappy]

Okay! You need to decide now if you want to keep this girl or not. I can't discern what's really bothering you - her prolonged eye contact with every guy or the look that every guy gives you as it happens.

Either way, it would seem that you need to take a chill pill, as hard as it may be to swallow. She couldn't possibly be interested in every single guy that looks at her. She's with you; relax. If she misbehaves, next! Otherwise, have a happy holiday season.

 

[NatureGuy]

Consider it a compliment that so many
guys are eyeing your girl. And she probably enjoys the attention. No harm done.

 

[Beige]

I don't have a gf, I wouldn't mind if my gf would initiate ec with other guys, but there is a limit to everything. It's not about jealousy, but if I would be with someone then I expect getting attention from that person.

Perhaps that's so natural to her that she really doesn't notice it. If that's the case and she wants to change it - do some noise (klap hands etc) each time she does it in a wrong moment.

 

[khanboy]

People look at each other, this includes eyes, wtf is wrong with you?

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

netman,

I agree with you; it's f*cked up and would piss me off too. But you're handling this all wrong; telling her about it only conveys that you're an insecure AFC.

You must "prescribe the symptom" here. When she makes eye contact with some guy while she's walking with you, you should say "hey, that was one handsome guy, maybe you two would make a much better BF/Gf combo, and then you can have an affair with me". Stuff like that. Push her onto the other guy, and before you know it, she'll be the one who's insecure about you.

Also, start making eye contact with other chicks while you're with her. As much as guys love to make eye contact with a chick when she's with her BF, single girls LOVE it much more when some dude with his hot GF, is checking her out.

Good luck.

Cesare

 

[Skel]

well, I guess you should train her to look at her feet while walking in public to avoid you becoming a jealous lunatic

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by netman
I just want to vent a little. It freakin pisses me off when I'm walking with my girl and she makes eye contact with every guy that passes by. And when we're sitting in a restaurant or anywhere in public, she has to make eye contact with every guy that sits near us or passes by.

It annoys me, because I know how guys think and they love it when they get a girl (especially when she's walking with her guy) to make eye contact with them; it's sort of empowering to them. I've mentioned this to her, but she acts like she doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I know I might get flamed here, but should I consider this lack of respect on her part, or am I just making a big deal about nothing? I know this may sound like irrational jealousy or childish, but I've been with a lot of females, and I've never ever been through this before. She's an HB9, so I can handle guys looking at her, but the eye contact? I don't know.....

Out of curiosity, what would you like for her to do for you even beyond not looking at other men?

 

[Sting]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
netman,

When she makes eye contact with some guy while she's walking with you, you should say "hey, that was one handsome guy, maybe you two would make a much better BF/Gf combo, and then you can have an affair with me". Stuff like that. Push her onto the other guy, and before you know it, she'll be the one who's insecure about you.

I agree with Cesare. The issue is your insecurity about losing your girlfriend. Here's a newsflash for you -- if she wants to flirt/talk/cheat with other men there is nothing you can do about it. What you can do is control how you react to such behavior. Although the 36th Law of Power is not exactly on point, it speaks to how you should respond:

36. Disdain Things You Cannot Have: Ignore Them Is The Best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

As to what Cesare recommended, you would have to be pretty secure with yourself to pull it off -- and you're not. The smartest thing to do is to ignore her behavior (which is designed to make you jealous and pay more attention to her) and perhaps ignore your girlfriend altogether. The worst thing that can come from ignoring your girlfriend more is that you'll lose her, which you're already on your way towards doing. The best thing that can happen (if you aren't a complete jerk) is that your girlfriend will realize whether consciously or unconsciously, that her behavior isn't working, and that not only do you not care whether she flirts with other men, but that her behavior is causing you to not care about her anymore.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

bro - your girl is screwing other guys or she will be soon - remember u heard this from me first -

this is very disrespectful and degrading to a man - usually prostittutes look at men to get their attention - kick this ho to the curb she is already on her way out anyway - keep your dignity

 

[jbbrain]

I agree with Cesare about all of this,

My last gf did this to me all the time when we were out, and it honestly bothered the hell out of me, but for all the wrong reasons.

I was jealous, I was scared of losing her, I felt threatened by these other guys. I do made the mistake of telling her that it bothered me, boy how much I've grown since then. Iwas mad simply because I was insecure.

The key thing is, FORGET about your jealousy, forget about getting mad at her for all the wrong reasons. Leave your ego BEHIND.

But I never said don't react to this at all or ignore it.

Being a babbling jealous punk, overreacting and the likes and not taking any of her disrespectful shyt is often believed to be a fine line to walk.

What you must do next, when youre out with her is rationalize your REACTIONS. Are you really making a big deal out of nothing or is she genuinely being disrespectful???

I would say that you should make a point of this not because of your insecurities, but because what she is doing is wrong. Is she really checking them out or is she just looking? Checking out everyother guy that passes her by (and does she REALLY look at the good looking ones too?) and generally not keeping eye contact with you is a sign of disrespect and should not be tolerated. You can flat out tell her to clean up her jealousy games with you or shes out, or you can play it down with some C&F like Cesare suggested.

The choice is yours, just make sure you take the appropriate action for all the RIGHT reasons.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
bro - your girl is screwing other guys or she will be soon - remember u heard this from me first -

this is very disrespectful and degrading to a man - usually prostittutes look at men to get their attention - kick this ho to the curb she is already on her way out anyway - keep your dignity

I'm with the PRL here. Unless it's your insecurities acting up, she's disrespecting you.

If "you're seeing each other", then she should behave like you're together, not lure in every male that passes by.

 

[jbbrain]

bump-were seeing 2 very different perspectives on this..i would like to hear more

 

[Ice Cold]

I think it's in the same category as talking on her cell for more than a few mins or ignoring you in a convo.

Neither is acceptable, plus what she's doing goes against the basic etiquette.

 

[jbbrain]

i agree, but its still very possible the dude is just insecure..his jealousy might be blinding him form whats really going on

thats why i suggested he really take an OBJECTIVE VIEW on his gf's looking..even asking another friend if he/she notices the same thing he does.

 

[becker]

This is clearly insecurity, and I think that all of us who have been in a relationship can probably relate. I've been on the receiving end of this eye contact before, and I can say that it doesn't necessarily mean anything more than she might find the guy physically attractive. However, I would say the chances of anything coming of it are so slim that to get jealous over it is a waste of time.

 

[khanboy]

Yeah, maybe she finds these other guys attractive, maybe she even wants them.

OR perhaps it means YOU ARE A ***** B*TCH WHO IS TOO INSECURE TO HANDLE THE FACT THAT WOMEN LOOK AT MEN!

I can't believe you guys are even talking about this crap.

 

[jbbrain]

becker,

to me, i never cared about what could come of it.

I knew my ex gf (gf at the time) and the dude she "checked out" would probbaly never see eachother again. But that didnt make what she was doing right. Again, it's really not about anything other than disrespect.

Imagine you're with your gf, sitting down at a cafe near the front door and the whole time youre trying to talk to her, shes not even looking at you in the eye, nor really paying you attention and instead is CHECKING OUT every person thats coming into the cafe, especially really good looking guys.

Now, I agree, thats nothign to get jealous over. NOTHING IS WORTH GETTING JEALOUS OVER. But that doesnt mean that what she did was NOTHING, or alright, or permissable or whatver you want to call it.

The fact still remains that she's disrespecting your ass right in front of your eyes. Do you really want to be with a person who doesn't respect you, is out flirting with other guys, and is downright playing stupid jealousy games with you??

Thats why i suggested he make sure OBJECTIVELY that what she was doign was disrespectful. Sometimes we get confused when we get jealous. Its true, she could have been simply "looking" like any other human being would.

OR, from my take on things, she could have been downright challenging you out of pure disrespect to see how much bullshyt you're willing to take.

I'm with the author, cesare and the others on this one.