Girlfriend 8 Months Has Diminishing Sex Drive

[radiodude]

As a married man and father, I can attest that spicing things up certainly does the trick as far as bedroom life goes. Creating that anxiety is key to having a healthy, exciting sex life.


Also, these things she says to you that are contradictory about her future are actually code for you to TAKE THE REIGNS and change her mind about her plans. She is giving you an opportunity to display something to convince her she made the right decision or whether she made the wrong one. You need to take this and do with it what you will but remember, you still have the power to create in her the desire to be with you more often.

The KEY is figuring out what it is you aren't doing that could change things. If you believe you're doing exactly what you should, then thats your cue to break things off while you still have your dignity. Otherwise, spice things up, step forward and lead her into a future where SHE is participating in your life.

If I may...

What would you say you are like in general? Do you see yourself as leading her along into your life or are you just standing there waiting for her desire to return by simply doing xyz motions and hoping it works?

When you have sex, are you truly spicing things up, REALLY? Or is it more of a maintenance routine. Are you dominant with her in the bedroom? Seriously?

These are things you must consider before assuming it's just you or just her causing the problem here.

 

[kingwilliam]

I have recent experience with your situation.. I dated a girl for a year and a half. The last 6 months of the relationship were very stale sexually. For the most part, it was I who initiated sexual activity. When I brought up the subject, she said that she was so stressed from school and work that it was killing her sex drive..



Now Im not one of these people on here who immediately assume she is "cheating"..... or that she doesn't like you anymore.... I have more confidence in myself than that. However, sometimes it takes a while to realize that maybe you are not compatible with her. It pains me to say that, because the girl I was with I loved very much. We were great friends.


Needless to say we eventually broke up. Not because of the lack of sex, but but because of the arguments or tension that it caused.


I am not sure if Im right about what I say, or If what I say is even relevant to your situation......but all I know (and I believe) is that sex is part of a SUCCESSFUL relationship........... there is no point in you having to wait for sex, or suffer without, because of her. If it were me, and it were the same type of situation I was in, I would end it....... you deserve someone who gives you what you're willing to give.. just my two pennies


Good luck no matter how it works out brother

 

[BeyondCharm]

Spicing Up Sex Life

As a follow-up to how things have been going since I made this post, you guys got me thinking in the right frame of mind - (alpha, unpredictable, fresh, unhesitant, etc) - She started sending me text messages yesterday and I didn't reply to them. I decided that I should try something new, add some spice and do something I'd enjoy as would she and went to the sex-shop. We've been talking for months about going, and for V-day she actually brought home a c0ck-ring (our first relationship sex-toy) but I decided it was time to take it on..

I went and picked up some flavored lubes, stimulator gels, a vibrating tongue ring (never even knew these things existed), and a couple other toys.. I sent her a text saying I had a surprise for her.. she called me while I was at the gym but I missed the call. Eventually she called back after waking up from falling asleep and told me she was already in bed. I told her "get out of bed, pack your stuff, head over to my place." She said "Ok." -

About 45 minutes later she got to my place and asked if it was ok to take a shower.. I said sure go for it so she took a shower while I finished a couple chores watched the end of a movie and relaxed a bit. What was noticable was my frame of mind.. I wasn't "eager for her to get out of the shower, or waiting to supplicate or bring her a towel lol" I was just doing my thing.. She came out of the shower with her towel all the way to the living room where I was and kissed me before going to dry her hair. I went to the bedroom to lay down and she came in after a bit, and she climbed into bed totally naked. She rubbed her body up against me and I took her hand in mine and gave her a brief hand massage and applied a few massage techniques I've learned. She started to get turned on and turned over and started kissing me and getting heated up. A few minutes later she'd stripped me down and was giving me a BJ. We 69'd after that and then I pulled out the cl1t stimulator gel and the tongue ring toys... she was scared what i had gotten but that quickly turned into excitement..

We tried a few of the toys, the tongue ring didn't work as well as I'd hoped (it kept vibrating off the tongue) but it was fun to try and she used it later on. We went on to try a bunch of different positions and she had a couple very vocal orgasms. Sex was probably one of the best we've had since we started dating. She stayed the night and left for work in the morning, neither of us have texted each other since but before she left in the morning she said she wanted to see me again tonight.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Well, new update status, Rollo seemed to hit the nail on the head with his post. Needless to say she and I split up tonight. She told me she's struggling to love herself right now so she can't love me the way she feels she ought to be.

Needless to say I told her I'm ready to move on and that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me and I let her go. She was crying a lot and we left on kind terms, hugged before she left to drive home.

Right now I feel a bit of the shock from the rawness and how recent it is.. I actually was sad earlier this week after reading the many posts from the people in this thread, I realized our relationship was done and that I needed to move on.

I want to thank everyone for their honesty and supportive words, you guys helped me more than you know and I'm very glad I opened up and shared what I was going through. Hopefully it will help someone else learn from my experience.

I feel like a weight has been lifted... the clouds parted thanks to you guys and I can see the light of day.. a new horizon comes in the morning tomorrow and with that a fresh start.

 

[drak_ool]

there was a guy she was interested in, and I confronted her.. and I told her I guess this relationship is over, you want to swing from one branch to another I'm not going to sit around while you make your transitions.. and she cried for 2 hours literally. She said she'd stop communicating with this other person and focus on our relationship.

I'm suprised no one caught on to this^^

Why do you keep LISTENING to what the girl is saying instead of LOOKING at her actions? Let her acts speak for themselves: she has a guy she is interested in, she's trying to see if things will work out with him, but she does not wanna let go of you yet in case things don't work out with the new guy. This is texbook branch-swinging. You know what to do next...

 

[BeyondCharm]

I'm suprised no one caught on to this^^

Why do you keep LISTENING to what the girl is saying instead of LOOKING at her actions? Let her acts speak for themselves: she has a guy she is interested in, she's trying to see if things will work out with him, but she does not wanna let go of you yet in case things don't work out with the new guy. This is texbook branch-swinging. You know what to do next...

I actually caught onto it. And you are exactly on-point, it was straight out of the text-book. I've moved on. Thanks for pointing out that fact.

 

[jophil28]

Yes I suspected that when she first brought it up, which came out of the blue to me... and there was a guy she was interested in, and I confronted her.. and I told her I guess this relationship is over, you want to swing from one branch to another I'm not going to sit around while you make your transitions.. and she cried for 2 hours literally. She said she'd stop communicating with this other person and focus on our relationship. As soon a she did that, she became more affectionate and wanted to spend more time with me regularly.
.

The "other guy" may or may not have existed.
Her telling you about a potential rival was either (a) a way of trying to spark up your relationship by triggering your jealousy and hence create the drama and turmoil that women associate with love, lust and desire, OR (b) perhaps it was a way of telling you that she is looking OUTSIDE the relationship and she was considering branch swinging soon..

When a woman starts hinting that there is "another guy who is interested in me ", you can assume that she has played an equal part ( or at least contributed) by positioning herself in his cone of vision to encourage his attentions .
The 'dance or flirtation' requires TWO to participate , inspite of the common claim by women that , "..this guy at work just won't leave me alone."

Whatever the true situation behind her story, she was playing a dangerous game and the only way to dismantle this BS is to shrug and walk away and allow her to sit all alone, bawling her eyes out, in the emotional muck of her own creation .

You made a strong statement in telling her that you were not willing to sit around and wait while she made her choices. Then she cried ( predictably) and you caved by allowing her promise to "work on the relationship" to hook you back - she had you right back to where you were previously.

She cried a lot and talked you out of walking away, and as a result, she knew then how to control you in future. You just showed her. She also knew at that point that your threat to walk away was not backed up by action on your part ,so she further knew that what you say is not what you mean.

Her attempt to manipulate you went unpunished and in fact you rewarded her for it (for a while at least) in her having a fine time with all the renewed sexual activity that followed.

I am not suggesting that a man should abandon an LTR after one such breach by a woman, but, I would point out that if you want to stay with her, you have to make sure that those kinds of BS manipulations create pain and hurt for her as a consequence.

Do this by walking away and being willing to stay away for as long as is wise.

BY not doing so, or falling into the "negotiation trap" that women love, you almost guarantee that she will bring more and similar mindgames into the relationship.

 

[BeyondCharm]

The "other guy" may or may not have existed.
Her telling you about a potential rival was either (a) a way of trying to spark up your relationship by triggering your jealousy and hence create the drama and turmoil that women associate with love, lust and desire, OR (b) perhaps it was a way of telling you that she is looking OUTSIDE the relationship and she was considering branch swinging soon..

When a woman starts hinting that there is "another guy who is interested in me ", you can assume that she has played an equal part ( or at least contributed) by positioning herself in his cone of vision to encourage his attentions .
The 'dance or flirtation' requires TWO to participate , inspite of the common claim by women that , "..this guy at work just won't leave me alone."

Whatever the true situation behind her story, she was playing a dangerous game and the only way to dismantle this BS is to shrug and walk away and allow her to sit all alone, bawling her eyes out, in the emotional muck of her own creation .

You made a strong statement in telling her that you were not willing to sit around and wait while she made her choices. Then she cried ( predictably) and you caved by allowing her promise to "work on the relationship" to hook you back - she had you right back to where you were previously.

She cried a lot and talked you out of walking away, and as a result, she knew then how to control you in future. You just showed her. She also knew at that point that your threat to walk away was not backed up by action on your part ,so she further knew that what you say is not what you mean.

Her attempt to manipulate you went unpunished and in fact you rewarded her for it (for a while at least) in her having a fine time with all the renewed sexual activity that followed.

I am not suggesting that a man should abandon an LTR after one such breach by a woman, but, I would point out that if you want to stay with her, you have to make sure that those kinds of BS manipulations create pain and hurt for her as a consequence.

Do this by walking away and being willing to stay away for as long as is wise.

BY not doing so, or falling into the "negotiation trap" that women love, you almost guarantee that she will bring more and similar mindgames into the relationship.

I appreciate your wisdom and insights here. I don't disagree with anything you said in regards to my actions and behaviors. I could have walked away at that time and the result of us being split up would have still occured as it has now.

I don't regret my decision to stick it out and two nights ago when we did split, I said I'm letting you go and moving on and I literally meant it. And that's what I did. She left crying and I went out and had fun with friends.

 

[jophil28]

I appreciate your wisdom and insights here. I don't disagree with anything you said in regards to my actions and behaviors. I could have walked away at that time and the result of us being split up would have still occured as it has now.

.

The point that I was trying to emphasize was that you reinforced her manipulative behavior rather that discouraged it.
I realize that the hardest thing is to refuse to engage in "make up sex" after a situation where she has fukked up and you are angry with her.

THese situations reveal how pathetically adolescent women are.

Their favorite response is to play victim by crying, and then they throw pvssy in your face --the legendary "makeup sex" .

And so nothing is ever resolved or concluded to your satisfaction -you get a roll in the hay, and she gets a couple of orgasms and walks out of jail free - again.
YOu have just given her the encouragement to use this same tactic in future conflicts.

WE all made that mistake.

 

[BeyondCharm]

The point that I was trying to emphasize was that you reinforced her manipulative behavior rather that discouraged it.
I realize that hardest thing is to refuse to engage in "make up sex" after a situation where she has fukked up and you are angry with her.

THese situations reveal how pathetically adolescent women are.
Their favorite response is to play victim by crying and then seduce you --the legendary "makeup sex" .

And so nothing is ever resolved or concluded to your satisfaction -you get a roll in the hay, and she gets a couple of orgasms and walks out of jail free - again.
YOu have just given her the encouragement to use this same tactic in future conflicts.

WE all make that mistake.

Another great point made here. I definetely re-enforced her behavior so that I could continue getting a few more rolls in the hay. Her behaviors and attitude definetely aligns with your comments, in the heat of it I didn't realize or rather didn't want to believe that was what was really going on... My belief in things changing towards my ideal blocked me from seeing the reality that was staring me in the face.. A hard truth and one I didn't want to accept, however now that I have, I actually feel a weight has been lifted and I feel a new freedom. thank you.

 

[diditall4thenookie]

Dude.She has been banging somebody else for a while now. Get a clue! :kick:

 

[jophil28]

My belief in things changing towards my ideal blocked me from seeing the reality that was staring me in the face.. A hard truth and one I didn't want to accept, however now that I have, I actually feel a weight has been lifted and I feel a new freedom. thank you.

" Make-up" sex is frequently a decoy designed by a woman to divert your focus away from the underlying conflict.

They understand very well that "lust is blind" .

 

[jonwon]

I read enough of these posts and start seeing a pattern with the stories. It always seems the women is too 'stressed' to want to initiate or follow through with sex. This seems like the biggest cop out. Outside a death in the family, I don't see how anything could be stressful enough in my life to kill my sex drive. Sadly from the story, going to have to agree with the general consensus...shes losing interest.

Uh oh, getting audited by the IRS! time to cut out SEX! ....yeah right honey.

"women don't want a man who will cheat, but they want a man who could cheat."

quoted for future reference.

And more often than not the guy is a 'nice guy'. A guy who feels keeping his women happy is the key to success.

I suspect that is what has transpired here.

When will guys learn that women would rather bed hop the local emotional fuelled jerk then jump into bed with the predictable boring nice guy, which so many guys try to be.

Men need to toss some emotional bombs into the mix every now and again to keep those hamsters in a women’s head spinning.

There is usually a pattern:

Guy doesn't go out with mates, to please his GF

Guy cleans house to please his GF - often far more then she does; "Dear washing needs doing", -- "yes honey, i'm right on it".

Guy thinks of cute little things he can do to keep her happy; buying random stuff, leaving love notes around that she can find or telling her how much he loves her (constantly without reason or rational, simply to tell her (personnally i've never understood this mushy shi*, this is for women to do not men)) or doing little 'thoughtful' things for her, often and plentyful.

Guy cooks, cleans and 'looks' after her - Even more so when she ask's him to - or to try to win brownie points.

Guy is afraid of confrontation with his chick, or in the very least he doesn't challenge poor behaviour

Guy doesn't toss out some cheeky flirting, ****y comments to his girl, because he does not want to upset her or rock the boat, questions like "does my bum look big in this", is met with "no honey, it looks great"

That is usually the case and in most cases like this, it's because the guy was 'too nice' to his women and many guys seems to think that being like it in a relationship is the key to success, when infact more often then not the reverse is true.

They become; predictable, boring, nice guys who resemble nothing more than a safe cushion to comfort the delicate little flower in their midst. Little do they know the true thoughts that run round the minds of women. They aint flowers and they gravitate to emotional drama like a guy gravitates to a nice rack. Nice guys cant provide drama, they are too safe.

No wonder the women branch swing, it's almost akin to dating the stereotypical library clerk.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Dude.She has been banging somebody else for a while now. Get a clue! :kick:

Agreed. No dispute here, I have a clue now.

 

[Nutz]

I'm thinking you are getting the "soft dump". Watch as her spark or high drive returns once she moves on to the 'next guy' who may or may not be in the picture already. I wouldn't necessarily dump her yet but I sure would be preparing to........

Yeah, I was going to say start being less available and seeing if she'll initiate more often. Seeing as he's done that already and she's not, my gut says she's got eyes for someone else or is tired of the OP and is just waiting for the right prospect to come along to branch swing.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Beyond,

Did you find out that she was screwing around?

Yes. I found out she was screwing around and has been for about a month and a half which is roughly how long she has been acting weird and what turned out to be living a double-life.

It all started right before Christmas time, she had gotten a new job at Target and started mingling with co-workers and they are all drinker/partiers that drink/party after work. I don't drink alcohol (been sober 18 months) and perhaps that was boring to her even though I had taken her out to bars and clubs and she had gotten drunk (and puked in my car) and we still would go out and she would drink and we would dance and such.

She went on a trip to Texas at Christmas to go to a wedding, partied while she was down there, and got back and wanted to keep partying and these friends from work seemed to be her outlet for that. In particular, there was a guy that was interested in her and she obviously liked the attention and was entertaining it.

These events all transpired between Jan 10th (when she returned from Texas) and Feb 19th when we split up.

She told me she had met some new friends from work (these were her first new friends she had since she moved up here this last summer) so she was excited and Long story short, she started going out drinking with them but never invited me to meet them and I found that to be the first red flag. Since I don't drink, she used that as the cover-up reason why she didn't ever invite me, saying "I just wouldnt like these kinds of people"... I knew she was using excuses to keep me from meeting them, I just didn't understand why at that time.

First sign was she was wanting to go party with her new friends and didn't invite me, but would tell me how much fun she was having. And second sign, she'd cancel plans or claim she told me she could do something when she'd already made plans with them and then she'd go party with them. I tolerated that behavior... p-whipped... sad..

Then around the 20th of January we went out to some night clubs and go dancing and the whole night she was text messaging this guy from her work. I kept seeing it and was trying not to be the "controlling boyfriend" who told her who she could text and whatnot. In my head, my gut instinct said it was fvcked up. I asked her who it was and she claimed it was just a friend from work and they were just talking about them having spaghetti with friends from work over this week, but my red flags were blaring but I didn't want to believe what I was seeing.

Somewhere around all this time she drops this out of nowhere bomb on me that "she doesn't feel "in love with me" and thinks something must be wrong with her because she loves and cares about me but doesn't feel the spark. She doesn't want to have sex or jump my bones. I knew it wasn't a physical thing because I'm in better shape now then when we started dating and take great care of my health. She said she's been having these feelings for a while and doesn't want me to have to be with someone who doesn't love me (the soft dump) but instead I want to believe it as her being confused and stressed and talking to this other guy from her work.

Then not long after, she let it slip the drinking and partying she'd been doing lately was being done over at these two guys from her works house, one being the guy she was texting that night.

Not long after that, she went out drinking one Thursday night with these friends of hers from work, claims she drank too much and that she blacked out, and ended up at these guys house "on their couch" where she claims she woke up in her own vomit at 10am.

By now i'm starting to get very uncomfortable. Her behaviors and attitude towards me started to get very nasty, the sex had dropped off the map and I was wondering what was going on.

Then around the 24th or 25th of January she stayed the night at my place and I saw on her phone she had been talking to this guy late at night the past two nights each night for 30-45 minutes. I woke her up at like 6am and told her I guess the relationship was over.

This is where I should have walked and been done with her. I made the mistake that so many have pointed out of not backing up my words with actions. Instead, she cried, told me she wasn't going to contact him anymore and that she wants to be with me, that nothing has happened between them, that she was interested but she's not going to talk to him anymore, that I make her happy, yada yada yada. I didn't tell her I had checked her phone.

I tell her to cut contact with this guy and she said she will.

Most of us by now will probably realize, this thing was already over... I just didn't want to believe it. I was so-pvssy whipped and so emotionally blinded by wanting to have an ideal harmonious relationship. This is where I started searching the forums and realized I had become predictable, boring and that she was branch-swinging.. things were going downhill fast.

Besides her drinking a lot at home and with these people, she has an eating disorder and was telling me she has been puking up her food a lot lately, and that this relationship has been stressing her out.

I started searching the forums and realized that I had become as Rollo called it, a stuffed animal cuddle buddy, but was no longer the object of her desire. That's not to say that outside influences were not playing a part (her eating disorder, alcohol, her partying with friends from work that want to f*ck her). I decided to try and save things and told her no more contact with that guy, and to start acting like a woman and being affectionate and stop being such a *****.

Following that, she started acting nicer, it lasted about a week, she claims she was trying. Then she started saying how happy I make her.

Valentines day comes around, the night before she was being sketchy after we'd spent saturday doing activities, she comes over though at like 2am valentines day morning... Then the day of valentines day she has to work, and the night of she comes over and we give each other gifts. One of the gifts she gives me is a handmade card in the shape of a heart professing how much she loves and cares about me. I buy into it. She stays the night, we have sex, but she never comes to bed to sleep saying she has to stay up and work on homework.

Here's the KICKER.

While she is using my computer, she facebooks with this guy (i know this because she didnt clear the history and I have access to all her accounts) and he had sent her a private message on valentines day saying "just wanted you to know i think you're beautiful". I saw that message the following morning but I DID NOT see her response to him until Today.

So we had split up last friday, today I see in her facebook that the morning after Valentines day she had sent him one saying "aww i'm up doing homework, i've thought about you a million times today" and some other crap. Basically confirming she has been branch-swinging the whole time.

Basically it confirms everything everyone has been saying.

I didn't have that message knowledge until today. I should have ended things a month ago when her behavior started to get really wacky, but she was leading me on while she was preparing to branch swing and I was not aware or experienced enough to recognize it. I'm grateful for everything you all have pointed out, it has been very enlightening, painful as it has felt, the personal growth is worth it.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Yeah, I was going to say start being less available and seeing if she'll initiate more often. Seeing as he's done that already and she's not, my gut says she's got eyes for someone else or is tired of the OP and is just waiting for the right prospect to come along to branch swing.

She had eyes for another guy, who partied and drank like she likes too, and she was in the process of branch swinging. I called her out on it and she completely denied it, claiming it was a platonic friend and that she had been interested but it was nothing like that. I was just too *****-whipped to end things even though my gut told me something was very wrong with her and the way she was behaving. I've learned some valuable lessons from this experience.

 

[BeyondCharm]

BeyondCharm,

I had a VERY similar incident happen to me in my past college days.

As Jophil says.....cheating starts long before the zipper comes undone.

Once any of the signs start appearing, it's best to just walk away from the slow moving train-wreck. Good luck bro.

Danger, It's comforting to know others have been there, seen the signs, and learned from the experiences and can share them here.

I admit I was too prideful to post here what was going on when I first saw it happening.. I was trying to do "image management", not wanting the sosuave community to see me in a screwed up relationship that I had a part in since a lot of people felt I had become predictable, boring, etc.

I asked myself today if some women like this one were just going to cheat or branch-swing anyway because of their own issues and fears, or if it was simply a matter of me becoming a predictable and boring to her. I suppose that is just one of thoes ego-saving questions though that we want to hear "it was just her issues buddy" to make us feel like we didn't play a part. The empowering thing is knowing I'm free and have learned from this experience.

 

[jonwon]

Yes. I found out she was screwing around and has been for about a month and a half which is roughly how long she has been acting weird and what turned out to be living a double-life.

It all started right before Christmas time, she had gotten a new job at Target and started mingling with co-workers and they are all drinker/partiers that drink/party after work. I don't drink alcohol (been sober 18 months) and perhaps that was boring to her even though I had taken her out to bars and clubs and she had gotten drunk (and puked in my car) and we still would go out and she would drink and we would dance and such.

[-].

The only problem I have with this, is you didn't pull that eject button sooner.

If you would have walked away from the initial poor behaviour and had 'standards' she may have come crawling back on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

But instead you awarded her, like a dog shi**ing on your carpet, with you procceeding to pat it and then feed it.

I hope you've learned the true lesson in that.

And that is:

To develop some back-bone and get your standards in order.

P*ssy whipped for sure, little did you know, that your need to tolerate this BS lowered her interest even more.

Whilst your trying to salvage a wreck, what your actually doing is putting more holes into it and turning it into nothing but slag.

Next time a women starts treating you badly, you tell her in no uncertain terms to get the fcuk out of here. Trust me, she would have noticed and this is the only way to salvage such cra* - You send her a shot over the bow, if she doesn't comply she is dust - You dont hang on when a women treats you this badly only a total nice guy smuck would - THAT IS 'YOUR' PROBLEM!

Stop blaming this chick too, she is a women, she does what women do.

The lesson is yours to learn! Learn it or be doomed to repeat it. You have issues, build up your abundance mindset and stop tolerating shi* from women full stop, a good way to do it is to have 'options'.

You have to be on the ball with women, slipping into beta, nice guy needy wuss, turns them off faster than you can believe. She knew she was acting badly, you ignored her, forgive her and even worse, went out and bought her things for her to come back to you - ALL THE WRONG THINGS TO DO!

What she wanted, what she deep down in her core wanted, was you to man the FCUK up and tell her in no uncertain terms that her shi* is going to religate her to the garbage unless she gets her act together - You didn't you took the 'nice guy' route out.

Dont mean to be harsh, but you need to hear it and you need to learn.

The pattern on this forum which a vast % of new posters with similier problems never seem to grasp is the break up with the GF is pritty much 99% their fault and their own doing - Truth hurts, but its the truth never the less.

"She started going out drinking with them but never invited me to meet them and I found that to be the first red flag."

Dump!!

I know all my GF friends, because SHE WANTS ME TO KNOW THEM - A girl who doesn't want you to meet her friends has something to hide - get rid of the drama and chuck out the trash -
Live and learn-

Think of it has a valuable lesson into the female mind -

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Beyond I've been in the same situation. I think most of here have. I feel your pain. The moment my girlfriend started talking a lot about her coworker and how he and here would always argue about politics and sex and whatnot, I should have seen it as a bad sign. She dumped me and fu*ked him a week later. Since then there have been so many red flags by potential "mates" that it gets easier and easier to pull out of a doomed situation.

You'll be alright, Charm. All this ordeal has done was make you into a wiser man.