Girl who got raped, could I have handled this better?

[foreverAFC]

why would any sane guy want to be with a disturbed rape victim, holy sht talk about baggage

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Was it next morning buyers remorse+hangover+look how irresistible I am "RAPE" or broken bones, black eyes, hair and skin under fingernails, police report rape?

There doesn't have to be a struggle for it to be rape. She said it was by a guy she was close friends with. My guess is there were probably mixed signals from her end, the guy initiated, she tried to stop him / said no, he didn't take her seriously because they're good friends, and she was trapped / couldn't do anything.

Rape is rape.

 

[( . )( . )]

There doesn't have to be a struggle for it to be rape.

Ahh you must mean clown rape. Raped by a clown and BOOM she ends up laughing too much to struggle.





CLOWN RAAAAAAPE!!!

 

[Desdinova]

No, to be honest, after the second time she didn't want to have sex I sure as hell would not be taking her out on any more dates, and she knew that.

Why is all this planning and talking about sex going on? I NEVER talk about sex before I fvck a woman. It almost ALWAYS takes place on the 3rd or 4th date automatically. If it doesn't then the woman either has low IL or has issues.

The last time I actually planned first-night sex with a woman was when I was 19 and an AFC.

Anyway, I was nicer to her than I am to most girls cause she was sweet and already really really into me anyway, not playing games.

Being nicer doesn't make her sexual issues go away. If anything, it amplifies them.

 

[Aristippus]

Let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was a legitimate rape victim. I think most people, if they could figure out a way to help a person get over it, would. Unfortunately, it seems to be more dependent on the individual's resilience and reaction to it after the fact. Will she accept that it was a bad event from the past and then find a way to move on or will she let that event ruin her chance to have good relationships? It's not your job to fix someone who has a skewed view of sex because of something bad that happened to her.

Typically when a man tries to make a relationship work with a woman who has sexual issues stemming from being raped, he is taking on a burden and paying for someone else's crime. That being said, there are a lot of women who make false claims of rape. The default position for many men is to automatically accept a woman's rape accusations without question, without investigation, as if it were the gospel truth. You have the other end of the spectrum where some men on this forum will automatically assume she is lying.

I think the middle road is more balanced. Don't automatically assume what she says is true and don't automatically assume it's b.s. There's a nice middle ground where you can listen with a healthy skepticism and an investigative mentality. Many men take the witch hunt mentality when this subject comes up, without questioning whether a woman's claims are legitimate and are ready to hang someone for a wrong that may have never occurred. At the other end, there's the witch hunt mentality where some men will presume every woman guilty of making false rape accusations. I think it's better to be a bit more open-minded and use your powers of reason. In the end, either way, if you're ever in a situation like that again, don't try to "fix" her. Whether her claims are legitimate or not, you didn't sign up for that. It shouldn't be something you have to deal with. If her claims are true, she may very well have problems with sexual intimacy. If they're false, you very well could be the next person she falsely accuses of rape.

 

[Partizan]

Thread title can be misinterpreted as you being the rapist. LOL

 

[Pimp-sicle]

If he was truly ready, sex wouldnt be at the forefront of his decision making. Right now that seems to be the make or break for him. So I do not personally think he is ready, and I dont fault him. Sexual connection is important to a relationship, and he should find someone whom he can click with in that regard.

People are trolling you because of statements like this. On one hand your suggesting that certain men who are mature and emotionally strong enough should "be there" for girls like this, complete White Knight Syndrome.

Saying that sex wouldn't be at the forefront of his decision making is 100% beta thinking.

You gotta genuinely want to form an emotional connection with a woman whos been through that sort of thing. If the sex comes, thats great. If it doesnt, then you address that issue and decide whether to move on or not

This is just terrible advice. You seem to be assuming that most guys who would want to genuinely be there for a girl that has experienced some sort of trauma are guys that have tons of other options available and can simply drop her if they don't get what they want.

The reality is most guys who get caught up with girls like these take on the White Knight role and become invested in saving this damsel in distress from drowning. In this process they precipitate their own demise.

Not every chick will handle trauma the same.

Find me an emotionally healthy woman who has been raped.

It doesn't matter if they handle it differently, they are damaged goods.








PIMP

 

[Jaylan]

People are trolling you because of statements like this. On one hand your suggesting that certain men who are mature and emotionally strong enough should "be there" for girls like this, complete White Knight Syndrome.

Excuse me for being an adult and realizing some people really do go through traumatic experiences and need good friends by their side. Excuse me for not jumping to the conclusion that anything a female says is a lie (like how some guys think on this board).

Since when is being someones legitimate friend white knighting? I told the OP specifically not to get romantically involved with women like his friend. So how is anything I said or am telling him to do white knighting? Now its white knighting when people show compassion to others?

Last I checked white knights fake their friendship in order to save the day in hopes of getting laid. Im telling OP not to go that route.

Saying that sex wouldn't be at the forefront of his decision making is 100% beta thinking.

Are you 16? Its beta to be smart enough and mature enough to back out of situations that will be very emotionally taxing? Why is it beta to tell the OP not to get involved with a girl like his friend unless sex isnt his priority. Making sex a priority with rape victims only makes those situations a lot worse for BOTH people involved.

Whats so beta about wanting the OP and whatever girl who has those issues, to both not have to deal with a lot of drama? Get a clue kid.

This is just terrible advice. You seem to be assuming that most guys who would want to genuinely be there for a girl that has experienced some sort of trauma are guys that have tons of other options available and can simply drop her if they don't get what they want.

You didnt understand what I said at all did you? Im telling OP if he cares about her and really wants to be a good friend, then by all means do so if he can make it about being her friend first, and the sex part not be a priority.

However, if he knows his end game is to date a chick like that, and she hasnt come to grips with her experience, then he should move on. Im not assuming anything about most guys. Learn to read. Im specifically addressing the OP, a guy whos clearly shown his ability to care about a chick and not just care about smashing her despite whatever issues she may have.

The reality is most guys who get caught up with girls like these take on the White Knight role and become invested in saving this damsel in distress from drowning. In this process they precipitate their own demise.

And Ive clearly told him to move on if his goal is to date her. I said its smarter to move on and pull away, or at the least be a girls friend, but still not become romantically involved. Are you even reading my posts?

Find me an emotionally healthy woman who has been raped.

It doesn't matter if they handle it differently, they are damaged goods.

I didnt know youve met every person in the world whos been raped. Some people handle it better than others. And yes some people end up emotionally healthy in time. And its not just women who deal with sexual abuse. Would you be telling men whove dealt with that crap that they are damaged goods and to give up on dating?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Excuse me for being an adult and realizing some people really do go through traumatic experiences and need good friends by their side.

Your whole angle here is flawed because its obvious that the OP had(has) sexual interest in the girl.

You can't be there as friend, for a girl who you have sexual interest in.

If this girl was just a friend from the get go, someone he had zero attraction for, then maybe. But even that is swimming in the wrong end of the pool.

Why even suggest dealing with that type of girl, when there are better girls out there, as friends or lovers?

Excuse me for not jumping to the conclusion that anything a female says is a lie (like how some guys think on this board).

People aren't trolling you because you have your own opinion; that's the whole point of a message board.

They are trolling you because your inexperience with women is clearly showing with the advice your giving here.

Since when is being someones legitimate friend white knighting? I told the OP specifically not to get romantically involved with women like his friend. So how is anything I said or am telling him to do white knighting?

Go back and read his original post. He was trying to bang this chick on multiple occasions. Do you truly believe he can be "just friends" with someone like that? Someone he has sexual attraction for....

Its not wrong to show compassion for someone.

Its not smart to get involved with people like that, when there is physical attraction.

Even in a friendship, her problems, will become his problems. I'm assuming right now, but I HIGHLY doubt her being raped (true or false) is her only major issue.

Last I checked white knights fake their friendship in order to save the day in hopes of getting laid. Im telling OP not to go that route.

And again, if there was no attraction from either end, you would have a point. But its obvious that's not the case.

Are you 16? Its beta to be smart enough and mature enough to back out of situations that will be very emotionally taxing?

Your problem is your failing to see the point I'm making. Instead your running with your whole be a good friend and crying wolf to anyone who is suggesting otherwise.

I never said it was beta to back out of emotionally taxing situations.

I said it was beta to prioritize a friendship with a girl over a sexual relationship when there is attraction. And that is 100% fact.

Whats so beta about wanting the OP and whatever girl who has those issues, to both not have to deal with a lot of drama? Get a clue kid.

You seem to think that I'm advocating for the OP to vigorously pursue a sexual relationship with this girl.

And I'm not.

I'm simply trying to make you see the bigger picture.

Getting involved in any sort of relationship with a girl who allegedly got raped (the reality is it might be true or it might be bs, we will never know), is just not smart game practice.

That is where I'm coming from. If he cannot have a sexual relationship with a girl like he desires, its best for him to move on to a new prospect.

Being her friend will not benefit him positively in any way because he has sexual interest in her.

Furthermore people with issues are emotionally draining. Becoming her friend will become a 2nd job to him.

You didnt understand what I said at all did you? Im telling OP if he cares about her and really wants to be a good friend, then by all means do so

I understood exactly what you were saying and the point above is why people troll you and why many people think you don't have a clue.

if he can make it about being her friend first, and the sex part not be a priority.

Again I'm speaking in general, encompassing ALL women, not just supposed rape victims.

Advocating for a guy to be there and be a friend first is flat out terrible advice.

If its a girl who has went thru a terrible trauma, such as a rape; I get it, feel compassion, but do it from a distance. Its simply not his problem and if he gets involved in it, he will drown, just like most men.

However, if he knows his end game is to date a chick like that, and she hasnt come to grips with her experience, then he should move on.

Take the rape story out of this for a second.

My point is telling any guy to be friends first is bad advice.

Bring the rape story back into it now.

Telling someone to be there for a girl who got raped is terrible advice.

Im not assuming anything about most guys. Learn to read.

Your whole post is filled with assumptions.

Im specifically addressing the OP, a guy whos clearly shown his ability to care about a chick and not just care about smashing her despite whatever issues she may have.

How has he shown that he clearly cares for her? By making a post here asking for advice?

You really think if they were in the same area again, that he would just genuinely be there for her without trying to bang her again at some point?

And Ive clearly told him to move on if his goal is to date her. I said its smarter to move on and pull away, or at the least be a girls friend, but still not become romantically involved. Are you even reading my posts?

I have no issue with you advising him to pull away.

Advising him to be her friend is bad advice. When you have some type of emotional investment, however big or small in someone, its nearly impossible to separate fact from feeling. His feelings would cloud his better judgement.

Some people handle it better than others. And yes some people end up emotionally healthy in time.

Your lost in the details.

Why even choose to invest any time or energy into someone of the opposite sex who you know has issues?

That's just not smart.








PIMP

 

[Jaylan]

^Stupid post that Im not gonna waste time picking apart piece by piece.

My main point was that a girls traumatizing past shouldnt mean someone shouldnt be her friend. Everyone has their own issues. Based on your frame of thinking, people dont deserve friendships if theyve had something happen to them in their past that you feel damages them.

OP clearly cared about this chick (he wouldnt be talking about how nice she is and her great personality if he didnt), and if he finds himself in a similar situation in the future, my advice was to either pull away slowly, or be a friend and keep his romantic feelings in check.

I dont see what the problem is. Do you just throw friends away when someone bad happens to them? Or when you learn something bad happened in their past? Im not telling OP to be some chicks therapist. Im telling him that if he has compassion for someone, he can either pull away slowly, or just be a good friend and not take on extra responsibilities that comes with dating a girl like hes described.

Hell, Im sure plenty of women see divorced guys as damaged goods. Would you take issue if they said it was pointless talking to those kind of guys because they had "issues"? I guess I dont understand the idea of treating people poorly because theyve been hurt in the past. And the things you say of girls the OP described....would you feel the same way about guys whove been sexually abused and who seek friendships and dates?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

My main point was that a girls traumatizing past shouldnt mean someone shouldnt be her friend. Everyone has their own issues. Based on your frame of thinking, people dont deserve friendships if theyve had something happen to them in their past that you feel damages them.

You can't compare a friendship to a situation where a guy has sexual interest in a girl.

They will NEVER be friends period.

OP clearly cared about this chick (he wouldnt be talking about how nice she is and her great personality if he didnt)

That doesn't prove her cares.

But it does prove that he doesn't have many other viable options at the moment.

The downfall of every guy on this main discussion board is not meeting and gaming enough girls.

When you actively do that, you realize you are going to run into a lot of bad seeds and its just part of the game. You move on, rather than lament on how to be a friend to a damaged girl.

or be a friend and keep his romantic feelings in check.

He won't be able to do that.

I dont see what the problem is. Do you just throw friends away when someone bad happens to them?

I don't have sexual attraction for my guy friends.

If I find out about a checkered past of a girl who I am just friends with (rape, drug abuse, crazy etc), I have no hesitation in dropping them. You become who you surround yourself with...

Im telling him that if he has compassion for someone, he can either pull away slowly, or just be a good friend and not take on extra responsibilities that comes with dating a girl like hes described.

I know exactly what your saying.

And I'm telling you its IMPOSSIBLE for a guy who had an initial sexual attraction for a girl, to be just her friend.

Have you ever a dated a girl who has serious issues?

If so, you should know that slowly they throw all their problems onto you.

So just by being her friend, he will become her make shift therapist.

Hell, Im sure plenty of women see divorced guys as damaged goods. Would you take issue if they said it was pointless talking to those kind of guys because they had "issues"?

Your comparing a divorced man to a woman with trauma/psychological issues? Straw man.

I guess I dont understand the idea of treating people poorly because theyve been hurt in the past.

You can think that this board is jaded and woman hating, but the reality is many woman who have been abused in some fashion, legitimate or not; are NOT people that you want to build friendships with....

Does it suck that they got abused, if true? Absolutely.

But victims, often become abusers and that's why in a situation like the OP is in, my advice would be to drop her like a bad habit and never look back.

And the things you say of girls the OP described....would you feel the same way about guys whove been sexually abused and who seek friendships and dates?

Yes, if your referring to a guy who has been abused and is seeking a friendship with a woman.








PIMP

 

[( . )( . )]

Excuse me for being an adult and realizing some people really do go through traumatic experiences and need good friends by their side. Excuse me for not jumping to the conclusion that anything a female says is a lie (like how some guys think on this board).

He says as he feigns indignation and uses leftoid extremism to make his non-point. Fvcks sake gaylan where do you think you are? This weird crusade of attempting to convert the manosphere into the fagosphere/femosphere is going nowhere.

Surely you would be better off back at loveshack? Think about the stress your causing your life partner.

 

[Chickfight]

You can't compare a friendship to a situation where a guy has sexual interest in a girl.

They will NEVER be friends period.



That doesn't prove her cares.

But it does prove that he doesn't have many other viable options at the moment.

The downfall of every guy on this main discussion board is not meeting and gaming enough girls.

When you actively do that, you realize you are going to run into a lot of bad seeds and its just part of the game. You move on, rather than lament on how to be a friend to a damaged girl.



He won't be able to do that.



I don't have sexual attraction for my guy friends.

If I find out about a checkered past of a girl who I am just friends with (rape, drug abuse, crazy etc), I have no hesitation in dropping them. You become who you surround yourself with...



I know exactly what your saying.

And I'm telling you its IMPOSSIBLE for a guy who had an initial sexual attraction for a girl, to be just her friend.

Have you ever a dated a girl who has serious issues?

If so, you should know that slowly they throw all their problems onto you.

So just by being her friend, he will become her make shift therapist.



Your comparing a divorced man to a woman with trauma/psychological issues? Straw man.



You can think that this board is jaded and woman hating, but the reality is many woman who have been abused in some fashion, legitimate or not; are NOT people that you want to build friendships with....

Does it suck that they got abused, if true? Absolutely.

But victims, often become abusers and that's why in a situation like the OP is in, my advice would be to drop her like a bad habit and never look back.



Yes, if your referring to a guy who has been abused and is seeking a friendship with a woman.








PIMP

I gotta stop you right there. You're making all kinds of weird assumptions. Jaylan's advice is solid. Better than the "she probably didn't get raped" replies here which even if true, are completely worthless.

Firstly, she was leaving and has already left, so even if I had banged her, she'd be regulated to just friends. she was a nice girl, so yeah, I'll be her friend. It doesn't take much energy from me to be casual friends and guess what I actually like having friends around the world, even *SHOCKER* girls. It's all positive energy anyway.

Right now I have two female friends who I've had sex with, but don't want more with, so we're friends. Would I bang them again? Sure, but I don't try to cause I think it complicates things. One of them I even hang out with her and a guy friend almost everyday. She's my best friend that I've banged. Does it create drama in the friendship, not at all. In fact I actually feel more comfortable being friends with a girl I've banged.

I also have female friends who I haven't banged because, they have/had something with one of my guy friends. Would I otherwise? Yeah, I'm a guy, but again, that doesn't complicate the friendship at all for me. I'd bang any girl who I find attractive, just like most guys. Except I don't behave like a child and make that the trivial reason I can't have a single female friend, unless she's completely unattractive. If your logic is to be followed.

No viable options? Politely piss off with your assumptions. Even when I was seeing her I went out, made out with 3 girls and picked which one I wanted to bring home and that's just my wednesday routine. On top of that I even told her I pick up girls regularly at clubs cause she asked and because I've never had a girl want to stop seeing me because of it.

You know what a girl I'm seeing said last week when a friend asked why she liked me? "His face and because he's such a man". I have girls digging me like that without being a close-minded *******. Yeah, I like being nice to my friends, guys and girls. I like being nice to girls I spend intimate time with too. Yeah I'm a nice motherfvcking guy, but I know how to be man and hold my **** down. Hard as a stone, yet soft as water. Your way isn't the only way pimpsicle.

 

[( . )( . )]

Better than the "she probably didn't get raped" replies here" which even if true, are completely worthless.

Nobodies saying that dude. We're just saying take her declarations of "rape" with a grain of salt. Seems like every 3rd chick has her very own rape story now. It's still the new black. The math doesn't add up for there to be that many rapists to go around. Unless....are you a rapist?


RAAAAPE!!

 

[Jaylan]

He says as he feigns indignation and uses leftoid extremism to make his non-point. Fvcks sake gaylan where do you think you are? This weird crusade of attempting to convert the manosphere into the fagosphere/femosphere is going nowhere.

Surely you would be better off back at loveshack? Think about the stress your causing your life partner.

Doesnt it get smelly down there with you d!ck riding me all the time? :yawn:

Btw, as Ive said in the past, your singular point of view is not indicative of the view of the entire PUA community or the manosphere. So quit thinking it does. Actually, sections of the manosphere are trying to rid themselves of trolls like yourself.

All that being said, what good do you actually bring to this forum or the PUA community in general? Looking over your recent posting history shows that you only ever post in order to insult someone or whine and b!tch about something. Its rare to see you give any constructive advice that OPs actually appreciate. You know, like I just did in this thread.

 

[Chickfight]

Nobodies saying that dude. We're just saying take her declarations of "rape" with a grain of salt. Seems like every 3rd chick has her very own rape story now. It's still the new black. The math doesn't add up for there to be that many rapists to go around. Unless....are you a rapist?


RAAAAPE!!

Fair enough, tbh she's the first girl I know who's told me she's got raped and she wasn't exactly publicizing it to world. I had to practically force it out of her.. bad choice of wording. I would definitely be more suspicious if a girl was throwing that information around casually.

What I have encountered a few times with girls I know who have stories of being pressured into making out/giving a bj to an overly forceful guy, out of fear of getting raped. While I think it's weak behavior on the women's side, giving it like that only encourages guys with no class and game to use physical force and intimidation to get some. Also, there's always an exit at some point in those situations, yet I also understand some girls are young and naive and don't know better.

It's not okay in any case to turn those incidents into rape stories, nor is it okay to fabricate rape stories, because you regret it or are afraid of the consequences. Fortunately, I don't think girls regret having sex with me and I'm young so I don't go around getting other guys wives pregnant. I will keep a healthy amount of caution however.

 

[( . )( . )]

Its rare to see you give any constructive advice that OPs actually appreciate. You know, like I just did in this thread.

Yeah your a real abundance of help to hetero taxpaying males

How's this for a bit of fun then gaylan. Lets say we make a poll, who stays and who goes, the loser swears never to come back. Mods should allow it if we both give the ok. I'm a man of my word.

you only ever post in order to insult someone

To be fair the bulk of insults is toward you and zarky. But your right I've thrown sand in many a vagina here which bodes very well for you.

Whaddya say me old butt pirate, we got a deal? Lets roll the dice.

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

Most rapes happen from a guy the girl already knew. More than likely a guy who got tired of being in the friendzone and just decided to take it one day. That myth of the rapist coming out of a dark alley is just that a myth.

Yeah your a real abundance of help to hetero taxpaying males

How's this for a bit of fun then gaylan. Lets say we make a poll, who stays and who goes, the loser swears never to come back. Mods should allow it if we both give the ok. I'm a man of my word.

To be fair the bulk of insults is toward you and zarky. But your right I've thrown sand in many a vagina here which bodes very well for you.

Whaddya say me old butt pirate, we got a deal? Lets roll the dice.

Good lord as much as y'all refer to Jaylan as "Gaylan" it makes it look like you're turned on by him. Some gays try to supress their homo feelings by bashing and insulting gay culture

 

[( . )( . )]

Good lord as much as y'all refer to Jaylan as "Gaylan" it makes it look like you're turned on by him. Some gays try to supress their homo feelings by bashing and insulting gay culture

Another admirer.

Yeah that or homo"phobe" seems to be the only options available. Fvck it I'll take em both.

Hows those white chicks coming along , still no luck?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Jaylan's advice is solid. Better than the "she probably didn't get raped" replies here which even if true, are completely worthless.

Jaylan's advice is solid in your mind because he's telling you what you want to hear.

At some point in your dating career you will likely get involved with a girl who drew you in with her "woe is me" story. Once you go thru that, I think you might be changing your mindset on the suggested possibility that she might be full of shiat being completely worthless.

she was a nice girl, so yeah, I'll be her friend. It doesn't take much energy from me to be casual friends and guess what I actually like having friends around the world, even *SHOCKER* girls. It's all positive energy anyway.

You must be related to Jaylan, because you can't seem to see other people's point of view.

Of course she's a nice girl. Victims need betas to enable them.

Right now I have two female friends who I've had sex with, but don't want more with, so we're friends.

Big difference between banging two female friends who didn't have a rape story and wanting to be friends with a girl who is jacked in the head.

Except I don't behave like a child and make that the trivial reason I can't have a single female friend, unless she's completely unattractive. If your logic is to be followed.

You completely missed my point in my conversation with Jaylan, if you think that was the point of my replies.

No viable options? Politely piss off with your assumptions.

If this is true, then its even more proof that you don't get it.

You know what a girl I'm seeing said last week when a friend asked why she liked me? "His face and because he's such a man".

That's great and I'm glad you have girls jockin' you.

But again your completely missing my point.

I have girls digging me like that without being a close-minded *******.

Haha!

Yeah, I like being nice to my friends, guys and girls. I like being nice to girls I spend intimate time with too. Yeah I'm a nice motherfvcking guy, but I know how to be man and hold my **** down. Hard as a stone, yet soft as water. Your way isn't the only way pimpsicle.

Your also completely clueless of my point. It might be too deep for you to understand at this point. But as you get further into your dating career it will make sense.








PIMP