girl with high IL,Bf, likes drugs,she hates drugs,If i tell, will he become underdog?

[Jet Jockey]

I have a HB7 I have been friends with since June. She has a boyfriend, they haven't been together long. She has shown interest in me lately. Such as coming out to help me around my ranch, calling at least every other day, sending me emails etc. At first i just thought, "yeah, yeah, whatever, just part of us being "friends". Then the other day, she mentioned to me that when she was with her boyfriend, she was thinking about me a few times, in a sexual way.. hmm She doesn't try to tell me all her worries etc, in fact she is kind of the quiet type. So I know for a fact she is not doing the emotional tampon thing. Our friendship has just grown...at first, we were in contact if it happened, good if not ok. Now the past 2 weeks she has been seeking me out. making excuses to come over. I tried Kino, and got everything, just shy of landing her in bed. She kisses so sexy! I think she is just not the cheating type..which is cool, I don't want that type. But she is showing more and more interest..yet there is still the boyfriend issue.I think she is actually afraid to hurt his feelings, so she stays with him, I think she will eventually leave him, but wants it to be "all his fault". She acts ( at least to me, like its going "ok" with him, but if you pay careful attention..she says in other ways it is not ok. Yet I know he has to be out of the picture for anything to happen.


Yes I know I know, I need to make my move.

I know that her boyfriend is a serious drug addict. Weed, and any prescription pills he can get his hands on. He doesn't shoot up thank god. So here comes my question!

If she knew he was into drugs I'm pretty confident she would next him! She has made it known to me she hates that crap. Problem is, I don't want to be the one to tell her that her fairly new relationship is with a drug addict. He has hidden it well from her so far. If I tell her, she may likely ask where is your proof? It is just common knowledge..I don't have pictures of him doing drugs. If I am the one to tell her she may think I am "pushing" the breakup by character assassination..and it could make her pull away from me, thinking I am being manipulative or something. Ya know..she still cares about the guy I'm sure. But she is starting to get a higher and higher IL in me and a lower and lower one in him. She is the type of girl that will stick thru thick and thin with you until you make a serious mistake. Then she will justify nexting you. I think doing this will bust his chops, and you know how girls go for the underdog. I want her to know, but I think if I tell her, it will seem like tattling etc. I want to do this in more of a DJ way, not a AFC way. To tell or not to tell, and how do i go about it (tact is everything)

 

[MrBond007]

AFC

 

[Jet Jockey]

So Bond, what would you do then????? being that you are So totall DJ and all.....

 

[SeldomSeen]

RE:

can this boyfriend of hers fight? LOL!!

 

[NewMan]

She kisses so sexy! I think she is just not the cheating type..which is cool, I don't want that type



That's exactly what she's doing - cheating on him.

 

[Jet Jockey]

She is not having sex with me. A kiss, is a kiss. She insists that if he and her were not together, we'd be fvcking, but she won't do that as long as he is in the picture. A kiss, shyt, I've had a goodnight kiss etc, and I promise you if the gal were dating other guys, they did not view it as cheating. Cheating to all concerned here, would mean to fvck.

Maybe I can't get a decent response here. Before anyone says I blew my chance by not "moving" on her earlier, I was in a LTR myself as recent as a month ago. So I didn't due to that.

The question was, to tell or not to tell her about her bf drug habit. Thats all I am interested in. I just have a feeling if I am the one to say something, it will look as if I have a alterior motive, and like I am picking on her bf. I have seen it before..it tends to make chicks, side with the "poor injured party". Besides, you know he is probably gonna say its a bunch of BS, and lie to her about it, which she will be willing to believe, cuz it will make him look "so misunderstood". She will think I am just hating on him cuz he is in my way.Eventually she will find out for herself, and when she does, it will be over anyway with them, if it doesn't end sooner. On the other hand I believe in telling the truth. Thats partly why it creates a dilemna. SOmetimes its better to say nothing at all too. Looking for wisdom here, not stock answers, or little wiseazz cracks.

 

[Big Pappy]

Just proceed as though she doesn't have a boyfriend. If you've already kissed, she's not too fond of him, is she? You can take a stand and tell her to dump him first, or you can just continue doing what you've been doing. Most of the time, I find that when a girl tells me about a boyfriend, it's to remove her from the guilt. See, you knew about the boyfriend, so it's your fault. (strange logic, I know)

You mention that she plays things close to the vest - she may already know about the boyfriends drug problem. It's much easier to say you hate that crap than actually show you hate it.

I'd say keep doing what you've been doing. He'll screw it up sooner or later.

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

Well pops

Have you personally SEEN him doing drugs? Or is it all hearsay (What gossipers call "common knowledge")

If you have seen him, you can tell her you are worried about her. She´ll ask why so then you can reluctantly open up to her about it, so you dont look like you are trying to destroy the borefriend.

If I was you, I wouldnt even waste my time though. Girls with boyfriends are not your best bet.

so my official advice here is

---------------------------------->>> NEXT!!!

 

[Jet Jockey]

A friend of mine whom I trust very much to tell me the truth was approached by the boyfriend. The boyfriend offered my friend some valiums, and some speed. My friend turned it down of course. At which point, the boyfriend took the valium, and put the speed away ( for later I guess). Then he promptly pulled out a nickel bag of pot and proceeded to start filling a pipe. At which point, my friend said, get the fvck out of here ya loser. The boyfriend left.

My friend told me next time when I seen him. It is a very trustworthy source. My friend and I were making bets on how soon she'd find out..how long the boyfriend could keep up his charade of being clean etc. My friend don't give her lots of credit says it may take 3 more months. I think she will find out sooner. I dunno.

Of course, in 3 months alot can happen. I think part of me is wanting to close the deal here, part of me is saying, backburner her azz until she wakes up and then see where I am at with other girls at that point, and part of me says, as a friend ( which is what i began as with her until her IL got up there) I should tell her, since I'd probably tell any guy friend of mine if his girl was a doper. sheeez..once i say something...it can't be taken back.

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

Would you want her to tell you, if the roles were reversed?

Therein lies your answer.

 

[Jet Jockey]

I hear ya crotch sniffer. If it were reversed, hell yes I'd want to know, but at the same time, I'd probably wonder if she had motive for telling me this ( IE. Wanting to get with me, and hurry along a breakup etc.) inevitably, if there were a breakup between myself and a girlfriend, due to the girlfriend doing drugs, I'd probably need to cool off for a little bit, but yeah, I'd probably give it a go with the one that was showing high IL. even if it was a what the heck what do I have to lose kinda thing. And so will she. I think? LOL

Thanks.

 

[MrBond007]

Originally posted by Jet Jockey
So Bond, what would you do then????? being that you are So totall DJ and all.....

You are trying to find ways around the boyfriend problem and you actually try to find ways of lowering his value in her eyes to make you more valuable in her eyes, again.

The former being allright if all you want to do is make her drop her boyfriend, the later is just some illusion.Even if you make his value drop, yours wont go up.Show her that you are better than him, do not tell her what hes doing wrong.

 

[MVPlaya]

Originally posted by MrBond007
AFC

I agree.

Jet, you can show that her boyfriend is a piece of **** but in doing so and trying to cut in you make it clear to her that you're only game is the "Hey baby, I'm the last guy on the planet" type of game. If you want to sweep her off her feet show her what a cool guy you are and how she'd have a better time with you, not by making it clear to her you're a hater. Trust me, it'll be clear to her you're trying to cut in so, instead of her looking at you like "what a good friend" she'll think "what a clueless *******." Don't go there homie.

 

[Jet Jockey]

Bond..you missed the point completely!

I am not trying to make my value go up by decreasing his. I am trying to wrestle with the concept that 1. She may actually RESPECT me more for total honesty in this case.( would you let your friend walk around with a booger in there nose or would you say, hey man you got a booger in your nose...)
2. By telling her about him, I get to use he card he has so graciously given, that he is a drug addict, and that is not compatible with her in a relationship. She has said so before herself, she hates guys that do that shyt and won't let them drag her down with it.
3. His value i expect to go down the tubes, that is true. Unless it backfires (hence this whole discussion). Some women will pick who ever they fell sorry for, sympathize with them..its a martyr syndrome of some sort. I don't want to catch the heat for his deeds. He will of course, play a diffrent angle. Accusing me of stirring up shyt, deny it all etc. She will get caught in the middle, and that could easily back lash on me. Or not. She may also, open her eyes, not say anything, find him out, and be glad to be rid of him. She has a pretty decent IL in me, so I stand a pretty good chance with her I think. The relationship she is in right now is doomed and she knows it. She just is going with the flow, cuz she is a woman, and has no balls.

I on the otherhand am the man and have bals. I think i am going to tell her. If it backlashed,I'd just back off. She'll figure it all out. When she does, then she will be coming to me, which ain't so bad. In fact thats what we all say you need..the woman to show a high IL, and to come to you. Not be too eager on our part etc. I think if i do play my cards right...she's as good as mine.

 

[MrBond007]

Re: Bond..you missed the point completely!

Originally posted by Jet Jockey
I am not trying to make my value go up by decreasing his. I am trying to wrestle with the concept that 1. She may actually RESPECT me more for total honesty in this case.( would you let your friend walk around with a booger in there nose or would you say, hey man you got a booger in your nose...)

The point is not about your honesty.I also highly doubt your motives to do it are to be honest to her.Anyway, thatd be her boyfriend`s problem, not yours.You cant be "honest" about someone else`s motives/doings.

And about your question:Id yell out load that he has a booger hangin out!

2. By telling her about him, I get to use he card he has so graciously given, that he is a drug addict, and that is not compatible with her in a relationship. She has said so before herself, she hates guys that do that shyt and won't let them drag her down with it.

The thing you do not seem to get is that she probly alreay knows about his problems but doesnt want anyone to find out about it.Also, if I were you, Id let her be her own judge on who`s compatible with her in a relationship.

The only person who can determine who you are compatible with is yourself.

3. His value i expect to go down the tubes, that is true. Unless it backfires (hence this whole discussion).

It will

Some women will pick who ever they fell sorry for, sympathize with them..its a martyr syndrome of some sort. I don't want to catch the heat for his deeds. He will of course, play a diffrent angle. Accusing me of stirring up shyt, deny it all etc.

And he will damn right about it.Theres a fine line between showing your values to a woman whos in a relationship and actually trying to dismantle it.You are doing the later.

She will get caught in the middle, and that could easily back lash on me. Or not. She may also, open her eyes, not say anything, find him out, and be glad to be rid of him.

You sound like a poor guy yelling at a girl: "But you love me!Im better than him thats why you got to love me!I will make you feel better than he could ever do!"

Just take some time to look at it this way and youll see that you sound somewhat perturbing.

She has a pretty decent IL in me, so I stand a pretty good chance with her I think. The relationship she is in right now is doomed and she knows it. She just is going with the flow, cuz she is a woman, and has no balls.

She might really have IL in you but it changes nothing to the fact that SHE will either deceide to leave the relationship or not by herself.

I on the otherhand am the man and have bals. I think i am going to tell her. If it backlashed,I'd just back off. She'll figure it all out. When she does, then she will be coming to me, which ain't so bad.

You are so sure she will come to you yet you are afraid her current boyfriend might "jeopardise" your future relationship.You do not sound like you have balls.

In fact thats what we all say you need..the woman to show a high IL, and to come to you. Not be too eager on our part etc. I think if i do play my cards right...she's as good as mine.

The problem with "playing your cards right" is that you arent playing YOUR cards.

Also,Id be 100% with you if your motives where different:

What Id have liked:If you actually wanted her to leave him because hes an ******* and dangerous for her.You play your "card" and thats it.

But no.Thats what you do:

You want her and you actually want to destroy her current relationship to make her fall for you.

The same situation but different motives.You are insecure and you sound a bit pathetic.

 

[Big Pappy]

You could have your friend tell her about the boyfriend's drug problem...

 

[TesuqueRed]

I think she wants you to steal her from him. I suppose you can make it easier by taking her out and having fun. Don't hang around the freaking ranch working and waiting for her to show up--go out and do something and take her along!

And don't rat out the BF. That's her problem. When she gets to be a big girl, she'll take care of her own problems and doesn't need you to do that for her. And if she's not a big girl yet, you'll just have to wait, then, won't you?

And as for ratting out her BF: that's weak-@ss shyt to do to get her. Leave it for the clueless AFCs who have no other moves.

You, though--you've got options. She's making it easy for you by coming around all the time. Stop talking about what she would do if the BF wasn't around, just take her out and have fun. She'll come to her own conclusions.

Oh--methinks I detect possible one-itis going on here--chat up other women, ok? Anyway--you already know what you should do--make a move already. She'll say "it just happened, it was outta her control, it must be fate.." and then she'll have a reason to drop the BF.

 

[Jet Jockey]

Its all a moot point now.

I went ahead and told her.

SHE called me for the 2nd time today. Wanting to know if i was busy, what I was doing, etc. I said I was busy posting some things to my website, but I'd give her a minute or two. Whats up?

I couldn't stand it anymore, so I told her. I told her I didn't care what she did with the info..that it was her business. Told her I was 100% sure of what I was saying.

She got very quiet.

Then she started in hollering. I had to tell her to calm down. She was pizzed cuz why didn't anyone else tell her, don't they have any balls?

I said, I can't speak for anyone else. I don't know why they didn't say anything. Maybe afraid that you wouldn't believe them? She said thank God, you told me about it. I said, well, I didn't really even want to say anything, but damn..I just hate to see you get hurt, and drug down.

She says she is gonna find his stash. I told her, it might not be easy...if he has hidden this from you this well, then he knows what he is doing. She says, yeah, but when I find it... Him and I are thru, and I'm reporting him to the cops. I said WTF? she's like I have 3 kids..and if he is doing this and driving us aroud etc. then he is jeopardizing everyone! She says, even if I don't find it, I bet he wouldn't take a drug test would he? I said what would that prove? what if he had been clean for a little while? She says, oh, I'll find the truth out..don't you worry. I said, well, I gave you the info, what you do with it is totally up to you. Thats as far as i go. She says, Jet, I really do appreciate it! We have been thru alot together, and you have been the only one I CAN COUNT ON. (hmm more IL)

Then she changed the subject. Says she has no plans and wants to come out tomorrow and spend part of the day with me. She says we can "do whatever you want to do". I said, well make it in the morning..I have plans in the evening. She got quiet, and then suggested maybe wenesday also. i said One day at a time, just take things one day at a time, I don't know whats going on wednesday what my definite plans might be. She says, well, I'll call and check in, and see if you are available.

Then as we get ready to hang up, she says, "You are so sexy Jet, have I ever told you that"? To which I countered..awww damn, you are in a relationship, thanks for the compliment..but I'm just me. We carry on another minute or two with small talk, and then I get ready to get off the phone (trying to keep it short), When out of the blue she says : I LIKE THE WAY I FEEL WHEN I AM WITH YOU. I BET WE WOULD WORK OUT!!! I say I don't even know if I want a realtionship for sure now or not..easy girl you are already in one. She says, By the end of the month I won't be, thanks for the heads up Jet.

Well, It is going better than I thought. I'll let her come out tomorrow, but not wed. Then I'll be kinda hit and miss with her for awhile. Just see what happens. If she stays with him say longer than a week, then I will be completely unavailable. She is showing tons of IL. She obviously is gonna go for closure with him, and even if she doesn't wind up with me, she'll be better off. No matter what I think this is gonna be win-win.

 

[MickoZ]

What is sad about this gf/bf stuff is that people forget to live their relationship with the person they do.

If I am with a girl, I want her to be interested in my no matter I have a gf or not. I want her to be interested in me.

If I am interested on a girl, it is me and her. No matter what, that is the truth.

And when she find out you are a CYBER DJ, then she will say OMG I BEEN TRICKENED BY A MASTER MENTAL KINO DJ, HELP and call the police, watch-out Jet! =P

However for a guy living on a ranch with small town and worried about how much girls is around, you sure seem to have a lot of action going on in your cowboy life!!!

 

[Jet Jockey]

opportunity + desire = action You bet your azz!

She is 30 min away, but i'm learning how neglible that is!

Well, when I am in a relationship I am much the same. When I have a chance at a HB7 then I am much about game!

It ain't my bad that the loser she has, wants to do drugs!

I figure if I got more to offer.....Survival of the fittest right?

he has probably lost out before due to his addictions..

Just another way..."drugs are a dead end street"!