Girlfriend’s ****testing went too far

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.
This is just taking it too far imo. Giving socials to guys who obviously want to **** her.
So we argued emotionally for a while on text when I just said ”no, if you want to continue this discussion I’ll call you tomorrow, im going to bed now.” So I called her today when our emotions were not off the roof, saying ”I don’t want to continue hearing about guys hitting on you and you cannot give your socials to strangers who obviously have intimate intentions with you. Is that understood? Her: hmm ok. Me: Are we clear? Her: Yes.
And I just said goodbye.

It was like scolding your child who had misbehaved lol.

Don’t argue through text. Just call them and use your more dominant voice to put them in their place.

 

[Black Widow Void]

You can now expect this behavior to *now* happen over and over and *over* again. She was fishing for this type of reaction and she was able to get you on the hook.

When you ‘reward’ bad behavior, this encourages bad behavior.

Her; I gave my IG to a stranger and he asked me out.

You; ya know? Maybe you’re not the type of girl I thought you were.

Her; what’s that supposed to mean.

You; my kinda girl doesn’t do things like this. If you wanna scatter yourself out to various men, say the word… ‘cause this will free me up to find the type of girl I’m looking for.

If she’s worth anything, this will shut her down. If she pitches a b1tch, then you got rid of a headache sooner rather than later.

 

[jimwho]

She clearly has a thing about sharing her exploits. Women seem to have an acute sense when we even notice other woman. This girl throws it in your face. Classless, disrespectful, drama, looking for a fight. She probably wants you jealous so you get very exclusive or buy her a ring. What else could it be? Unless she's just a crazy!

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

OP flip the script. You got 2 options. You are a guy this does not bother or she has anxiety about girls in your DMs. Not you.
The market value must be in her favor

I don’t understand

 

[DonJuanjr]

OP flip the script. You got 2 options. You are a guy this does not bother or she has anxiety about girls in your DMs. Not you.
The market value must be in her favor

Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me either... I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive... If you have other girls in your DMs, and it's making her anxious about it, then you'd not care if she's giving out her soicals to others. As you're DMs are filled with chicks, if she acts up...

 

[SchizopilledSigmaRoider]

Yeah, this doesn't make sense to me either... I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive... If you have other girls in your DMs, and it's making her anxious about it, then you'd not care if she's giving out her soicals to others. As you're DMs are filled with chicks, if she acts up...

I don't understand. We are dating exclusively, she can't give her number to guys who are hitting on her. If I let that slide im a cuck. I'm not upset dudes are approaching her, but it's taking it too far when she's flirting back and giving dudes her number.

 

[Serenity]

There's sh!t testing, like a time or two, sure. Then there's this, a behavioral pattern. I'd lose respect after repeatedly getting this behavior, wouldn't stand for it, wouldn't fight for it, just tell her it's not going to work out and move on.

I want a woman, not a girl. If it reaches a point where I have to correct a woman like she's a child then she's unfit for a mature relationship. I don't think "hmm ok" is anywhere near a satisfying response, there's nothing to "hmm" about this. She doesn't get it, even you didn't fail her sh!t test, she should have failed yours by now.

 

[DonJuanjr]

If you choose monogamy with a very good looking woman you better have some serious brass balls. We are talking monogamy here.
She will "out attention you"
Sperm is cheap eggs are pricey.

Or if you are monogomous she better have a bit un easyness about trusting you around other hot girls. Not that you would. Its personal.
But confronting a chic like OP did is beta and not a good way to demonstrate boundry.
If she had any fear she would not throw it in his face.
To be more clear.

Whether you are a drug dealer or a high status actor. Principal is the same.

She will always out market you. Getting a man is easy AF to them.

I misinterpreted what you wrote based on how you wrote it. I see what you mean. Though I'd say you can play both angles at the same time. And not need to pick which one to play.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Congrats. You now confirmed she has a button she can push anytime she wants to. And I would be surprised if it didn't happen more frequently

 

[DonJuanjr]

Her-"...guy that likes me....gave ig...."
OP- "okay... so have I... big deal"

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, you call that discipline ?

This behavior is completely unacceptable.

Mistake #1 is her attention whvring herself on Instagram. You shut the social media down before even getting into the LTR.

In your situation, you need to just ignore it. She’s fishing for your reaction. “Ok? I don’t want to hear about your male friends on social media, sweetheart. I have things to do. Do not bother me with that stuff again.” Then drop it. Act annoyed at her pettiness. Arguing with women is like mud wrestling with a pig. They enjoy it.

Bottom line is shvt tests means she is sensing weakness in you somewhere. Tighten things up, OP.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Your below points are quite valid. And yes, indifference is usually the best course. In fact, I wish that more forum members would suggest/practice this method.

Giving the OP alternate advice was based on my own experience. If we offer no reaction, they will usually 'amp it up' and the prodding will continue (in hopes that they'll eventually get a reaction). Because a lot of us do not have patience for these continual attention getting mechanisms, the goal is to squash it out (minimizing these silly games) or push it aside; allowing us a fresh pathway to find someone new and (potentially) better.

My advice to the OP was to offer a veiled version of the old saying... "shape up or ship out."

This^ is rewarding her too though, in a different less confrontational way, but it's still rewarding.

Any reaction at all is rewarding, which is why she's doing it, to seek a reaction (i.e. validation that it bothers you, that you care). It doesn't matter what you say, the fact you're saying anything at all and reacting shows you care.

I have a different approach. In one ear and out the other - ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it, and change the subject.

IOW, flip the script from her attempting to get you jealous or become insecure to YOU causing her to wonder why you're not reacting and if you care. Trust me, this will drive her batshyt crazy, she may up the ante but you will know why, and continue to ignore. DO NOT REACT.

Act indifferent, even if it's not how you feel.

I have found that ignoring and acting indifferent is the greatest weapon we all have in our arsenal against unacceptable behavior and shyt tests.

I have had men ignore me when I behaved inappropriately or gave one too many shyt tests (in my younger days of course, lol) and I have also ignored when men said things to garner a reaction from me.

It's powerful and effective, imho.

Bottom line, if you continue to react in any way shape or form, she will continue the behavior.

 

[TheKid]

Its over G
Thats so disrespectful. Block and ghost. Let her guilt and pride battle it out to the death.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This is just one of the many headaches of dating and you’re just going to have to get used to it or not date lol.

 

[Gamisch]

Dump her. She is mentally preparing you for much more shvt to come..I know easier said then done in the heat of the moment. You could opt for a open ltr, but no matter what, she changed the dynamic of exclusivity . The box is opened, Lord knows how many more bartenders will follow.

The lecture you gave her indeed showed her everything she needs to know. You really think she just blurred it out to you? No, she went through all possible scenarios and in this one she probably gets the most advantage.

When you are a "man of honor " it's not about your words ,but your actions. She can do nothing at this point to dishonor you more ,only further. It's all up to you now. That's why lecturing is pointless.

 

[DonJuanjr]

There's another reason that is all to common: the guy is a legitimate cheating option, but if she tells him about the guy and he doesn't complain, its his fault if "something happens" in the future between them. Many women have this sociopathic trait. Thus, when they cheat, they are armed with the rationales: 1) " I told him about it so its his fault for being so naïve" 2) "I told him about it and he didnt react, he doesnt even care" 3) "I told him about it and he got jealous and controlling." Everything is a "shyt test" until it isnt. The more important reason to say nothing is to allow her to escalate her attempts to make you jealous until the point where her true character is ultimately revealed. Its true that if she has good character then it will die off as a shyt test passed, but this is not the case in OP. Just imagine if he did to his girlfriend what she did to him...

So my answer would be the best answer then.... "okay, so have I, big deal..." because then it lets her know she's not the only option, keeps her in line, and if she does fvck up, then you can just lie and say "good, I don't feel guilty for fvcking this other chick". Then go out an do it.

 

[DonJuanjr]

She could interpret yours as one-upsmanship.

Since she doesn't know for sure though, wouldn't it just get that hamster running like the six million dollar man?

 

[Toddz]

The appropriate action in this scenario is always silence and distance. You don't be irritated and annoyed, but simply turned off by her. Any reaction by you is going to come off as insecure and jealous.

If she brings up other dudes hitting on her again dump her. If it were me, I'd already be looking to replace her. Life is too short

 

[Bokanovsky]

Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.

At this point, your response should have been: "I see. Perhaps I should start adding girls on instagram and going on dates with them too."

 

[zinc4]

Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.
This is just taking it too far imo. Giving socials to guys who obviously want to **** her.
So we argued emotionally for a while on text when I just said ”no, if you want to continue this discussion I’ll call you tomorrow, im going to bed now.” So I called her today when our emotions were not off the roof, saying ”I don’t want to continue hearing about guys hitting on you and you cannot give your socials to strangers who obviously have intimate intentions with you. Is that understood? Her: hmm ok. Me: Are we clear? Her: Yes.
And I just said goodbye.

It was like scolding your child who had misbehaved lol.

Don’t argue through text. Just call them and use your more dominant voice to put them in their place.

Earlier when my gf has told me about dudes hitting on her I’ve just barely acknowledged her but this time I had to put my foot down. It was obvious to me that she got frustrated with the fact I wasn’t jeaolous of these earlier scenarios, so she took it further this time.

yesterday she texted me saying a waiter had asked her out through instagram. I asked her how he got her ig and she responded saying he asked her about and she gave it to him.
This is just taking it too far imo. Giving socials to guys who obviously want to **** her.
So we argued emotionally for a while on text when I just said ”no, if you want to continue this discussion I’ll call you tomorrow, im going to bed now.” So I called her today when our emotions were not off the roof, saying ”I don’t want to continue hearing about guys hitting on you and you cannot give your socials to strangers who obviously have intimate intentions with you. Is that understood? Her: hmm ok. Me: Are we clear? Her: Yes.
And I just said goodbye.

It was like scolding your child who had misbehaved lol.

Don’t argue through text. Just call them and use your more dominant voice to put them in their place.

I would have dropped her honestly. Just the sheer amount of disrespect.

You think a girl would say this to a man that she is terrified of losing? No way. She literally G checked you so to speak and you proved her right. My gf knows she would be out the door so fast if she pulled something like this.

This won't end well for you long term if you try take her seriously after that. High quality women and / or women who respect you don't behave like this.

If you can detach yourself emotionally, don't take her seriously anymore OP and see other women on the side. This one is a ticking time bomb. As long as you identity that early and see this for what is and detach yourself from it, then you win. I would have dumped her though just because the sheer amount of disrespect shown your way.