Girlfriend 8 Months Has Diminishing Sex Drive

[Rollo Tomassi]

BEYOND, I was going to answer your PM to me, but since the situation has already developed as it has I don't think I'd be adding anything new.

That said, I don't think any member worth their salt on SS would begrudge any guy seeking help in earnest some directed advice just because his circumstances weren't "DJ enough". We were all AFCs at some point, and even though most times the advice will be a kick in the ass of the tough-love variety, it's only be cause we can see very predictable patterns forming that we've had enough experience with to warn him about. Freshmen AFCs invariably assume this is some personal attack when in fact it's a necessary shock to unplug that guy from the Matrix.

It can be equally intimidating for a guy to 'put himself out there' with a bad situation after having become familiar with the community here as well, but this is usually because a guy generally knows what he ought to do long before he posts for advice here. People often look for confirmation of things that they already know, but are unwilling or unable to accept. I suspect this was the case with you. Understanding a situation and knowing the most pragmatic resolution are usually the easiest aspects of solving it; it's the actual DOING that takes a swift kick in the ass.

Unfortunately you were deprived of actually initiating that change on your own before she pulled the plug. You've lost a learning opportunity in that, and I think on some level the rest of the brothers here reacted to it in the hopes you will make the necessary quantum shift in your thinking before you make the same mistakes with the next girl.

 

[jophil28]

The moment my girlfriend started talking a lot about her coworker and how he and here would always argue about politics and sex and whatnot, I should have seen it as a bad sign.

IT is worse than a "bad sign".. it is a statement by her that she is at the mild end on the cheating continuum, and that she is moving along it with the other guy to test "the spark" between them which she will use to measure their "compatibility".

She told you about him to test your willingness to stay around during this process.

In her head, she is moving toward him and away from you. If you allow her to BS you into believing that he is "just a friend", you have given her license to accelerate - and she will. Pretty soon she is canceling dates with you and spending that time with him....and the end is very near.

AS excruciating as it may be for you, the time to dump her, or eject, is when she starts mentioning a new guy who is "interested" in her or a new male "friend" whom she is encouraging into her life.

 

[radiodude]

Beyond-

Well, you have learned a hard life lesson here.

Never EVER feel apologetic about your needs and principles as a man. Thats what nice guys do. They lay down their own desires and feelings for a woman.

Never do that!

Women desire us to to be much more straightforward and forthright then many guys are. So it's no wonder that a guy scratches his head and thinks, "...but I'm so nice to her"?...and then this happens.

Being nice is not being honest or straightforward and women sense that.

Women want instinctual honesty from us. Not what we think they want to hear.

 

[BeyondCharm]

BEYOND, I was going to answer your PM to me, but since the situation has already developed as it has I don't think I'd be adding anything new.

That said, I don't think any member worth their salt on SS would begrudge any guy seeking help in earnest some directed advice just because his circumstances weren't "DJ enough". We were all AFCs at some point, and even though most times the advice will be a kick in the ass of the tough-love variety, it's only be cause we can see very predictable patterns forming that we've had enough experience with to warn him about. Freshmen AFCs invariably assume this is some personal attack when in fact it's a necessary shock to unplug that guy from the Matrix.

Unfortunately you were deprived of actually initiating that change on your own before she pulled the plug. You've lost a learning opportunity in that, and I think on some level the rest of the brothers here reacted to it in the hopes you will make the necessary quantum shift in your thinking before you make the same mistakes with the next girl.

ROLLO, I know Kung-Fu!

Your advice along with many others has been enlightening, I am grateful I posted my experience here and shared all the details with the forum and you guys. As humbling and painful as it was to relive much of it and to hear the blunt truths of my own AFC ways, I knew it was exactly what I needed to hear to be reborn (like the phoenix...)

I felt the AFC nice guy mold crackling and crumbling with each posters response and it has been extreemly helpful that the focus has been on what I should have done differently rather than a pity-party for a guy who feels he was been treated unfairly. I definetely felt my integrity and backbone had been compromised and I was too deep in my own bull**** dellusions to see it so I called out to the community to throw me a lifesaver of truth serum.

I have learned some valuable lessons and this has been my first long-term relationship since joining this community. I spent about three years just doing the pick-up game which provided a lot of ONS and first/second dating experiences. This has opened my eyes to a whole new field of vision, one where I don't tolerate ANY bull**** behaviors or disrespect.

RADIO, you are exactly on point, I never need to feel apologetic about my needs and principles. I let that stuff slide and felt like a beta.

Jonwon said it best when he said:

To develop some back-bone and get your standards in order.

P*ssy whipped for sure, little did you know, that your need to tolerate this BS lowered her interest even more.

That's exactly what I learned, I tolerated wayyyy too much BS. I kept trying to set my foot down but was too *****-whipped to draw an actual line in the sand and stand by it. I kept moving the line and letting things go every time she cried and said she'd try and change.

 

[jonwon]

That's exactly what I learned, I tolerated wayyyy too much BS. I kept trying to set my foot down but was too *****-whipped to draw an actual line in the sand and stand by it. I kept moving the line and letting things go every time she cried and said she'd try and change.

It is the story that as survived the test of time, this scenario is played out daily, every second of the day with a predicatable outcome.

The thing about PUA's, they never teach how to be 'in a relationship', they teach how to get the girl, but like most PUA when they have the girl they usually morph into the predictable boring nice guy as*hat.

You've lost a girl, but you've not lost the fight if anything, you've come out of this stronger and wiser - its the right path to be on.

For all the working of Mystery, you won't find anything in there on how to 'be' in a relationship - It's like showing a person how to build a PC, but leaving out all of the componants.

I see this often, many PUA or guys who practice so called game are appauling in relationships. Hence why I feel most PUA lair boards have little traffic, because the wanna-be players are simply guys who want to meet a girl and settle down or have a relationship with - Very few guys want to play the field and fuc* about.

Hence why places like SS can be better than a PUA mainstream site. As far as I know, people like Mystery the most famous PUA, are appauling in relationships - even claiming he was depressed due to his lack of success. Game can help, but it doesn't end their, that is simply the first stage - the begining - the real fight is to keep that chick and when one can make a chick worship the ground you walk on - you've cracked the code.

 

[BeyondCharm]

It is the story that as survived the test of time, this scenario is played out daily, every second of the day with a predicatable outcome.

The thing about PUA's, they never teach how to be 'in a relationship', they teach how to get the girl, but like most PUA when they have the girl they usually morph into the predictable boring nice guy as*hat.

You've lost a girl, but you've not lost the fight if anything, you've come out of this stronger and wiser - its the right path to be on.

For all the working of Mystery, you won't find anything in there on how to 'be' in a relationship - It's like showing a person how to build a PC, but leaving out all of the componants.

I see this often, many PUA or guys who practice so called game are appauling in relationships. Hence why I feel most PUA lair boards have little traffic, because the wanna-be players are simply guys who want to meet a girl and settle down or have a relationship with - Very few guys want to play the field and fuc* about.

Hence why places like SS can be better than a PUA mainstream site. As far as I know, people like Mystery the most famous PUA, are appauling in relationships - even claiming he was depressed due to his lack of success. Game can help, but it doesn't end their, that is simply the first stage - the begining - the real fight is to keep that chick and when one can make a chick worship the ground you walk on - you've cracked the code.

You said EXACTLY what it is I have been thinking the last few days. I spent years honing those PUA skills, picking up girls, shagging, all that became easy... and then I decided to give a relationship a whirl.. and the rest well that's history. Now as you said I have learned the most valuable of lessons through trials and hardships and personal experience. I will also be keeping much closer to the community here, I allowed my pride and ego to block me from speaking out and being open and I've learned from that too.

Thank you jonwon, you have clearly lived through the experience and came out the other side wiser yourself. I'm glad to have my feet on the right path today.

 

[jonwon]

You said EXACTLY what it is I have been thinking the last few days. I spent years honing those PUA skills, picking up girls, shagging, all that became easy... and then I decided to give a relationship a whirl.. and the rest well that's history. Now as you said I have learned the most valuable of lessons through trials and hardships and personal experience. I will also be keeping much closer to the community here, I allowed my pride and ego to block me from speaking out and being open and I've learned from that too.

Thank you jonwon, you have clearly lived through the experience and came out the other side wiser yourself. I'm glad to have my feet on the right path today.

Most have lived it here, hence why most can give you good advice - Unlike reading theory from a text book or an audio book.

You'll be offering advice on it too.

I've been in some really shi&&y situations and reflecting back it has always been 99% my fault - it usually is. But we live and learn, you grow and if you take the lessons that life throws at you, eventally you become the man your proud to be - This is all it is, the universe coming together to create the man you are to be. Yes it can be seen has negative when something bad happens, but postive things can come out of it - and in this situation you'll be in a far better position because of it - Once the dust has settled you'll fully understand that.

Just wanted to add - making a girl worship the ground you walk on, but still making sure you live to your values and be ready to replace or drop her if she even shows a shred of being a girl not worth sticking with for the long haul.