Girl who got raped, could I have handled this better?

[Chickfight]

Jaylan's advice is solid in your mind because he's telling you what you want to hear.

His advice is solid, because it's actually advice and relevant. I appreciated everyone else who gave advice on hear, even if I don't agree with some of it. Your replies draw assumptions about me that I know for a fact to not be true and so your argument doesn't apply to my situation and is therefore useless.

At some point in your dating career you will likely get involved with a girl who drew you in with her "woe is me" story. Once you go thru that, I think you might be changing your mindset on the suggested possibility that she might be full of shiat being completely worthless.

You must be related to Jaylan, because you can't seem to see other people's point of view.

Of course she's a nice girl. Victims need betas to enable them.

As I wrote before in a reply to boobs, she wasn't advertising that she got raped. I could sense something was wrong and forced it out of her. So she never displayed a victim mentality and I enabled nothing. You seem to think I'm looking to save some girl. Nah man, I'm want get laid just like the rest of you. In this case, I think she's nice person and I wouldn't mind seeing her again and even helping her, which I think I did already by treating her well and it didn't cost me anything. The sex option is already out for me unless she figures out her issues on her own. Even if she stayed, I might see her casually with friends, but also as I said before, I'm not interested in spending time with her in an intimate setting anymore, so how is that trying to save anyone? Maybe it's you who is missing a point.

Big difference between banging two female friends who didn't have a rape story and wanting to be friends with a girl who is jacked in the head.



You completely missed my point in my conversation with Jaylan, if you think that was the point of my replies.

"And I'm telling you its IMPOSSIBLE for a guy who had an initial sexual attraction for a girl, to be just her friend."

I was merely responding to this statement you made. I had sex with them, and now have drama free friendships with them.

If this is true, then its even more proof that you don't get it.



That's great and I'm glad you have girls jockin' you.

But again your completely missing my point.

Your also completely clueless of my point. It might be too deep for you to understand at this point. But as you get further into your dating career it will make sense.

Now what are your points exactly? Tell me if I missed something.

Can't be friends with girls you were initially attracted to? Well, I am friends with several. If that point were true, no man could have any attractive female friends.

Don't waste your time with girls with baggage? I didn't. When I found out there would be no sex. I accepted it, spent the next couple of days chilling on vacation, then sent her on her way out of the country.

Girls with issues are emotionally draining? Wasn't for me, I went on a few nice dates, found out we couldn't have sex because she got raped and that was the end of it. She was leaving from the get go, so how exactly do you think she had some crazy manipulative plan for me to become her emotional tampon?

Only betas want to be friends with girl with issues? I don't want to be friends with anybody. Friendship comes naturally from interacting with someone whose company you enjoy. I wouldn't become friends with someone if it was just "emotionally draining" and a burden to me.



You see, I had this thing with a girl, nothing negative, nothing crazy. We just hung out and had fun and she didn't want to have sex because of the rape thing. The worst thing that happened is I didn't get laid. The point of this thread was to find the best way to deal with girls like these in the future. If your opinion is, "dump them as soon as you find out, don't even let yourself be friends with someone who got raped". That's fine. It's a legitimate opinion, but why make all these groundless assumptions about her character, my character and the character of any one else who replies in this thread with a different opinion than your own.

What makes your way right? I don't treat women the same as you and I do fine. My way works for me and I consistently meet and date women I see as quality and pump and dump the rest. I haven't been cheated on or ****ed over or used by women. This is the first girl I've dated with a serious issue like that, and it doesn't make her spoiled goods to me so that I won't even be friends with her. Friendship is easy, if you're not a total *******.

Yet somehow you seem to be an expert on women with issues, so you may want to reevaluate your game and figure out why you're attracting so damn many of them.

 

[Jaylan]

^OP gets it.

Im proud to see some folks here have mature and even-keeled outlooks regarding friendships and relationships.

You go with the flow and dont put too much negative or positive energy into something. Some guys here could learn a thing or two about letting go of their seemingly constant negative outlook. Whats the fun in always assuming the worst in people or being unable to be good friends to folks?

Sure, in a lot of cases men and women cannot be platonic friends. But there are quite a few instances where they can be. I used to think men and women never couldnt be friends until a couple of years ago. Once you grow up, have some female friends you truly have no interest in (despite their attractiveness level), you will start seeing women as more valuable then somewhere to put your penis.

Friends of both sexes serve their purpose.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

she wasn't advertising that she got raped. I could sense something was wrong and forced it out of her.

No girl willingly advertises that she got raped, whether its true or not.

So she never displayed a victim mentality and I enabled nothing.

You didn't know her long enough to say that.

You seem to think I'm looking to save some girl.

No, I didn't think you were trying to save her in your original intent.

My point was, if you followed Jaylan's advice and became friend's with her, she would play the victim card and eventually her problems would become your problems.

I'm looking at this from the perspective of its best not to get involved with girls like that in any fashion.

In this case, I think she's nice person and I wouldn't mind seeing her again and even helping her, which I think I did already by treating her well and it didn't cost me anything.

You can't help her, that is the point I'm trying to make to you.

Being nice to her, treating her well etc is great, but it will also let her know that she can take advantage of you if she chooses to do so.

The sex option is already out for me unless she figures out her issues on her own.

The 2nd part of your sentence is the first thing you've said that I agree with... she needs to figure out her shiat on her own. You can't help a person change by being there for them.

Even if she stayed, I might see her casually with friends, but also as I said before, I'm not interested in spending time with her in an intimate setting anymore, so how is that trying to save anyone?

Its not about what you want, it would be what she wants. And if your compelled enough to feel bad for her and want to be there for her, would you feel comfortable not helping her when she calls crying or wanting a friend?
--- again my point is girls like this don't have friends, they surround themselves with enablers.

Maybe it's you who is missing a point.

No bro, I know exactly what your intent is and your a good guy. Your missing my point because its not about you at all. Its about her and her issues, that will do nothing but bring you down.

Now what are your points exactly? Tell me if I missed something.

I explained that above.

I don't want to be friends with anybody

You mentioned on more than one occasion that you want to be there for her. That is a form of a friendship.

but why make all these groundless assumptions about her character, my character and the character of any one else who replies in this thread with a different opinion than your own.

Actually if you go back and read this whole thread, the only person who agrees with you is Jaylan.

I'm not telling you what to do, your going to do what you want at the end of the day.

I'm giving you advice based on experience. Situations I have been in with girls just like the one from this thread. I won't even get into the false claims of rape, abuse etc. These girls will drain the life out of you. Its not smart game mentality to associate with people like that.

But you can do what you want and what you think is best.

What makes your way right? I don't treat women the same as you and I do fine.

How many girls have you met in your life that have been raped before this one? I'm willing to bet this is the first one. And if that is true, that is why I keep pointing out why its not smart because you didn't get to see the end result of all this had it continued.

Its funny that you talk about assumptions constantly and now you supposedly know how I treat women? Really.

Me choosing not to associate with a girl who has been raped doesn't encompass how I treat women in my life.

I haven't been cheated on or ****ed over or used by women.

I love when a guy says he's never been cheated on. Even if that was true, there's no way you can prove that.

This is the first girl I've dated with a serious issue like that

That answers my question from above and proves my entire point. You have no idea what you would've been dealing with, but if you want to think you do, then have at it.

Yet somehow you seem to be an expert on women with issues, so you may want to reevaluate your game and figure out why you're attracting so damn many of them.

There's something in life called experience. At 23 you haven't seen much of what you will over the next several years in the dating world.

I know who to invest my time in and who is best to not associate with...that doesn't make me an @ss-h-o-l-e, it makes me smart. I can have compassion for a woman who has been abused, raped, etc; but I would do it from a distance.

That's my advice. Please bookmark this thread and look it up if you ever develop a friendship in the future with a girl similar to the one this thread is about.

I'm not getting into all the details here and neither are the other posters that have told you it is unwise to maintain a friendship with this type of girl.

I wish you the best dude, I really do. But there are some things that you just have to experience to understand, and this is one of them.








PIMP

 

[( . )( . )]

^OP gets it.
Sure, in a lot of cases men and women cannot be platonic friends. But there are quite a few instances where they can be.

Fag hags don't count for straight carnivores though. There is not "quite a few instances" at all, what nonsense. Your not at loveshack.org now.

As a matter of fact to counter your sickly grrrl world ideologies here's some more Diesel.

Another thing that annoys me is that a lot of guys fall into the delusion of getting into "platonic relationships" with girls... what a crock of shyt!! Girls really have nothing to contribute to hanging out with the boys other than as a conduit to meeting other, hotter girls..... other than that, females are pretty worthless to men. Most men just don't have the balls to admit it to themselves.

Therefore, gentlemen, simplify your lives thusly. So: regarding Girls: - if you're not fukkin' them - drop 'em... unless she has hot friends. Other than that - they are utterly worthless to you.

 

[Jaylan]

Basically OP, some guys here cannot accept that some folks see things differently. Your last post was very even handed. You respect a difference in opinion, but also stated that you see things differently and have had different experiences. Of course, when you disagree with some folks here, they try and bring age into it and say you have no experience. However, when other young guys parrot their viewpoints, they dont have a single thing to say regarding that posters age.

These guys expect every guys life to be exactly the same.

But sorry folks, some men are able to hold female friends, and enjoy having them as merely friends. If you personally see no value in such friendships, and cannot hold those friendships, then thats your own personal opinion and works for you.

It wont be the same for every other guy out there. Not every man sees women as merely a place to put his penis. And a guy isnt wrong for seeing value in women outside of sex.